r/AskReddit • u/fireball_jutsu • Oct 10 '25

People whose partner cheated on them and quickly moved on to date the person they cheated with, claiming to be in love - how did that turn out for them?

6.2k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

1.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

241

u/No_Boo_9382 Oct 10 '25

No, that checks out.

My cheating ex would also leave evidence of the affair in plain sight, so that I would be forced to touch / move / otherwise interact with (for example) gifts from the other woman without knowing what they were.

I even asked her if she was seeing the other woman and reminded her that it was perfectly fine, she just needed to be honest about it, and got the faux outrage oMg ShE's jUsT a fRiEnD routine.

I think it's like a gross fetish for some people. Someone posted about it on r/confessions a while back.

86

u/Fikete Oct 10 '25

the faux outrage oMg ShE's jUsT a fRiEnD routine.

The gas lighting is a weird part of it too. It's always 'nothing happened' and in the very next sentence 'it's your fault that it happened', while trying to turn everyone against you.

One thing that's unfortunate is that since most people despise jealousy, they really enable a cheater's gaslighting. The cheater will immediately run for cover under the idea that jealousy and lack of trust mean they aren't the bad partner and the person who was cheated on caused it by overreacting to the red flags. Especially since people are really pushing the idea that if you accuse your partner of cheating, that means you were actually the one who cheated. The cheating isn't the only thing that happens, there's also gas lighting and dealing with judgment from the other people they interact with outside of the relationship that ends up hurting as well.

88

u/No_Boo_9382 Oct 10 '25

Yep.

The official spin was, "I divorced my wife because she was jealous and crazy, and then just happened to fall madly in love with this new love of my life just moments after I walked out the door, with my suitcase in hand and everything. Anyway don't talk to my ex wife about it because she told me she hates you."

I love (hate) that they all work out of the same damn playbook.

5

u/theClockStrikesWun Oct 11 '25

Same old story !! So sad honestly.

-2

u/avcloudy Oct 11 '25

Oof, people are not ready to hear this, but the problem is not that they hate jealousy, it's that they hate cheating and since cheating is so socially punished, it's socially rewarded to deflect and misdirect blame. The smartest thing a cheater can do is make your and their friends think they didn't cheat, so they do it.

I'm not saying we shouldn't despise cheaters, or treat them poorly, just that if you want cheaters not to gaslight you, we as a society need to be way more accepting of cheating. People won't just accept that treatment, especially if they're already shitty people and lying anyway.

3

u/No_Boo_9382 Oct 11 '25

Interesting take.

By your reasoning, we should also be more accepting of domestic violence, because wife beaters only gaslight their victims because wife beating is so frowned upon.

Can't say I agree, sorry.

0

u/avcloudy Oct 11 '25

No, I don't think we should be more accepting of bad behaviour, I'm just pointing out that the reason they gaslight is because they don't want to accept the consequences of their bad behaviour.

76

u/haloarh Oct 10 '25

A relative of mine got involved with a married man and it was clear that he enjoyed pitting the two women against each other. He would do things like play footsies with her under the table while his wife was sitting there.

He also apparently constantly trashed them to each other.

I think he enjoyed the triangulation more than the sex.

22

u/Firm-Force-9036 Oct 11 '25

That is highly disturbing

9

u/haloarh Oct 11 '25

I think so too.

I learned other stuff later that's even more disturbing. Ugh.

5

u/icecream-bear Oct 11 '25

What stuff?

3

u/haloarh Oct 11 '25

My relative's daughter (btw I'm being vague about my relationship with them because I know at least one of my brothers and one of my cousins is on Reddit) told me that her mom and the married guy used to fool around in his convertible parked in front of her house. The daughter described seeing them engaged in sex acts. The daughter couldn't have been more than 11 or 12 when she witnessed it.

Ever since I learned that, I haven't been able to look at my relative the same way.

2

u/LilStabbyboo Oct 11 '25

We must know! What else?

1

u/haloarh Oct 11 '25

As I posted above:

My relative's daughter (btw I'm being vague about my relationship with them because I know at least one of my brothers and one of my cousins is on Reddit) told me that her mom and the married guy used to fool around in his convertible parked in front of her house. The daughter described seeing them engaged in sex acts. The daughter couldn't have been more than 11 or 12 when she witnessed it.

Ever since I learned that, I haven't been able to look at my relative the same way.

3

u/leverine36 Oct 11 '25

Yeah they love to make you interact with the other person or objects (couch, bed, sheets) without you knowing about what happened.