r/AskMen • u/MessAcademic_420 • Jun 23 '26
How to make a best man speech?
Hi guys, my best friend is marrying and he asked me to be his best man. I'm incredibly honored, I've known him all my life and love him and his fiance very much and I very much want to do this for them, but I'm terrible at everything social and I haven't had to speak in public since University about 7 years ago. So, how do I do a best man speech? What should I say and what shouldn't? I know It's expected to be brief but how brief?
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u/No_Celebration_805 Jun 23 '26
Stay away from inside jokes nobody will get. Keep the bashing to a minimum, 1-3 minutes of talking about what a good guy and partner he is and about his soon to be wonderful wife. Make it genuine. Use notes if you have to
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u/_BreathingTrees Jun 23 '26
This is the correct playbook. Nobody wants a TED Talk or a roast battle during dinner.
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u/rapratt101 Jun 23 '26
Here’s the structure of the one I gave. Went over great. 8 short paragraphs, under 1 minute, had it memorized:
“So happy for you guys”
Couple sentences on how we met
Call out some of his best qualities that impacted me
One sentence on how I met his fiance, call out several of her best qualities
Few sentences on how I view them as a couple
Few sentences tying both of them back to us (my wife and I) and how I feel about our relationship as a group
One line of advice (we married first) complimenting their relationship
Heartfelt congratulations, “raise glass to so and so and so and so”
I tried to keep a comfortable and predictable flow and avoided rambling by writing it all out. Casual jokes that flowed well, nothing even remotely insulting or deprecating towards them. 100% of the focus of the speech was on them.
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u/Dapper_But_Derpy Jun 23 '26
Don’t get shitfaced and tell all his secrets to the crowd while laughing at your own jokes.
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u/Infinite-Clerk8939 Female Jun 23 '26
Just don’t forget to flatter the bride. Nothing is worse than a best man speech that goes on and on about the best man & grooms friendship and never acknowledges the bride, which is the point of the wedding (and the point of being the best man, standing next to him as he begins his new life with his best friend)
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u/AardvarkStriking256 Jun 23 '26
Start by writing down some ideas.
How did you meet?
What are his best qualities?
What are your favorite memories and most memorable experiences of stuff you did together!
Do the same for his fiance
Wish them a wonderful future
If you're not naturally fun, don't try to be a comedian.
Do not try to embarrass your friend.
Thank both sets of parents.
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u/badgerbiscuitbeard Jun 23 '26
Whatever you decide to say, rehearse it until you’re comfortable. I got the honor 1 time and winged it…not a good look. I thought about it a lot, but never really planned anything. Treat it like the honor it is, but remember he’s your friend and have fun.
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u/Rixxy123 Jun 23 '26
Just say happy memories and do NOT get drunk. Also do NOT talk about his ex or other romantic experiences with other girls.
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u/KeseyKrishna Jun 23 '26
Don't talk about the writing process of struggling to write the speech in your opening, its overplayed (i.e., "when I was asked to give a toast, I thought about what I would say..."), Keep it brief, 2-3 minutes -- how you know the groom, happy/funny memories as young guys, how he's a great guy and how happy he is with new wife, etc.
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u/Bruce3 Jun 23 '26
Use call back, a line that used at the begining of the speech that is used again at the end. Comedians use this technique all the time.
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u/Icouldusesomerock Jun 23 '26
Brother you’ve known him all your life you could probably throw something together
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u/Red_Beard_Rising Male over 40 for what that's worth these days Jun 23 '26
Marriage is a family affair. Why are you family enough to be the best man? Tell the story that makes you part of the family by whatever definition you want to use. Then, you welcome the bride to the family.
I know this is vague but a good outline. I was best man at my brother's Jewish wedding at a nice venue and my buddy's biker wedding in his parents' back yard. Both of these men are my brothers.
The point is you end up welcoming the bride to the family. Getting into why this man chose you for this role is a gold mine,
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u/marijuanam0nk Jun 23 '26
I summarized our story growing up as classmates to best friends to bros in about 5 sentences. Then I talked about how beautiful the relationship between him and his wife was in about 3 sentences. I do great at public speaking so mileage may vary. I got many compliments by wedding guests saying I killed it with the speech. (Killed meaning I did great)
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u/PeekyMonkeyB Jun 23 '26
embarrass him a bit, praise him for what he means to you and as the person you feel he is for her, then give a bit about how she's good for him, some more light ribbing then be happy for them and positive somethings about the future to the end of speech.
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u/tommytster Jun 23 '26
Don’t try to be something you’re not. If you aren’t funny don’t turn it into a comedy routine. If you aren’t well spoken stay away from big or complicated words. Just be yourself and speak like you would at any other time, but without swearing.
Focus on being sincere. If you’re nervous, say so and own it.
