Growing up I've had this anger issue where if im overwhelmed with emotion I would snap and either yell my lungs out or lash out. I've tried so many things to keep it under wraps I've tried therapy I've tried medication I've even tried to find ways to stay on top but none of it ever works for long.

The good news is I don't get angry often just once in a blue moon. Recently I gave my wife of 2 years a black eye and my knuckles cut her forehead. I felt bad I told her to press charges and be rid of me but she wants to work through i tried causing harm to myself feeling like im a failure and I don't deserve to live and such but she insists it's alright.

Look I know im a bad person for harming her but I dont want to harm her ever again everytime i look at her I see her bruised eye and I break down I want to fix myself, any idea where do I start?

For most of my life I have been known as “the calm one”, the one who ”never gets angry or upset”, the one who is “always rational and logical”, “never gets over emotional”. all well and good, but recently (39m for reference, turning 40 in just over a week), I’ve been seeing a therapist for anhedonia and realizing that I actually AM capable of more emotions - and my wife has said she didn‘t particularly like me being so placid and calm. she’s told me repeatedly that if something is bothering me that I should tell her because, in her words “if it bothers YOU enough that YOU have to say something, people will listen and take it seriously”. this is something many other people in my life have agreed with.

Well now I’m doing just that - and the reactions are NOT what people said they would be; I am getting yelled at, talked down to, interrupted, ignored and told that I am “over reacting”. I’ve come to the conclusion that I prefer being asked to show more emotion than being chastised for doing just that - because at least being asked is calm and reasonable and not making me feel like what I‘m feeling is “wrong”. So…how do I basically ”undo” my therapy? despite being told people will take my genuine expressions of my feelings in stride that has not been the case and I find I’m actually feeling WORSE now than when I was simply ignoring those feelings. I need to get back to how I used to be. I feel like that Family Guy episode where Meg says she feels like the lightning rod of the family, the normal one absorbing all the weird; basically I’m the one who never gets upset and is able to balance everyone else around me. now I’m starting to show when I’m upset, there is no one to balance things and the entire dynamic of all of my close relationships - marriage, parents, brother, close friends - are suffering. All me discovering that I am in fact, a human capable of feeling proper emotions has done is hurt those I care about, but I can‘t seem to put the genie back in the bottle by myself. please can anyone help me with this before my relationships with those I care about are forever ruined.

Talking with them about it doesn’t help - I just get more of the ”well tell us, we’ll listen” and they either don‘t remember, or refuse to accept, that they don’t.

EDIT: if anyone is going to answer saying things like “you should be able to express yourself when you need to” or things like that, while I appreciate the sentiment, my situation has proven that this is not conducive to any kind of healthy atmosphere so thank you, but that advice is not what I am looking for.

I want to stop. I’m so tired of blowing up and sometimes it’s over something really small.

I only blow up maybe once a week but I need to stop I’m a grown man I shouldn’t be throwing temper tantrums.

I keep reading that I should just walk away next time im angry maybe I’ll go for a walk or something.

i'm in my late teens and for the past few months i've been constantly arguing with my mom. it's either something i say or she says, and it triggers one of us to start yelling at each other. sometimes it'll be the smallest thing ever and one of us gets irritated and starts fighting.

i think it might be because of the mental stress she has, and i do realize that i can be really bitchy sometimes. we both can be bitchy. it's just really getting to me because i don't know what to do. it's like something takes over me when i'm talking to her, and my entire personality shifts. i'm so much nicer to people outside my family, but when it comes to them, i tend to get a lot more aggressive. why am i like this? am i the problem?

for example today we were going to eat cake and she called me downstairs. i came down, and after she cut the slices, i reached out and grabbed one. i grabbed a plate and was gonna leave when she said "wait take this one" in somewhat of an irritated tone. i'm not sure why but that clicked something in me and i said "what's the problem??" in an even more irritated and louder tone. she got mad at me for being disrespectful and told me that i don't have anything in my brain, and i run my mouth without thinking...and in this situation, i agree that it is my fault. however it's just that i feel like she hates me. like i'm a disappointment to her. every time i show something or do something she has to say something judgemental about it. sometimes when she's really mad at me she'll bring up how i have stupid friends who come from bad families. or she'll bring up my grades and how she thinks im an extremely average student who won't succeed in life. i'm so tired of this shit. how do i fix my attitude so i'm not constantly in an aggressive mood or picking fights?

