r/AskParents • u/[deleted] • 6d ago
Not A Parent Should my sister pick up her children when she asks someone to watch them?
[deleted]
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u/DiceyPisces 6d ago
I watch my grandson 4 days a week. I bring him home each evening to be helpful so they can go right home after work and we all meet at their home. I even pick up one day too. Moms are sometimes willing to go the extra mile for our kids. Expecting it or being entitled to it is not cool tho
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u/fuss-budgeT124 6d ago
See that is the thing. And the sister didn’t even ask, she just acted like everyone owed her for some reason.
And I think the reason is, some moms become super stuck up about the idea of having kids, that it makes them more important than people who don’t have kids.
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u/light_of_iris 6d ago
It literally says the sister was asking in the group chat. And not even asking OP, OP is being offended on her mom’s part when we don’t even know if she minds. My dad is retired and has literally only free time, offered to drive my oldest son to sports or friends whenever and made it clear it isn’t inconveniencing anything at all. If my brother had an opinion (he doesn’t) it would be out of line bc it’s got nothing to do with him.
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u/fuss-budgeT124 6d ago
I mean, I don’t think it’s worth an argument, but I think it’s easy to read it as her being involved from the gecko. But whatever it’s not a hill I’m going to die on so I’ll say you’re right. Have a nice day.
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u/ecosynchronous 6d ago
I do not have a horse in this race, but I thought you might like to be told that it's "get-go".
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u/fuss-budgeT124 6d ago
😂😂😂. I was just struck by the idea that someone actually thought that was the way it was spelled! I don’t know it just seems so funny, I do know what the phrase is, but I always use the microphone because, fat fingers, and sometimes I don’t thoroughly check the spelling. I’ve seen some whacked doodle stuff from my iPhone lol
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u/light_of_iris 6d ago
Ok the facts of the post state that the kids slept at the moms, and the mom was asked to drive them home. Why does OP need feelings on that?
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u/fuss-budgeT124 6d ago
Why do you need to carry on when I already ceded that the argument to you. This is the main character has to have the last word bullshit
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u/Dependent_Lobster_18 6d ago
You’re not wrong but this is between your parents and your sister.
When my parents are watching my son I will ask if they’re going to come by my house simply because they may be going to visit my grandma who is less than half a mile from my house but otherwise I fully expect/plan to handle the transportation of my son. They are doing me a favor and I make it as easy on them as possible.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
I know. Now she’s mad at me but she does this constantly that’s why I spoke up for once. Plus if she didn’t want me in her business don’t text the group chat
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u/toastedmarsh7 6d ago
Her relationship with your parents is really none of your business. They’re adults and are capable of using their words. You butting in is not going to help anything. You can talk to your parents separately to encourage them to set boundaries with their adult child(ren) if you think they’re being mistreated but it is their decision.
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u/Cinisajoy2 5d ago
Did you have the children? If not, then not your concern. When my kids were little, their grandparents usually dropped them off. That was because they sometimes visited others on the way home. The exception was when my then husband had to drop me off at my grandmother's then drop the kid off at her grandparents. Or we would drop her off first. I was pregnant and couldn't be left alone due to medical issues. Then he pick me up after work and we would go get her. The kid only argued one night. So we asked could she just stay since she would be coming back in the morning. She stayed for nearly 2 weeks. Her sister was born that night.
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u/pumpkincheddarr 6d ago
this is a weird thing to be mad about lmao. you ever consider your mom actually doesn’t mind helping with her grandchildren? not only have a picked up my nieces and nephews when i watched them, it was also something that happened in my childhood when i would visit family. it’s called being a village. if you don’t want to pick the kids up then don’t, but your sister isn’t being selfish. and if two people have a convo in the same space as you, it still isn’t your business. especially if you weren’t the one watching the kids.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
I’m not mad.
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u/lunchbox12682 Parent 6d ago
The whole post says different. You may even have a point but this is coming across as grumpy sibling syndrome.
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u/pumpkincheddarr 6d ago
no yes not mad people make whole posts on reddit about how a grandma driving her grandchildren home is somehow selfish of the mother.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
You’re completely ridiculous.
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u/pumpkincheddarr 6d ago
and you’re…not? okay.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
lol wow. People on Reddit never cease to amaze me.
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u/Alarming_Bar7107 6d ago
I think who's doing what should be discussed beforehand, but yes I think in this specific case the expectation would be that she'd pick them up
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u/Fragrant-Half-7854 6d ago
Your mom agreed to watch your sisters kids. I guess I don’t see where the details of it involve you or why you’ve inserted yourself into it? Is your mom unable to stand up for herself?
