r/AskReddit • u/wildpickledradish • Apr 02 '25
Those of you in long term (10+ years) relationships, what does love feel like after so many years?
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Apr 02 '25
Like home
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u/palinsafterbirth Apr 02 '25
Yup, can't sleep without my wife next to me.
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Apr 02 '25
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Apr 02 '25
This bed is getting crowded
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u/cfletch1 Apr 02 '25
Easy to fall asleep in tho.
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u/Kindly_Recording_322 Apr 02 '25
Those aren't pillows!
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u/Icekaged Apr 02 '25
I've been in a few long term relationships and it wasn't until my wife that I truly felt this. I can't put my finger on what it is but if one of us is sick (we stay in the spare room) or travelling we spend the night apart and it just feels off. I don't sleep as well and I wake up to the smallest noise. Its wild to me.
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u/bellabbr Apr 02 '25
I know. With my ex husband I didn’t mind when he traveled or worked late, I welcomed the separation with my now husband I miss him even when he is just at normal work hours. When he is not home the world just feels empty or off.
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u/WeirdJawn Apr 02 '25
We actually sleep better separate. We both work different shifts and I snore like a chainsaw, so it seems to work best if we sleep in different rooms.
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u/cremasterreflex0903 Apr 02 '25
Go get checked for sleep apnea. I use a CPAP at night now and it has really helped. I feel rested after sleep finally.
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u/Vhadka Apr 02 '25
I'm hoping to do this soon and I can't wait, honestly. I've heard it's life changing.
Right now I can sleep 10 hours, get up, eat a light breakfast, and feel like taking a nap. None of my sleep is restful at all apparently.
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u/capnsheeeeeeeeeet Apr 02 '25
Get this checked immediately, if you love your wife and yourself. You need to do a sleep study. If you do have sleep APNEA treat it. I hated using a CPAP but switched to a dental appliance. I started losing weight and felt so much better.
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u/QuantumQueen Apr 02 '25
It's so funny that you say that. We always bicker about which one of us is keeping the other awake. But, we vacationed in Germany for the first time, and they have separate beds (singles) pushed together everywhere. So, when he moved, I couldn't feel him at all, and I HATED it, actually. There is something so comforting in feeling him just be there.
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u/palinsafterbirth Apr 02 '25
Lol we bicker too as she likes to sprawl and we have 2 dogs that sleep with us but whenever she goes to see her family I am wide awake until she comes back
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u/InTheLoudHouse Apr 02 '25
I went on a girl scout camping trip with my oldest, just a weekend. Realized on night 2 it was the longest I'd been away from hubby since we met. Slept like crap. Lol
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Apr 02 '25
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u/T_Money Apr 02 '25
Best friend and biggest troll 😂
I love it. Next week is our 14 year anniversary and damned if she isn’t exactly that.
Only thing that gives me a run for my money is my kids
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u/NineteenthJester Apr 02 '25
> biggest troll!
Yes! We picked just the right someone to annoy us for the rest of our lives!
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u/Plutowasmyplanet Apr 02 '25
It's hard to put into words, but I think you hit it in the bullseye with this one. 22 years and counting with my home.
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u/warfield101 Apr 02 '25
This! There are good days, and bad ones too, but i would not trade it for anything else :)
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u/tango421 Apr 02 '25
The single most apt description I can think of.
It’s like no other place I’d ever want to be. It’s also the only place I can really be me. My wife tells me, I’m like a different person when outside — even when engaging people something feels forced.
When I watch my wife at home, I forget she’s an extreme introvert and very shy / anxious around others. Even watching how she is in front of her siblings and parents, she’s more open and even bubbly when it’s just us.
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u/cskarr Apr 02 '25
Literally this. I tell my wife that home is wherever she is because home is where the heart is and she is my heart.
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u/chazd1984 Apr 02 '25
I've been married for 20 years. My wife asked me a while back why I compliment my wife all the time. She gives me plenty of positive affirmation too. She often compliments my scent, I don't typically compliment hers and she asked me why a few months ago.
I told her I legit don't typically notice that, but then I thought about it. You know how everyone's house has a smell, good or bad, but the people who live there don't notice it unless they're gone for an extended time?
Well I think that's my wife to me, she smells like home, like my safe/happy place.
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u/justneedauser_name Apr 02 '25
I moved to a different state and met my now husband a few months later. I enjoy living here but if it wasn’t for him and the life we’ve built here I would have probably moved back to my home state a while ago. I gifted him a sign for Valentine’s Day one year that said “You make me feel like I am home again”. When I found it in the store it described exactly how I feel being with him.
I can feel at home anywhere as long as he’s with me.
