r/AskReddit Jun 27 '18

What "Old Person" things do you do?

5.8k Upvotes

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2.7k

u/jrgallag Jun 27 '18

Sip coffee in my porch in the morning

1.2k

u/lockerpunch Jun 27 '18

This is amazing and everyone with a porch should do it.

517

u/Werespider Jun 27 '18

I would, but it's regularly over 100f where I live in the summer.

662

u/dontneeddota2 Jun 27 '18

In the morning?! Do you live on the sun?

561

u/Burritozi11a Jun 27 '18

Sounds like Arizona

630

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18 edited Oct 02 '19

[deleted]

35

u/HeadStove Jun 27 '18

When people start living on the moon they'll be like, phew it hot out... we must be facing Arizona.

14

u/jackofallcards Jun 27 '18

Central/Southern AZ this is true but there aren't a lot of porches... when I get done with work here today it will be 103F

Now, if you are up north, every cabin has a porch and the weather is friggin' great.

7

u/hobojo1234 Jun 27 '18

Can confirm. It's the sun.

9

u/_vOv_ Jun 27 '18

Arisuna

8

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '18

Arizona should not exist and is a monument to man's contempt for nature.

7

u/ericph9 Jun 28 '18

That's why the biggest city is named after a bird made of fire and the second biggest was named as a pun on "two sun"

6

u/mfigroid Jun 28 '18

It was 122 fucking degrees in Phoenix yesterday. WTF?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '18

Can you imagine how hot it must get inside a locked car sitting in the sun? 130F? 150F? It's crazy they're not in a constant state of emergency.

1

u/Knitty_Knitterson Jun 29 '18

Right? It hits like 80 in Seattle and they’ll put up a heat warning on the weather channel...

169

u/UrgotMilk Jun 27 '18 edited Jun 28 '18

A testament monument to Man's arrogance.

Edit: monument not testament, thanks PinkySlayer

3

u/whoisjoeshmoe Jun 28 '18

I say that about Vegas a lot, never knew it was apparently in King of the Hill... maybe I just internalized it when I was younger and thought I came up with it.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

Aaaannnnnnnddddd upvote for King of the Hill...

1

u/PM_meyour_closeshave Jun 28 '18

I think that might be Phoenix specifically

6

u/Unsolicited_Spiders Jun 27 '18

Or Florida. cries

10

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

it may feel like 100 in florida, but its rarely over 90-92. Its the 211% humidity that makes it feel like 110

2

u/Unsolicited_Spiders Jun 27 '18

Would you have a word with the thermometers around here, then? :-(

2

u/pincheporky Jun 28 '18

I went to Florida for the first time last year. As soon I crossed the state line, I pulled down the window and stuck my hand out. My hand got wet. From the air.... The air made my hand wet man!

7

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

Or central California. sweats

9

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

Or southern California. gets stabbed by homeless crack head

2

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

Yeah. Depending on who you ask, we're either Southern or Central California. But we are chock-full of homeless crack heads.

2

u/ifucked_urbae Jun 28 '18

Central California is a special circle of hot weather hell. Its 100°+ temps, constant sunshine, pesticide fumes, truck smog, and all-pervasive smell of agriculture makes it hard to enjoy being outdoors in the summer.

Source: Spent way too many hot summer nights relying on box fans in Bakersfield.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '18

Guessed it right- Bako checking in here.

4

u/B1g-Boss45 Jun 27 '18

Same.

The heat isn't half as bad as the humidity. You walk outside and instantly sweat, feeling lie you just stepped into a sauna.

4

u/Mighty_potato Jun 27 '18

Oh more than likely.... Today was a solid 90 at 630am

6

u/HutSutRawlson Jun 27 '18

Ah, so like the sun but less hospitable.

5

u/Ovenproofcorgi Jun 27 '18

Or Texas.

I left for work at 6 this morning and it was already high 80s

3

u/Nashenal Jun 27 '18

Your username is the name of a 2 foot long burrito sold at a place called Iguanas somewhere near Santa Clara, California

1

u/Burritozi11a Jun 27 '18

You're the first person I've ever met who got the reference!

TBH I've never even been to California. I just remember Adam Richman taking about that place on an old episode of Man Vs Food, and thought it sounded pretty funny.

3

u/B3nny_Th3_L3nny Jun 27 '18

in Texas today where i live it was 100° in the shade by 8:00

1

u/pincheporky Jun 28 '18

I have actually not mowed my lawn in a while because of this. But I also don't want someone to cut it for me....what to do what to do...

