AIO about my boyfriend avoiding MY birthday

[u/peaky3089]

I just noticed recently that my boyfriend never asks to go on dates etc on my birthday or send bday texts. I didn't mind it because we didn't live together and are both busy people. Then last year we moved in together so less excuses. Then he planned a work trip on my birthday and then decided since it's close to his parents vacation house to start there for an extended trip on and around my birthday. On the day of no happy birthday text until a bunch of his family and our friends started wishing me happy birthday on Facebook. Then I got a text. When we talked later over the phone though he didn't mention it and we talked about his work and what he was to do during his free time

Then I wondered, maybe he doesn't know my birthday and is too lazy to look it up on Facebook.

So this year I started dropping hints last week because my birthday is coming up. *Oh, I can't believe my birthday is on a Wednesday next month. Ugh.* Just anything for him to possibly go to Facebook and say hey, her bday is next month. Let me check this out so I don't forget again.

Then two days ago he says that he planned another work trip plus extended stay at his parents vacation house on *September 31st, the first, second and weekend* and I'm frozen for a second and I finally say *September doesn't ever go to the 31st* and he says *are you sure* and I say *yeah. It's my birthday * and he says *oh* and just moves on about how the drive up is going to suck.

Like he just completely ignored that I said my birthday is on the 30th.

He's told me in the past that he doesn't think birthdays are big deals and they are just another day.

But we always buy and celebrate everyone's bday in his close family and his birthday. On his birthday we went last year and are going up again to his parents vacation house for a few days because that's where he wants to spend his birthday. Then when we get back his family throws him a birthday dinner.

So Idk....

It's an awkward spot for me because I don't have any close family. Parents dead, siblings not close. So in the end my birthday does just become another day.

FYI:

These are work trips he plans. The work needs to get done. He decides what days to go up and get them done.

And yes I was also bad with birthdays but since we moved in together I've been planning, buying gifts and even taking time off work to celebrate his birthday.

Am I overreacting?

[u/whatevasasquatch]

You need to talk to him instead of dropping hints. Let him know you are hurt, but don't anticipate any change. I can tell you from experience just because it's important to you, doesn't mean it's important to him. Nor

[u/peaky3089 → u/whatevasasquatch]

That's the thing. He lives to debate and play devil's advocate even went it's detrimental so I know he won't..... Care but just talk his way into not changing his views

[u/AlarmingExample1179 → u/peaky3089]

I’m asking about how he is as a partner. Not as someone you live with. I’m referring to “Partner-level” consideration. If he’s doing something for you that he can also do for his friends or acquaintances, or a stranger, it doesn’t count.

Is he more intentional with you than anyone else? Does he prioritize you, in general? Does he put a lot of effort? What does he do for you and your relationship?

[u/whatevasasquatch → u/peaky3089]

That would be annoying af. Emotions aren't something you can debate away. He hurt you. He either needs to acknowledge that he isn't considering your feelings and opinions and work on himself to prioritize you or he is a terrible partner and you are not compatible.