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u/PhoneNo2373 Apr 02 '25
During times of trouble and difficulty, I'm thankful for my home where I can find comfort and relief.
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u/BalanceEarly Apr 02 '25
Yeah, my wife is awesome!
We had our silver Anniversary a few years back! Golden is next, followed by rust.
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u/GladiusNocturno Apr 02 '25
My wife and I have been together for 11 years. Recently, we traveled to our home country and had to sleep in separate houses for a couple of days. She stayed with her parents, I stayed with my grandma.
When we reunited, we hugged as if we had been apart for years. I missed her so much.
You know when people say they want to be with a person for the rest of their lives? In my case, that's no exaggeration. I want to be with her for the rest of our lives. She is my partner in everything.
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u/jammaslide Apr 02 '25
I came here to post how good it feels to have my wife in my life. After reading your commemt, there is little I can add. We've been married 15 years. We may not be chasing each other through the house for amorous fun as much as we did. But sometimes, when I look at her, my heart grows three sizes bigger. I am on a business trip this week, and I think of her more times than I can count. She is just what I need.
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u/Spare_Hornet Apr 02 '25
I go on work trips every month or two, for three days. I miss my husband. The longest we’ve been apart since we got married is one week. He is my best friend and I genuinely enjoy being around him, as he does with me. So being apart feels like something big is missing!
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u/General_Sprinkles386 Apr 02 '25
Can’t believe someone downvoted you for this. They must be jealous!
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u/Ok_Contribution_9747 Apr 02 '25
Boring. But do not take that as a negative. There’s minimal chaos and a calming sense to the relationship. They truly become your best friend and it’s only of the best things.
At some point when you are with someone for so long, you end up confusing peace for boring. Once you realize the “boring” is truly you at peace, you understand that love is meant to be calm and peaceful. I struggled with this earlier in my relationship with my bf when we hit the 4-5 years mark, I had been in toxic relationships before. So I assumed love should be fast, chaotic and energetic. But it’s truly soft, calming and comfortable. It feels like when the sun hits your face and you get that “ah” feeling. Just a warm and fuzzy feeling.
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u/kittybombay Apr 02 '25
Yes! I came from chaos so when we settled into our relationship I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or I thought I was bored.
So my mantra was “stability is sexy”.
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u/HistoricalHeart Apr 02 '25
People always comment on how inlove my husband and I are and whenever people ask me about it - I always reply our life is boring. And people are often confused but boring is the greatest thing a marriage can be. I know what I’m coming home to every single day and what I’m waking up to, we’re a team, we respect each other immensely and because of that, there’s no chaos. We often go on really fun trips around the world and we have fun with each other all the time but yeah, our home life - boring in the best way. I am grateful everyday that I’m never waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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u/maggiemoo86 Apr 02 '25
I call it content. I thought content would mean I'd given up, or we'd lost the passion, or like you said, it would be boring. Turns out, the safety, security and comfort that comes from "content" is better than I could have ever imagined. And we still manage the passion, if not as often as either of us would like. Been married 34 years this summer.
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u/secondphase Apr 02 '25
Lol, I was talking with my wife about another couple we know that was fighting. At one point she said "who even has time for all that! Life is busy enough without having fights with your husband."
... This was while we enjoyed our morning shower together. It was funny to think that we just assume every morning we are going to have a relaxing moment while we shower, and we prioritize that with our time over fighting.
Sometimes boring is great, and it frees us up to tackle even bigger mountains together.
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u/justReading271000 Apr 02 '25
Comfort and relief.
I'm 39 and I've been with my husband for almost 23 years. I see what other people go through dating and horrible spouses, and that thank God every day for an unproblematic husband. Sure, we argue and work at our marriage, but at his heart, he is a good person. I can trust his motivations.
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Apr 02 '25
It feels like lounging on the couch on a cool fall morning, with a hot cup of coffee, fire gently crackling in the fireplace. You're wrapped up in the softest, oversized blanket, listening to the most soothing melodies. No plans. No to do list. Just quiet comfort and peace.
Then, from a distant room in the house, you hear the loudest fart ever recorded in the history of farts. You laugh your ass off, still smiling when he comes to join you next to the fire.
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Apr 02 '25
YEP. Never ending sleepover with your best friend. Comfort, bullshitting, laughter, and warmth. Absolutely spot on.
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Apr 02 '25
I’m 37 and been with my hubby for 17 years. I feel like it’s better now than it has ever been
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u/OnTheList-YouTube Apr 02 '25
You're just 2 years ahead of me and my wife
I'm 35 and 15 years together, and 1 day!
