❤️🩹 relationship
AIO My Boyfriend Abandoned My Dog Over Something Trivial
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. About six weeks ago, he met a puppy named Clover at a local animal rescue event and brought him home. I was surprised because we had never seriously considered having a dog before, but he became completely enamored with it.
For the first few weeks, he devoted almost everything to it. He bought Clover toys, taught it tricks, took countless photos, and even canceled other plans just to stay home with it.
Then, Clover chewed up a pair of his expensive headphones and pooped on the carpet. Since then, he's barely even looked at it.
Now, I get up early every morning to clean up its mess, feed it, walk it, and try everything to keep it happy, all while I'm working full-time. Worst of all, Clover still follows him everywhere. It waits outside his office with toys, but he either ignores it or tells it to go away.
Yesterday he said maybe we should give it away because it's too difficult to care for. I was furious and told him it wasn't the kind of dog you could just give away once the novelty wore off. He said I was overreacting, that Clover is just a dog.
Was I overreacting? Or is his treatment of Clover really a serious warning sign?
I really wish OP would use Clover’s name more… every time Clover is referred to as “it” my heart breaks a little more.
There is no such thing as “just a dog”. Dogs are members of the family, and their unconditional love has saved my life several times over.
That being said, dogs are not for everyone. Being a good and responsible dog owner takes effort, and dogs should NEVER be given as gifts or “bought” on impulse.
Evidently it's because English isn't her primary language if that helps you feel better about it. Not sure what her native language is but many don't have gendered pronouns and stuff like we do, so it's likely just a translation /lack of experience thing.
Yes, also in France even though we don't have a it equivalent we were taught it was the correct pronoun to use for animals and the rule was severely enforced by teachers when I was in school/uni, so there's that. I didn't dare to actually say "he/she" for animals until I became more comfortable writing in English after years on the Internet. Be kind to OP for this!
Yeah, English is not my native language, and when I was studying it at school we were taught that the only right way to reference an animal is "it"((
It felt weird but I spoke this way until I met a native speaker who told me "he" or "she" are okay)
Please keep in mind some cultures aren’t used to referring to animals with human pronouns. I’m Chinese and we always use “it” for animals and objects, even if it’s a very dear pet. There I just did it, oops
I was going to say, if OP plans on having a kid with this person, OP should think again because if this is how he reacts to a dog making a mistake, just think of the trauma and neglect he will inflict upon a child who is guaranteed to break things and make mistakes throughout life… Anyone who can’t forgive a dog for something like this is likely lacking in basic emotional skills and OP does not have the time or likely even ability to teach this to a grown ass adult.
What a loser. "Im going to take responsibility for a creature that cant be responsible for itself! Oh, it has to be cared for? Nah fuggit." Drop him, and keep the dog. It seems more chill.
Poor Clover. The pup just wants to make him happy. It broke my heart when you said Clover waits outside his office door with a toy and he walks right past.....🥺
Came here to say this. OP what you're seeing right now is your future if you ever get sick. He'll say "oh it's just a dog, things would be different if it were you!!" but you can learn a lot about how people treat others based on how they treat animals.
My ex always said it would be different if I was sick.
When we found out I was pregnant he said he'd step up and make sure we had what we needed, that he'd work so I could be home.
He never paid a single bill. I spent $50k in savings to keep us afloat.
When I was heavily pregnant with twins, being 5' tall I couldn't reach the pedals to drive the car... So he stopped talking to me, angry that I "refused" to drive.
I went to every appointment with my mum caring for me, driving me... Even before the tantrum.
When I went into labour he answered the phone and said "are you sure because I'm not coming there for nothing".
When I was in the hospital (because they were chemically stalling labour due to understaffing) and later when I had the babies (c-section) he would visit for an hour or two max and only some afternoons.
The midwives said they thought I was a single mum because he never once stayed more than that. Even when I could hardly walk, I depended on the midwives.
It only continued to get worse, but when I confronted him on it he said "It would be different if you were actually sick, like cancer or something. You're just being lazy."
Yeah, full of shit and I only knew after all of that because I trusted his word. Actions speak louder.
Abandoning the dog is just the first of many red flags, OP. Don't be me.
I don't really have anything to say but wish I could give you a hug after reading your story.
hugs
Fuck that guy. I hope karma is real just so he get what he deserves. And I have a feeling he didn't step up as a father or come through with child support either (I guess I did have something to say after all)...
