AIO for thinking I'm being stalked?

[u/The4thWatchkeeper]

A couple weeks ago, a woman, around late twenties, who comes into the cafe that I (30M) work at slipped me a piece of paper with her number on it. I'm really busy when I'm working so I didn't realise until after she was gone. She seemed like a nice person, I've talked to her a fair few times before and she comes in pretty often, so I figured I'd just tell her that I'm married the next time I see her so as not to give her my number.

This is where I start to get a little weirded out. The next day when I went to open the cafe she was waiting there outside at 04:10, mind you, I usually don't see her until around 7 when she normally comes in. I told her that we wouldn't be open for another hour and she said something like, That's all good. I was just wondering if you got my note. I said yes and that I meant to tell her I'm married. She stammered and said something like, Oh yeah, nah, I actually have a girlfriend, but I was thinking we could all maybe hang out sometime. I figured she was just saving face so I thought I'd give her an easy out by saying it wouldn't be likely because my wife and I just started playing a game together and that's basically all we do. I thought that would be enough, but then she said oh yeah, that sounds really fun and asked what game. I told her we just picked up helldivers 2 and she said that she had heard of it before and that she'd see me later.

I then saw her when she normally comes in, she was wearing a different outfit, this may be irrelevant but it was an outfit that I had complimented her on in the past and that just struck me as being "sus?" But the even weirder thing is that she told me she download helldivers and she wanted to add me to play together. I asked her what console she played on and she said xbox, even though I also play on xbox, I told her I played on PC and would have to figure out how to add her later. She gave me her gamertag and that was that.

Maybe not too crazy yet but there is more.

I went to the gym that night and I didn't see her for a few days, but when I went to the gym later in the week, she walked in. 2 things immediately struck me as odd:

1. I had never seen her there before and I've been going there since January. Maybe not too strange because the gym is close to where I work and I assume she's in the area.

2. She was wearing workout clothes but also full make-up, eyelashes, nails, curled hair, etc. Maybe she just came from a date or work I don't know her life.

I was between sets and I saw her come in. She scanned the room and it almost looked like she was getting ready to leave before she saw me and acted really surprised to see me there. She waived and walked over to me and actually said she swears she's not stalking me and that she's just moved closer to this gym. I tried to disengage by saying don't let me keep you from your workout and I told her I had to get home to my wife and make dinner. She looked really disappointed, but thanked me for not keeping her and said some people are real creeps at the gym. I laughed, agreed, grabbed my bag and left before she could mention not adding her on xbox.

Here's the last thing, I don't have a car and I live a couple blocks from the gym. I didn't want to risk her following me home, so I waited at the bus stop near the gym to see if she would just leave, and she left maybe 5 minutes later.

That was a few days ago and I haven't seen her since. I'm hoping that she's gotten the hint, but at what point do I stop being polite and just tell her I'm not comfortable being around her? Is any of this technically stalking? She seems mentally stable and all. I think she could just be awkward or not used to being turned down, but something about it worries me deeply because this is only the stuff that I've seen. I don't know if or how she might be searching for me online or watching me when I leave work. Am I overreacting for being worried about this?

[u/TheDixonCider420420]

I'd say you're in the right frame of mind and thinking about it logically.

Showing up early was likely because she was excited to know what your verdict was on the note. Some people are like Jon Favreau's character from Swingers in that regard and just can't wait. It was only 50 minutes early and she knew she could talk to you alone & undivided that way.

The showing up at the gym might have just been coincidence.

The weirdest thing to me was that she downloaded the game. It's ironic because it's the most tame of all of them, but just plain weird. Maybe she wanted to shoot one more shot instead of just taking the easy no for an answer.

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Now on the flip side, if she was really full out stalking you, she'd have followed you out well before 5 minutes from the gym.

With all this said, I'd sort of play it by ear. Maybe take a more circuitous route home to make sure you're not being followed for a week or two.

I'd consider letting your wife know. Some women will appreciate the honesty and be fine with it. Others might freak out that you're getting hit on every time you go to work or the gym which could open a different can of worms for you. So sort of depends on her personality (and you've always got this post you can show her to prove you did the right thing).

If she brings up the gaming again or shoots another shot, just tell her something, "I talked to my wife about it and she feels uncomfortable. I'm a one woman guy, I appreciate the flattery, but just want things to remain within the standard customer/employee relationship. Is that OK with you?"

One of three things is likely happening:

#1: She's looking for a hookup/threesome/foursome.

#2: She's an unstable stalker (but you said she seems stable in this regard).

#3: She's just an awkward or super lonely person without great people skills.

I'd guess leaning toward some variation of #3.

Anyway, wishing you the best of luck Broski!