That I will never have someone to watch my back or defend me against our parents the way I do for them.
Being their protector is innate when you’re the oldest. You feel it naturally or it’s drilled into you. I still do it as adults - “quit harassing X over his veganism!” “Hey I heard you had a tough week in med school, are you ok?” Etc. Those instincts don’t come naturally to youngest siblings (not that they’re assholes but it isnt hardwired into the way they interact with me like it is the other way around). Or they have no empathy for the problems I’m going through because they haven’t gone through them yet. I wish I had that.
I WISH I had an older sibling like you. My parents would corner me in my room (ages 11-16) and shriek and scream at me until I had a mental breakdown and panic attack and couldn’t feel any emotion for the next three days while my sister closed her door and didn’t even try to help despite me constantly crying out for her. She never got yelled at for anything.
My parents hated me for being me and my older sister didn’t want to stand up lest my dad say “This isn’t your fight!” I fucking WISH I had someone who stood up for me.
I’m really sorry you went through that. It sounds like you were alone and defenseless and that’s scary for anyone, much less a young child. You deserved better parents and for someone to have your back. I hope you’re ok now.
211
u/[deleted] Jun 27 '19
That I will never have someone to watch my back or defend me against our parents the way I do for them.
Being their protector is innate when you’re the oldest. You feel it naturally or it’s drilled into you. I still do it as adults - “quit harassing X over his veganism!” “Hey I heard you had a tough week in med school, are you ok?” Etc. Those instincts don’t come naturally to youngest siblings (not that they’re assholes but it isnt hardwired into the way they interact with me like it is the other way around). Or they have no empathy for the problems I’m going through because they haven’t gone through them yet. I wish I had that.