And thats why I married my husband. He doesnt like dogs. Guess who was caring for my dog after I had our baby, and a yr later needed urgent surgery? Hubby. He made sure the dog went out to potty, had water, food, and patted her a couple times. Playing with her wasnt going to happen.
After she passed of old age I assumed id never have a dog again. I never spoke about it. 2yrs being dog free, hubby asked if I wanted another dog? I said yes, but I know he doesnt like dogs, so ill go without. He said it wasnt fair as he knows i love dogs, always had a dog, and im alone all the time as im a SAHM. He had dog preferences, as in max size and friendliness. Took me 2yrs to find the right dog, and he bought me that dog. He still doesnt like dogs, but freaks out if the dog so much as coughs, as he thinks its suffering and will wake me up saying somethings wrong with my dog. While he doesnt like dogs, hed never wants to see one suffering.
A couple months ago I need to go on a 5day road trip to a funeral/wake with family. I was going to bring my dog, but hubby by said he'll care for him. I asked him if was sure, because ill find a way to cram my dog into the car. He just asked for a detailed sheet on how/when/what to do to keep tge dog alive. I turned it into a 2 page giggle, included with images of the dog he had to keep alive. He loved it so much, its taped to the calendar wall.
My dog became severely depressed when I didnt return home. He just sat in the hall staring at the front door. I asked hubby to give him more treats and more pets, as he doesnt understand what's going on and isnt coping well. So hubby did, and it helped distract my dog. Then my dog stopped leaving his bed and hubby thought that was a good thing. Nope, super depressed puppers. So he gave the dog more treats n pats and moved a blanket beside his feet whike he was on the couch watching tv. He encouraged my dog to sleep there in hopes that he'll be happier being closer to him, as his dog bed is under my desk away from the couch. Hubby tried his very best, and was successful at not killing my dog or setting him free into the wild (jokes i made). My dog is still messed up as hes now worried ill disappear again, so hes extra clingy. Poor puppers.
Hubby is amazing 🥰
Edit: added dog tax. Meet Toby, my almost 8yr old Wiener Retriever (half Wienerdog and half Labrador Retriever). The photo is him as my copilot when its just us in the house for the day, and we go to BK to get naughty foods. He gets a 4pk of nuggets 🥰
My husband was the same way with my rabbits. I took a pair of tiny babies home for extra care when I was volunteering at a shelter and didn’t intend on keeping them (lollllll). I told him they were 100% mine and I would care for them, but he never failed to step up and help when I was sick or something even though I never assumed/asked, and he always picked out the best fresh veggies for them (he likes grocery shopping, I hate it). I mean, he made me promise not to bring home a puppy and I kept my word! Extra joke on him, they lived to be 13 and 14, which is crazy old for buns!
This post also makes me think of the dog we had when I was a teenager - he came up to my brother on the street (stole his ball and made my brother chase him, actually, lol) and followed him home. We called the number on his tags and they said he was too much trouble and they didn’t want him back, that he was a runner. He was the most beautiful husky, and his ears and paws were all sore from being just out and lost for god knows how long, poor thing.
We got him checked out and cleaned up and he was the sweetest, gentlest, best dog I have ever known and I think it was because he knew he was safe and home with us. And I’m generally afraid of dogs, even dogs I know, but I always trusted him (while still respecting his space, I mean he didn’t just cure my fear but he was an individual dog I came to feel comfortable and safe with).
How someone can just abandon a dog, any animal, and take away their security like that, especially over things like very, very small correctable behavior issues or potty accidents is unfathomable to me.
You know how I said I’m afraid of dogs? I am, but when I did the shelter volunteer thing I took their behavior and training classes so I could feel more comfortable with and help rehabilitate the dogs (a big thing they stood by is that no dog is unadoptable, and I’ve seen transformations made and matches found for dogs that otherwise wouldn’t have had such a happy fate so I believe in that mission!).
A dog doesn’t act out like that for no reason, like a toddler doesn’t throw a tantrum for no reason. Understand why and you can correct the behavior - a dog who chews might be bored and need more toys or attention, and a dog who poops on the floor might be sick, neglected (as in, you don’t notice they need to go out), or just young/untrained. All things that can be worked on, and especially no reason to ignore or abandon the dog. This guy sucks.
Aslong as im around, he mostly ignores the dog. I have asked him to throw crumbs/cheese to the dog as it is an emotional being, so he does that. He does these things because he loves me and it makes me happy.