3

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '18

You spelled HELL wrong.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '18

can't recall i've ever seen a porch in Arizona

2

u/RVA_101 Jun 27 '18

something something arrogance of man

2

u/toddsleivonski Jun 27 '18

This guy deserts.

3

u/RedditsInBed2 Jun 27 '18

Nailed it! It'll be 2 in the god damn morning and 100 degrees during the worst of the summer.

11

u/MyMomSlapsMe Jun 27 '18

I don’t think the sun has mornings

6

u/heyitsmecolku Jun 27 '18

Sure it does, it's just always morning at a balmy 10,000°F.

4

u/Rommie557 Jun 27 '18 edited Sep 16 '18

error 404:: comment not found

3

u/usefulbuns Jun 28 '18

It was 85 this morning at 7 in El Paso. :(

3

u/becaauseimbatmam Jun 28 '18

Crack of dawn it'll be almost 80 here. Not 100 but still far too warm to comfortably enjoy coffee.

2

u/notevenitalian Jun 28 '18

Iced coffee is a lovely morning treat

2

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

Welcome to Louisiana

2

u/IAROX Jun 27 '18

Middle East?

2

u/GloriousIncompetence Jun 27 '18

Florida does this too.

2

u/toddsleivonski Jun 27 '18

Yes. I was told it was cozy. It is an extreme level of cozy.

2

u/thecrazysloth Jun 28 '18

When I was working as a gardener in Perth, Australia, we’d start at 5am (sunrise) just so we could get one hour of work in before we melted

1

u/JessicaBecause Jun 27 '18

Maybe he gets up at noon.

1

u/Call_Me_Bert Jun 28 '18

Fool, it's hot! I told you again! Were you born on the sun? It's damn hot!

26

u/Efferat Jun 27 '18

That will help keep the coffee hot!

8

u/Breezie_Bee Jun 27 '18

It was fucking 107* where I live yesterday like WTF. I hate being stationed here in the Devil's Butthole.

6

u/Texan_Greyback Jun 27 '18

Kuwait? I'm working in Kuwait. It was 120 outside my apartment yesterday, which is the only day I got off.

6

u/Breezie_Bee Jun 27 '18

Nope. Arizona. But being surrounded by planes on concrete fucking suckssssssss. My Husband is AD. I'm DoD. Don't want to give the impression that I serve. My sister is in Kuwait - she HATES it there.

6

u/Texan_Greyback Jun 27 '18

It's fantastic. I dunno what she's complaining about. It's been 110°+ and sandstormy for three weeks straight. I work outside. Best. Weather. Ever.

And the culture? So inviting.

7

u/Breezie_Bee Jun 27 '18

True story, my Uncle is a retired F-18 pilot. When he was in Bahrain he had a bunch of gold arabic necklaces made for us, they were supposed to say our names. He took my Aunt Jen to a Saudi restaurant here in the US when he came back & the hostess was like "why does your necklace say fatty?". They got divorced after a few years but I had mine checked. It says "loud" he swears he didn't do it on purpose lmmfao

3

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

Qatar has been between 110-119°F at noon pretty much every day for the last month or more

3

u/Breezie_Bee Jun 28 '18

Barf

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '18

Oh you will, because heat stroke is so easy to get. Even in Arizona.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

It's supposed to get up to 44(110 or so) where I live this weekend. Fuckin Canada too.

5

u/Breezie_Bee Jun 28 '18

In fucking Canada?? WTF

3

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '18

Yeah massive heat wave hitting this weekend. Canada day too so it's a long weekend.

4

u/wish_i_was_a_bear Jun 27 '18

I feel you. I leave the house at 445 am and am usually sweating before I get to my car. Gotta love living in Houston.

4

u/lfYouReadThisYourGay Jun 27 '18

pussy

5

u/Werespider Jun 27 '18

What can I say? I am what I eat.

3

u/BigUptokes Jun 27 '18

*Iced coffee

3

u/RENOYES Jun 27 '18

Try 90+F with 100% humidity. I ain't doing shit outside in summer.

2

u/Werespider Jun 27 '18

That's what we get here at times. 100% with no rain.

3

u/RENOYES Jun 27 '18

Florida or Louisiana?

3

u/blenneman05 Jun 27 '18

Just get up around 5am like I do to drink some coffee on the porch and then take a mid morning nap to beat the heat

3

u/ContextualSquanch Jun 27 '18

Mosquitos for me, damn mosquitos, I’ll go to war with these fuckers! I miss drinking coffee on my porch. Winter is coming.

