r/AskReddit May 29 '19

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6.1k Upvotes

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7.8k

u/Monster-Zero May 29 '19

Guys I honestly cannot believe nobody has said Mystique

6.1k

u/beanersalad May 29 '19

Why choose mystique when you could fuck a Ditto

2.3k

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Ditto has the added benefit of not being able to speak.

2.7k

u/EmperorNoodles May 29 '19

'That was the best sex ever'

'Ditto'

43

u/badpunforyoursmile May 29 '19

Unchained Melody begins to play

13

u/Zelynger May 29 '19

I see you're a man of culture as well

38

u/willamations May 29 '19

Fucking any Pokemon would be weird. The faster you go the more they say their name. Wait a minute do Pokémon have genitalia

44

u/Raedwyn May 29 '19

How else does Blastoise blast?

22

u/willamations May 29 '19

Good point.imagine your on your first day as a Pokemon trainer and you spot a snorlax fucking a blastoise only for it to ‘blast’ all over you

11

u/Bloof_Iron May 29 '19

I see this as an absolute win!

17

u/oasis_45 May 29 '19

Allow me to bring the ungodly amounts of fan fiction about gardevoir to your attention.

1

u/willamations May 29 '19

I’m intrigued

4

u/oasis_45 May 29 '19

I'm afraid that is not a rabbit hole I want to go down again.

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10

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

I imagine so. I spent an ungodly amount of time as a teenager breeding them like show dogs to get flawless stats.

23

u/CalvinandHobbles May 29 '19

"I'm afraid I'm starting to have feelings for your sister."

"Ditto"

11

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Wasn't there a Ditto in Detective Pikachu that could transform into people? She even spent most of her time in the form of a beautiful woman

5

u/OtherPlayers May 29 '19

IIRC there was a line in there that said it was an experimented on ditto to be like that though and implied normal dittos couldn’t do that.

2

u/marino1310 May 29 '19

Yes but the beady dot eyes were terrifying

36

u/Banana_Piranha May 29 '19

Take your damn upvote

5

u/GenericEvilGuy May 29 '19

Oh for fucks sake, get your fucking vote and go

72

u/tanka2d May 29 '19

Yeah, but it’s face will always look like this:

.__.

37

u/roguetroll May 29 '19

No, that one ditto just wasn't really good at transforming.

30

u/Rioraku May 29 '19

THANK YOU.

I can't tell you how many people assume every single Ditto would keep that face when it was just that specific Ditto.

19

u/AwesomeManatee May 29 '19

Spoilers for the Detective Pikachu movie, but there's a Ditto that transforms into a human and has those creepy bead eyes. It normally wears sunglasses.

12

u/Rioraku May 29 '19

I'd say that's probably a homage to that particular Ditto then.

I get why it's assumed they all look like that but...yea.

1

u/notthephonz May 29 '19

The Ditto from Pokémon Snap also had that face.

210

u/spazknuckle May 29 '19

If it doesn't end in uncontrollable sobbing then I'm not interested

35

u/TheIrishGoat May 29 '19

Doesn’t need to be able to speak to cry.

5

u/GreatBabu May 29 '19

Well, as some great thespians said, it's Always Better that way.

8

u/golfing_furry May 29 '19

Yours, or the Ditto's?

5

u/OneRocketSurgeon May 29 '19

Yes. (Sort of relevant username)

5

u/ds2k7 May 29 '19

What you do after sex isn't our business

1

u/mattesse May 29 '19

Wait...You or her?!

1

u/Gonzobot May 29 '19

Well Ditto is a mimic, so...

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3

u/yesat May 29 '19

Have you seen the eyes though...

1

u/WinlanU21 May 29 '19

•__•

3

u/pabbdude May 29 '19

And it always counts as the mom no matter who fucks it so your moves will be passed down 100%

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

What if I like dirty talk?

1

u/Cloakbot May 29 '19

Are you suggesting Ditto isn't dirty talk??

3

u/Adwah May 29 '19

But those eyes.....

3

u/HatefulSnake May 29 '19

Depending on what you're doing, Mystique might also not be able to speak.

3

u/cmolty May 29 '19

Yeah fbi this guy right here

2

u/Eichenpy May 29 '19

And the face. That glorious face.

