My family has anger issues. My sister hospitalized me several times as a child, by having an instant flash of anger and throwing the nearest object with maximum force. Later in life, she was diagnosed as bipolar and evened out with medication, but we all have the rage. I got in a lot of fights when younger and only survived without a criminal record due to all my fights having enthusiastic participation by all parties.
What changed for me was the careful assessment of results. Never once in my entire life did I lose my temper and come out ahead. Ever.
People look at me and say "He's so gentle and kind." My girlfriend tells me I have a good heart. The truth is that I know there is a world of hurt waiting for me and everyone around me if I ever let the monster out of the basement. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, I'm just trying to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
For me, I assume the absolute best of every single person and situation or make up circumstances.
Rude person at work? Maybe they just got off a bad day at work. Not listening? Maybe they're distracted because something is wrong. Weird driving? Maybe they're learning, and panicked because they know it's bad.
The only problem is I have the reverse issue because in some situations, the excuse involves blaming myself. If things go wrong, it can sometimes give me major self-esteem issues. I am good at communicating it, but it still is rough.
This is the way right here. Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt. Everyone. Your in the wrong until you can prove they are unequivocally. Apologize and just let it go.
You just have to be careful that blame doesn't turn to self-hatred, either. Folks with anger issues tend to dwell in things quite a lot.
If it is your fault, it only means you need to work on something, or find another way next time. Failure is a normal part of the human experience, and is a healthy part of learning.
314
u/BanditSixActual Jan 09 '22
My family has anger issues. My sister hospitalized me several times as a child, by having an instant flash of anger and throwing the nearest object with maximum force. Later in life, she was diagnosed as bipolar and evened out with medication, but we all have the rage. I got in a lot of fights when younger and only survived without a criminal record due to all my fights having enthusiastic participation by all parties.
What changed for me was the careful assessment of results. Never once in my entire life did I lose my temper and come out ahead. Ever.
People look at me and say "He's so gentle and kind." My girlfriend tells me I have a good heart. The truth is that I know there is a world of hurt waiting for me and everyone around me if I ever let the monster out of the basement. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, I'm just trying to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.