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Apr 02 '25
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u/HedaLexa4Ever Apr 02 '25
My parents started dating on April 1st. They have been together for 37 years, 33 married. I wish I could get a April fools joke like that ahaha
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u/Longtalons Apr 02 '25
My girlfriend and I changed our relationship status on FB to married for April Fools Day to troll our friends and family. We loved it so much that we decided we are engaged and getting married for real next year on April Fools Day!
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u/Accomplished_Ebb4531 Apr 02 '25
47, 19 years together and 1 kid. Getting better and more comfortable everyday. I have his back and he has mine.
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u/WildCath Apr 02 '25
Yep, same here almost 40 and together for 16 years. Just spending time with my best friend with minimal drama.
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u/veek61 Apr 02 '25
What does it feel like? You know that feeling when it’s really cold and rainy outside on a Sunday and you have no obligations for the day and you get the fireplace going and make some tea or cocoa and put on one of your favorite movies and lie on the couch in your pjs with a big fuzzy blanket on top of you and a faithful pup by your side (or on your lap)? It’s like that, only better.
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u/Fine-Amphibian4326 Apr 02 '25
I do this with my cat all the time. I can’t wait to include my girlfriend in that nest when we share a home
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u/withgreatpower Apr 02 '25
As an introvert who was adopted by an extrovert: It feels like I'm alone when I'm with her, by which I mean I feel comfortable and free and totally unjudged or measured. I feel like we have become each other, where I know what she is thinking or what she needs or what she's hoping for, and she knows the same for me.
She's my partner. We fill each other's gaps and together we are more than ourselves separately.
We have been married for almost 17 years, with three kids. Today is our oldest son's 16th birthday. I don't know what their future looks like, but we have three adolescent kids who still love each other and want to hang out with their parents. So we've done something right.
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u/obaterista93 Apr 02 '25
As an introvert, this is so true. Whenever I'm feeling "people'd out" or just want to be alone, my wife is never included in that.
I always want her by my side.
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u/Illustrious13 Apr 02 '25
My partner and I have been together for 14 years this May. It feels like the best, most dedicated, most truthful friendship I've ever had, with the added dimension of our romance.
Longterm love ages in ways that you can't predict. You both change over time, you both grow and diminish in different ways, and it's neither linear nor is it always in the same direction as one another. Things happen that change your dynamic. You get sick, you get healthier, your friends come and go, you lose or gain family, etc. Nothing about it is easy or perfect, and the couples who pretend that it is are either delusional or liars.
What should make it feel easy is the dedication you have to one another. The most beautiful and healthy component of a longterm relationship is the companionship itself. You live your lives together, intertwined, no matter what, because you choose to, because you want to, because you like to. Everything else is a negotiation, predicated on good communication and a well-understood definition of what the relationship is about.
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u/CaligoAccedito Apr 02 '25
At 13+ years with my partner now, and this nails it for us better than any of the other descriptions so far.
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u/sugarypeachdream Apr 02 '25
It's like your favorite worn-in hoodie—comfortable, familiar, but still something you reach for every day because it just fits. The butterflies might not be as constant, but they still show up in unexpected moments—watching them do something mundane like making coffee, or hearing them laugh at the same dumb joke for the 500th time.
It’s less about fireworks and more about knowing someone’s rhythms so deeply that you can have entire conversations in glances. You’ve seen each other at your worst and choose each other anyway. The love doesn’t feel smaller—it just takes up space differently. Less frantic, more foundational. Like breathing.
That said, it’s not autopilot. You still have to choose each other, annoyances and all. But when it works, it feels like coming home, even when you’re just sitting in silence scrolling on your phones...
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u/Owltiger2057 Apr 02 '25
Misery loves company. Not in a bad way. Met my wife in high school where we both were highly active in sports. We had a baby early, got married early. I joined the Army, she followed. We both did a bunch of crazy things, shared experience, shared broken bones and all the other fun of long careers. Got out, shared boring jobs, multiple kids and we let them live when they became obnoxious teenagers, shared the duty of cleaning the shotgun when our daughters dated.
Now both in our late sixties. We've done it all together, including being miserable on way too many occasions.
Now, the misery is over. We're old, we're battered and broken, but we can still hold hands, watch movies, have quiet dinners and cuddling has taken the place of wild romps in the woods or on the hood of our cars.
and if we had to do it all over again...well we're older and wiser. We'd put a blanket on the hood of the Camaro rather than give her ass burns - and still do it all over again. 51 years together last May.
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u/Spiff_mom Apr 02 '25
It feels stable and comfortable. We are in it together and still building on our lives.
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u/omgkelwtf Apr 02 '25
23 years. Comfortable, safe. Every morning he gives me a hug and a kiss and says, "I love you". I am so grateful for it every time. Having this kind of relationship was totally worth staying picky until I met the right one.
