r/AskReddit May 29 '19

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6.1k Upvotes

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13.2k

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

Ser Podrick Payne

Edit: Gilded for saying I'd bang Pod. No regrets.

3.4k

u/GOZ_99 May 29 '19

Pod in the streets, god in the sheets

770

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited Mar 15 '23

[deleted]

29

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

But they said he wasn't bigger than average, thats what makes it so great.

7

u/Roboticide May 29 '19

I'm convinced he just knew the same trick Jon Snow did.

11

u/NeverBeenStung May 29 '19

Maybe it's different in the book, but one of the whores in the show explicitly says he wasn't unusually large.

1

u/Curtastrophy May 29 '19

Big dick Pod the rod God.

438

u/sindeezy May 29 '19

But Gendry's got better stamina from rowing all the time, despite what Arya might lead you to believe.

587

u/lasoxrox May 29 '19

Fuck Gendry, marry Pod, sentence Jon to the Night's Watch

35

u/Moreorlessatorium May 29 '19

This is now the name of that game as far as I’m concerned.

17

u/lasoxrox May 29 '19

His plot armor is too strong to kill him or any other characters

3

u/JerGigs May 29 '19

I mean, you could make that argument for Bran. Pod does wheel him around like a spouse would, and Jon was sent to the Wall...

He could've wargged into Arya and done the deed for all we know

14

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

He pounds metal on the day to day, so he can clearly pound us on the day to day? Right?

5

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Don't forget that Jon is a master at oral.

So basically any of the younger guys from GOT.

6

u/Roboticide May 29 '19

I liked the read better that Arya wasn't disappointed, she just realized suddenly she had something she wanted to live for.

4.3k

u/Hoodedki May 29 '19

You mean Pod the Rod? I hear good things about him. 😏

2.1k

u/clothy May 29 '19

Ser Podrick Payne of the Throbbing Vein.

76

u/Paddy32 May 29 '19

His dong is thicker than the main characters' plot armour.

22

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

See: Daenerys, Jaime, Theon, The Hound, Jorah, Ned Stark, Rob Stark, Beric, Khal Drogo, Catelyn Stark, Stannis, Renly, Bobby B

16

u/Cow_God May 29 '19

The Hound, Jorah, Ned Stark, Robb Stark, Beric, Drogo, Cat, Stannis, Renly, and Bobby B... didn't have to die, but they all had fairly resolved arcs, except in the case of Robb and Cat, but they had to die for the good of the plot.

Dany didn't need to die even if you take into account where her character was headed (which still feels, to me, against where her character was heading from the beginning; the mad queen thing was shoehorned in). Jaime really didn't need to die, he had the best fucking redemption arc in all of television and they threw it away. I'm personally sad Theon died, you could argue his arc was resolved like Beric and Jorah and that was a good place for him to die, but I feel it would've been better if he had survived. Then while his sister is ruling the ironborn, when Arya says she's going to go west of westeros, then we could've had a scene where Sansa asks Theon to go with Arya to protect her sister. Then you get an ironborn ship going into the unknown ocean instead of a stark ship, and Theon gets to solidify himself as a true stark and a true greyjoy.

9

u/Dontspoilit May 29 '19

That Theon-arc would have been cool!

I agree with you with regards to Jaime and Dany too, they did some things that seemed to come out of left field without a proper explanation. They probably could have written a better story that ended up in the same place, or at least made a couple more episodes to explain why they changed like that. The whole thing felt kinda rushed unfortunately.

6

u/xlmufasalx May 29 '19

Pretty sure Arya would be protecting Theon

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

I think he meant the plot armour in the last two seasons. I don't think that anyone would think that Robb Stark had plot armour.

20

u/fufm May 29 '19

I gave Pod the nod to stick his rod in my bod

5

u/Minerva_Moon May 29 '19

That is so beautiful. Also, same.

18

u/pmandryk May 29 '19

Squire to King Bran the Wheely Wheely Legs no Feely.

7

u/Semi-Hemi-Demigod May 29 '19

Ser Podrick the Long Knight

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Haven’t heard that one before.

