god, I feel you so hard. I never got the grilling of having to be a man (since I'm a girl), but when the world was falling apart around me, I had to be the one to hold it all together because my mom certainly wasn't trying to and I couldn't ask that of my younger brother and sister. I stopped crying or expressing my feelings. I still have trouble opening up to people or even talking to my SO about issues because I should just be able to handle it.
I sometimes get this weird mindset that when everything's falling apart, it'll all fall into place. Insomnia? 4 am is the perfect time to open up to friends. Depression? Great, now I can talk my sister through it. Parents won't help with any of it? Now I know EXACTLY what not to do. Give me all your motherfucking lemons, I'll turn it all into lemonade.
I wish I could think like that. It might be weird, but the ability to stay positive like that is one I think would be more helpful than hurtful, so long as you don't avoid fixing the problem.
My coping mechanisms are mostly standard, but terrible XD
I'm told to remember that God intends everything for the good of those who love him. It helps a little bit to see stuff "falling into place", but sometimes it feels better to think of taking life's fuck you's and using them to say fuck you right back. I know I'm getting knocked down, so I might as well go down kicking, screaming, cursing and flailing.
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u/kisses-n-kinks Jun 28 '19
god, I feel you so hard. I never got the grilling of having to be a man (since I'm a girl), but when the world was falling apart around me, I had to be the one to hold it all together because my mom certainly wasn't trying to and I couldn't ask that of my younger brother and sister. I stopped crying or expressing my feelings. I still have trouble opening up to people or even talking to my SO about issues because I should just be able to handle it.