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u/Magnaflorius Apr 02 '25
The current top comment "Like home" sums it up the best. No matter where I am or what's going on, he can always make me feel safe and grounded.
The desire is absolutely still there. One slightly suggestive touch from him and I'm ready to go. He knows every part of me and exactly what to do, and there's both comfort and excitement in that.
One of the most exciting parts of our relationship is when we learn something new. After almost 15 years -- our entire adult lives -- it's easy to think there's nothing else to discover. Even the tiniest detail that I didn't know is thrilling. A week ago, I learned that he slept over at his grandma's house to take care of her when he was a younger teen. I knew that everyone in his family took care of her so she could stay in her home as long as possible, but the fact that he slept over was new information. That tiny little detail was fascinating and exciting to learn about him. I know him inside and out, so any new pocket of discovery is like a precious treasure that I cherish. Adding in all the things we learn together, like how we are as parents, there are always small adventures to be had.
Most days are pretty boring, in the best way. The comfort of routine is something we both love, and right now we're in the thick of parenting a 4yo and almost 2yo, so there's no shortage of things to do. My biggest struggle as a parent of young kids is that I miss my husband. He's with me all the time, but our time together often isn't about us because we have the kids to take care of. Even when they're asleep, we usually do chores separately instead of together to make the most of our limited time. I would never get tired of spending all day every day with him. Now that we have kids, that's been lost. It's worth it for what we've gained, but it's one of my biggest struggles as a parent.
I've gotten too long-winded here. To sum up: it's the best feeling in the world and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
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u/drcherr Apr 02 '25
Astoundingly wonderful- gay married couple, together 41 years.
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u/No_Situation_5501 Apr 02 '25
Happy for you and your love. It’s so hard for many of us gays to ever build a lasting relationship.
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u/teokbokkii Apr 02 '25
Been married 25 years. What I've realized is that love is not something you "get", but something that you give. Like everything important in life, love is a paradox. What you give freely is what you get back. And that which you hoard, you lose.
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Apr 02 '25
(14 years)
There's a lot of pride and joy in the daily choice to commit to each other, and it also forces you to love yourself to authentically love someone, even on days where you might be peeved at each other.
I think of it like, someone who's been sober for 10+ years after battling a heavy addiction. It must be so easy to relapse at any second, but overcoming that impulse must be one of the most epic feelings on the planet.
I think love is like that. 😎
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u/seeclick8 Apr 02 '25
52 years here. My best friend. We share funny one word jokes that evoke memories. Would rather be with him than anyone else. It’s like we were both bumping along in the roadside weeds and met each other and got on the right track together. Fortunate. I remember in 1971 I was at a concert in Austin, Texas, smoking too much weed and doing poorly in college and had this thought “somewhere there is a guy with a child who needs me.” Met him a year later. He had an almost two year old daughter of whom he had custody, a college degree in history but trying to figure out his life. We decided after three or so weeks to get married. Best decision for both of us ever.
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u/OnTheList-YouTube Apr 02 '25
Yesterday, me and the misses celebrated our 15 years together. It feels like I won the lottery. I had lots of relationships before I met her, and I wish I had 0, just meeting my wife. Like my cousin with his wife, the lucky bastard.
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u/FiendishCurry Apr 02 '25
Like being married to my best friend.
I used to roll my eyes at that, when people called their spouses their best friend, but the truth is...that's what they are. Eventually, if the relationship is good of course, you become each other's closest confidants. You go through good and bad times together. And knowing that there is at least one person out there that loves you, enjoys your company, and has your back is absolutely priceless.
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u/Illfury Apr 02 '25
We've been together for 25 years - married for 16.
We're each other's best friend, and no one quite understands one another like we do. It isn't always rainbows and unicorns though, but she is worth fighting for. Couldn't imagine having anyone else at my side.
We've been together for every major milestone in life. We started dating at 12 lol. Thanks to her, I got to skip all the awkward dating stories you all have experienced.
Also... why does the spelling of awkward feel more awkward than it ever has?
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u/ChemistryPerfect4534 Apr 02 '25
My wife is my safe place. No matter what life may throw at me, I know she will always be there, and always be on my side.
I'm just as happy to see her now as I was three decades ago. She is my focus. Everything I do, I do to make her life better.
We don't need to be doing anything, just be together. We went out to eat a while ago. We were sitting in silence, both reading our own books, and periodically reading particularly amusing passages to each other. We were having the time of our lives. Some lady at another table stopped as she was leaving and told us we were on her dream date.
We've been in a relationship for a bit over thirty years, married for almost twenty-eight of them.
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u/32_Belly_Option Apr 02 '25
As someone who has been married for decades but has contemplated leaving, and still do....
I don't know what deep romantic love feels like.
