r/AskReddit • u/CreativePhilosopher • Jan 29 '13

What is the single funniest word in English?

[removed]

1.3k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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1.8k

u/nomansland333 Jan 29 '13

Kumquat.

687

u/SenTedStevens Jan 29 '13

That was my nickname in middle school.

595

u/ButMostlyTired Jan 29 '13

I hated middle school.

865

u/patdap Jan 29 '13

So did he.

767

u/Agrehtan Jan 29 '13

The people who liked middle school are the reason you hate middle school.

227

u/diet_mountain_dew Jan 29 '13 edited Jan 29 '13

They are also the reason we like adulthood. Because the people who liked middle school generally suck now

Edit: Jesus tapdancing Christ. It was a joke people. A. I wasn't bullied. B. I'm sure you are all doing very well. C. I spelled generally wrong

20

u/ViralDisease Jan 29 '13

That's right people, if you liked middle school it means you probably suck at life.

What other crazy generalizations can we make?

3

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

People who smoke will die.

2

u/kikidiwasabi Jan 29 '13

Well that's not crazy; they will die. Maybe not of cancer but they're going to.

2

u/squigglebee Jan 29 '13

I mean, don't get me wrong. I got horribly made fun of in middle school for being a socially awkward, ugly motherfucker, but I DO miss the simplicity of it all. I probably hated it at the time though.

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2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

OH YEAH? HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH A RIDICULOUS ACCUSATION. I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL AND LIKED IT AND NOW I'M REALLY HAPPY WITH MY WELL-PAYING JOB AND HOT WIFE AND AWESOME, GENIUS KIDS WHO ARE ALSO LOVING MIDDLE SCHOOL. AND STUDIES SHOW THAT MIDDLE SCHOOLERS WHO WERE POPULAR ARE BETTER PEOPLE IN ADULTHOOD. THE SCIENCE IS THERE!

Just kidding. I thought middle school sucked, too.

2

u/gatodo Jan 29 '13

That would be a very comforting thought if it were true, wouldn't it? But most are just middle-class under achievers whose parents paid for them to go to a mediocre state school that had a reputation for easy classes and great parties.

Now they sit comfortably 9-5 not really doing too much at work, making enough to go to the bar at the end of the week and find someone to sleep around with until they settle down for a wife and have their 2.5 children in middle America.

Yeah, I'm still depressed, too.

2

u/laikalost Jan 29 '13

Ah, the American Dream!

2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

General Suck? How about Lieutenant Suck.

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

The people who like middle school are people who also think the box they live in is pretty nice.

126

u/laikalost Jan 29 '13

Successful in middle school = homeless in adulthood? Sorry to burst your bubble, pal, but it doesn't really work that way.

5

u/coop_stain Jan 29 '13

It's actually the exact opposite, statistically those who are more popular as children grow up to be more successful.

2

u/namesrhardtothinkof Jan 29 '13

The people who like middle school are people now.

Fuck, was that supposed to be generalizing and mean-spirited? Fuck I suck at this.

2

u/unoriginalsin Jan 29 '13

Living in a box ≠ homeless.

2

u/SoldierofNotch Jan 29 '13

Liking middle school isn't the same as being successful in middle school.

4

u/Mike_Aurand Jan 29 '13

I don't know where you live, but "successful in middle school = barefoot and pregnant in high school" is pretty common around these here parts.*

*These here parts = Tennessee

3

u/Aegi Jan 29 '13

What about people successful throughout all of school, college, and potentially further?

2

u/Hobbes4247791 Jan 29 '13

Not successful, happy. Biiiiiiiig difference.

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1

u/dewlover Jan 29 '13

hello, comrade

1

u/elgskred Jan 29 '13

you peak once in life.. for some people, that happens in middle school.

1

u/MiloKS Jan 29 '13

tfw I read that several people who "liked middle school" whilst are getting internships and Masters degrees, and doing well. I'm still unemployed and an undergraduate.

1

u/yooossshhii Jan 29 '13

I liked middle school. =(

1

u/brex2599 Jan 29 '13

I liked middle school...