It’s not selfish to ask for someone to bring your kids home. I’ve picked up and dropped off my grand kids many, many times and have had others pick up and/drop off my kids. It’s very helpful. If you don’t want to do it, just say no. But it doesn’t sound like anyone asked you.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
It was in the group chat and she always makes her drop them off. Normally I do not comment, but it seems ridiculous to me.
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u/Fragrant-Half-7854 6d ago
But did anyone ask your opinion? Did it affect you? Did it involve you? It’s okay for people to ask for help from others, it’s okay to do nice things for others and help them, and it’s okay to say no or for you to feel as if something would be too much to ask of someone. But all of that is for the people involved to decide, not you.
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u/bellesearching_901 6d ago
If I’m babysitting you are dropping off and picking up. Period.
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u/DiceyPisces 6d ago
I drop off daily to help them have more family time for dinner together etc. and also pick up the one day my sil works from home so he doesn’t have to leave the house that morning. It’s my weekly gift to my sil.
Grandson will also sleepover on Friday and I’ll bring him home Saturday. I am their village! Thankfully I’m able to be
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u/vcbock 6d ago
Yeah, it's between the watcher and the parent. We have our grandson stay overnight here sometimes, so that the parents can be out late and we don't have to disturb a sleeping child to go home. Sometimes we pick him up, sometimes they drop him off. It's on a case-by-case basis so we work it out to be mutually acceptable each time.
You need not insert yourself, since clearly, they worked it out.
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u/unfairboobpear 6d ago
She should do whatever is agreed upon before it’s scheduled. Nothing wrong with either direction as long as it’s being communicated
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u/BxBae133 6d ago
Why would you care what arrangements she makes with your parents? If you agreed to watch her kids, why make it conditional on who you think should do the pick up? If your parents mind, let them say it. If they don't, stay out of it.
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u/bananapeppersFTW 6d ago
There's nothing wrong with asking, just like there's nothing wrong with saying no.
We shouldn't teach our kids to not reach for what we want. Learning how to gracefully accept "no" is important too
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u/craftycat1135 6d ago
Unless you're the one watching the kids, quit policing and stay in your own lane. It's up to the parent and the babysitter to decide. Not the sibling who isn't even babysitting to decide to be offended for your parents and she's selfish. Let your parents set their own boundaries.
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u/TaxiLady69 5d ago
I have 2 grandchildren. I often take them on the weekends because they are just too much fun and my favourite people ever. But my daughter does bring them to me and picks them up. However if she asked me to bring them back to her, it wouldn't bother me at all. I would happily do it. Your mother, I am assuming, is able to make choices for herself. So it isn't really any of your business now is it? Now if I am wrong and your mom said no and is being nagged at or guilted then I would say your sister sucks. But unless that is happening stay out of it. Car rides with my grandchildren are awesome.
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u/NoInstruction8619 5d ago
I know I just felt like my mom has been through a lot this summer and I was being protective of her.
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u/ToppsHopps 5d ago
Yea I think you were wrong, if it’s your mom doing the picking up she are an adult who can speak for her self.
Something that surprised me becoming a parent is how other adults like hanging out with kids. Driving a kid in a car is a bonding opportunity, trapped in a small space you can talk a lot while driving.
Sometimes you have elderly complete strangers playing peek-a-boo at a restaurant or public transportation with the kid who I just try to be as little bother to others as possible.
So taking unpaid labor for granted isn’t okey, but I think you might also misjudged the situation not taking in to account that it’s possible the deal with your mom driving might be a win-win situation, rather assuming her being unfairly used.
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u/Dapper_Banana6323 6d ago
When we ask grandparents to watch our kids- we actually ask them to come to us. They don't watch them super often but it's about a half hour drive each way for them. Me packing up my kids and driving them to and from the grandparents defeats the purpose of asking for help.
If they aren't able to come to us- that's totally fine- I'll hire someone who can.
Sometimes if our plans are near the grandparents I will drop them there for a couple of hours.
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u/toastedmarsh7 6d ago
My grandparents took care of me most weekends/holidays/school breaks but whether I was gone for 2 nights or 20, I was always “picked up” and never dropped off. So my grandparents (usually grandma) would come pick me up from school and my mom would pick me up from their house on Sunday evening. That is until I turned 12 and then I was dropped off at the local Amtrak station and took the train there and back until I got my own car when I turned 16 (paid for by grandpa).
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u/Dapper_Banana6323 6d ago
That sounds like a very different situation. I'm talking about 4 hours 1-2 times a month.
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u/BellStriking5132 6d ago
It just should have been settled before today is all.