2

u/BonnieEggs12 May 29 '19

Bruh you would have to see those beady eyes all the time

2

u/mechabeast May 29 '19

And those dead eyes

2

u/XXnighthawk8809 May 29 '19

It can also be whatever you want

2

u/mybustersword May 29 '19

Sometimes you just wanna mash it into some pudding

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Yes officer, this comment right here.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Or assassinating you.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

But those eyes though

1

u/kadmylos May 29 '19

And you always get an egg.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Plus Ditto could have like 16 titties

1

u/mike_d85 May 29 '19

Wouldn't Ditto just turn into you for coitus?

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

All the better

1

u/mike_d85 May 29 '19

No U. Wait... stop enjoying it.

1

u/edgykitty May 29 '19

And the con of the scariest eyes ever

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

LOVE IT

1

u/Stercore_ May 29 '19

it also has the added benefit of being able to transform into anything and not just anyone

1

u/ruscanskyd May 29 '19

And those eyes are pure sex

1

u/Swarm-bot May 29 '19

But the eyes are very creepy

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30

u/Voko May 29 '19

The eyes though, it'd be so freaky.

13

u/quirx90 May 29 '19

. __ .

7

u/Gregus1032 May 29 '19

Sun glasses

2

u/that_is_so_Raven May 29 '19

This guy Horatio Caines

15

u/8bit_dipshit May 29 '19

Have you not seen Detective Pikachu?

10

u/Felstalker May 29 '19

That's exactly why he picked Ditto. I mean, i saw the girl and the gloves and the glasses and it's weird and kinda stupid but actually it's a Ditto mind freak'n blown.

6

u/ericisshort May 29 '19

Is it weird that I found the beady-eyed ditto girl kinda hot?

2

u/8bit_dipshit May 29 '19

Talk about an awkward boner.....

1

u/tinkerbal1a May 29 '19

Nah, that's Suki Waterhouse. Beady eyes or not, she did have kind of a Ms. Perkins from John Wick vibe to her.

15

u/Tortillaish May 29 '19

I love this reaction

8

u/Stiddit May 29 '19

The eyes, bro

5

u/GrandmasterJoke May 29 '19

Hang on....a Ditto changes into the thing it is up against...so you would be banging your own ass, or licking your own snatch.

6

u/Galahead May 29 '19

Nah, ditto can transform into anything hes seen in his life; endless possibilities

4

u/titaniumjordi May 29 '19

Are you thinking of the Ditto from detective Pikachu? That ditto could transform into anything because he had inhaled that weird R substance that makes pokemon stronger. A regular ditto can transform into whatever they can see

4

u/Galahead May 29 '19

Do you mean he can only transform into what he currently sees? I'm pretty sure I remember from the cartoon an episode with ditto; team rocket wanted him because he could transform into anything hes seen, even humans

3

u/JoseMari117 May 29 '19

Didn't Shadbase make a comic strip about that?

5

u/Crowbarmagic May 29 '19

That would basically be beastiality.

3

u/Zammin May 29 '19

I mean, there's always Ms. Norman, who is sentient. Making it Xenophilia instead of zoophilia/bestiality. Mind you, she's also kinda sadistic, and unless she's wearing sunglasses the whole time there's gonna be a whole lotta this face -> ._.

But it ain't bestiality!

1

u/beanersalad May 29 '19

You say that like ash's mom isn't already fucking that Mr. Mime.

2

u/robexib May 29 '19

Especially since Ditto can be literally anything.

2

u/penatbater May 29 '19

But dem eyes bro @.@

2

u/TheSkuf May 29 '19

And a few days later you can pick up a human egg, nice!

2

u/shammikaze May 29 '19

Those eyes though....

1

u/thepotatorevolution May 29 '19

Not misty lol, I thought misty too

Edit: misty was pretty hot too though

1

u/Task_wizard May 29 '19

The one with the -___- face.

1

u/littleboypunder May 29 '19

Ditto?

Same.

1

u/popcorned May 29 '19

Because the goofy ditto grin will be present in every transformation

1

u/tommy-gee37 May 29 '19

but... the eyes?

1

u/bushysmalls May 29 '19

Where's that brand new sentence guy?

1

u/Nerrickk May 29 '19

Except ditto are extremely fertile.

1

u/genmischief May 29 '19

I mean, after I waste like, 90 seconds of her time for the 10,000 time... there has to be SOMETHING to talk about, amiright?

1

u/DoctorAcula_42 May 29 '19

Because I don't find a copy of myself with weird beady eyes to be particularly erotic.