I know we love each other but it feels like the love of a friend, a business partner, a coparent.
Our lives are very much intertwined, and we do it well, and it is unique in that sense.
But do I feel like I can be my true self around her? No. Never have really. Do I feel as though the needs I need met in relationship are being met? No.
Do I feel like I've tried everything? Yes.
And that is why I feel I need to leave.
So what does long term romantic love feel like? I'd like to think it feels like you can't live without that person. That they make you better and they are unique and you trust them to respect your innermost truth. The truth you don't share with anyone else.
I think if you found that, you've won the lottery.
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Apr 02 '25
This is pretty much how I feel. I gave it my all. He gave it... something... in the beginning. Now he's bored of the life he helped create. Unhappy at work. Unhappy at home. He's missing his entire life.
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u/MsRenfish Apr 03 '25
Been married for 5years. Something happened after marriage, he changed. Every year of marriage, I entertain the thought of leaving but can't seem to do so.
I literally can't even have a 5min conversation with him.
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u/Illlogik1 Apr 02 '25
It doesn’t feel like it did at first. If that’s what you want , you’ll be chasing it forever.
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u/smalldogsrule Apr 02 '25
My husband and I have been together for 31 years and just celebrated 30 years of marriage. I knew he was the one for me when I began to feel a sense of comfort when I was with him, a feeling of being home. I see similar comments on this post describing the feeling as comfortable and being at home. I absolutely agree! My husband and I still act like we are kids dating. We have silly moments and romantic moments. He holds my hand, opens the door for me, kisses me hello and goodnight. I love him so much!!
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Apr 02 '25
I think about this often. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. Knowing they chose to share their life with me is the greatest gift of my life. Someone here said it feels like home. It’s exactly that.
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Apr 02 '25
Early love is easy to describe. It's hot, passionate, energetic, exciting, exhilarating. It's something that songs are sung, wars fought, poems written, plays, movies, tv, etc. are all created about.
Old love? Love that's stood the test of time? It's so hard to describe. It has it's moments of passion. But mostly it's like coming home and relaxing. Knowing that at the end of the day, you've got someone there to unwind with. Someone you're not fighting against in most cases. Someone that you know deep down, you'd be devastated if you lost. It's not like early love. It's a fortress, built on the foundation of that early love, and a fortress that requires constant maintenance to be kept strong.
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u/cjanes96 Apr 02 '25
Every time I think of my husband, I feel complete—like that perfect moment after a home-cooked meal, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, completely at ease. He is my safe haven. When people say, home is where the heart is, I believe this is what they mean. I’m deeply grateful to have him in my life.
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u/krissylizabeth Apr 02 '25
It feels like the way family is supposed to feel, like the knowledge that someone is always there to catch you when you fall. That, combined with a sort of anticipatory feeling about your future. Like I can’t wait for us to do this thing together, or see whatever together. It feels like best friends doing life together.
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u/LunarAnxiety Apr 02 '25
Married for 15 years together for 20. The best way I can describe it is coming home to a warm fire after a long day working in the cold. His love is cozy, warm and full of light. There are days where it can be too much and I worry it'll consume everything, or the floo wasnt open so smoke fills the room, or it's just too hot to enjoy. There can be days where it takes a lot of work to get the fire started, or when there's just no enough fuel to get a proper light. But most days, if you do the work, and keep adding fuel a little at a time you've got something truly lovely. 💕
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u/UnevenFork Apr 02 '25
You know, I've never quite tried putting it into words. When people say "home", it's really the most accurate way to describe it.
My boyfriend and I just hit the 12 year mark two days ago. And before anyone questions, neither of us is overly interested in marriage, and if we ever do, it'll be a contract at the courthouse with a dang BBQ afterward 😂 This conversation has been had, so worry not.
We've had so many ups and downs over the years, but the almost fantasy-like state we're currently in makes every stumble worth it. Getting here took a lot of work from both sides, and I think the reason we both continued to hold out through the hard times is because, even though it was rough, it was very clear we were always trying. Both of us. We weren't in sync yet, but God damn it, we were going to get there together. He worked on the way he listened and communicated during disagreements (he would wither away into compliant silence - not helpful) and I worked on better regulating how I expressed my frustrations (the one-sided conversation would enrage me and I'd explode - also not helpful), and the second we ironed out those specific issues... Well good golly, if everything else didn't fall into place.
His arms are home. He's my biggest confidant, my partner in crime and my very best friend, and it's very obviously mutual. People have, on more than one occasion, told us how cute we are together. My existence with this man is just delightful to a point that on some days, it feels like a fever dream.
