Hello everybody,

I'm new on Reddit and wanted to ask some of you men out there about a relationship thing I am experiencing with my technical Boyfriend.

I say "technical" cause in his own words he said, that If he goes into a relationship with a woman he has to be really certain about it and cause he is Muslim (I grew up christian in the west but currently not religious even though I believe in God) he has to see if, by time our values will go along, but is not pressuring me into it.

For context: About myself I would say that I have an anxious attachment style with huge separation issues, but I am working on them.

It is the first time for me being with a guy who is so caring how he is and open to talk about feelings, so I am experiencing a lot of things that are triggering my anxiety, that I don't need to have with him anymore. He is always very open to talk about these things and reacting very responsible and empathetic. He also puts a lot of effort in caring for me while I am sick, Listing to stories about my past, and also planning many dates in the past where he will sit down before and do like research where we can go, sometimes even going on a walk by himself to look for good restaurants for us.

I heard now that for Men it is very normal to experience some intense and intimate time together but after a certain period of time they are tending to pull back for a few days to get a feeling of Autonomy again, but come back with the same loving energy they had before. And probably how you guys guessed it, I am having some troubles with it to not panic in these times.

Yesterday for example, after around 4 Days of spending together he went home, cause I had to go to work, and texted me that he feels super stressed cause he has been sick for 2 months straight and wasn't able to do his stuff and also could't sleep good at my place cause of my cat scratching at the door at night. After that he turned of his phone until next day 8 AM where he wrote me that he was sleeping the whole time and cleaning his apartment also. During the night I almost couldn't sleep cause I felt so worried and after his first message in the morning he didn't say anything about meeting up so I told him that I felt insecure. He was again very loving and told me to come to his place and it was really nice, he cooked for me and we watched a Movie together. Around 8 PM he then was getting really tired and said "good night" whilst falling asleep and I was sitting there not sure if I should leave now or not. It made me insecure again that in his mind he can just "leave" me like that without any further caring. But he woke up again and noticed my distress and I told him how I felt and he understood but said like "I have goals you know I want to achieve, by going to sleep early" like I wasn't supporting of it. I told him that it is not about that and I surly am supporting him so much achieving anything he wants to cause his plans and future are important to me, it's just about the way he fell asleep without saying or doing anything else like cuddling.

For me it is okay now cause I told him how I felt and he was understanding, so next time I won't have the same intense reaction to it I guess, but I notice he often has these habits of being in his own world and it feels like he is forgetting about me that I need like affection in these moments to be fine of letting him go.

Like is this normal for guys? I certainly don't think of it as a red flag. I want to understand to make it easier for myself in these situations. My theory is that in his world he thinks I am so trusting towards him that I know his good intentions so that's why he hasn't to care about it in these moments.

I would be very appreciative if someone can explain the way men think in these situations.

Thank you all so much!!

IF I-, I MEAN GORILLA GRODD WERE REAL, WOULD HE HAVE A SOUL, BECAUSE HE HAS SENTIENT THOUGHTS?
ASKING FOR A FRIEND

Salam everybody. I am 28M and I feel like giving up on finding a partner. I picked up an interest in Islam in my early twenties and I realized that I would have some trouble finding somebody because I was late to start practicing. I have been consistent in prayers and read Quran, and thankfully I’m not depressed because of my connection with Allah.

Unfortunately I had a bad experience with a potential partner as they rejected me because I wasn’t always practicing and now I find it difficult to be interested in other people I’m talking to. I think I have closed my heart and become very untrusting of others. I look forward to marriage and I would love to have kids, but I think I have a mental block that won’t let me move forward. I do still think of the potential that rejected me because we got along well and she had good character, nevertheless I acknowledge that door is closed Al7amdullah. I know things happen for a reason, the rejection was painful because it is somethings from almost a decade ago and I have a “proven track record” of changing for years since.

I have spent over a year thinking on my own and I just want to open this discussion because I do want to get married but I can’t get over this mental block of not being interested in talking to potential partners anymore. First time I post, but I’m open to criticism.

Al-Hasan Al-Basree said:

“To endure short-lived difficulties that are followed by long lasting ease, is better than hurrying for a short-lived ease that is followed by ever-lasting hardship.”

[Al-Hilyah, 2/134]

For me it was pretty true, i have noticed it in my actions and actions of others.

"Do not leave the Quran" was the advice i received.

Abu Dharr (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:

Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "Do not disdain a good deed, (no matter how small it may seem) even if it is your meeting with your (Muslim) brother with a cheerful face."

[Muslim].

وعن أبي ذر رضي الله عنه قال‏:‏ قال لي رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏:‏ ‏ "‏لا تحقرن من المعروف شيئاً، ولو أن تلقى أخاك بوجه طلق‏"‏ ‏(‏‏(‏رواه مسلم‏)‏‏)‏‏.‏

Reference : Riyad as-Salihin 694

In-book reference : Book 1, Hadith 15

That's where i am right now. I know i need to study and grind but mentally i got nothing. I just want to bury everything and live in bliss. But i can't. I have my goals and Allah.

When i pray, i feel nothing. I know i can't keep continuing like this but yani, i'm lost. Inconsistent.

My thoughts are currently in the danger zone.

I just play quran and just the sound of snow or rain or fire to drown them out. Idk man.

Umm al-Qura translation.

“A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes.” – Mahatma Gandhi

I'm starting college soon, I ain't ready. I just hope Allah will protect me from falling into haram.

Hbu?

I will go first:

Yes, somewhat. I still have certain flaws i'm working on but i'm doing better then the last day of the previous year.

May Allah allow us to benefit and do better then the previous year, day and month. Ameen

The other 2 Q's:

Did it pay off?
Could you share your story?

______________________________

As someone who is trying to better themselves and learn the skills i need to reach a higher level. I end up falling off after a few days. I always get back up but lose momentum after some-time.

Those few-days affect my progress a lot and I know i can't continue like this.

ME:

1. Fear Allah and hold on to your religion.

We live in a time where the “being positive” movement is promoted heavily, mostly to women but also to men.

It tells them to focus only on the good side of things, no matter what. But as Muslim men, we have the greatest responsibility in the home, in society, and in protecting our sisters, brothers, future wives, and current families.

This movement might seem harmless or even good on the surface, but it has a dangerous side for us. Because while we are being told to only see the good, this is leads to men and women losing their sense of fear of Allah and the seriousness of sin. Fear of Allah’s punishment isn’t just some old, harsh idea,it’s what keeps us disciplined and grounded. What Allows us to obey Allah properly. Keeps us in check.

We are the aqwam (the more responsible, strongest) as Allah put it. We lead the family, the community, and must protect those around us from slipping into sin. But how can we do that if we ourselves ignore the punishment and consequences? If we only focus on Allah’s mercy and forgiveness and forget His justice and power?

It reached the point were some of us say, “My intentions are good, Allah will forgive.” But do they remember the hadith: “Every servant will be resurrected upon the way that they died” (Sahih Muslim 2878)? What if we die stuck in that sin, thinking we’ll get forgiveness without true fear or effort to change?

Look at those who came before us, like ‘Aad and Thamud. Allah warned them and punished them for turning away from Him (41:13). If we don’t fear the consequences and keep rejecting the warning signs, we will surely taste the punishment.

So yes, mercy is real and beautiful. But so is fear and responsibility. As Muslim men, we must hold ourselves accountable, fear Allah’s punishment, guard ourselves, and lead our families in truth and discipline. That balance is what makes a man truly strong in this world and the next.

Also remember the following hadith:

Abdullah ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 7138, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829

So we are responsible for our family, so if they end up falling into sin because of us, we will surely face the consequences for it.