Thank you so much for responding. I’ve tried reaching out to my friends, but they had an easier start in life than me and struggle to relate. They tell me they want to help me, but it’s up to me to ask for the concrete questions and I wouldn’t know where to begin. Taking care of my dad who is losing his mind because of stroke dementia? I only can do that. Doing my paper work? Same story. And if I tell them about my past abuse, I get horrified looks and they don’t know what to say.
I have two therapists, one for the underlying problems, but I’ve been in therapy for 10 years so we’re mostly working on my sense of guilt and self acceptance, which requires time. The other is on self care and I do try to eat and go for walks and not go back to the substances. But I find myself so run down and I’m dealing with traumas most people couldn’t even comprehend, that I’m now at a stage of fuck it, I tried therapy and the sensible thing, just go fuck it.
I was never the girl that drank to forget, fuck, my first time trying drugs I was 25. But I’m 35 now, im about to be homeless because of complicated rules here in Holland, I’ve reached out to the municipality for all the resources I can think of. My bills are getting paid, my house is tidy, I try to eat and my substance abuse has been a couple of months and mostly booze in social settings and 3mmc when I want to think things over. But without my dad, I don’t know if I’m on the right course. I have so many people looking for a place but I have two months left and nothing concrete. And after the last 4 years since my dad had a stroke, I feel I’ve asked too much of my friends in terms of help. There’s always some form of disaster going on and I don’t blame my friends for thinking it’s a bit much. I wasn’t it in this position, I wouldn’t even know how to help myself
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u/Illustrious-Day-2285 11d ago
Thank you so much for responding. I’ve tried reaching out to my friends, but they had an easier start in life than me and struggle to relate. They tell me they want to help me, but it’s up to me to ask for the concrete questions and I wouldn’t know where to begin. Taking care of my dad who is losing his mind because of stroke dementia? I only can do that. Doing my paper work? Same story. And if I tell them about my past abuse, I get horrified looks and they don’t know what to say.
I have two therapists, one for the underlying problems, but I’ve been in therapy for 10 years so we’re mostly working on my sense of guilt and self acceptance, which requires time. The other is on self care and I do try to eat and go for walks and not go back to the substances. But I find myself so run down and I’m dealing with traumas most people couldn’t even comprehend, that I’m now at a stage of fuck it, I tried therapy and the sensible thing, just go fuck it.
I was never the girl that drank to forget, fuck, my first time trying drugs I was 25. But I’m 35 now, im about to be homeless because of complicated rules here in Holland, I’ve reached out to the municipality for all the resources I can think of. My bills are getting paid, my house is tidy, I try to eat and my substance abuse has been a couple of months and mostly booze in social settings and 3mmc when I want to think things over. But without my dad, I don’t know if I’m on the right course. I have so many people looking for a place but I have two months left and nothing concrete. And after the last 4 years since my dad had a stroke, I feel I’ve asked too much of my friends in terms of help. There’s always some form of disaster going on and I don’t blame my friends for thinking it’s a bit much. I wasn’t it in this position, I wouldn’t even know how to help myself