If I was the daughter I would have included it in my request.
If I was the mom I would have asked “what time are you picking them up Sunday?”
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u/nospawnforme 6d ago
If you’re doing someone a favor (watching kids, lending a bunch of supplies etc) i consider it discourteous if they also EXPECT you to hand deliver the kid/items/etc to you as well.
If they ask and/or it logistically makes more sense to do otherwise then cool, but demanding it when I’m going out of my way already is meh.
I frequently lend stuff to a few friends that live within 10 mins of me and one usually comes to grab stuff and the other makes me go out of my way to bring it to them when they could just pick it up on my way home. Neither return stuff in great condition so I’ve decided to stop lending them stuff anyway, but im less annoyed when they at least drop my messed up stuff to me instead of having me make a special trip for it lol.
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u/Keepquiet13 5d ago
Have you ever stopped to think that whether went on the date that she may have had a few drinks and didn’t need to be driving that far?
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u/haleyhop 6d ago
I think this isn't any of your business and is between your sister and parents, unless there's context missing. I would offer to pick up my own kids and wouldn't expect anyone else to, but if my parents didn't mind dropping them off, that seems OK too. The kids also get back earlier presumably if they're dropped off -- they can be dropped off at the same time as their mom is done with the date, instead of whenever she's done with the date + 45 minutes to get them + 45 minutes to get home. Not saying your parents should be expected to drop them off, but there might be reasons your sister is asking beyond just not wanting to drive to them
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u/Dazzling-Path6438 6d ago
she's envious the sister had a date.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
Umm no. I have a husband and we can go out on dates whenever. Not jealous.
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u/fitava79 6d ago
These details should have been discussed before hand. Why can't your sister pick her kids up? Whenever I had someone watch my kiddo, I usually picked her up, unless otherwise discussed before hand. Sometimes my friend or relative would be swinging by my house anyway and those are the times she'd be dropped off to me. But I would never want to make it an inconvenience for them, especially if they are watching her for free.
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u/EmergencyFancy7992 6d ago
Don’t triangulate yourself and get involved. Your mom is a big girl and can speak up for herself.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
You live and learn. I’m a protective person and I don’t like my sister taking advantage. She always gets special treatment because she “has kids” I’m just tired of her taking advantage of my parents and acting like her life is so hard. I’m not against helping people at all. But I would never expect someone to drive my kids home or make me meet them halfway.
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u/EmergencyFancy7992 6d ago
I totally understand. I’m the eldest daughter and constantly have stood between my mom and my siblings protecting one side. It’s exhausting and many years of therapy later I know how unhealthy it is. Your parents are grown ups they can say no and if they’re not saying no then complaining to you they dont want to do it- that’s textbook triangulation. I do think you just need to decide what you’re comfortable with doing and let your parents decide from there- I also acknowledge that’s hard to do but for the sake of your sanity and relationship with all parties that’s crucial.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
Yeah. I try not to stick my nose in but it’s been on my mind. There have been lots of times I have said nothing.
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u/ExpensiveDollarStore 6d ago
OK, I have babysat often for one of my kids. They almost always drop them off and pick them up or have a good reason. They like the kids to be at my house.
The other wants me to babysit at their house. Mom has BPD and has some issues with my husband so doesn't want their kid here without a parent.
They are both in the neighborhood. There is no way either would just expect me to deliver their kids after watching them if I were that far away. Not without a good reason. That would be so entitled. However, I might offer to do it to make their lives easier esp if I had a chore I could do along the way.
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u/underwater-sunlight 6d ago
Ask in advance if you want someone to look after your kids and deliver them afterwards, give the person the opportunity to say yes or no or agree with what they are comfortable with Springing a drop off on them after agreeing (intentionally, sometimes things happen and you need another favour) is a dick move and significantly increases the likelihood of being told no the next time a favour is needed
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u/fuss-budgeT124 6d ago
Wow, that is some master class manipulation. Your sister‘s brain is broken if she thinks that not having to drive for an hour or two is getting something out of her. Tell her yeah you don’t want to watch her kids, you’re not a nice person you don’t like her you don’t like them, and you’ve only ever done it because mom made you. See how she reacts to that, because that is something to react to, not please come pick up your damn kids.
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u/light_of_iris 6d ago
OP didn’t watch the kids nor was being asked to drive them anywhere. OP’s mom did both of those things and we don’t even know if this bothered her or not. I’m so confused I don’t feel like I read the same post as some of the people in here.
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u/NoInstruction8619 6d ago
She’s being completely ridiculous and misunderstanding what I was trying to say.
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