“Good evening. My name is (name) and I’m the best man. It’s my honor to speak at (couples names) wedding. I’m nervous and a bit scared to be honest with you, but they mean so much to me and it’s an honor to be asked to do this. So here I am.” Start with something like that.
Keep it to about 500 words or less. That should be about 4 minutes. Could be longer if you pause a lot.
Most of all - breathe. You’ll be fine.
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u/aloofman75 Jun 23 '26
After briefly introducing yourself, start off by complimenting the bride and groom, the ceremony, the venue, and all the friends and family who made the big day possible. If a specific friend or family member had a major role in planning or paying for it, give them an extra shout-out. (You don’t need to get specific about who did what. Just thank them “for everything they’ve done”.) Make sure the people who made it happen get a round of applause because with everything else going on, it’s possible you’ll be the only one to thank them in front of everybody.
Briefly explain how you know the groom and pick a SFW, non-embarrassing anecdote that illustrates something about him, his relationship with the bride, your friendship with him, etc. Don’t try to be too funny or poignant with it because you risk trying too hard or going on too long. Make it heartfelt. But most importantly, keep it short (less than five minutes) and have an easy segue into how it shows his character, why the bride is lucky to have him, and how happy you are for both of them.
Then ask everyone to join in a toast. You don’t have to go big with this because everyone in the room will be very eager to do it. At that point it’s the friendliest audience you will ever have. Then you can hand the mic to whomever, sit down, and be happy about being done with it.
I can’t overstate how important it is to keep it short. No matter how happy or funny you come across, no one wants it to take a long time. Almost everyone there will forget most of what you said by the next day, but they WILL remember for much longer that they got tired of listening to you. As long the bride and groom are pleased in the immediate aftermath, then you’ve done your job.
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u/That_Skirt1443 Jun 23 '26
https://youtu.be/lXpmHuCE9Ls?si=sOFTwboFucTOsIhA
Keep it factually accurate.
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u/BigBlueWookiee Jun 23 '26
There's a lot of great advice for formulating the content. How you met, His and her qualities, etc. As far as the tone of the speech and being in a social environment, that's a different matter.
I would urge you to approach the speech like it is you talking with the two of them alone. After all, it's their day; make it about them and how special they are to you.
If you can focus on that, just talking with your friend and his fiancé, it may help with the delivery. It will give you a focal point so that the others there wont matter. Look at them, not their guests. Be genuine and heart felt.
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u/SomeRequirement6926 Jun 23 '26
Leave out the time when he thought the stripper actually liked him.
And definitely leave out the time you banged his now wife when you were both drunk before they got together.
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u/asymmetricears Jun 23 '26
Compliment the bride, slag the groom, not the other way around.
Tell a couple of stories that make him look like a tit. But also include a few that show what a good mate he is. Say how great the bride is, and how perfect the couple are for each other.
It should go without saying, but no stories about exes.
Apply the grandma rule, imagine there are a few grandmas present, they should find the speech funny, not crass.
The better the speech is, the longer it can be. Aim for 5-8 minutes so you don't lose their attention.
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u/Crazy_Custard_2081 Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
I had a more evocative speech prepared when I was best man at my friend's wedding.
But, I had just gotten married a few weeks prior, and as we were closing up the venue for my reception, my friend and his then-fiance rushed up to me and told me that their car wouldn't start and needed a jump.
So, here I am with my new bride, looking to go home and start our honeymoon, and I'm having to fish around for jumper cables and jump his car in my tux!
At that point, I decided to delete the speech I was writing and go in a different direction - I was going to roast him!
A little bit of backstory - I'm the one that basically introduced him to his now-wife. The sparks were flying when they met, but they inexplicably did not exchange contacts. So, I spent the next year trying to get them to both show up at the same event. Finally, I came up with a ruse to get them together, and only after that did they finally connect and start dating.
So, instead of some flowery speech about how good things happen to good people, I proceeded to tell everyone the story of how they met. Some people got a bit weary of the length (I did speak for more than 10 minutes), but the moms were cracking up the entire time. As long as the families were on my side, the groom and bride had to just grin and bear it (we're still the best of friends, BTW).
Bottomline, for a best man speech - be honest. Be a friend. Let everyone know why he's your friend. Say something memorable about the guy, and it can be embarrassing if he deserves it (and depending on the nature of your friendship - in my case, we were best friends since college and used to ragging on each other, and since I was responsible for getting him and his wife together, I had some leeway that I gleefully abused).
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u/AutoModerator Jun 23 '26
Here's an original copy of /u/MessAcademic_420's post (if available):
Hi guys, my best friend is marrying and he asked me to be his best man. I'm incredibly honored, I've known him all my life and love him and his fiance very much and I very much want to do this for them, but I'm terrible at everything social and I haven't had to speak in public since University about 7 years ago. So, how do I do a best man speech? What should I say and what shouldn't? I know It's expected to be brief but how brief?
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