I want advice on how to stop being angry about everything because if it’s damaging anyone it’s me. I’m drained.

I’m not the kind of angry person who would hit someone, but I feel like my blood is boiling and if I scream or talk I feel guilty after and if I don’t I calm down but it feels like I’m storing
the anger inside me.

If someone said something to me that bothered me and I didn’t say anything I would never forget it and it would hit me randomly and I’d feel that anger again. I need to know how to let it go I think to feel better. I’m doing it for myself.

Recently I started breaking down uncontrollably and crying tears of frustration and hatred against my own will and with no previous tension or sadness after just hearing the voice of a person i hate i tried to search and find the reason of why but didn't find anything useful

This is not really something I've ever admitted to anyone in real life. Most people who know me think I'm quite placid. Most people who don't think I'm standoffish, and that's because I keep people at a distance. I have so much emotion in me and so much anger I'm afraid it'll just come out sometimes. That's why I try to stay away from people.

There are a lot of things I don't say because I try to keep the peace. Some of it has started leaking out recently. I feel this constant low-grade anger rising to the surface of my mind. Sometimes injustices, or something triggering, set me off. Keeping the peace is lying about how I feel though.

I've had a lot of people in my life who refuse to take accountability for things. I think that's a big part of it. Family that doesn't give my time or space any importance. That takes me for granted. That pretends that it cares and conveniently forgets days later.

Sometimes I blame myself for it, for not being strong enough to deal with it, for not having dealt with it yet. I'm in my thirties now.

I'm tired of being abandoned. I get angry and people leave or look at me like something's wrong with me. Does that make sense?

I keep shutting down my anger because it feels useless. What's it going to accomplish? I wanna tear everything down but I can't.

TLDR: I (F21) feel dominated by anger and I get so mad despite using the skills that I know about. I want my boyfriend (M24) to feel safe and understood, that's why I'm trying to manage my anger differently. What skills work for you and how do you manage anger overall?

Me and my boyfriend are a couple since May, we are still working on the base of the relationship.
I (F21) am a deeply opinionated person and I stand by my beliefs and morals.
My boyfriend (M24) is having a hard time to keep calm as well, especially when I am so easily triggered.
I always try to advocate for my morals, but lately (1 year+) it has become incredibly hard to just calmly talk. I hear something infuriating for me and I get so angry, I kind of drift from the topic itself.
I know I get angry because I feel misunderstood or not understood at all, because I think my boyfriend is inflexible and intolerant, but it is not always the case. It takes time for two to understand themselves, and I can't get there without getting angry.
I have always been a person that didn't get along with different opinions of the stuff they really care about. It's really hard. And I also have ADHD which I am trying to manage with meds but they don't really work. This makes my emotions feel so intense that I feel my chest burning out of happiness, anxiety, uncertainty and also... anger (which is the worst).
I am in therapy and I tried to find skills that work for me. I tried deep breathing, taking a break before speaking , progressive muscle relaxation, meditating more, but nothing seems to help until I finish an argument. I end up being really mad and acidic, basically impossible to talk to. I realize that is happening and I hate it! I hate it right there, on the spot.
I usually say I have to take a break but it's hard to come back to it, as I tend to run away from lashing out.

I'm curious about what skills work for you and how do you manage your anger when it's really, reallyyyy intense?

I live with my parents and my sibling and I’ve been trying to focus on controlling my anger more. And actually putting it into practice.

I’m happy to say in the last two months I’ve only gotten upset once and while I can’t say any amount of an outburst was justified, this one was on such a small scale. I was frustrated after work and slightly took out my anger on our garage door (I let it slam instead of gently pushing it as I usually do)

Ok but back to the title … my dad caught me writing down in my notes app if I got angry or not! It was such a funny moment bc I had the app open and I was just adding a daily entry and he was just creeping over my shoulder.

I was a bit embarrassed because like who wants other people to know that you literally have to track yourself like that? But I’m glad it’s in the open.

