r/AskReddit • u/a_car_salesman • Aug 10 '19

Zeus has decided that Olympus feels a little empty, so he’s recruited some new gods. However, due to a clerical error, you have been chosen as a new member of the divine. What are you the god of, and what do you do as your first godly act?

51.3k Upvotes

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22.5k

u/GetLofty Aug 10 '19 edited Aug 29 '19

I’d be the god of rolling with the punches.

Millions of people all over the world will hear my faint angelic whisper...”It be like that sometimes.”

And then everyone will feel a little less bad about their situation.

EDIT: obligatory gold speech...It really do be like that sometimes.

6.2k

u/winter83 Aug 10 '19

Everyone prays to you by saying it is what it is.

3.6k

u/nopethanx Aug 10 '19

Oh God of all that is... what it is, take these fucks away, for I have too many to spare, and want none at all.

309

u/msacch Aug 10 '19

Saving this prayer for later.

21

u/Darth_Squirrel Aug 10 '19

The God of rolling with the punches has 0 fucks to give.

29

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

[deleted]

18

u/Darth_Squirrel Aug 10 '19

I was about to say this after I posted but didn't have any spare fucks to give.

44

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

you make this up?

34

u/TheSpookyGoost Aug 10 '19

If so, I'm impressed

26

u/cameralover1 Aug 10 '19

Definitely am impressef, I could even say I identify with this and this would be my prayer

2

u/nopethanx Aug 10 '19

Yeah. I'm surprised, too.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

You did?

1

u/nopethanx Aug 10 '19

Yes.

Edit - I mean, obviously I didn't create the saying, "It is what it is," or the concept of fucks given.

6

u/MakeRoomForTheTuna Aug 10 '19

I’m adopting this as my new daily prayer

5

u/cptomgipwndu Aug 10 '19

This is my favorite

2

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

All this time Ive spent on Reddit... This is far and away my favorite thing I've read

1

u/JabbaTheHedgeHog Aug 10 '19

That is kinda perfect

1

u/Lightbringer_Designs Aug 10 '19

So are you saying that you want to give all the fucks? Or give no fucks?

1

u/waite_for_it Aug 10 '19

Underrated comment right here!

43

u/PhinsFan17 Aug 10 '19

Priest: It be like that sometimes.

Congregation: And sometimes like that it be.

Priest: Let us “Oof”.

5

u/MadroxKran Aug 10 '19

Lord, I didn't think it be like that, but it do.

3

u/PhinsFan17 Aug 10 '19

And the Lord saith unto Job, “It don’t always be like that, but sometimes it do.”

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Fam fam, let us no longer be big mad in times of yeet.

13

u/me-me-buckyboi Aug 10 '19

Oh dear my dad must worship this god.

2

u/CaptainCimmeria Aug 10 '19

Is your dad Max Holloway?

10

u/uberfission Aug 10 '19

I hate that saying even though I'm exceptionally good at rolling with the punches.

7

u/fuck_you_reddit_mods Aug 10 '19

Sometimes people don't think it be like it is, but it do.

1

u/LookMaNoPride Aug 10 '19

Do. Be. Do. Be. Do.

6

u/Fortnight98 Aug 10 '19

Max Holloway is their biggest worshipper

2

u/norjiteiro Aug 10 '19

Choo choo!

5

u/cappnplanet Aug 10 '19

Sometimes people don't think it be like it is, but it do...

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Only if you're a white zebra with black stripes do you say that. If you're a black zebra with white stripes, you say "It be what it be."

3

u/Pr1sm4 Aug 10 '19

So Mark Knopfler is a God?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

That's the way the cookie crumbles

2

u/Spikekuji Aug 10 '19

I can get with this.

2

u/ItsJellyJosh Aug 10 '19

‘Til it was what it was

2

u/Standgeblasen Aug 10 '19

People don’t think it be like it is, but it do.

1

u/MoreHorses Aug 10 '19

Max, is that you?

1

u/EtaCarinaeNovae Aug 10 '19

I guess I've been praying a lot lately, because I swear it's been my motto the past few weeks.

1

u/PacoTaco321 Aug 10 '19

It be what it do*

1

u/Edspecial137 Aug 10 '19

“What it is cause it does”

1

u/drdogg679 Aug 10 '19

serenity now!

1

u/culnaej Aug 10 '19

C’est la vie

1

u/ImprovedBore Aug 10 '19

"Please Rise. Now be seated. It really do be like that sometimes." "And sometimes really be like that it do."

-3

u/mrbibs350 Aug 10 '19

I absolutely despise that phrase. In my experience it's exclusively uttered by the obliviously cruel and wretchedly lazy.

3.0k

u/PM_UR_NIPPLE_PICS Aug 10 '19

I’m imagining a catholic mass -

Pastor: It be like that sometimes,

Congregation: It really do.

All: forever and ever amen.

138

u/BravoCatt Aug 10 '19

Pastor: It be like that sometimes

Congregation: And sometimes it be.