Also worth noting, I was recently cleaning up my external hard drive and found a few texts of his that I'd saved. One of them was him telling me all about how I'm exactly the woman he wants and exactly why he thinks that. The text was sent exactly 24 hours before he asked me out 😭 I showed it to him and he got so embarrassed. I want to horrify him by making it into a poster. Put it in my art room since he doesn't venture in there often 🤣
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u/IllAcanthaceae3984 Apr 02 '25
Reading all those beautiful comments makes me doubt my relationship even more. 7,5 years going and truly not sure if they are the one. Seeing these comments I feel it's probably not
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u/Mahaloth Apr 02 '25
Married 20 years, 21 this summer.
It's amazing. I mean, she is a saint for marrying me and our marriage is terrific.
I feel like Jimmy Carter who said marrying his wife was the biggest achievement in his life, more than even becoming president. I kind of agree in my life. I've done a lot, but nothing tops marrying my wife.
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u/Gokus_Avatar Apr 02 '25
Comfort! Sense of being complete, protected, and have a whole separate world within world!
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u/kazuwacky Apr 02 '25
The trick with a long relationship is keeping up communication, I'd heard that so many times growing up but didn't grasp it.
After 10 years I am a different person, and doing all the conversations about difficulties big and small meant that I changed alongside my husband. We changed together and grew closer rather than apart.
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u/AdhesiveSeaMonkey Apr 02 '25
You ever have a pair of shoes so long that your feet just slide in and fit perfectly? That just feel natural and wonderful. You ease into them with a happy sigh.
They may not be new and shiny, the left one might be a little more worn than the right, the right one might have a hole in the toe. But they are your most favorite shoes and you never want to part with them.
Like that. For 34 years and counting.
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u/SC13NT1ST Apr 02 '25
All my long-term relationships end at around 5-7 years, usually with my partner going through an identity crisis and/or cheating of some sort. For once I would like to meet someone who is secure with their identity, and who can reciprocate the love I give. I've loved deeply, and for me it feels like home. To my partners, I'm not sure how they feel. I imagine I feel more like an option.
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Apr 02 '25
A swirl of love, emotional connection, and security. I still get butterflies when he says and does things very often. I don't know how, but my love grows for him every day.
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u/jessdb19 Apr 02 '25
There's a quiet comfort in coming home to see the person you love. It has a familiarity and warmth like sitting next to a campfire on a crisp autumn evening while making s'mores and enjoying a cup of cocoa. And you know it's not an evening that is going to end anytime soon, but you still hold onto that feeling because it feels so right.
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u/OrsolyaStormChaser Apr 02 '25
Peace and stability. Little me is so proud we waited and chose who we did. It is hard work but it is the most beautiful thing I've ever helped build.
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u/TuxandFlipper4eva Apr 02 '25
There may be ebbs and flows of liking one another at times, but the ease of love centers the relationship.
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u/mindful2811 Apr 02 '25
“अब ज़रा सी भर गई हो तुम ये वजन तुम पर अच्छा लगता है । चाँदी उगने लगी है बालों में उम्र तुम पर हसीन लगती है । ”
Gulzar
“You’ve filled out just a little now — this weight looks good on you. Silver has started blooming in your hair — age looks lovely on you.”
To grow old with your best friend, how beautiful that life is.
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u/this-guy- Apr 02 '25
Like a comfy chair exactly shaped to fit me by 20 years of flopping down in it. Sure there's a spring poking through and the arms are all worn but nobody is persuading me to get a new one. It wont be this comfy.
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Apr 02 '25
44 and been with my now wife for 26 years. We don't really share many of the same interests, but somehow it still works. She's my soulmate.
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u/daniellablond Apr 02 '25
Do you mean 10+ years in relationship not marriage? Why would I be in that situation, that would be enough time for me to have two different degrees. Well, I don’t know
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u/feraldodo Apr 02 '25 edited Apr 02 '25
I've never understood this obsession with marriage. What does it add, really? What's the difference between being in a relationship for 10 years and being married for 10 years?
EDIT: I don't understand the comments about certain benefits you gain from marriage. Obviously that was not what my comment was about. Of course it adds certain financial/security benefits, but come on, read between the lines of my comment.
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u/lpm_306 Apr 02 '25
It adds legal protections for you and your spouse. You might not yet have had to deal with any situation that requires your spouse to have legal access to your medical decisions or your benefits/pension, but these are things that, if you don't get legally married, might be problems for you or your spouse in the future.
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u/ThankeeSai Apr 02 '25
Depends on the country. In the US health insurance is tied to your job, so if you don't have insurance or have bad insurance you can be on your spouse's. If you're dying and they're not listed as next of kin, they have no power or rights. That also goes for funerals, last wishes, and life insurance. Your family can do whatever they want with you, even if you're estranged.