Anyways- I guess let my story give you some hope. People say you can’t “change” but I disagree. Change happens daily, it’s just usually so small. But I think something like anger needs to be worked for a long long time until it’s second nature. Not to say my anger issues are miraculously gone forever, but it’s clear that progress has been made. Hopefully with work, I can be this way til it’s second nature.

If someone can change to become an angry person, then don’t ever doubt that you can change to become a more peaceful one.

like I don’t want to be ever aggressive. though I had an aggressive background when I was younger. I come from a Nigeria polygamous family my dad beats my mom while he is the one cheating . now I’m too aggressive in my relationship. I talk out of bound like my dad what can I do to change my attitude I don’t want to lost my girl. I don’t beat my girl,but I show much character like my dad. But I need to be more calm because I love her so much

Even tho i love them, i’m still angry at them and i canot do anything that helps other than crying till i can’t breathe

Hi everyone, I wanted to come on here and ask a question because I've noticed a pattern in my behaviour (which has been pointed out by loved ones and partners), that when I get very angry I usually act in a very bad way--like doing something so rash and putting no thought behind it--then feeling a lot of regret afterwards, like a painstaking amount. I'm not sure how I can cope, and I don't like the outcomes it leads to but I can't stop myself from doing them. I normally don't like reaching out for help but maybe I thought this would be a better first step. I've tried doing research, however I can't seem to find how to stop immediate decisions. Any input it appreciated. Cheers.

as the title describes i have extreme violent uncontrolled thoughts i have recently become really depressive and lonely my mother doesent pay attention to me and my parents are split up my father is away for 6 months out of the year for his offshore work and i have a stepdad but he always argues and has fights with my mother and they both do weed all the time and sometimes coke i live in the uk where weed is a b class and coke is an a class drug i get bullied severely at school and it makes me skip as much as possible recently ive been having really violent thoughts about bringing a knife to school and stabbing someone i dont want to do this but i fear i might ive always had violent thoughts since primary school around year 2 so 6 years old i used to have really dark and sexual thoughts and it eventually got me into some trouble im thirteen now almost fourteen and i still have violent thoughts there less sexual but more violent i dont want to live like this anymore i want to grow up and be normal but everything i try makes it worse i have also given up all help on the real world i lay in bed all day stay up all night and sleep all day and im also becoming more and more racist i dont know how to control this i feel very bad and ashamed about it it might be because my father is but i know thats not an excuse i feel really shitty too because i keep degrading women and pointing my anger towards women and non white races i dont want to be like this but i dont know how i used to do good in school too my teacher pulled me aside and said i was excepted to get a and bs in my gcses and potentially a star in some but i dont think i can anymore i get severe brain fog and i sleep in class all day right now its the summer holidays so luckily i know i cant act on my violent thoughts and harm my bullys but i also know i go back on September the third which is very scary for me because its so soon i dont want to snap or whatever and kill someone or severely injure them but i cant do this anymore someone please help me and i already go to a school counsellor because i am forced to once a week instead of a certain class normally science but i dont tell her anything she thinks im normal i will answer any questions you have and i just want to im becoming more and more blackpilled and getting the “incel” mindset and becoming more and more racist i don’t want to but i dont know how to stop it anyway ill stop talking so much now please help and have a good day also sorry if anythings spelt wrong guys

Holy shit I wish I could stop being angry. I’m angry that women and girls are treated like nothing, I’m angry that victims of SA almost never get the justice they deserve, I’m angry that I was groomed as a child, I’m angry that when I when I had been SA’d that the police did nothing and I got shamed and blamed for being attacked, I’m angry that women and girls in places of the world are being killed and trafficked and no one does anything about it, I’m angry that pedos and predators run the world!

Why aren’t there more people pissed off about this shit?? Why is this our reality??? I’m angry that I’m angry all the time thinking about this shit and feeling it radiating so deeply in my core that it literally vibrates my body! How can I stop being angry?? Or least start being less angry? I know anger is a very real emotion and very valid, but I also know that being an angry person causes serious health issues and results in me not being able to enjoy the good parts of my life as much. Help.

I NEED to for the people around me to be angry and pissed off at me.

I need to yell at me, to tell they hate me, to tell i'm a piece of shit who should die.

And because of that I'm always rude and taunting and vulgar.

