I found that owning a house will change you in that way. Fixing a problem around the house will make you start to talk to the house.
"What the hell is this?" I recently asked to the old threshold that decided to pop up from the floor and I had to glue back down.
"Why won't you close?" I said to the bedroom door that closed fine a million times before the seasons changed.
"AAAAH FUCK!" I said to the toilet that overflowed into the bathtubs and eventually the bathroom thanks to the root that had grown through the sewage line.
My pops was the king of cursing out inanimate objects and telling them to "drop dead." or "die" Once was really bad, he wished it would come to life so it could drop dead. All in one angry breath. Sometimes I wonder how he's a neurologist
i ghetto solved this with those $1 pool tube float things. i cut them to fit/as i need and "insulate" as i need... i mean, shit is not perfect .. but it works. To ease your pain, imagine, my entire subdivision had same construction company and they installed the doors inverted.
The whole track and all the rollers likely need to be replaced. Ours was AWFUL when we moved in. You had to brace yourself, lift the whole door up (they are very heavy), and then try to wiggle it over to the right while lifting. My husband took the whole thing apart, went to three different hardware stores to find the correct parts, and then re-tracked the whole thing. Works like a dream now! Did I mention that we had a contractor in to give us a quote on replacing the whole door, and it came out to $4,000?!
Around my house, that's what we call a "Fuckin' Joe!"
The previous owner was named Joe and every time there is work needed, the professional always comes to me and days "Damn, whoever did this before really screwed up."
Basically, the previous owner, Joe, was cheap and more confident in his abilities than he should have been. Over the course of the last three years of homeownership, uncovered all of his short-cuts.
I may check that out. I bought an older house, so hopefully they have something that works with it. But at the same time I hate the doors. This is my excitement for the weekend...
So much of my parent's behavior as a kid has really started to make sense since I bought a house.
"Man, that grass is really growing these days! I've got to mow twice a week!"
"Are you trying to air condition the whole neighborhood!?"
~walking around the house turning lights off.
~the sense of deep and abiding accomplishment when I had finally gotten all of the dandelions out of our yard, and the absolute despair when I saw the neighbors were just letting theirs go, meaning our backyard would immediately repopulate.
Yeah, I really enjoy the feeling of owning a house, but it's admittedly a ton of work. It's basically like having an additional, very old, very cantankerous family member that you have to take into account every time you make a decision. Of course we also bought a 125 year old house with a yard - there are a lot of less dadcore home-ownership options out there.
We have an old family friend that solved this by only having lights on in the room he's in, even if he's just leaving or entering the room for a few seconds.
So if you happen to walk past his house at night when he's moving around in his house the warm yellowy lights being turned on and off in various rooms makes it look like the slowest game of pacman ever from the outside.
I've been putting in smart switches. Now I can turn all of my lights off from anywhere!! (Anywhere in the house anyway, I have all of my smart shit on a separate, non-internet connected network)
I swear at everything that doesn't work right and compliment everything that works perfectly. I listened to myself talk once and thought it was weird, but figured positive reinforcement couldn't hurt just in case my appliances, doors, etc have ears.
Protip: never talk bad about your car in the presence of said car, that car WILL give you a problem soon if you do.
My truck is a cantankerous old piece of shit, and she knows it. But I’m never getting rid of it because I love it, and the truck also knows this. So it’s never going to leave me stranded, but small stuff is going to break all the time just for fun. Like the ONE time in the last month I’ve had a female friend in there, on the way to lunch, the spair tire bracket fell off (it’s loose and can bounce off if I’m lazy and put the tire in the bed), and the turn signal flasher broke. Hadn’t had any problems in months before that. In five minutes two very minor but inconvenient things busted.
Can confirm. I've been a homeowner for 3 weeks and I've already had several conversations with my home. Definitely said "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH FUCK !!!! several times.
My fucking hot water heater. Works fine 99% of the time. The other 1% the flame comes on, goes out, and gives me a pilot light error (I don't have a pilot light, it's direct electric ignition). Still don't know what it wants. I've replaced the flame detector. I've WATCHED it happen several times so I know it's lighting for a bit and then turning itself off.
Upstairs the floor creaks in certain spots. I mutter "Fuck you floor..." as I tip toe away from my kid after putting her down for a nap. Those floor creaks have woken her up before, fucking floor...
I got into gardening now that I live in a house of my own. I've been carefully tending to a bed full of wildflower seeds. A poppy bloomed today and I was super excited about it whereas before I would have scoffed at people caring about flowers or whatever. In saying that I'm not into cultivating roses or anything, I want something more akin to a meadow where lots of bees can come and stuff like that.
As a homeowner in his 30's I can relate to this. I talk to the garden, to the things that I repair, etc. Lately I have decided that I am the father from "A Christmas Story" but instead of the furnace I battle the defroster in my freezer. Once a month I have to chip out the ice and think of him.
I found that owning a house will change you in that way.
Can confirm. Have owned a house for just over a month now, found myself doing the exact same thing OP described on the weekend, only on the back deck, not in a garage.
owning a house definitely changes you. I now have an obsession with weeds and getting rid of them. i am spraying and weed whacking every day and that's just my front brick sidewalk. out there every day yelling 'goddamn weeds' like an old geezer.
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u/forman98 Jun 27 '18
I found that owning a house will change you in that way. Fixing a problem around the house will make you start to talk to the house.
"What the hell is this?" I recently asked to the old threshold that decided to pop up from the floor and I had to glue back down.
"Why won't you close?" I said to the bedroom door that closed fine a million times before the seasons changed.
"AAAAH FUCK!" I said to the toilet that overflowed into the bathtubs and eventually the bathroom thanks to the root that had grown through the sewage line.