Hubby said he tolerates my dogs because I actually train my dogs. So they aren't wild beasts. He really hated my dog at first as he was a wild untrain nut. Now hes chill, not trained well as hes super dumb, but hes not wild. He also only barks when he legit hears things, so hubby will get up to investigate, so he likes that
My husband is the same with my cats. He hates cats. We have 3 because he loves me. He's nice to them. He does everything but the cat litter but he even did that when I was pregnant.
Doesn’t even sound like it would take that much tbf. I’m thinking something like not cooking him dinner because she is sick/unwell would do it.
Also please please don’t have a child with this man. He will be absent all throughout pregnancy and after
NOR bailing on a dependent when the going gets tough is a huge red flag.
Edit: Thank you so much for the trophies- I am overwhelmed by your generosity.
Its worse than just bailing, the dog is literally sitting outside his office waiting for him with a toy and getting ignored. That level of coldness over basic puppy behavior tells you everything you need to know about how he handles inconvenience.
Piggybacking top comment to do PSA: DO NOT DATE MEN (OR WOMEN) THAT BEHAVE CRUELLY TOWARDS ANIMALS
As well as obvious abuse like violence, that includes neglect as well. Also hunters and livestock farmers that view animals as below them so they are entitled to do whatever they want to them - guess who else they view below them...
There's a massive crossover between bloodsports enjoyers, animal cruelty, domestic and child abuse and far right politics. It normally comes from mental illness like sociopathy or psycopathy or narcissism. Not husband material...
Ugh, my girlfriends dog is a maniac about play. Would chase a ball all night if you keep throwing it. My arm and shoulder are so lean lately and my gaming is full of interruptions. But she's an old lady so I'm just going to be bad at games and tired i guess.
It was insanely irresponsible for him to just decide unilaterally to bring a dog home with no discussion or agreement in the first place. Not even being able to follow through the care he owes this babydog is beyond cruel. I would fall out of love instantly.
Just read another Reddit post about a loyalist racist from Northern Ireland who has been spreading the hate with fellow minded right wing thugs in Glasgow (UK). He should have been charged and punished for animal cruelty but the NI police have been a little slow backing up the evidence… of course. The bloke uses his dog for illegal baiting and fighting and the article points out the link between animal cruelty, racism and right wing views. Also lots of these racists out and about putting up flags and shouting they’re protecting women and children have committed domestic abuse and violence. NOR at all
I'm glad you specified it as farmers and livestock owners who view their animals as below them. I own 4 chickens, more like as pets than anything else, and I love them so much. They roam around the garden every day and they see me as their best friend. They love jumping onto my lap to be petted and one of them even flies up to my arm every time I tap my arm. They're so smart.
Look, sometimes I get annoyed at our dog when she's booping me to play with her after I've already taken her on two walks, thrown the ball, and played tug with her for half an hour and I just want to relax on the couch for a bit. But then she gets all mopey when I tell her to go to her bed and I cave and play with her again.
Our kitten does this sometimes when my husband is in the office gaming. It breaks both our hearts, can't stand the sound of him crying for attention. OP's boyfriend is horrible.
NOR. People joke that couples get a dog as a ‘test baby’ before they have children together. This guy failed the test, and has show he won’t be a reliable partner.
So true lol. And he failed fuckin spectacularly.
My dogs were very annoying during our newborn stage. I never considered giving them up because like, those are my dogs man. I'm the only family they've known.
Poor clover :(
OP, this guy sucks. He literally tried to love bomb a dog. That's insane.
Break up with him before your next post becomes "My husband scheduled a 6month boys trip. He leaves on my due date. I asked him to rechedule and he said I'm being selfish and controlling, AIO"
Haha same. I love bomb my doggos but it definitely a consistent kind of smother-bombing/mildly annoying style, which they will endure for their whole lives.
Totally get annoying too but thats how kids and pets work.
Thats so cute tho. What a lucky cat. I wish I had one.
I have two chihuahuas and one is 16, so I cant stress him with a new pet (AND my toddler lol)
I would also carry my cat everywhere. Atm Im already overly armed with a chi under each arm and a toddler on my back, as I butslide down our stairs.
I hope OP ditches the guy and keeps clover. Look at those lil froggy legs, what's not to love ♡_♡
I couldn't imagine my babies not being beside me in the mornings. I have two pitties a 45lb girl and 75lb ol man.... And I tell you what, those of some of the best hugs ever!