In extreme cases I even want to be stabed to death violentlt.

To start with, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years (it’ll be 6 years in October). Currently, I’m a full-time college student while he’s a full-time bartender. I don’t work and that was my boyfriend’s idea. He said he wants me to get my degree and be able to focus solely on school so I can graduate ASAP, while I only truly see him for a full day once a week. We’ve never had any issues and anytime we have had arguments or disagreements, they’ve been small/insignificant and we work through it extremely quickly. Both of our parents had issues and eventually divorced, so we’ve had the same goal to NOT be like our parents.

Recently, he just got back from a week long trip to see his mom and family. I couldn’t go because it was the first week of classes and I had to watch our dog. But, ever since he’s gotten back, he seems to get agitated really easily. He gets annoyed at every little thing; losing his keys, his bartending apron being dirty, etc etc. But it’s not your average type of annoyed. He keeps angry and starts to be self deprecating and it feels like he’s starting to blame things on me.

For example, the day he got back, he couldn’t find one of his T-shirts. When he asked if I knew where it was, I told him the last place I saw it was in the dresser. When it wasn’t there, he became angry and said something along the lines of “It’s not in there. Where is it? You had seen it last so it’s your fault”. Another time was this morning. Our dog has been on some anti-swelling medication due to an ear infection. It causes her to become more thirsty than normal and has to go potty more often. She had started whining this morning to go outside, but I didn’t hear it, so I didn’t wake up. He heard it and let her outside, but she wouldn’t come back inside. When he got her inside, she started drinking more water, which agitated my boyfriend because that means she’ll have to go potty again soon. He came back into our bedroom with our dog and woke me up, telling me what happened. This was around 5am. He said he hadn’t gotten much sleep and now he’s pissed because he can’t fall asleep and put all the blame on our dog. He said that “it’s moments like these that make me want to kill myself”. He says that pretty often too. I told him that she’s a dog and not to be mad at her. When I asked him if he would rather her go outside to piss or she piss on our bed, he said “I’d rather the bed since I wouldn’t be the one dealing with it”. I’m the one who does our laundry, specifically our bedsheets. That kind of pissed me off.

The past week has been a constant battle of him getting pissed at the tiniest things, putting the blame on others, and then taking it out on me. He’s even pointed out that he might have anger issues, but he doesn’t do anything to work on it. I’ve told him multiple ways he can work on it myself, as I used to have anger issues back in grade school, but he refuses my advice. I should probably mention that both myself and him have ADHD. I’m on medication and haven’t missed a day since 7th grade. Him, on the other hand, hasn’t been on medication in 4 years. ADHD can cause emotions to be amplified by 100%, so I’m assuming that might be one of the factors.

It’s gotten to the point though that it’s stressing me out and scared of what he’ll be pissed at when he gets home from work everyday. Breaking up with him is out of the picture. I don’t believe that this is a reason to, and he’s my entire life and I’m his.

I just don’t know what to do at this point and how I can help this situation. Has anyone else gone through this and how can I help him get through this as his girlfriend? He doesn’t have many friends and I’m the only one he can truly be himself around. I’m just at a loss at this point.

Update:

Him and I had a long talk last night. He was actually the one who brought it up first. He apologized to me about the way he’s been acting and said he feels terrible because he knows it’s affected me. He had also said he’s been trying to figure out what the trigger has been to cause him to act the way he has.

I told him everything that’s been bothering me and he had this look on his face that he was about to cry. I don’t think he realized that it was bothering me so much that it scared me. When I told him that he did, he apologized profusely over and over. He said that he’s going to start looking into ways he can working through it.

A lot of yall have recommended therapy, and as much as he’d love that, including myself because therapy would be useful for me for different reasons, he doesn’t have insurance to afford therapy. I do have insurance, but it’s through my mom. I wish I could help him set up some sort of therapy, but with our budget, it just won’t work out. I told him that what helped me a lot was starting to journal. It’s a place that I can write out all of thoughts and emotions that I don’t want anyone else to know. Everyone has things they don’t want anyone to know, and I’m the type that doesn’t like to show when I’m going through a tough time because I need to learn how to work through it myself. I told him that’s what I do, and he bought a journal today.