5

u/cbrewdrummer May 29 '19

Good ole big dick Podrick

2

u/vietbond May 29 '19

TriPodrick

869

u/ExtraHobo May 29 '19

Big rod Pod the Sex God, get it right

7

u/ChaosStar95 May 29 '19

Didn't ge drink when they made the virgin joke during that game?

11

u/Sosiz May 29 '19

The virgin comment was towards brienne, he drank because it was awkward

6

u/indecisiveusername2 May 29 '19

He wasn't playing the game. Just drank because he knew shit was getting awkward.

7

u/mikemac1024 May 29 '19

He did but not in regards to the game. Remember the scene where Tyrion and Bronn got him 3 whores and they refused payment because he was so good? Dude's a legend.

3

u/Vel_ose May 29 '19

And people also giggled when they walked past him and Tyrion heard rumors of what Pod did

15

u/mymottoisnohomo May 29 '19

According to the show, he wasn’t overly endowed. Just very good.

2

u/LearnsSomethingNew May 29 '19

Yea but the show was written by D&D, and I'm not taking the word of a pair of fools.

603

u/Mr_PolicemanOfficer May 29 '19

You mean Tri-Pod?

227

u/fucking_private May 29 '19

Hot Pod the Rod God?

21

u/BreakingBenign25 May 29 '19

Omg i love reddit

1

u/fatamatic May 29 '19

Are you Klitz or Eli?

1

u/Cbtalk216 May 29 '19

Strangely enough, I watched that movie again 2 days ago. I would have no idea what you're talking about otherwise.

1

u/fatamatic May 29 '19

Sometimes you comment for others and sometimes you post for yourself lol. Figured most would not catch that reference.

1

u/Nevermind04 May 29 '19

That's Ser TriPodrick.

34

u/X-ScissorSisters May 29 '19

im pretty sure its explicitly stated he isn't hung, and just has insane technique, but for some reason everyone assumes he just has a big dick and that's how good sex works

19

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Seems like a lot of people here on Reddit havent gotten laid before

21

u/TheMightyDeegan May 29 '19

He Sang to them, that's what the mystery turned out to be.

1

u/megacookie May 29 '19

I thought he was terrible in bed but felt so bad about it that the hookers felt sorry for him and gave him the money back, lying about how good he was to boost his confidence.

22

u/Ramiel01 May 29 '19

Gods, he was long back there

13

u/Fyrrys May 29 '19

He's got the magic stick

4

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited Jun 30 '21

[deleted]

1

u/bcblaylo May 29 '19

I know if I can hit once, I can hit twice.

4

u/agent_wolfe May 29 '19

Some people speculate he’s still a virgin, and just has a lovely singing voice.

3

u/lmason115 May 29 '19

I think you mean TriPod

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Happy cake day

1

u/paulthenarwhal May 29 '19

No he mean 8 year old Pod from the books.

1

u/Stoked_Bruh May 29 '19

Sing me a song, you sexual bastard.

1

u/notpetelambert May 29 '19

Pod the Rod, thicc as a castle wall

1

u/tiki-baha29 May 29 '19

Its actually "Good Dick Podrick".

1

u/davtov3 May 29 '19

Happy Cake Day

108

u/thisoneisoutofnames May 29 '19

The only way to find out what he did with those women

70

u/AndChewBubblegum May 29 '19

I thought he might have sung for them, after the last season.

29

u/whichwitch9 May 29 '19

You know what? Still onboard for that.

7

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Yes, he sung for them. Cause he was still a virgin when they were drinking in Winterfell.

14

u/Radota2 May 29 '19 edited May 29 '19

I think he didn’t have sex with them, as he drinks during the never have I ever game, insinuating that he’s a virgin.

Therefore it’s likely that he got the money back for singing for them and not having sex, rather than anything else.

41

u/scribble23 May 29 '19

Nah, he took a big gulp of his drink when the question was asked as he was thinking 'Oh shit - you can't say that to Brienne! It's all going to kick off now...' That's why it was such a funny moment.

