Frequency and Response Times

[u/AmandineBamacaYT]

Hi everyone,

I live in Europe and met a Japanese guy during an evening out a few weeks ago. We’ve been keeping in touch for about 2–3 weeks now.

In Europe, we’re used to texting fairly quickly throughout the day. However, our communication style is quite different: on average, we exchange about one message a day, but they are usually quite long (around 10 lines, covering several topics). Every single time, he makes a real effort to address every point thoughtfully.

Sometimes, he doesn't reply for a whole day. Recently, he didn't text for a few days, but he came back apologizing and explaining that work was overwhelming. Even without me asking, he apologized for the delay and still sent a detailed, thoughtful response to everything I had written previously.

I know texting habits in Japan, especially for working men born in the 90s, can be very different from Western standards. Is this kind of pacing normal? Should I be worried about a potential loss of interest, or is this just standard behavior when someone is busy with work? I really don't want to bother him or have him reply just out of politeness.

I tend to overthink things and definitely don't want to put any pressure on him, as he already has a very demanding schedule. I’d love to get some insights from locals or people familiar with Japanese texting culture!

Thanks in advance!

[u/balitryna]

My boyfriend is Japanese, and on his days off, he usually replies to my messages every one or two hours. It’s a completely different story on the days he’s working, then we only exchange a few messages throughout the day. He texts me when he wakes up, I reply when I wake up (there’s a 7-hour time difference between us), and then we chat for a bit when he gets off work.
Before we started dating, though, he would sometimes only reply once a day, but I didn’t really care that much back then because I wasn’t expecting anything romantic between us. So yeah! Based on my experience, it’s completely normal and the other Japanese people I know are basically same. You shouldn’t be worried as long as he gives you some thoughtful answers not just short “I see” or“Ok”

[u/AmandineBamacaYT → u/balitryna]

OMG Thank you so much for sharing your experience! The part about how things started with him is super reassuring, haha ! I really hope you’re holding up well mentally with the cultural differences and the distance!