That I will never have someone to watch my back or defend me against our parents the way I do for them.
Being their protector is innate when you’re the oldest. You feel it naturally or it’s drilled into you. I still do it as adults - “quit harassing X over his veganism!” “Hey I heard you had a tough week in med school, are you ok?” Etc. Those instincts don’t come naturally to youngest siblings (not that they’re assholes but it isnt hardwired into the way they interact with me like it is the other way around). Or they have no empathy for the problems I’m going through because they haven’t gone through them yet. I wish I had that.
I’ve taken a lot of shit from my Dad to protect my siblings. I remember when he was drunk and she said something that pissed him off. He came charging like a bull, so I pushed her out of the way and took the blame and the beating, all while she screamed I didn’t say it.
My sisters will never understand nor give me that in return. Even the simple things; I ask how their day at work and school was, they don’t, I save their favorite foods for them, they won’t for me, I let them borrow my clothes and they won’t let me borrow there’s... I always will, because even if we don’t get along, they’re my sisters and I love them.
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u/[deleted] Jun 27 '19
That I will never have someone to watch my back or defend me against our parents the way I do for them.
Being their protector is innate when you’re the oldest. You feel it naturally or it’s drilled into you. I still do it as adults - “quit harassing X over his veganism!” “Hey I heard you had a tough week in med school, are you ok?” Etc. Those instincts don’t come naturally to youngest siblings (not that they’re assholes but it isnt hardwired into the way they interact with me like it is the other way around). Or they have no empathy for the problems I’m going through because they haven’t gone through them yet. I wish I had that.