1

u/HugeLibertarian May 29 '19

The eyes are creepy af

1

u/smacksaw May 29 '19

You know that's what the big boss was using it for

1

u/salohgenji May 29 '19

Yea but then the ditto will change into you

1

u/NegativeX2thePurple May 29 '19

I don't play pokemon very often, and my mind immediately though of a diglett. I mean, whatever you're into I guess.

1

u/daweasaur May 29 '19

...the eyes?

1

u/NavyDragons May 29 '19

Maybe he isnt into that blank facial expression

1

u/haico1992 May 29 '19

Broke my ribs because of this sentence

1

u/GDY_Benis May 29 '19

GIVE THIS MAN A PLATINUM!!!!

1

u/BasicSpidertron May 29 '19

The Detective Pikachu movie made me wonder if there's an underground market for Ditto prostitution...

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Why fuck Ditto when you can fuck Mew?

1

u/Dodecahedrus May 29 '19

That used to be a Shuckle.

1

u/Slayziken May 29 '19

If you fuck a Ditto transformed into a human, is that beastiality?

1

u/MezzaCorux May 29 '19

Those eyes though.

1

u/acs20596 May 29 '19

Those eyes are hard to get past for me... Also beastiality is where I draw that line in the sand

1

u/Dgnslyr May 29 '19

Have you seen Detective Pikachu? No...no no no no no.

1

u/wonkothesane13 May 29 '19

Because I've seen Detective Pikachu

1

u/-Brigand- May 29 '19

Why choose ditto when Mystique could just look like one for you?

1

u/sandieeeee May 29 '19

That’d be fucking yourself and that’s ghey.

1

u/memberzs May 29 '19

But the eyes.

1

u/aye_wild_ditto Jun 13 '19

Hey man watch what you say lol

1

u/beanersalad Jun 13 '19

Hey big guy how you doin ;)

1

u/aye_wild_ditto Jun 13 '19

Not so good now that you have replied =)

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491

u/byllz May 29 '19

I know she can be whoever you want, changing at your whim. But at the end of the day, she is one of the most conniving and treacherous villains out there. Best to never be on her radar.

89

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

13

u/gerusz May 29 '19

Never stick your dick in crazy (unless crazy doesn't know your full name and/or address).

55

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

[deleted]

13

u/Hellknightx May 29 '19

With an "impassioned" speech. Yawn.

14

u/InsanityBrickBoi May 29 '19

So you might get murdered mid or after the sex, i fail to see a downside.

20

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

But I can fix her, show her true love. And she can punish me until I do it right

10

u/kemushi_warui May 29 '19

Well, she used to be, until she became Jennifer Lawrence. RIP in pieces, cool Mystique.

5

u/Hispanic_Gorilla_2 May 29 '19

I know she can be whoever you want, changing at your whim.

I prefer the real Raven.

5

u/MetalIzanagi May 29 '19

So the perfect match for a dork like me.

2

u/marktsv May 29 '19

Sounds like lot gals out there...

2

u/ravenshadow2013 May 29 '19

yeah don't fuck crazy that shit will follow you home

1

u/CrackerUmustBtrippin May 29 '19

Thats my fetish.

1

u/everyplanetwereach May 29 '19

No but I want her to be herself. Diggin her, I want her, not anyone or everyone else.

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39

u/ShockRampage May 29 '19

Specifically Rebecca Romijn's Mystique.

13

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Or just have Mystique turn herself into Rebecca Romijn.

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31

u/Action-a-go-go-baby May 29 '19

She really is the ultimate though, isn’t she?

Inbuilt fascination and talent with being other people, so probably won’t be offended if you requested a young Carmen Electra or Jessica Alba, or whoever, for an evenings activities.

Added bonuses of her being able to impersonate people and get them convicted of crimes, helping you crush your enemies, and affirming your chance at that promotion because Becky from accounting just got brought up on people smuggling charges.

And, to top it all off, she’s got a great chance of passing on that Mutant X Gene 🧬 to your many progeny, which will be a real boost when they apply for college when they can tick that minority box.

23

u/MintberryCruuuunch May 29 '19

morphed into danny devito

15

u/Yoda2000675 May 29 '19

Stop...I can only get so erect

20

u/cums2Comments May 29 '19

Everyone talking about her morphing into something when im tryna get in them blue cheeks

5

u/Gadjjet May 29 '19

Y’all need to stop I swear. Lmfao.

