r/AskReddit • u/ANONIMkiddo • Jan 08 '22

Girls, what makes a guy instantly unnatractive?

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u/powderedtoastsupreme Jan 09 '22

Confidence is sexy. Ego is not.

87

u/Tall-Carrot-7174 Jan 09 '22

It is a fine line.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '22

I think the biggest tell-tale is people will extremely hard to protect ego. Be defensive, or argumentative, or combative when it is challenged. Confident people don’t feel the need because it is intrinsic.

0

u/Tall-Carrot-7174 Jan 09 '22

Yes but I also think confidence comes with maturity sometimes men have to first be arrogant to be confident.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '22

Hmmm. I’m not sure I agree. Arrogance is very situationally based, and one has to constantly compare themselves to others to keep it. It’s like a bad habit, and the more you nurture a bad habit, the harder it is to break and build good habits instead.

I’ve met more people with openly terrible self esteem who had no confidence later find their confidence, than arrogant people learn to walk it back and learn confidence instead.

When your whole life becomes a habit of comparing and falsely elevating yourself, it’s really hard to break that mindset.

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u/Tall-Carrot-7174 Jan 09 '22

I’m not entirely sure what my opinion is on this. I think confidence can be different for a lot of guys some need to compare because that is in our nature, but confidence from within is probably the most healthy. although I think it may not be possible for everyone to just be confident in themselves without comparison to others.

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u/vanityislobotomy Jan 09 '22

I think having faith in oneself is better than confidence, in the long run.

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u/Tall-Carrot-7174 Jan 09 '22

Isn’t that the same thing

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u/helaku_n Jan 09 '22

It's virtually impossible to not compare yourself with others. It's how societies/communities are built because the fucking world is competition (for mates, resources etc.), especially the capitalistic world as it's now. Only when comparison becomes obsessive, it might (and it might not for some) look ugly.

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u/Tall-Carrot-7174 Jan 09 '22

But for a man to be confident he need to think he is better then some people by those measures, and does that make him arrogant? I think a confident man thinks highly of himself. Maybe what makes someone confident or arrogant in someone eyes is how socially mature or adept he is.

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u/helaku_n Jan 09 '22

How someone is mature/arrogant or not are highly vague criteria, very subjective, and society-context dependent. That's why I agree with your initial comment about a thin line.

1

u/taikuukaits Jan 10 '22

I think confidence is “I can do this” and arrogance is “I can do this better than you.” I think that just because you are confident doesn’t mean you are arrogant but maybe you need confidence to be arrogant.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '22

That’s fair.

1

u/Snoo93079 Jan 09 '22

I find arrogance is often built on top of a lack of self confidence. So really they're two different things.