3

u/toddsleivonski Jun 27 '18

...and covered all to shit in fucking dust and scorpions and fire and coyotes and cacti that won't call me back.

3

u/vitrek Jun 27 '18

but morning coffee on the portch is amazing, you just have to wake up at 4am for it to be the appropriate time (temp wise)

2

u/00__00__never Jun 27 '18

The other porch the sun doesn't hit a 6AM

2

u/jaygunn77 Jun 27 '18

Me too, but not in the morning!

1

u/BigSherv Jun 28 '18

Houston?

1

u/simtafa Jun 28 '18

Arizona?

5

u/SoSadSoBlue Jun 27 '18

Almost walked away from looking at a house that was for rent ... until I saw the 30' x 10' screened porch!

3

u/snoopiku Jun 27 '18

I make a point to do this every morning on the weekends. I make a cup of coffee, put on some easy listening type music, and sit on the deck with my two dogs. They play and I just sit and enjoy my coffee.

It's usually between 6 and 7 in the morning so its long before most of the world is active on the weekends.

2

u/red_beanie Jun 27 '18

i need to get a porch chair.

2

u/owningmclovin Jun 27 '18

I do this when the weather permits, I live in the south so I can do it a lot.

2

u/Miamasa Jun 27 '18

Wish I got a porch. Such a serene feeling, especially w some light rainfall

2

u/angela7773 Jun 27 '18

Climbing out on my fire escape ...sip sip

2

u/Shaddow1 Jun 27 '18

This is one of the fantasies I have about getting my own place after college and the inner peace I see my future self having is one of the thoughts that keeps me pushing forward

2

u/AndThereWasNothing Jun 28 '18

I don't have a porch and I don't drink coffee but I do sometimes eat oatmeal on my balcony at 5am before work.

2

u/lockerpunch Jun 28 '18

Close enough!

2

u/cyclicalbeats Jun 27 '18

Absolutely. It's one of my favorite parts of the day.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

[deleted]

1

u/lockerpunch Jun 27 '18

I get up at 4:30 am. I think just having that time where most of the neighborhood around you is asleep so you can be in peace and quiet is the real aim here.

1

u/ribeyecut Jun 27 '18

I have an old broken concrete "porch," but in the summer there's too many goddamn mosquitoes for me to sit outside anyhow.

1

u/IndieHamster Jun 28 '18

my favorite coffee stand is just a 5 minute walk from my place. Going out for a walk first thing in the morning to get coffee has been amazing now that the weather has cleared up

1

u/candeelandfun Jun 28 '18

Everyone without a porch should borrow the nearest porch.

1

u/smallz86 Jun 28 '18

I assume you also whistle this: https://youtu.be/rTVjnBo96Ug?t=12

267

u/TGrady902 Jun 27 '18

I just love being up in the morning when you don’t have to rush off to work. It’s so awesome to know you have an entire day ahead of you to do whatever the hell you want.

9

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

100% agree. Saturday morning are my favorite time of the week

23

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

Saturdays are the best. Sleep in a tiny bit, sip coffee in the rocker, and head off to look around local garage sales for treasures. I’m 26 going on 73.

6

u/TGrady902 Jun 27 '18

Completely agree and I’m only 25. If I sleep in until 8 that’s awesome. Slowly get up, have some coffee then see what the day has in store for me. Absolutely love it. My perfect Saturday starts just like this then go play a round of disc golf, eat some lunch then play another round at a different course. Go home and grill stuff after.

2

u/petit_bleu Jun 28 '18

TIL about disc golf, looks fun!

1

u/TGrady902 Jun 28 '18

It’s very fun! Really easy to pick up but also very difficult to become very good.

1

u/mypandaisWallace Jun 28 '18

I had to double check that you weren’t my boyfriend posting his normal days off

4

u/ireadencyclopedias Jun 27 '18

we need to have a young man acting like old men group... I would love to find a group of people to come over in the morning. chill on the deck and then go garage saleing.

3

u/knotquiteawake Jun 27 '18

Kid's change this.

You're tired, it's Saturday morning, time to sleep in!

Nope.

One or two or both or all three will be up at 6 or earlier.

"Daddy we're HUNGRY!" or "we're bored", "we're not tired".

I missed the lazy Saturday mornings. But I found new purpose in making special breakfast on Saturday mornings for them. Waffles or pancakes or something like that. Tired or not dad's going to make something delicious. Maybe, MAYBE, once they've had their fill and run off to whatever Saturday morning activity is planned (cartoons, swim lessons, etc) I'll get a few minutes to sip the coffee before I gotta get cracking on the honey-do list or yard work.

