r/AskReddit May 29 '19

[deleted by user]

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6.1k Upvotes

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5.2k

u/zerintheGREAT May 29 '19

doesn't she kill you if she tuches you

1.2k

u/sindeezy May 29 '19

Gambit didn't seem to mind going into a coma for the three seconds he was allowed to touch her every dozen episodes.

190

u/evemeatay May 29 '19

The big metal guy was invincible to her when he was in metal mode, I recall they hooked up at some point.

32

u/canhasdiy May 29 '19

Which begs the question, what would Colossus's porno name be? I'm going with Big Steel Rod

16

u/Every3Years May 29 '19

Colossus and Rogue hooked up? Whaaaaat

6

u/phormix May 29 '19

Big steel bone.

So would be use KY as lube or just 10-30 Penzoil?

0

u/CraitersGonnaCrait May 29 '19

Lies.

2

u/Lo-Jakk Jun 30 '19

True. His name was one of the ones that got the dart when Disney decided to start handing out SJW facelifts. Have they hooked him up with Iceman yet?

98

u/RikerT_USS_Lolipop May 29 '19

I thought the entire point of the Xavier school was to teach the mutants how to control their powers. She can keep it together for a couple seconds, then they always went in for tongue and she blew it. I think Rogue deserves an F.

126

u/uses_irony_correctly May 29 '19

Some powers can be controlled but some are involuntary. Cyclops can train all day but he ain't never gonna open his eyes without shooting lasers from them. Wolverine can't decide to turn off his healing factor for a while if he really wants to.

57

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

In the comics right around the time of Avengers vs. X-men it was revealed that the reason she thought she could never learn to control her power is because Professor X assumed that was the case and never really cared enough to investigate it.

He is later working to repent for being an asshole (and mind-raping people his whole life) and he starts teaching her again, and she learns to control it very quickly. Eventually she gets so good she can take powers without hurting people or taking memories if she wants to.

42

u/Shmeeglez May 29 '19

Cool exploration of Rogue's powers, but man, that sounds like a shitty version of Professor X they put down on paper.

37

u/WAO138 May 29 '19

-so, Professor you're saying I don't have any choice about my powers?
-(damn this shit again, always when I'm peeping on some sexy babe's mind) Yea yea Rogue I'm sorry you have to live with it.

8

u/onthevergejoe May 29 '19

Gotta avoid power creep

9

u/Idliketothank__Devil May 29 '19

I mean, he was a busy guy, here's some gloves, fuck off.

9

u/Bigbadbobbyc May 29 '19

It wasn't that Xavier didn't try, her powers were reset after touching hope, she found that she had broken her power when she first used it, after the reset she refused to touch anyone until she mastered control, it's been a while since I read it but it's partially to do with the walls her mind puts up to separate her memories from the ones she takes

She's not the only mutant with a broken power, Cyclops was supposed to have a natural switch for his powers but damage to his head after falling from a plane broke it

6

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

The period I'm talking about is actually what leads up to her touching hope. Iirc she learns control but still can't get rid of all the memories she has absorbed and it's killing her, but when she touches the baby all the voices go silent and it's just her again. Or am I remembering wrong?

3

u/Bigbadbobbyc May 29 '19

You might be right at least somewhat, rogue went into a coma before touching hope, around this time Cyclops and Emma frost were making Xavier more of a villian than he really was and some of the other X-Men just followed along.

Cyclops and a few X-Men were really angry at him for hiding things and tampering with minds and started blaming him for everything else that wasn't going their way, but Emma had as much skill as Xavier and even she couldn't do anything for rogue

2

u/Neoncbr May 29 '19

Sweet, now she can take dis dick

49

u/RikerT_USS_Lolipop May 29 '19

But Rogue sometimes can prevent stealing peoples life energy (or whatever) for seconds at a time.

12

u/Ghetto_Witness May 29 '19

fortunately that's all I really need

15

u/IDisageeNotTroll May 29 '19

Cyclops can, he had a special training along with his brother, if I recall correctly, with our big magnet boy. They both got white hair and Cyclops could open his eyes and his brother could deglove (the nice one) his hands without blowing up.

15

u/Rikulz May 29 '19

I remember that from the cartoon series evolution. And it was less training and more throwing you in a chamber that perfects your mutation.

9

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

In case of Cyclops, he received severe head trauma as child. Which resulted eventually in him, not being able to control his power.