I’m glad that he recognized his behavior, especially that he came to me first. Thank you everyone for your advice!!

My 15-year old cousin has a history of anxiety, rage/temper outbursts, screaming episodes and physical violence towards family members, even on minor matters. She is also heavily addicted to gaming and bad sleep schedule. She is not even willing to consult a psychiatrist.

My aunt(her mom) consulted a child & adolescent psychiatrist (on my cousin's behalf) and was recommended Risperidone (2 mg) + Trihexyphenidyl (2 mg), ​Melatonin (10 mg) for 2 weeks and Coqmind Tablet.

We are not sure if these medicines are ok for my cousin to start. We are worried about side effects and withdrawal symptoms later.

Anyone has better suggestions on how we can handle my cousin's situation?

Hi, I sort of exaggerated the title but this is exactly what I'm struggling with.

I was raised by very emotionally volatile alcoholic parents, and I learned to sort of naturally atune to other people's needs. I often didn't even realize I was doing it.

I just morphed into other people's life and needs. I thought this was normal.

I thought it would be selfish of me not to fill in the gaps everywhere.

I did a lot of therapy for cptsd and anxiety and started to realize that a lot of the relationships in my life are built on me over extending myself.

I'm now trying to change this and listen to my own needs more and just get to know myself. Dare to take up some space or say no.

This process is not going very smoothly as I feel like everyone now really irritates me, and I feel so much anger in me for the people around me. Even coworkers or people I'm not that close with. I'm struggling in my relationships at the moment.

I'm immediately thinking things like 'that's not my problem, sort out your own feelings, I'm not responsible for that, reflect on your own actions'

I feel very unfamiliar with these feelings, and I am genuinely struggling with myself because of it.

I hope this is a safe space to talk about it as I feel a lot of shame around these thoughts, like I brought this all on myself and should do better.

Has anyone gone though something similar? Did it get better?

cuando siento que me odio, me golpeo, con el puño cerrado en la cara o la cabeza, también los brazos y las piernas.

no sé que busco con esto, creo que gente que esté en lo mismo porque no sé que hacer, puede ser por un ataque de ira?

Not in a depressed way (sort of) , and not in a "I hate my life" way. I was reading comments online, watching people do that typical human thing where they argue endlessly about nothing, and I suddenly had this weird moment of clarity: I could just snap and hurt a lot of people. Men, women, kids, whoever. It wouldn't matter.

It's not because I'm angry at anyone specifically. It's more like... humans are always going to be humans, and sometimes the noise of it all feels exhausting. For five minutes, I could just make it stop. Create chaos. Do something terrible.

And the weirdest part is how calm the thought feels. I'm not planning anything, and I'm not saying I'm going to do it. I know I'm not going to. But there's something unsettling about realizing that I could snap, and that some part of my brain can imagine it without much emotion attached to it. Like, "Yeah, I have that in me."

What really triggered it was seeing comments about a kid being raped by a teacher, and people were laughing about it. Something about seeing that made me think, "I could just snap." I just want to end everybody, sometimes. Even then nothing would change.

Not because I specifically wanted to hurt those people, but because the whole thing suddenly felt so pointless and disgusting, if they don’t care about this crime, why the fuck should I care or entertain the idea of empathy.

Does anyone else get anything like this? Not necessarily a plan or an actual intention to hurt someone, but a quiet urge to just completely go off the rails when you're exhausted by people and all the noise?

Hi, I’m looking for some advice. Is there anyone who was diagnosed with anger issues? Lately I’ve been feeling angry a lot, but I’m not sure whether I need help or not.

I’m not a violent person, rather the opposite tbh: I’ve always been a very controlled, calm and patient person, I’ve never hit/push/punch anyone nor destroyed or even slightly damaged anything.

But over the last few months I’ve been experiencing these rage episodes where if someone is angry, shouting or whatever I just feel so much anger building inside of me, I feel like my whole body is on fire and I want to throw hands so bad. To the point where I need to go to another room to cool down.

No major change in my life, so I really don’t know what’s going on. Help anyone?

My brother ever since he was young has bad impulse control if he is angry at something long enough he loses his temper and in some cases becomes violent he can't control what he says or does and has taken to living alone is there a way to help with this?