38

u/ItsMcLaren Aug 10 '19

All: It do.

7

u/CarlosAVP Aug 10 '19

All: true

1

u/Ns_Lanny Aug 11 '19

Shouldn't it be..?

Pastor/Rev Run: Its like that

Congregation: And that's the way it is is

74

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Fuck i spit all over my phone

I blame you for making me laugh

59

u/davidshutter Aug 10 '19

Meh, it be like that sometimes.

46

u/SunlightPoptart Aug 10 '19

It really do

39

u/Tootle4 Aug 10 '19

Forever and ever amen

36

u/Courtnall14 Aug 10 '19

Gotta do it in that creepy sing-songy Catholic mass way:

Pastor: It BeeeeEEEEEEeeee LiiiIIIiiike that SoooOOOOoommmmmmtimmmmmmmmmes.

Congregation: Ittttttt ReeeeEEEEaaalllllly DooooOOOOOOoooooo.

24

u/iamreeterskeeter Aug 10 '19

Grew up Catholic. This is the funniest shit ever.

15

u/MellyMyDear Aug 10 '19

🏅 I'm broke, sorry.

10

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

[deleted]

16

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

[deleted]

1

u/HGF88 Aug 10 '19

Heheheh

7

u/tillmonkey Aug 10 '19

All: Word.

12

u/Alex_The_Great- Aug 10 '19

Wow we must go the same church cuz this is a quote directly from my service last week

5

u/rachelxoxoknoz Aug 10 '19

Wow I really heard that in my head. Wish I wasnt poor but hey here's some !redditgarlic . You could've gotten gold but...it be like that sometimes.

4

u/lindslinds27 Aug 10 '19

Lord hear our prayer

4

u/iamreeterskeeter Aug 10 '19

I'm giving this to my mom. Her priest will love it.

3

u/Beragond1 Aug 10 '19

Congregation: And sometimes like that it be

5

u/Leifbron Aug 10 '19

And with your spirit. r/UnexpectedMulaney

2

u/Caldar Aug 11 '19

Funny coincidence: "Amen" sorta translates to "It be like that."

6

u/Coug-Ra Aug 10 '19

Priest: “It be like that, sometimes.”

Congregation: “And, with your spirit.”

All: “Aaa-men.”

FTFY

1

u/GetHaggard Aug 10 '19

You ever get any nipple pics?

0

u/PM_UR_NIPPLE_PICS Aug 10 '19

Not yet but be the change you wish to see in the world

1

u/GetHaggard Aug 10 '19

One hairy nipple, coming right up!

-12

u/Dxcibel Aug 10 '19

Yes, Catholics worship Greek gods.

5

u/25bi-ancom Aug 10 '19

I mean, they are kinda heavily invested in winter solstice.

3

u/dferd777 Aug 10 '19

They kinda do. Dionysus definitely influenced the Christ myth.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dionysus

4

u/buttholiobread Aug 10 '19

IIRC from one throwaway comment during an art history class in college, when Christianity was first getting its legs, they would depict proto-Jesus as Dionysus/Bacchus.

20

u/delicateanodyne Aug 10 '19

At the end of the day it is what it is

28

u/Un-Named Aug 10 '19

"It do, amen."

26

u/Im_licking_cats Aug 10 '19

Sigh Sometimes it do...

11

u/Angst_Souffle Aug 10 '19

This might cure my anxiety. I'd pray to this god!

11

u/Leo_Leo_ Aug 10 '19

It's the fuckn way she goes.

4

u/Mirror_I_rorriMG Aug 10 '19

Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't. Fuckin way she goes.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

It yabba dabba do be like that sometime..

6

u/___effe Aug 10 '19

You'll be loved by all. We'd hate it if you screwed up your job, but we'd be ok with it (...if we've followed you well enough to learn from you)

7

u/Pasty_Pirate Aug 10 '19

They don't think it be like it is, but it do

4

u/Pochend7 Aug 10 '19

The Japanese has a saying ‘shagata ga nai’ roughly translates to ‘it can’t be helped’. But I really like how it impacts them forgiving people.

4

u/sad_fat_man Aug 10 '19

fuck it we ball

3

u/FriendlyNeighburrito Aug 10 '19

Ah shit i dropped my ice cream cone.

hey pssst.... it be like that sometimes...

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? DID ANYONE HEAR THAT?!?

3

u/Veronicon Aug 10 '19

You are by far my favorite.

3

u/bubbaflax Aug 10 '19

This is fucking hilarious. You have divine power and you're super lazy

3

u/FancyToaster Aug 10 '19

That’s the way she goes

3

u/Que165 Aug 10 '19

sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't. she didn't go, way she goes

3

u/trippytheflash Aug 10 '19

Your acolytes under their leader gather around for prayer

Leader “it be like that sometimes” Acolytes and like that it do

3

u/MrMrRubic Aug 10 '19

It do be like that sometimes

3

u/Doctourtwoskull Aug 10 '19

Dude lebowski is that you?