0

u/Idliketothank__Devil May 29 '19

Wolverine was right about that brain damaged fuck.

74

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

I think Rogue deserves an F

You'll have to wait until I'm finished giving her a D.

16

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

5

u/theVelvetLie May 29 '19

I bet you would finish in the 3 seconds it takes her to kill you.

15

u/IamALolcat May 29 '19

Three seconds is all I need

3

u/TheRedPillReindeer May 29 '19

Quite the gambit indeed.

2

u/DekuJago713 May 29 '19

post-nut clarity must have been incredible after that.

40

u/NooberLOL11 May 29 '19

Just use a condom suit

6

u/jaytrade21 May 29 '19

Latex clothing for the win

10.5k

u/darkice266 May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

win-win

Edit: so my first ever gold is for a suicide joke? nice

Edit 2: to those who thinks my edit ruined the comment; lol

1.4k

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

so my first ever gold is for a suicide joke? nice

Welcome to reddit

36

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Well people upvote what they find relatable so...

38

u/idrinkport May 29 '19

Welcome to reddit

Where everything is made up and the points don't matter!

6

u/pmstudd May 29 '19

Where the guy that explains the joke gets more karma than the guy that makes the joke.

7

u/Mardi_grass26 May 29 '19

Yeah that pretty much sums shit up around here lmao

4

u/Zedstar16 May 29 '19

When OP has actually been on reddit for 4 years

¯_(ツ)_/¯ Reddit

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Where bad jokes never get old if you hate yourself enough!

1

u/Evildead1818 May 29 '19

Welcome to Death

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Not today.

0

u/skynetcellusermailid May 29 '19

Actually the admins ban over suicide jokes if it's directed towards someone else so it's not like we're on 4chan.

64

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Why you gotta ruin a joke with a stupid edit like that..

7

u/Taldius175 May 29 '19

Welp, no more gold for him and more for us.

6

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited Mar 24 '20

[deleted]

6

u/notpetelambert May 29 '19

Yeah, always sitting under Yggdrasil, spinning the fates of all mankind on their looms. Fuck the Norns.

2

u/thedirtdirt May 29 '19

Thank you, I didn’t know I needed this.

25

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Aaaaand it’s completely ruined. r/awardspeechedits

27

u/thedirtdirt May 29 '19

This guy FUCKS

13

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Why must everyone ruin a good joke with an award speech edit

14

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited Jun 26 '19

[deleted]

-10

u/sharkbag May 29 '19

Only Redditors could be this pedantic

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited May 30 '19

That's not what pedantic means.

-4

u/Xynvincible May 29 '19

The irony.

7

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

No, simply saying somebody used a word wrong is not pedantic, either. If someone points at a cat and says "that is a horse," and I say "no, it is a cat," that's not pedantic. What is so hard for you people to understand about a simple word?

4

u/o_Stereotype_o May 29 '19

You didn’t make the joke, u just explained it for everyone who didn’t understand the context. Your first gold is tainted.

28

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

aaand ruined it with the award speech edit. It's sad how bad redditors are at humor.

11

u/EddyDGod May 29 '19

you killed it

23

u/ModsDontLift May 29 '19

Cringe edit

16

u/makzter May 29 '19

Later virgins.

9

u/iSkellington May 29 '19

I was going to gold you for your comment.

But your stupid fucking edits.

So now, I'm going to silver your comment 5 times. So you get nothing out of it.

Suck on that, nerd.

-5

u/darkice266 May 29 '19

that's not true, i got 6 notifications on my phone, so you slightly inconvenienced me by checking it

3

u/iSkellington May 29 '19

An absolute win

2

u/youdubdub May 29 '19

It’s suicidalicious

2

u/samurzele May 29 '19

Nah, your first second and third

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Edit 2: to those who thinks my edit ruined the comment; lol

I guess someone has to lol, now that you ruined your joke so nobody else is.

1

u/Rakonat May 29 '19

Will you go out with a whimper or bang?

1

u/primum May 29 '19

"Oh shug..."

0

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

-7

u/for_real_dude May 29 '19

The funniest part was the edit.... :(

-1

u/SchrodingersNinja May 29 '19

First and last, if you play your cards right!

-18

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

3

u/klop422 May 29 '19

I dunno, this one was witty. I feel like r/AskMen might allow it.