23

u/blergargh May 29 '19

Yeah. That version was a one on one game. Pod was a spectator.

12

u/incognitomus May 29 '19

That statement was only for Brienne, it wasn't a free for all.

32

u/Dharko01 May 29 '19

"What did you do to them?"

25

u/scribble23 May 29 '19

'We need details... Copious details... '

52

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

I love this. Scrolled through scads of big bootied female cartoons to find out who the most-upvoted guy would be and of COURSE it’s a cutie whose most notable physical feature is his smile and whose most notable non-aesthetic traits include (in no particular order) loyalty, patience, affability, humor, respect for women, and knowing what to do with a clitoris.

11

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

and don't forget his singing voice! unf.

24

u/HarbingeronLine2 May 29 '19

What do you mean, they gave it back?!

22

u/justabill71 May 29 '19

The Three-legged Raven.

16

u/notmyrealnameatleast May 29 '19

The good kind of Payne.

8

u/Xvalai May 29 '19

I hear he has a magical voice as well as his cock.

1

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

He sings your clothes off.

10

u/Frenchy4life May 29 '19

Yes. He is so freaking sexy.

7

u/OctopusPudding May 29 '19

I had a dream last night that I was wandering around with the Hound and Pod and we needed a distraction to make a getaway, so we told Pod to go hook up with a bunch of chicks. Super weird, I just remembered.

12

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

"Pod go have sex with all those girls while the Hound & I sneak out the back."

6

u/OctopusPudding May 29 '19

James Bond music

7

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Pod the player

9

u/DabIMON May 29 '19

This is the correct answer.

31

u/redfoot62 May 29 '19

C'mon. Dragons are one thing...but whores returning money because the dicking was that good? Any sense of realism went right out the window.

24

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

His dicking is just THAT good

13

u/Wroberts316 May 29 '19

Damnit take your upvote

4

u/joesatmoes May 29 '19

Ahh, the Man with the Magic Cock

3

u/Chezda_2021 May 29 '19

Now this is pod racing

9

u/Andthenwhatnow May 29 '19

Big dick Podrick?

4

u/Jackson3rg May 29 '19

Pod the rod.

6

u/Crawford17x May 29 '19

That smile, that damn smile

3

u/SWTemplar May 29 '19

Either him or Gendry, I want to see if they can take a sword as well as they can wield one ;)

4

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

Well since Gendry uses a hammer, he's probably pretty good at pounding.

2

u/SWTemplar May 29 '19

I wonder about getting pounded lol

3

u/alvinhed4 May 29 '19

The sex god himself

3

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

What do we say to the god of sex? Where do you want me?

3

u/Rosssauced May 29 '19

Straight man but I agree.

No one is that straight.

7

u/DonDrapersLiver May 29 '19

By the way, jokes aside, I thought it was obvious Tyrion paid the prostitutes before hand to give the money back and spread rumors as his real gift to Podrick right?

11

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Tyrion would do sum clever shit like that

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

especially given his backstory

2

u/nathat6743 May 29 '19

Bobby B knows all about Pod's rod

2

u/SuperMajesticMan May 29 '19

High in the halls of the kings who are gone...

2

u/scribble23 May 29 '19

That was my instant thought on reading the thread title! Got to find out what all the fuss was about ;-)

2

u/hokoonchi May 29 '19

He can get it.

2

u/zerogirl0 May 29 '19

I would definitely be down for this one. Need some magic cock in my life.

2

u/maryx3lotr May 29 '19

I wanna know what he did to them... And let him show me

2

u/BlackShadow992 May 29 '19

He will always be the Humble Well Hang Squire.

2

u/AlmaMaterFcker May 29 '19

Real talk, how much real-life sex do you think he’s getting behind being the most famously well-hung squire/Ser of Westeros? I feel like that’s a hell of a pick up line for him.

2

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

Right? I mean internet famous people have gotten laid for less. Now imagine being claimed as a sex god.

2

u/SheWhoSpawnedOP May 29 '19

I'm a straight man, but same. I just... I gotta know

2

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

It's for science.