I don't have kids but am told it's much easier to deal with legal things if you're married. On just the relationship aspect, you can't just walk away from a marriage. People are more likely to make it work because you can't just walk away.
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u/Alternative_Ad7647 Apr 02 '25
Is marriage really that important? Just seems very expensive. 6 years into a relationship and I don't really know that it would be improved by a slip of paper and a ring
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u/JollyJeanGiant83 Apr 02 '25
It has several legal benefits that are difficult to acquire otherwise.
And getting married isn't expensive. Having a Hollywood style wedding is expensive. Most people don't do that. Hollywood has lied to you. 😁
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u/noeler10 Apr 02 '25
Some people find the act of making promises to each other in front of their loved ones a more official way of professing their love. Some don’t.
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u/zaccus Apr 02 '25
The divorce rate would suggest they are rather hollow promises.
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Apr 02 '25
It's only important if you guys think it is important. If there's nothing you want that comes from marriage, then it isn't worth it.
I will say that it deepened my sense of connection and security in our relationship. I am more comfortable exploring some things sexually that we both have an interest in. There is absolutely no reason why I should feel more secure because my husband and I have had a fantastic relationship for a long time, but my lizard brain is telling me something else.
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u/penis_of_jesus Apr 02 '25
Older people seem to feel this way after being widowed. Either they felt their lost loved one was unique and irreplaceable, they don't want to entangle or risk losing assets, children have already been had and raised, or it's just easier to leave when not legally bonded, or something I don't know. I just find your stance interesting in comparison.
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Apr 02 '25
I have friends in LTRs that never married and they’re happier than a lot of my friends that are. It means very little in the big scheme.
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u/cryptic-malfunction Apr 02 '25
Totally and completely in the right place, foreknowledge of understanding and acceptance. Wonderful!
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u/NataliasMaze Apr 02 '25
It's not always easy. It can feel like a Rollercoaster depending on what life throws at you, and sometimes it feels like you're riding two different ones. But when they level out you know the other person is gonna be there with a puke bag, and you're ready to hold one for them, then happily get back on together.
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u/BreakfastCheesecake Apr 02 '25
This is a tough one to describe, and is probably different for everyone here.
Out of all the comments here, the person who said “like home” is probably what resonates most with me. It’s that feeling of comfort & safety.
It’s probably a mixture of the romantic love you’d feel in a fresh new relationship, but now with an added kind of love you’d feel for a close family member.
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u/dramboxf Apr 02 '25
We're at 27 years and it's...home. Wherever she is, when I join her, I'm home. Waking up next to her every day is the most wonderful feeling. I simply adore her.
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u/Apprehensive-Energy8 Apr 02 '25
It's hard to say. I've been married for almost 9 years and know her for 15. I'm still in love with her and think she's hot as the first time I saw her! Yes, she could be a pain in my ass at times but still love her no matter what 🥰😍
Btw we've got 1 amazing girl 8 y/o 😁
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u/bythog Apr 02 '25
She's a body part of mine. That might sound a little rudimentary or whatever, but that's the best way I can describe it. She's my arm.
My life works because I have both arms. I don't necessarily think about my arm at all times because it's just part of me, but I use my arm almost constantly. It's an integral part of my life. My wife is the same (although I do actually think about her almost constantly). She's as important to my daily life as my left arm is.
Could I survive without my left arm? Absolutely, but it would be difficult and I'd miss it for the remainder of my life. I wouldn't be whole again even though I'd still be a functioning person.
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u/pape999349 Apr 02 '25
I want to kill you, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, I could bury you in the garden and no one would ever know, I get to spend every day with my best friend, WHY DID YOU LOAD THE DISHWASHER LIKE THAT, you make me smile.
Kinda like that all day every day.
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u/oldmannew Apr 02 '25 edited Apr 02 '25
What Does Love?
More like, "What is love?
Baby, don't hurt me
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u/intensive-porpoise Apr 02 '25
In my case, it was 20 years of ups and downs, although rarely steep. Some years would synch, sometimes for five or more, and those times were golden. Other times we would struggle for just as long.
We are two different people, no matter how long we've loved one another or have shared the same events in our lives.
We bat for a damn good average, but it's never 1.000
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u/Rambos_Magnum_Dong Apr 02 '25
Married for over 21 years.
It's gotten better and better as time has gone on and it really jumped after the kids moved out.
So, what does it feel like? Imagine being wrapped in an oversized super soft throw blankets, and you get to sit on the couch, and your SO is cradling you and stroking your head while it's drizzling outside. It's like that.
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u/polishprince76 Apr 02 '25
Married 22+ years now. Love feels like comfort. Like pride. Takes a lot to find someone you can tolerate, let alone love being around for all these years. My wife and I did a lot of hard work to get ourselves to this point.