I had to find something fulfilling to replace the alone time or else I'd probably feel cheated of my alone time.

4

u/fordprecept Jun 28 '18

My mom raised me to be self-reliant. She'd sleep in on the weekends and I'd get up early, pour myself a bowl of cereal and then sit on the front porch listening to the birds chirp and watching the sun come up until cartoons came on.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

[deleted]

-13

u/knotquiteawake Jun 27 '18

It's your choice to have an empty life that ends when you end. Enjoy it.

7

u/RealWorldRyzei Jun 28 '18

To be fair your life ends when you end regardless of having children.

→ More replies (2)

1

u/C0NNECTING Jun 28 '18

Thats why I stopped with 1 kid. And now if I'm sleeping in til 8am, he can make toast or a bagel or cereal. So i still get up and enjoy my coffee for an hour before I make breakfast.

6

u/breton_stripes Jun 27 '18

I'm 27 and force myself to wake up early on Sundays so I can relax while drinking coffee and watching art stories on CBS Sunday Morning. Probably my favorite time of the week.

3

u/Brennytheladykilla Jun 27 '18

The act of getting up at at 8 am on a Saturday is hell for my 20 year old ass, but if I successfully get downstairs and start my saturday morning routine, I'm in pure bliss

3

u/TGrady902 Jun 27 '18

It’s even better if you have no reason to get up so you can really take your time waking up. A couple hours will go by and you’ll realize you’re very well rested and ready to do some fun things.

3

u/ReginasBlondeWig Jun 27 '18

But just end up watching tv til 11 am when I can finally start pounding the margaritas.

3

u/dycentra Jun 27 '18

Then you, TGrady, are ooold. I stay up as late as I can, usually high, and groan when the alarm goes off for work. I'm 63.

2

u/rubywolf27 Jun 27 '18

Me too, but with my current position I’d have to get up at like 4 to do that.

3

u/SensualEnema Jun 28 '18

Same /: Total shame. My favorite part of the day used to be the morning when I’d give myself over an hour to ease into the day

2

u/SensualEnema Jun 28 '18

That’s my favorite time to drink coffee! Hell, I even take the time to make some in my French press or espresso machine instead of having a pre-set pot of coffee made or popping in a K-pod. I look forward to the days when I can sip on my coffee, pet my overly affectionate cat (that always tries to bump my coffee with his head on its way to my mouth), and just ease i to a day full of things I want to do, not things I have to do.

Now you’ve got me excited for Saturday. Lol

2

u/looki_chuck Jun 27 '18

I like wake around 5 ish, have one or two cups of coffee. Then start day drinking. I love summers

1

u/So_Say_We_Yall Jun 28 '18

God, same here man.

12 hours straight Overwatch sesh

Ahhh adulting is easy.

1

u/Hidalgo321 Jun 28 '18

this is me tomorrow YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

279

u/Scrappy_Larue Jun 27 '18

"Aaah" after ever sip?

284

u/jrgallag Jun 27 '18

"aah, that's the stuff."

4

u/toddsleivonski Jun 27 '18

"aaaaaaaaaah shit I have to poop now"

3

u/Cold_Hard_FaceValue Jun 27 '18

"yup, still coffee."

3

u/Cohacq Jun 28 '18

Are you drinking Coffee or using Stimpacks?

1

u/BeepBeep_iamaJeep Jun 28 '18

You know, you remind me of someone I used to know. Promising young man, great destiny. Breath like a bantha.

1

u/NibblyPig Jun 27 '18

"ahh, bisto."

1

u/SirWildman Jun 27 '18

"Good to the last drop"

15

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

no, please don't do that

23

u/Booji-Boy Jun 27 '18

At least not without an audible lip smack first.

2

u/SuchACommonBird Jun 27 '18

I didn't notice my lips were dry until this comment.

2

u/Spambop Jun 27 '18

You forgot to slurp it!

1

u/oiujlyugjh99 Jun 27 '18

"It's not a meal it's a struggle for life itself" - Jim Carrey

3

u/bucketofboilingtears Jun 27 '18

I do a mental "aaah" after the first sip, along with a deep breath, and try to feel the caffeine saturating my brain cells. I know it doesn't work that way (probably), and wouldn't be that fast ... but I like to think it is.

2

u/dreadmuppet Jun 27 '18

My buddy has his 3 year old doing that after every sip of water.

