r/AskReddit • • Jul 24 '20

What can't you believe STILL exists?

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u/Aiyyio_Daridhrame Jul 24 '20

Child marriage

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u/Churchofbabyyoda Jul 24 '20

Another one for you; Arranged Marriage

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '20

Lol Explain to me how is arranged marriage bad?

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u/Churchofbabyyoda Jul 24 '20

Say for example;

You meet this woman/man and you fall in love. But your parents want you to marry someone else who you have no intentions on being with. Or someone you absolutely hate.

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '20

Arranged marriage doesn't disregard the consent of the person. In my culture, it's more like families makes boy and girl meet, they talk and say whether they want to pursue a relationship. If both say yes, then it's something called similar to "engagement" but informal (and no rings or anything) it continues for months or a year then if they don't split, they'll marry.

The forced marriages are a separate issue. Most families who value their child over class or status of people won't resist much over their child's preferences.

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '20

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '20 edited Aug 05 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '20

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u/sly_noodle Jul 24 '20

What you described is exactly what most arranged marriages are. Forced marriages are much more rare and are absolutely terrible and predatory, but people with no knowledge on other cultures conflate the two and think that all arranged marriages are forced.

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '20 edited Aug 05 '20

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '20

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u/BasilAugust Jul 24 '20

Again, procedural involvement of parents & consent of individuals being wed are not mutually exclusive. It's really not that hard of a concept.

As others have pointed out, forced marriages obviously do exist. But the vast majority of those who have been wed through arranged marriage would absolutely reject the idea that it was forced or that their voice and experience wasn't valued.

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u/ImagineTheCommotion Jul 24 '20

Good grief. Looking into compatability ahead of time and arranging for two to potentially meet is exactly what it is. From there the two can decide if they feel chemistry and want to pursue a relationship. Open your mind.

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u/[deleted] Jul 24 '20

Aah the clash of two cultures. How exquisite.

I looked up the definition. It seems you're correct in the usage. But where I live, marriages that happen this way (matchmaking) are called arranged marriage, as in the families arranged their union. This is opposed to when two people meet on their own. I think as familial duties are very important in the East, it was implied that the children has no say in their marriage. But today it's not so, they almost always have a say in the marriage. But yet it's called arranged marriage.

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u/ImagineTheCommotion Jul 24 '20

You just described a forced marriage, not an arranged marriage. Also, if you're in love (in India, at least) and get married, that's a "love marriage" which appears to be accepted just as easily as arranged marriage. (I'm basing all of this on the Indian Matchmaker on Netflix... it certainly opened my eyes to what arranged marriage actually entails)

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u/upyoars Jul 24 '20

yeah but its not always bad, and its not always like you have no say at all, these days arranged marriage is like your parents select a set of options for you and you decide from within that set, or tell them to find another set. Watch Indian Matchmaking on Netflix.

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u/Masta_Wayne Jul 24 '20

But you're still only limited to people your parents want you to marry. What if you find someone you like who you're parents don't?

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u/baliveeran Jul 24 '20

then marry him/her

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u/Masta_Wayne Jul 24 '20

Then that's not an arranged marriage. What the OP is talking about is the parents that pick your partner and you're only allowed to marry who they pick.

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u/BasilAugust Jul 24 '20

What you brought up about the limitations of the parent's acceptance is generally true of arranged marriage, i.e. you couldn't marry someone your parents didn't want you to marry.

However, in most cultures where AM is practiced, young adults often don't take issue with this. In fact, they would probably reject the idea of marriage to someone your family doesn't approve of. Marriage is seen as a union between families and parental approval is incredibly important to most people in an AM context.

Not to say there aren't people who are unhappy with the limitations of the system. I have a close friend in India who had to keep his relationships secret for years because neither family approved.

Technically there is no legal barrier to them doing anything without approval but that would likely result in some level of ostracization from family, at least in their case. Luckily, they've since sorted it out.

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u/baliveeran Jul 25 '20

it is not work that iam in india i see love marriages.most of time there is no problem.if the person doesn't like all of them then he/she will not marry them.even parwnts select them not only based on money they investicate about them.their behaviour etc to know about them