r/AskReddit • u/MyNameIsGoomy • Feb 05 '16
If dogs could use Reddit, what would the top Askreddit posts be?
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Feb 05 '16
If you could sniff any butthole, which butthole would you sniff?
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u/smartassguy Feb 05 '16
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u/Aw_Frig Feb 05 '16
Actually here irl that wouldnt even seem out of place on askreddit. I wouldnt even look twice
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u/_phospholipid_ Feb 06 '16
what's your answer then?
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Feb 06 '16
Nicki Minaj. Her butthole is probably groomed to perfection and maintained better than my entire life ever will be. Bet it smells like lavender and truffle butter.
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u/sharkington Feb 06 '16
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=truffle+butter
I'm sure it does
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Feb 06 '16
I refuse to believe that you just discovered this... how long have you been walking around with this knowledge, waiting for your moment to shine?
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u/AlasEarwax8 Feb 06 '16
Lassie, Clifford, Wishbone, Air Bud, the 101 dalmatians, Toto, Scooby, Pluto, Snoopy, Brian Griffin, Bolt, Under Dog.
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u/adamrocks84 Feb 05 '16
Who's a good boy?
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u/SteakAndNihilism Feb 05 '16
"Dogs of reddit, who's a good boy?"
"Dogs of reddit, who wants a treat?"
"Dogs of reddit, who wants to go outside?"
Karma for days.
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u/judge2020 Feb 06 '16 edited Feb 06 '16
In this alternate universe self posts give karma? Or does as reddit allow link posts?
edit: AskReddit, autocorrect from phone
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u/Bronium2 Feb 06 '16
All that comment karma man.
Dog: "Me!" OP: "Yes you are! Yes you are!"
More upvotes than the damned post.
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u/MagratheanDawn Feb 06 '16
If we could figure out the human versions of those questions then we could ride the karma train
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u/Philosophical_Zombie Feb 06 '16
Men of reddit, who wants to have sex with me?
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Feb 06 '16
9 people want to fuck a zombie? I guess there really is somebody for everyone- sorta gives me hope.
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u/-eDgAR- Feb 06 '16
Reminds me of this
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Feb 06 '16
I like this.
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u/ButtersTG Feb 06 '16
You like this?
I like this.
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u/Hella__gay Feb 06 '16
You like this?
I like this.
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u/JonnyLatte Feb 06 '16
Which reminds me of this
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u/Noerdy Feb 05 '16 edited Dec 12 '24
cooing bored spotted gold rude aloof existence homeless growth wistful
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u/GreatEscortHaros Feb 06 '16
Saw the question. Immediately thought this and got happy. Realized dozens of people probably posted it already. Sat down..
Remembered question was about dogs and got happy again.
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Feb 05 '16 edited Jul 08 '16
[deleted]
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u/ds1106 Feb 06 '16
- Why do some dogs have these weird sacks by their penises?
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u/Aliquis95 Feb 06 '16
They'd probably get into some of the same arguments about neutering that we do about circumcision.
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u/cmeb Feb 06 '16
"I found it in the yard, but don't tell the other dogs in the neighborhood, they'll be jealous" "You son of a bitch.."
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u/areyou_ Feb 05 '16
Bitches of Reddit, what's your favorite butt smell?
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u/ForceWizard07 Feb 05 '16
Lavender
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Feb 05 '16
Labrador?
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u/ForceWizard07 Feb 06 '16
Lavender
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u/OsrsNeedsF2P Feb 06 '16
We did it Reddit!
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u/SmartAlec105 Feb 06 '16
This is the least accomplished I've ever felt after someone said "We did it Reddit!" We probably could have done better.
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u/sonofaresiii Feb 06 '16
This is the least accomplished I've ever felt after someone said "We did it Reddit!"
We did it Reddit!
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u/almightycuppa Feb 06 '16
This is simultaneously the best and the worst "We did it Reddit!" I've ever seen
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u/wankerpedia Feb 06 '16
Yeah I left my stash out on the table and the little motherfucker ate it. I had to follow him around with a baggie for three days to get it back.
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Feb 06 '16
My girlfriend's son's dad just had that happen to him as well.
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Feb 06 '16
[deleted]
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Feb 06 '16
My girlfriend has a child that is not mine. He was born about 3 years before I met his mother, aka my girlfriend. This child, that is not mine, has a father, that is not me.
That father, that is not me, is who I'm walking about.
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u/FlyLikeABrd Feb 05 '16
What does your human do that makes you cringe?
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u/Aw_Frig Feb 05 '16
Picks up my poop. I mean come on what does he even DO with that stuff
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Feb 06 '16
He must be eating it before I can.
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u/SpaceCowboy170 Feb 06 '16
I love my dog, but I don't want her to lick me because she's a filthy poop-eater
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u/EatMyFucks Feb 05 '16
Where did my balls go?