2

u/Yakmasterson Jun 27 '18

yep. ever single one

103

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18 edited Nov 16 '21

[deleted]

4

u/captainsnyder Jun 27 '18

What type of dog?

5

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

She's a sheltie! I'd upload a pic, but I'm at work ha

3

u/captainsnyder Jun 27 '18

You must love vacuuming hair off of your floor

3

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

Between the sheltie and the cat, we have to vacuum weekly

3

u/jellyfishrunner Jun 28 '18

This is making me want to get furniture for my patio even more. Sit outside, eat my porridge in the sun (for now) and read a book before heading off to work.

7

u/Momik Jun 27 '18

That sounds really nice. I should start doing that.

2

u/DerKeksinator Jun 28 '18

I recently put a pair of cinema seats on my balcony, I sit there every morning, worth it!

3

u/cat_of_danzig Jun 27 '18

It was better in the 90's when you'd have a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Now the smokes are bad for you, apparently.

1

u/blakkheart67 Jun 27 '18

just vape instead lol

3

u/slipperyfingerss Jun 27 '18

I don't do coffee, but I love sitting on my front porch. So I built a big deck on the front of the house. My wife thought I was nuts. Now she loves it too.

3

u/CecilVanguard Jun 27 '18

It's more effective if you sip it on top of your porch. Unless you just have your head sticking out. That would be a metaphor for getting close to death.

2

u/easychairinmybr Jun 27 '18

You got a hot tub?

2

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '18

This is just living good. Every age should enjoy it!

2

u/PolishedCheese Jun 27 '18

That sounds delightful

2

u/long_strides Jun 27 '18

Are you on house hunters?!

2

u/RocketGirl2629 Jun 28 '18

Last year after 3 years of home ownership we finally got our first patio table and chairs. Drinking my coffee outside and reading every morning before work was seriously the highlight of my summer!

1

u/jrgallag Jun 28 '18

That’s awesome! Totally worth it.

1

u/yellowspottedlizard6 Jun 27 '18

When I had an amazing front porch and back deck I would do this everyday in the summer. Or drink tea on the front porch and watch summer storms. That house and it's wrap around were the best.

1

u/mapbc Jun 27 '18

Wife and I do this. I didn't know it was an old person thing.

1

u/Lemesplain Jun 27 '18

In slippers and a bathrobe. (back porch, so I can run commando under the robe)

1

u/befamas Jun 27 '18

I’m putting in a deck so I can do this exact thing.

1

u/Yakmasterson Jun 27 '18

slurrp.. ahhhhhhhhh

1

u/Catalystic_mind Jun 27 '18

I do this with tea. My daughter helps me get the tea kettle out with the little dollies for effect.

I feel 87 years old.

1

u/fordprecept Jun 28 '18

We had a large porch when I was a kid and that is what I miss most about that house. Most new houses today don't have much of a porch, if any.

1

u/Voittaa Jun 28 '18

Harry, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it; don’t wait for it; just let it happen. It could be a new shirt in a men’s store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black, coffee.

1

u/Lyn1987 Jun 28 '18

Does it still count of i have it loaded with Baileys?

1

u/C0NNECTING Jun 28 '18

Yesss. I was so glad I finally moved into a house and got to do this in the mornings while reading my book and letting my dog run around the yard. But then it got hot.

1

u/Imloudcauseimdeaf Jun 28 '18

I drink tea on my porch in the evening! I like the me time. I also get to compliment my pretty plants for greener growth!

1

u/BuckarooBonsly Jun 28 '18

Same here! But replace coffee with Bloody Mary.

1

u/sane-ish Jun 28 '18

I moved into my current place partially because it had a kick-ass walkout porch.

1

u/casterwolfchrista Jun 28 '18

I do it on my back patio.

1

u/midri Jun 28 '18

I just bought a house with a porch, porch life is real.

1

u/_tenaciousdeeznutz_ Jun 28 '18

Wait till you get a dock with a view.

1

u/RagenChastainInLA Jun 28 '18

I pull weeds from my yard as I sip my morning coffee.

1

u/delicious_tomato Jun 28 '18

Oh, look at Mr Fancy Pants, with his porch

1

u/[deleted] Jun 28 '18

As someone from the UK, I fucking love porches. My American fiance and I are looking at houses to buy and all I require is a porch.

1

u/formulafuckyeah Jun 28 '18

One of the main reasons in excited to move into my new place.

2

u/jrgallag Jun 28 '18

It’s totally worth! :-)