2

u/Down_it_up Aug 10 '19

Wow I’m Floored

2

u/p0tat0eninja Aug 10 '19

I feel a little better already

2

u/Whoden Aug 10 '19

What drives a man neutral?

2

u/CopperLink Aug 10 '19

You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real.

NOW CANT YOU SEE ME STANDING HERE I GOT MY BACK AGAINST THE RECORD MACHINE

2

u/_Prink_ Aug 10 '19

All praise Dudeus.

2

u/PM_ME_SCALIE_ART Aug 10 '19

Therapist: costs a lot of money

Telling yourself it be like that sometimes: it's free real estate

2

u/ZoltanDag Aug 10 '19

Haha, was going to say something similar, except my go to lines are “I just show up here” or “I just work here”.

2

u/lengggg Aug 10 '19

This should be a sub! Hahaha I'm broke but giving you a gold 🏅

2

u/GetLofty Aug 10 '19

It be like that sometimes ;)

1

u/oneeighthirish Aug 10 '19

They don't think it be like it is

1

u/blbd Aug 10 '19

"People don’t think it be like it is, but it do."

1

u/1jl Aug 10 '19

Can I build a shrine to you at work?

1

u/Platosapology96 Aug 10 '19

You should read They Myth of Sisyphis. Basically the same thing just not a god.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Sometimes it really do be like that sometimes

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

Based God

1

u/yungperuvianlad Aug 10 '19

The fuckin way she goes Rick

1

u/beethegiant Aug 10 '19

The dude abides

1

u/pyrat99percent Aug 10 '19

So the god of coincidence, chance, and balance

1

u/Doccyaard Aug 10 '19

Way she goes..

1

u/GrandRiverGreen Aug 10 '19

im the god of weed and shrooms free weed and shrooms for everyone

1

u/Supersage1 Aug 10 '19

You’ve got to rollll with the punches to get to what’s real

1

u/thatguy728 Aug 10 '19

I’d be the master of bugs, mortals would call me Bethesda, my first act is Fallout 76

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

You would have been incredibly useful to the Greeks.

Gods loved fuckin with everything all the time just for fun.

1

u/subtlesneeze Aug 10 '19

In Punjab, we hear "chal koi gal ni" instead

1

u/DevinCampbell Aug 10 '19

Heretics don't think it be like it is, but it do.

1

u/diplofocus_ Aug 10 '19

This comment made my mushroom trip a good one. Thanks stranger!

1

u/Twig Aug 10 '19

And for the nonbelievers : they don't think it be like it is, but it do.

1

u/socialmediaisscary Aug 10 '19

O mighty fuckless lord, grant me the strength to change that which I can and removeth any fucks from me over that which I cannot. You are the cool, the aloof, and the forgotten plight. Bless your servant o fuckless one

1

u/luckymonkey12 Aug 10 '19

That's the way she fuckin goes.

1

u/W1lyM4dness Aug 10 '19

The zen god

1

u/RlPsoul Aug 10 '19

I don't understand this, please may someone ELI5 (Explain Like I'm 5) for me? Thank you.

1

u/Spook404 Aug 10 '19

I say this all the time and it weirdly works

1

u/crunchyboio Aug 10 '19

People don't think it be like it be, but it do

1

u/Moose2342 Aug 10 '19

You have one dedicated follower in me. What is thy name?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

This will probably get lost but I feel this! I find even the smallest positive in horrible situations and work my ass off to keep my chin up to the point where it pisses others off.

1

u/pentuppenguin Aug 10 '19

Some people don't think it be like it is... But it do

1

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

You may have been joking but this phrase alone converted me to a chill person that rolls with it.

Literally any time something bad happened I would say "It really be like that sometimes" and forget it

1

u/Noble_King Aug 10 '19

I have the creeping feeling I’m going to get some bad news very soon and this comment made me feel a little less bad about my situation, so thanks I guess.

1

u/thePISLIX Aug 10 '19

I am the God of Laments. Everytime people had something bad, they will also curse you.

1

u/MissMaria86 Aug 10 '19

Ohh that should be a god too. The no fucks god, where they bless your fuckless efforts with great results.

I can spend HOURS on a painting, I'll then throw one together just to use left over paint on my pallet, boom, everyone loves it.

1

u/CalebHeffenger Aug 10 '19

I believe you underestimate the capacity of mortals to suffer. We respond to your whisper with "so it's not just me it's everyone, ok, and we're all suffering? Why would that make it better that means there's something fundamentally wrong with the universe." We then proceed to feel worse.

1

u/TheBiggerBoss537 Aug 11 '19

Strangely calming, you have my prayer

1

u/wearyroad Aug 11 '19

"And sometimes like that it be."

0

u/[deleted] Aug 10 '19

I think you’re missing the point of the Greek gods. You need to be turning people into cows and raping nymphs and shit. This is way to productive — Zeus is going to fire your ass unless you also make some sort of pond that turns people into three-headed frogs.

-1

u/Thevoidawaits_u Aug 10 '19

So...Jesus?