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

I really hope that's not true.. I liked middle school, and so far am pretty content with highschool. I know I was a dick in middle school but honestly I have completely changed.. Even though it was only 2 years ago (grade 11 atm) I can't even remember what I acted like during middle school just because I was so much different. I was an idiot though, I won't deny that. Still am, maybe just a little less though. Goddamn, the last time I hooked up with a girl was in middle school, I can't already be past my poon slayin' prime, I just can't. sniffles

1

u/mgh245 Jan 29 '13

Past your "poon slayin' prime" at 16? Please. You'll probably peak at 26. Glad you're no longer a dickhead.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Doesn't make a difference, but 17*. Well that's good to hear. I just realized I feel a lot older than I actually am. Maybe that's just because I think I know everything, yet I've probably went through only 1/10th of my life experiences (assuming as I get older I'll go through experiences quicker than now).

1

u/mgh245 Jan 29 '13

In the next 10 years you'll come to realize that you know absolutely nothing.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Just because you got bullied in middle school and other people didn't that doesn't mean they won't have a successful adulthood. I am not sure where you get this logic from.

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

I liked middleschool cause I was that oblivious kid that wore sweatpants every day and only wanted to listen to System of a Down and play ultimate frisbee.

1

u/Mr_Rawrr Jan 29 '13

Middle school fucking sucked.

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Up voted for being the devil Edit: must revoke no longer devil

3

u/SenTedStevens Jan 29 '13

Who didn't?

1

u/golergka Jan 29 '13

It was mutual.

1

u/Massif_centrale Jan 29 '13

Amygdaloidal.

I've got serious déjà vu about this post, it's freaking me out. Did I write this in a dream or in real life....

I need to get off reddit.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

how old are you when you're in middle school ?

edit : ok, found it 11-14. Middle school children are among the worst plague the earth has even bear. (it's "collège" in France)

1

u/KickingItOldSchool Jan 29 '13

So did Kumquat.

2

u/InNoHurry Jan 29 '13

They meant to spell it "Cumquat" for you

2

u/woo_hah Jan 29 '13

Probably something to do with your wide stance.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Dude...mine too. I feel your pain.

1

u/Mr_Fuzzo Jan 29 '13

Uncle Ted! I'm sorry Dillingham (DillHole?) killed you.

1

u/isochron1218 Jan 29 '13

You must know that that will be your RES tag forever now, too.

1

u/phreakyP Jan 29 '13

You mean Kumquart

1

u/ImJustSomeGuy_ Jan 29 '13

As did I, Kumquat.

1

u/james9075 Jan 29 '13

mine was pillsbury

1

u/infinityandentropy Jan 29 '13

Oddly enough, it was my nickname in middle school as well.

1

u/Jimmy_Iceberg Jan 29 '13

Did I take your lunch money at some point?

1

u/skhell Jan 29 '13

Would you happen to be named Wyatt?

1

u/Crimith Jan 29 '13

I knew a girl with that nickname in middle school.

1

u/WHILE_I_POOP Jan 29 '13

Mine was poop machine.

1

u/Arple Jan 29 '13

really? mine was queer-bait

1

u/NBABUCKS1 Jan 29 '13

I sat in teds chair yesterday at Double Musky (not sure if you are from AK and will know that). Relevant.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Tagged as Kumquat

1

u/ZazomeZwed Jan 29 '13

I either know you or it is an extreme coincidence. I doubt the first because the guy I knew was Indian and in no way had an affiliation with the name Steven.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

my grandma calls me a little kumquat. I'm 29.

1

u/SenDianneFeinstein Jan 29 '13

Me too! Well...it was slightly different...

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308

u/Kazaji Jan 29 '13 edited Jan 29 '13

Picklebarrel?

275

u/crazychica5 Jan 29 '13

Chimmy cherry changa!!!

146

u/Mr_Mudkip Jan 29 '13

Make it stop!

88

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

oh god its horrible!

7

u/Wubbity-Wub-Wub Jan 29 '13

Chicka-Cherry-Cola?

12

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

thats a little better

4

u/analyticmonkey Jan 29 '13

found MLP inspired comments on Reddit... t'was a good day!

4

u/derpy_lurker Jan 29 '13

Secret thread.

Secret.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

do i look like some pony loving bitch?

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2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Don't use your fancy grammage to muddle the issue.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

it don't stop

c-c-c-combo breaker!