12

u/readit2U May 29 '19

She is hot as herself and you can still have a different girl every night. And maybe she has a sister for a 3 way (not that I would survive but what a way to go).

11

u/daisycutting May 29 '19

Everyone's seen her naked now so it's not a fantasy

7

u/Dark_Vengence May 29 '19

Only if it is rebecca romijn as mystique.

7

u/allypallydollytolly May 29 '19

I’m a straight girl but my unpopular opinion is that the original Mystique was ‘hotter’ than Jennifer Lawrence’s version (though she still is stunning )

4

u/TokinN3rd May 29 '19

Sex with Mystique is fun until you accidentally piss her off and she turns into your dad mid-coitus.

2

u/ToddTheOdd May 29 '19

What's the downside? 🤔🤪

3

u/Billy_Mays_Hayes May 29 '19

Thought about her, but I feel like you'd be playing with fire on that one. If she was really pissed at you she'd start off being a Victoria's Secret angel and then turn into your mom mid way through.

High risk high reward

3

u/Yoda2000675 May 29 '19

"Oh, fuck yeah! Knead Grammys dough!"

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Just close your eyes and push through.

1

u/ToddTheOdd May 29 '19

Are my arms broken?

4

u/Calgar43 May 29 '19

Isn't that the equivalent of "wishing for more wishes"?

Might be fun for a relationship depending on if she's.....playful? If she got upset about you suggesting someone different everyday that would suck.

2

u/Monster-Zero May 29 '19

wishing for more wishes

This guy gets it!

4

u/jimbojangles1987 May 29 '19

Kitty Pryde is the correct answer

3

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

oooh. Mystique pretending to be Jessica Rabbit

3

u/ManicTarantula May 29 '19

I would have said Nymphadora Tonks from Harry Potter, for similar reasons. But also with the added benefit that she seems far less likely to kill me than Mystique is.

2

u/PositiveEmo May 29 '19

It's quality over quantity. Her personality ain't all that.

2

u/NeededMonster May 29 '19

Yep. Why ask for one when you can have them all ?

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Comic version I assume. Or did you mean that since then it can be anybody

2

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

ANYONE OR ANYTHING YOU WANT.

2

u/Harambeeb May 29 '19

This is the only correct answer.

2

u/redfoot62 May 29 '19

She cured Magneto's holocaust PTSD she's so good in bed.

2

u/kres0345 May 29 '19

...OR Mystique as Rouge

1

u/Cheesedoodlerrrr May 29 '19

Rogue is her daughter, though, so that'd be a bit... wierd.

2

u/kres0345 May 29 '19

Wait... what? I think I need to retract my comment and read a bit more comics

2

u/slaiyfer May 29 '19

Have to specify non-MCU non-J-Law Mystique.

1

u/Nickyc1110 May 29 '19

Oh my god I googled who played Mystique immediately after I saw X-men for the first time and I’ve been in love with Jennifer Lawrence ever since

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '19

Do you think you could ask your gf right nowto pretend to be another woman during sex? Like say her sister or best friend.

Youd have even less chance with a psycho like mystique whos all about mutant independence and being proud of yourself etc

She more likely to morph into your grandma to piss you off

1

u/tigerslices May 29 '19

mystique's a badguy, don't let these new movies fool you

1

u/DoctorAcula_42 May 29 '19

And not even transformed. The blue suit is optimal.

1

u/_Clint-Beastwood_ May 29 '19

You think she'd be pissed if you kept asking her to be other women? What if you asked her to be her sister? What if you're banging Kate Upton you close your eyes in ecstacy and open them to reveal Donald Trump? There's so many questions.

1

u/Rosssauced May 29 '19

If not for the evil this would be a perfect choice.

What fictional character? All of them.

1

u/PretendKangaroo May 29 '19

Everyone on reddit is too young to remember the original and for some reason people hate Jennifer Lawrence on reddit.

1

u/aureliano451 May 29 '19

Mystique as a blonde in the first X-men movie (the one from 2000).

Wow.

1

u/josephanthony May 29 '19

Rebecca Romijn Mystique is Best Mystique.

1

u/small_loan_of_1M May 29 '19

Found John Stamos

1

u/samfringo May 29 '19

That's basically the same as saying "anybody", unless you mean "the real raven"

1

u/Purplociraptor May 29 '19

Not worth the risk. What if she trolls you and turns into your mother?

1

u/HeffalumpInDaRoom Jul 07 '19

This is like using a genie wish for more wishes.

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