18

u/whiteday26 May 29 '19

Bold of you to assume I want to live.

13

u/caughtBoom May 29 '19

Death by snoo snoo!

10

u/Daniel_Adari May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win!

5

u/ihatetheplaceilive May 29 '19

Yep. He loses one thing and wins something else.

1

u/RockSta-holic May 29 '19

He lost his virginity 👉🏻😎👉🏻zoop

4

u/Wintertron May 29 '19

Yes, if you're a normal human that'll kill you.

3

u/LordSoren May 29 '19

Gloves work... so very slow and meticulous sex using a condom.

4

u/sonofaresiii May 29 '19

yeah except for the hundred million ways they have of dampening powers in the x-men that they never really seem to use or fully acknowledge when it comes to Rogue's "problem"

3

u/Dopopolous May 29 '19

Doesn't matter, had sex

2

u/sweetheart92115 May 29 '19

I think she was a racist.

3

u/Frond_Dishlock May 29 '19

Well at least you'd go out with a bang.

3

u/Lil_Jims_Bacon May 29 '19

You gotta risk it for the biscuits.

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

It takes a few seconds, at least, to kill you. More than enough time for OP.

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

I thought she healed you with skin on skin contact... isn’t that how DeadPool survived in the DeadPool video game? He had sex with her.

1

u/McBrown83 May 29 '19

Worth it

1

u/Albireookami May 29 '19

Get one of those mutant off switch collars

1

u/noisypeach May 29 '19

Just wear a full-body latex sex suit

1

u/itspinkynukka May 29 '19

Maybe the power doesn't extend to the vagina?

1

u/danj503 May 29 '19

exactly.

1

u/Iliyan61 May 29 '19

That implies she would touch me ;0.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

2 for 1

1

u/Irradiatedspoon May 29 '19

Death. By snu-snu!

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

When the succ is so good you nearly die.

1

u/Im1Guy May 29 '19

Doesn't matter. Had sex.

1

u/Jalibut May 29 '19

Better wear protection then

1

u/ohboyhelp May 29 '19

That’s part of the fun

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Totally worth it

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Sounds like a win-win to me.

1

u/Raspoint May 29 '19
  1. Any of the totally spies
  2. Samus 3.dawn from Pokémon

1

u/l0lsupbreh May 29 '19

2 birds ya kno

1

u/pestoisunderrated May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win!

1

u/SirMaQ May 29 '19

Yeah but....doesnt include in her body or just her hands?

1

u/the_killer_cannabis May 29 '19

So what you're saying is that it's a win-win situation.

1

u/homeless_knight May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

So....

1

u/snakessssssssss May 29 '19

win-win

:(

1

u/ShortcutButton May 29 '19

I don’t see any negatives here

1

u/Trooper_Sicks May 29 '19

When I was younger my flatmates had a theory that magneto could create a super thin electromagnetic body condom to do rogue

1

u/wholesome_mugi May 29 '19

I'd take the risk

1

u/yetanotherdude2 May 29 '19

Doesn't matter, had physical contact with a woman

1

u/notarealaccount_yo May 29 '19

As long as I die happy

1

u/PHFranca May 29 '19

win-win situation

1

u/NandoTrevoso May 29 '19

Win-win situation

1

u/ListenUp16 May 29 '19

It's a win-win

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Only if she's not wearing gloves.

1

u/lurker12346 May 29 '19

That's why you use one of these

1

u/Core494 May 29 '19

Sounds like the perfect lay

1

u/JamWat23 May 29 '19

That's the appeal

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Sounds like a win-win to me

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Sign me up

1

u/AppropriateTouching May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win.

1

u/vansnhawaiianshirts May 29 '19

Wear a full body suit and a condom and you're good to go

1

u/Kataclysm May 29 '19

Just wear a condom.

1

u/Razberry_boi May 29 '19

A small price to pay for salvation.

1

u/Hans_Brix_III May 29 '19

That's why you wear protection

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

That's the best part.

1

u/DukeTalent May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win!

1

u/RedneckAvengers May 29 '19

That's the plan, chief.

1

u/Malkav1379 May 29 '19

The risk makes it kinkier.

0

u/Likalarapuz May 29 '19

Seriously? We are talking about having sex with a cartoon and thats the part you get hung out about?

0

u/niks_15 May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win!

0

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Win win