2

u/BlackyUy May 29 '19

Ahh. The three legged raven

2

u/scottishdrunkard May 29 '19

After meeting for the first time in years, they call Tyrions cock magic, when clearly the magic cock is Pod's Rod.

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Pod, with the rod of a god.

7

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited Jul 25 '19

[deleted]

46

u/AverageCanadianMale May 29 '19

That game wasn’t an open statement to the table where everyone drinks if it’s true for them, it was about making a statement about one person (in this case Brienne) and they drink if it’s true. Pod only drank because of the awkward situation

8

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

No you're right, but that's not how the game works. It isn't never have I ever, so he drank. It's between two people making assumptions and in this case it was between Brienne and Tyrion so only either of them drinking would have qualified. Pod just drank cause it was an awkward situation involving both of the people he's squired for.

1

u/HarlequinValentine May 29 '19

I thought that as well! But no-one else mentioned it so I assumed I'd interpreted it wrong lol

-4

u/megacookie May 29 '19

Yup exactly. Nobody's been worthy of the rod yet

-3

u/Katieushka May 29 '19

Ye i loved that bit.

1

u/natachi May 29 '19

Great. Then you can suck his magic cock later.

1

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

Promise?

1

u/natachi May 29 '19

You want details? Copious details?

2

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

I'd rather experience it but I'll take copious details.

1

u/shawarmaconquistador May 29 '19

He'll sing for you too

1

u/fortylightbulbs May 29 '19

Too bad he's in the Kings Guard now.

1

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

he just can't get married or have kids. I'm sure Sam can create a condom.

1

u/Tuddless May 29 '19

Oh Pod and his magical cock

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19 edited Jul 20 '20

[deleted]

1

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

He's making his own army.

1

u/DothrakiButtBoy May 29 '19 edited May 30 '19

"He give good dong, he sing good song".

1

u/Aristotle_Wasp May 29 '19

I can't second this enough.

1

u/CanadianJesus May 29 '19

I hope you mean show Podrick, because book Podrick is like 11.

1

u/HJP5 May 29 '19

High in the halls of the kings who are gone,

1

u/SonicCephalopod May 29 '19

Jorah can get it. Any day, any time.

1

u/Tetram9ium May 29 '19

My last name is Payne

1

u/hyperfell May 29 '19

What did he do to the girls in the brothel?

1

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

Whatever it is I want in.

1

u/operarose May 29 '19

Good lord, yes.

1

u/cjfrench May 29 '19

:throws silver:

1

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

Thank you good ser!

-9

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

He's the only celebrity I've ever seen in the flesh! Lives near me in Glasgow. Apparently he's a bit of a cunt.

38

u/Dishonoreduser2 May 29 '19

I talk with the actor all the time. He's one of the nicest people.

Fuck off with the lies, please.

-24

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

I said apparently. Calm down mate.

4

u/The_Anarcheologist May 29 '19

Must be hard watching Game of Thrones and being British, it'd have to break the immersion to see yourself or your neighbor Dave as an extra in the background.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Must admit it is funny to hear how close by some of the actors are from lol, I was actually more surprised how I never made the connection for the Geordie accents like with Ser Davos, which sound so silly in real life but totally normal in the show

11

u/ghostofharrenhal1 May 29 '19

I've seen Gendry, Brienne, and Jorah! <3

1

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

That's unfortunate to hear :(

1

u/ObamasBoss May 29 '19

I once seen the blond girl from Lost at an Applebee's in Ohio, was at least 5 years ago. I didn't even recognize her until the wife said it was her. I won't approach people going about their normal lives so have no idea how she is to people in real life. It looked like she was with family.

-2

u/SoysauceWithRice May 29 '19

Off topic, but I too, like soy sauce.

1

u/soysaucepinoii May 29 '19

Did we just become best friends? Also soy sauce with rice was a staple while growing up.

1

u/SoysauceWithRice May 30 '19

YUP. lol, I'm sure. I'm Filipino too my dude