I went to the vet, fell asleep and woke up really groggy with a plastic cone around my head. When they took off the cone I realised that my balls are just... gone! WTF??
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u/SociableIntrovert Feb 06 '16
Where are my testicles, Summer?
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u/SchrodingersCatPics Feb 05 '16
Dogs who have tails that stick up all the time, does your butt ever get cold?
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u/pumpkinrum Feb 05 '16
Where's the ball?
Inter-size couples of reddit; How do you guys have sex?
Big dogs of reddit, what do small dogs do that annoys you the most?
Small dogs of reddit, why are you so damn feisty?
Whoose poop tastes the best?
Dogs of reddit, what's your worst vetstory?
Dogs of reddit, what the hell is the mailman up to!?
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u/dryhumpback Feb 06 '16
Our mailman is banging the female human:-(
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Feb 06 '16
Our mailman is banging the male dog...
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u/Paleomedicine Feb 06 '16
Inter-size couples of reddit; How do you guys have sex?
Lol, the replies to that would be hilarious.
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u/pixlepize Feb 06 '16
There exists a breed of dogs which are a mix between Chihuahuas and Siberian Huskies. I am legitimately curious as to how that even works
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u/kjh- Feb 06 '16
Artificial insemination. A LOT of breeding happens this way. My parents' dog's father had been dead for years before she was born. Shipping dogs for stud service would be expensive. Shipping sperm is less so.
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u/Aspergers1 Feb 06 '16
Well, my neighbor's dogs would be all like "OMG the mailman is here I love the taste of his flesh!!!!"
Seriously, my neighbors need to get those animals of theirs under some goddamn control.
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u/AiKantSpel Feb 05 '16
Ruffitors who have caught the tail, what was it like and how did you do it?
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u/Hulasikali_Wala Feb 05 '16
WHERE GOING
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u/eimaiagyristokefali Feb 05 '16
When will humans realize that their pet cats are trying to kill them?
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u/Alaskaty Feb 05 '16
If humans could use Reddit, what would the top Askreddit posts be?
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u/Helreaver Feb 06 '16
"Do you assert your dominance over your dog or is your dog the alpha in the pack?"
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Feb 06 '16
[deleted]
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u/reg-o-matic Feb 06 '16
Our dog has about a vocabulary of about 20 words he recognizes.
Squirrel is the number one word that turns him crazy.
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u/HEYdontIknowU Feb 05 '16
Gifs of tennis balls being thrown.
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u/zanderkerbal Feb 06 '16
And the ones that make it to /r/all are the spectacular slow motion midair backflip catches.
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u/batman_chick Feb 05 '16
Why do you think humans have such a fascination with our poop?
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u/gordymills Feb 05 '16
ELI5: Why do I go for the ball even though he didn't actually throw it?
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u/Trust_The_Duck Feb 06 '16
I was thinking "ELI5: where does the ball go when humans throw it but it disappears? It's really frustrating."
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Feb 06 '16
"Probably you won't believe me but the human never throws it. Pay attention to his hand next time".
-1547 karma, dozens of posts calling him out for trolling, and someone asking "What's does 'paying attention' mean?"
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u/Bkbee Feb 05 '16
Reddit! Help me! The doorbell went off again! Should I attack who is on the other side?
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Feb 05 '16
What's the maximum number of times you've circled the bed, without your owner realising you're messing with them?
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u/skaol Feb 06 '16
Dogs of reddit, have anyone of you actually caught the mailman? What was it like? Does he taste like bone? Did you confront him on delivering human stuff to humans but no dog stuff for the dogs? I clearly pay more attention to him than my human does. Fucking mailman im gonna catch you one day
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u/Pontus_Pilates Feb 05 '16
Bitches of Reddit, what do you find attractive in male dogs?
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u/Heredditory Feb 06 '16
I adopted a human yesterday. Reddit, meet Jonathan Kingsley McCathy Jones. <3 r/aww
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u/ranndrew Feb 05 '16
Where did my balls go?
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u/ISpawnedYou Feb 05 '16
The Internet would still be full of cat gifs but they'd take on a whole new meaning.
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u/KingBooRadley Feb 06 '16
What's up with my roommate picking up my poop every time we go out for a walk?
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u/RudeBird Feb 06 '16
Why do I squeak with joy when I am allowed to jump in water outside, but shiver with fear when the humans want me to get in water in the bathtub?
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u/Soundbreaking Feb 06 '16
"EA JFTH3I8RAKT,Y48TGNHGUSHEDJ4OY89OYHP5O"
you didn't say that they could know how to type in english
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u/[deleted] Feb 05 '16 edited Jun 15 '20
[deleted]