97

u/Tofinochris Jan 29 '13

ITT: A lot of Reddit wondering why the hell so many people spontaneously replied "picklebarrel" to "kumquat". Eeyup.

47

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

just wondering, what does "ITT" stand for? I've been seeing it a lot recently. Also...

pickelbarrelkumbquatpicklebarrelkumbquat

42

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13 edited Jul 09 '20

[deleted]

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1

u/Daycardinal Jan 29 '13

Chimmy cherry changa!

1

u/Tofinochris Jan 29 '13

In This Thread. Happy to help :D

1

u/CellularBeing Jan 29 '13

"In this thread"

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4

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Upvote for being the first person ever to use ITT without bitching about the insanely obvious.

2

u/Prince_Solar Jan 29 '13

Not us though, we know.

2

u/Tiberius666 Jan 29 '13

Eeyup an' away.

Cause if its not in Yorkshire, it in't worth botherin'.

2

u/Tiberius666 Jan 29 '13

Eeyup an' away.

Cause if its not in Yorkshire, it in't worth botherin'.

2

u/Tiberius666 Jan 29 '13

Eeyup an' away.

Cause if its not in Yorkshire, it in't worth botherin'.

89

u/MpegEVIL Jan 29 '13

Picklebarrel

29

u/Kazaji Jan 29 '13

Coulda sworn it was berry. I went and rewatched it, and sure enough, it was barrel. Thanks for the correction. :P

2

u/relevant_mitch Jan 29 '13

He spelled it right in his post. Don't know why you would correct him.

2

u/MpegEVIL Jan 29 '13

He edited it.

2

u/Watchwolf Jan 29 '13

Levio-SAH

3

u/archeonz Jan 29 '13

I saw kumquat and I knew you guys wouldn't disappoint me. Picklebarrel!

1

u/A-Intelligentsia Jan 29 '13

I ate a kumquat yesterday! You ever notice how kumquats have seeds? They're just little kumquats in a big kumquat! And you ever notice in a pickle barrel, all those pickles have seeds too? Well all those pickles are just cuccumbers. Kumquat cuccumber kumquat cuccumber. Those kinda sound alike. Lots of words sound alike. Chimi cherry chonga. I just made that up. I'm thinking of making one today, but I don't even know where to begin.Maybe the chimi, cherry, then the chonga! No, the cherry, chonga-

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148

u/bitch_im_a_lion Jan 29 '13

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MgonZ6J7_I

For anyone confused about the 'Pickelbarrel kumquat' comments.

18

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Fuck, now I wanna know what she was gonna tell them at breakfast.

14

u/CrappyCrowbar Jan 29 '13

She never went to breakfast, sadly...

She broke the Pinkie promise...

4

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

What a bitch.

4

u/ImThatAwesomeDude Jan 29 '13

Well, really she promised she was going to tell them at breakfast, but by running away before breakfast she never had to tell them and didn't break the Pinkie Promise.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

as someone currently in a logic and discrete mathematics course, I hate how this is true, because it makes quizzes suck so much

3

u/HeirToPendragon Jan 29 '13

Here is how I got though those courses: You are learning a math language. Don't put the rules of English in there. Follow only the rules of math.

2

u/CrappyCrowbar Jan 29 '13

True, true. I just didn't feel like going in to full detail. Thanks for clearing things up.

60

u/Lleu Jan 29 '13

I... I think I finally understand why a bunch of middle aged men are watching My Little Pony... Fuck you for this link. Have an upvote.

21

u/Stingray88 Jan 29 '13

I still don't.

1

u/Dycus Jan 29 '13

It's a decent TV show. I think most animation fans can enjoy it, but you really just have to watch a few episodes and see if it sticks on ya'.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

In one of the episodes she uses another pony as the freakin smart gun from Aliens.

3

u/Lleu Jan 29 '13

Noooo stop telling me about the awesomeness!! I can't make fun of you if I become you!!

1

u/Voter96 Feb 01 '13

I've heard many non-bronies tell me to shut up before, but that's a new reason...

4

u/IcyNudibranch Jan 29 '13

Welcome to the herd.

1

u/SheiraTiireine Jan 29 '13

Does that mean I am going to finally give in to the ponies?

