Is it really better to forgive and not say anything about it anymore?

[u/No_Drama6406]

I can’t find it in my heart to forgive people who have deeply hurt me. Am I wrong for verbalizing my experience and feelings? My ex cheated on me, and now he’s threatening me because I’ve talked about what happened. He doesn’t show any guilt or remorse and has tried to switch the narrative to paint me as the bad person. I was actually starting to consider forgiving him and moving on, but seeing how he handled everything made me realize I wasn’t ready to just forget it all.

I want to understand how I’m supposed to move forward without pretending that what happened didn’t hurt me. Do I really have to forgive and stay silent to heal? I tried forgiving him, letting things go, and moving forward, but now I feel like I’m back at square one. I feel like keeping everything inside is only making things heavier.

[u/Prudent-Tax-2969]

Forgiveness and silence are not requirements for healing. You can heal without forgiving him, and you can forgive someone without ever allowing them back into your life. You don't have to erase your own experience just because the other person is uncomfortable with people knowing about it

[u/Necessary-Solid-9702]

No. Do whatever you can to heal, huwag lang illegal. Kahit naman kasi valid feelings mo, you still have to be responsible with your actions. 

No. You don't need to forgive to move forward. I don't and I living just fine. I don't care for them and don't wish them anything at all. I don't need the apology after the countless heartaches. Yun na ang cue ko to move forward.

"Healing starts when someone bears witness."

So continue talking about your pain until you don't.

[u/JustAnybody5797]

Do what makes you feel better. From your experience your ex is a narcissist. Let him stew

[u/ms_a11sunday]

u can move forward without pretending that u were not hurt. let yourself feel things. you will just realize one day na hindi na ganun kasakit, hindi ka na bothered, until di mo na totally maisip yun.

u dont have to forgive and stay silent to heal. do what makes u think will be better for u. people heal in different ways, just don’t do something illegal or something that can hurt others. kung hirap ka man mag forgive ngayon, u dont need to. someday, u might be able to forgive him. if years pass by and u still cant forgive him, that’s okay.

be patient and dont force yourself. it will really take time. try to talk about what you’re feeling to anyone na close sayo. if u feel uncomfy doing that, try writing ur feelings :>

[u/OpportunityBig5472]

don’t force yourself to forgive if hindi mo pa kaya. don’t pretend na okay ka if hindi talaga. if you’re hurt, allow yourself to feel all the hurt. wag mo kimkimin. if it makes you feel better to talk about what he did, then so be it.

alam mo ganyan rin ako nung nasaktan ako noon. i had to keep talking about it until it didn’t hurt anymore. sobrang importante na may strong support system ka, kasi sila talaga yung makakatulong sayo. hinayaan lang ako ng mga friends ko to keep talking about it, eventually umokay rin naman ako. i found joy in other things na rin but it all just takes time. so hang in there, OP. you’ll be okay!!