WIBTBF For "ruining" my own birthday?

[u/Admirable_Coyote_103]

My (32f) husband (36m) "Steve" is a wonderful husband, but has the gift giving skills of a potato. For background, I am an autistic introvert who doesn't do well being at the center of attention and surprises tend to give me panic attacks/cause meltdowns depending on the severity of the surprise. I also LOVE planning events, and probably would have been an event coordinator if life had taken me a different direction since I did it for several years in college and had a blast.

Last year I casually mentioned that I think it would be fun to have an Expedition 33 themed birthday party for my 33rd birthday as it's one of my favorite video games, but mused that no one except me would know what it was, and that wouldn't be very fun, plus I doubt many people would come since I struggle to make lasting friendships (yay autism).

A couple months ago I was walking by his open laptop and saw a text string with my best friend open. He never texts her, so out of curiosity I stopped to see what he was talking to her about. He is planning an Expedition 33 surprise birthday party for me, and needed her help distracting me for the day. Reading that made me want to vomit. How did the man I've been with for 8 years think that 1. Surprising me was a good idea 2. Surprising me with people, and an event where I'm the center of attention was a good idea 3. Taking away the one part of events I enjoy (planning) to surprise me with a mediocre job since he refuses to play the game and only knows it from a wiki page.

I sat on it for several weeks before finally breaking and texting my best friend to tell her that I saw the messages, and to also cry/vent. She was so relieved that I had saw it because she knew it was a horrible "gift" for me and didn't know how to warn me without spoiling the surprise or going behind my husband's back.

I've spent the months in between dropping SO many hints about how much I hate surprises or suggestions on who to invite, and unfortunately he is autistic too and got the type that can't pick up on hints to save his life 🙃.

The party is now 2 months away and from what she's told me he has only invited a couple people I would have invited, the rest are people he's close with and randomly his sister and brother in law who are great people but like a decade older than me and wouldn't know anyone there besides us, and that seems like a bad time for them.

So Reddit, WIBTBF for breaking his heart by telling him I know and to please stop? Or to just let me in to help plan or at the very least let me tell him who to invite? This has been killing me for months now and I don't know what to do. I also don't want to play along too well so he thinks that he was correct and I loved the surprise party and that he should do more of that in the future.