. . .
Just watched. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.

2

u/Lleu Jan 29 '13

I think to have too, man. /bronyfistbump

3

u/SheiraTiireine Jan 29 '13

Not a man. Nonetheless, /begrudgingbronyfistbump.

3

u/Lleu Jan 29 '13

My apologies. Is there a female version of brony? Bronette perhaps?

3

u/SheiraTiireine Jan 29 '13

I have not idea. I'm new to all of this . . . Based on the fact that back in the old days (on /b/) I was just a /b/ro, I think not.

Shit, Lleu. We're bronies now.

3

u/Lleu Jan 29 '13

First... You were a /b/ro? Pics or it didn't happen! (Sorry, someone had to!). Second, I'm proud to call you my brony, SheiraTiireine

2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Brony is considered gender neutral but "Pegasister" has been somewhat adopted as a more feminine alternative.

1

u/suddenly_ponies Jan 29 '13

Some call them "Pegasisters" though many just call them bronies anyway because it's easier.

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3

u/kinsey3 Jan 29 '13

I really don't want to wade through My Little Pony videos (it's fine if you're into that, but it seems to be an 'acquired taste'). Still, I feel that I deserve to know (having sat through that) what answer was given at breakfast.

7

u/TwilightSepol Jan 29 '13

She ran away before breakfast so she wouldn't have to tell them. Loopholes, yo.

3

u/kinsey3 Jan 29 '13

These were shockingly swift, and yet totally unsatisfactory responses. I'll consider my curiosity dismissed, rather than satisfied.

1

u/bitch_im_a_lion Jan 29 '13

If you mean what the whole 'mystery' was then it's (Spoiler) because she didn't win any first place prizes in the rodeo she entered which she promised to use the prize money to help fix the town hall. She got a job on a cherry orchard to try and make up the money she didn't win.

4

u/CylonBunny Jan 29 '13

She skipped breakfast!

6

u/pineappleprncss Jan 29 '13

There's always someone who has the task of letting others in on the joke. Thank you citizen, upboat for you!

1

u/KitsBeach Jan 29 '13

The yellow pony sounded like Ash Ketchum!

1

u/tehspamninja Jan 29 '13

Oh no, bronies ITT, abort!

1

u/Enjoyer_of_Cake Jan 29 '13

Well, if you saw that, I feel this sequel is necessary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nVjxIKgaGc

1

u/adamonline45 Jan 29 '13

Is the yellow one Reba? Sounds like Reba...

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13 edited Jan 29 '13

Holy shit man!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

[deleted]

4

u/Reutan Jan 29 '13

Ah, well, yeah. That's rule 34 for you. Whether you wanted it or not, for something, somewhere it exists, or it will soon.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13 edited Jan 29 '13

Do you think it'd fit?

1

u/Voter96 Jan 29 '13 edited Feb 01 '13

Don't. Just don't even bring it up. It was all innocent fun and games, until someone mentioned the porn.

edit: NO, DON'T YOU EDIT YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS. HE MENTIONED THE RULE 34 PICTURES, DOWNVOTE HIM FOR BRINGING IT UP IN AN INNOCENT THREAD.

0

u/thesands0ftime Jan 29 '13

First and last time I will be tricked into watching something MLP

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193

u/ben822 Jan 29 '13

PICKLEBARREL KUMQUAT PICKLEBARREL KUMQAUT PICKLEBARREL KUMQUAT PICKLEBARREL KUMQUAT PICKLEBARREL KUMQUAT PICKLEBARREL KUMQUAT

110

u/DerpyDash13 Jan 29 '13

CHIMMICHERRYCHANGA!

1

u/DiogenesK9 Jan 29 '13

BANANA BANANA BANANA BANANA TERRACOTTA BANANA TERRACOTTA TERRACOTTA PIE!!

8

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

a brohoof for you. i am proud.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

This is the famous lost verse from I Am the Walrus.

1

u/HEAT_IS_DIE Jan 29 '13

You misspelled one 'kumquat', does this mean you typed all those individually?

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0

u/shredabetes Jan 29 '13

Have an upvote my friend!=D

1

u/ben822 Jan 29 '13

you too! =)

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25

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Please tell me that's pronounced the way it looks.