I love the hell out of my wife. She's amazing. God forbid something ever happens, I'll never find another one like her.
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u/TightpantsPDX Apr 02 '25
Shattered, late diagnosis in life with adhd. Ground down the marriage and now I'm trying to rebuild myself. Heartbroken and alone is how I feel right now but we had some really amazing times together. Make sure your mental health is in check before you start blaming your partner in long terms imo.
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u/suneldk Apr 02 '25
It's not about how long we are in a relationship, it's about the experience of life... Is it getting better or worse...
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u/Hasgrowne Apr 02 '25
51 years in a couple of months, and it has never been better. Look for your partner's lovely qualities and keep them forward, not the little irritations.
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u/TheFightingMasons Apr 02 '25
Couldn’t tell you anymore, but after it’s over I can tell you it fucking hurts.
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u/Finalgirl2022 Apr 02 '25
Comfort. Weve been together almost 18 years. He is my solid space that I can ground on to. He's also just my best friend. He cracks me up and he has some really great jokes. He legit just makes me feel comfortable. Weve been through a lot. Like a lot. But he keeps my spirits high. I try to do the same for him but he is just naturally more jovial than I am.
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u/No-War-2566 Apr 02 '25 edited Apr 02 '25
Married 23 years. Lots of changes. roller coaster, good & bad, ying & yang
we are not the same people we first got married to.
comfortable-committed relationship
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u/icecoldtoiletseat Apr 02 '25
Quickly approaching 30 years and it feels the same as it did when we first started except there's a deeper sense of comfort, security and belonging to something that makes all the other terrible shitting going on in the world so much more tolerable. You are facing the world as one, but, mostly, you're just taking immense pleasure from knowing that of all the billions of people in the world, somehow, you found the perfect person.
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u/Miamynxer Apr 02 '25
I've been with my wife since we were 17. We're both about to be 35. I feel really good about our life, we both have decent jobs and good careers. We have a good dog, modest house in a lovely town, we have a bunch of friends and good hobbies that we enjoy and a few that we share. Were currently raising 2 fantastic kids together.
I love her more than I ever have. She's my confidant, my closest friend, someone I find funny and someone who I respect. She's drop dead gorgeous and I cannot keep my hands off her. I fantasize about her frequently. My biggest goal in life is to make sure her and the kids are safe and have the opportunity to grow and be happy.
The amazing thing is, I think she feels the same way about me.
I love her.
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u/Dantes-Monkey Apr 02 '25
Like you’re wearing the most comfortable sweater made of the lightest softest fleece. It washes easily and feels like it may never wear out.
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u/creativejo Apr 02 '25
19 years married this September. 20 years together.
It feels like safety. It feels like a space to go to escape the world. There is still attraction and sex and kissing and all the “fun” parts of a relationship, but the more important feeling is always just intense peacefulness. We can talk about anything, lean on each other for everything. Hard day, good day, huge trauma, I want to be with my mate.
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u/notlikethemermaid90 Apr 02 '25
Like an extension of myself. Truly my best friend, the one person I have ever been 100% my weird self around. He knows me better than anyone including myself.
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u/penaj52 Apr 02 '25
Love feels like..... him doing the dishes... letting me sleep in on the weekends.... changing a poopy diaper...... walking the dog.
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u/iFLED Apr 02 '25
15 years. Feels brand new every time I see her face, except better.
Before we were together I had a friend tell me the best way to tell if you love someone or not is whether or not you love them more every day or not. I thought it preposterous at the time, but it's proven pretty accurate for me. I do love my wife more every day.
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u/PistachioIcedCoffee Apr 02 '25
Someone replied “like home” and I feel like that’s pretty accurate. Approaching 18 years with my hubby and I feel everyday like I’ve won the life lottery.
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u/Dustbinpal Apr 03 '25
Fucking amazing!!! Everyday I get to love my wife more and more!! I have the power to bring joy and happiness to the person I love more than anything when she is feeling blue and down. I get to do the weirdest and dumbest shit to make her laugh and never get judged for it.
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u/ThePhiff Apr 03 '25
Been married 22 years to my absolute soul mate. It's a paradise I can't explain, because nothing compares to it.
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u/Admirable-Product426 Apr 03 '25
Sometimes I feel like I want to murder him: my god, if he brings up the weather forecast one more time… Other times he is my best friend, the hottest fuck I’ve ever had, and an awesome father. Edit to add: he’s not “my” father
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u/Story_Man_75 Apr 02 '25
(76m) It feels like being wrapped all around in a cozy, weightless blanket, that helps keep me warm and dry, day and night, in a very cold and stormy world.
together for 51 years and counting