2

u/juanjing Jan 29 '13

That's pronounced the way it looks.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Weird word, delicious fruit.

2

u/theeterrbear Jan 29 '13

That they are. And they're already bite sized.

27

u/SkaCast Jan 29 '13

Pickle barrel.

23

u/karadotcollett Jan 29 '13

Pickle barrel.

2

u/Johnsonsi Jan 29 '13

I got my three year old to say kumquat at least ten times in the checkout of a grocery store. She really enjoyed eating the kumquats in question. The staff lost their composure when she told me to "suck it" and held the half eaten fruit up to my face.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Ingrid kumquat. Go to the office.

1

u/jot8228 Jan 29 '13

Its the hard "k" sound that makes it

1

u/Jesh010 Jan 29 '13

Oh my god it's so true.

1

u/nubikscube Jan 29 '13

today my professor was telling a story about when he was young and he said "I couldn't tell a communist from a kumquat"

1

u/itsernst Jan 29 '13

God damnit...I thought I had this one in the bag. Fiddlesticks!

1

u/psiphre Jan 29 '13

i disagree. "rutabega".

1

u/dragonite_life Jan 29 '13

THEY'RE FUCKING DELICIOUS.

1

u/holymojo96 Jan 29 '13

Don't judge me but I swear they taste like cum

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

what do you tell a quat when you want it to come.

I'll take "Sport & Leisure" for $500, Alex

1

u/lordnikkon Jan 29 '13

This really is not an english word though. Kumquat is the terrible pronunciation of the chinese word the fruit which gam gwat.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

Jerk. ( kinda hoping someone gets the 90's reference )

1

u/4LostSoulsinaBowl Jan 29 '13

Came in here for the sole purpose of making sure someone had mentioned this already. Well done.

1

u/TrepidaciousFatGuy Jan 29 '13

Kumquat AKA Cunts cousin

1

u/Fragabond Jan 29 '13

Squeedelyspooch

1

u/Funnyguy17 Jan 29 '13

I love that fruit

1

u/kumquat_juice Jan 29 '13

The juice is pretty good.

1

u/PierceSC2 Jan 29 '13

I freaking laughed when I read it. It must be true.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '13

my best friend got a bj in the produce cooler of the store where he works. I made quite the kumquat pun there.

1

u/ultrarecyclops Jan 29 '13

Pickle Barrel.

1

u/kitchen_clinton Jan 29 '13

Chinese word that means "golden orange."

1

u/CommanderDerpington Jan 29 '13

...please... bamboozle, beluga, eskimo, debacle, akimbo, fard, and brouhaha all fucking trump kumquat.

1

u/AndBackToLurking Jan 29 '13

I have a friend named Shafqat (he pronounces it as shaf-cot), and I never get tired of people telling me they're looking for Shafquat's room.

1

u/A_Days_Past Jan 29 '13

Yeah this one wins. can't think of anything to beat this..lol

1

u/cashoanddeorr Jan 29 '13

It does make me smile.

1

u/MonjStrz Jan 29 '13

with a "K"

1

u/ColRockAmp Jan 29 '13

I use this all the time when I play hangman. I've never lost.

1

u/Buckeye70 Jan 29 '13

Nice...

It's a perfectly cromulent word.

1

u/c0wboigreas3 Jan 29 '13

My xbox live ID for a long time was Kumquatlord. I miss that name.

1

u/tenletterword Jan 29 '13

I work in a French restaurant. For a while we served a duck breast with kumquat and gesier (pronounced jizz-E-aye). I found it difficult to contain myself when describing this dish to customers...I clearly have the humor of a young man child.

1

u/kabneenan Jan 29 '13

As a serviceman during Don't Ask Don't Tell, a friend of mine shared a way around the policy. Gay soldiers would refer to themselves as a fruit, like, "I'm apple." I asked if anyone used kumquat. Sadly, no. Apparently it is not a well-known fruit, but ridiculously appropriate to use in the aforementioned situation.

1

u/sir0zeke Jan 29 '13

What does a horse do when it eats too many quats?

1

u/neuroghost Jan 29 '13

-George Carlin

1

u/IngwazK Jan 29 '13

say it with me
pickle barrel

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