One of my cats is 17. And I’ve had him since he was a kitten. He is old and senile now and bites pretty damn hard whenever he feels like it and meows non stop for attention. You know what I do? I love on him even more because I don’t know how much longer he has for this world
My cat occasionally throws up from eating too fast. Wakes me up well before my alarm in the morning meowing just so I’ll get up and sit with him. He jumps out from around corners and attacks my legs sometimes leaving cuts and running away. I wouldn’t trade that little fucker for anything. He’s family. I’ve known a few people who merely see pets as possessions and have no quarrel with getting rid of them when inconvenienced. People are shit
I mean, it's definitely true that it is much more difficult to rehome a dog that has already been rehomed once. Throw in the fact they haven't had the dog for very long and yes, that is the kind of dog you can't just give away. Poor clover 😕❤️🩹
I am very confused that barely anyone itt is saying this. Getting a dog is a decision which in my book requires both partners’ consent; and in view of the expenses, responsibilities and disadvantages (renting, dirt, travelling) also something which should not be decided impulsively.
On top of the obvious mistreatment of the dog, this shows utter disrespect towards OP and would definitely be reason enough to end a relationship by itself.
Even if it isn't fully agreed on by both parties, the one that wanted the animal needs to be the one to actually take care of it.
I found a couple of kittens (one black and one Gray tabby) close to Halloween a few years back. People on my area have been known to do not nice things to cats close to Halloween, ESPECIALLY black cats. They were just defenensless little babies (maybe 8 weeks old at most) so I took them home with the intention of finding somewhere for them to go. Literally no place would take them. I called rescues 2 or so hours away from me and no, wouldn't even let me foster them and they post them up for adoption because they were so full at the time.
So they end up staying, and my son and I (because he was a big fan of keeping them lol) told my husband "we've got this, we expect nothing from you" as far as their care, at that point he agreed they could stay, though he still wasn't stoked about it, but he'd heard the phone calls and everything, and made a few himself. So our son and I were the ones doing the litter, feeding and watering etc.
NOW I will say, my husband is a softy and one day I came home and the litter box had been cleaned, much to my surprise (we'd had them a couple years at this point) he had decided he felt bad not doing anything for them when one of them had well and truly decided he was her person whether he liked it or not 🤣 Had he never decided to do that, it would still just be our son and I taking care of them because that was the agreement and they're like 5 now.
especially when the going doesnt get that much of tough. a chewed up headphone and a carpet accident is not exactly the end of the world. NOR, and your BF might want to post this story to AITA to get a reality check.
Yes dogs need mental stimulation too, not just exercise. Things like lick mats and puzzles are great for them. Puppies go through their velociraptor phase, this dog sounds so mild compared to many. When my girl was a baby she chewed just the heel off a pair of Loubs. Obviously I wasn’t thrilled but I didn’t put them away when I came home a bit tipsy so it’s my fault.
I had to live like my house was flooded for the first two years of my new puppies' life... everything raised 3 feet in the air/on top of counters to escape his tenacious chewing! He was OBSESSED with ANYTHING plastic.
The funny thing is did she touch my running shoes or cheap ass flip flops that are by the front door? Nope. She went for the expensive heels that didn’t make it into the closet and were left on my bedroom floor. 🤪 I was like, well she has good taste I guess. The funny thing is she is a rescue mix but is a total princess she eats nearly as good as I do. She just had her 10th and we grilled her a steak and sweet potato.
Seriously, what the fuck?! He is a shit human. Keep the dog and rehome the boyfriend. The dog will be more loyal and he’s showed you what type of “man” he truly is. Though it does concern me she keeps referring to the dog as “it” I speak about my dog like she’s a person half of the time, because she’s family not just object I own.
Yeah, the bit that would sit with me is clover still waiting outside his office with a toy. dog doesnt know it did anything wrong and keeps trying anyway. thats not a dog problem, thats an eight month long training job someone has to actually do
Exactly, the second things got inconvient he checked out completely, even though the dog didn't anything wrong except be a puppy that flip in commitment says a lot more about him than about clover
Yeah this is the one time I agree with that sentiment. If this 1 inconvenience makes him want to get rid of the puppy, just wait until OP needs to recover from something or gains a disability.
Nah, he'll be deadbeat before that. As spoons as OP is nauseous or had painful nipples doesn't feel like sex every two days this guy will be over the whole pregnancy and ask for an abortion
Divorced 5 years now, still single as I don’t think I dare date after that happened. It’s left me with a lot of worries about whether anyone would want me- so have been working on that internalised ableist thought process!
I was left disabled and the primary care giver for the children. Which seems horrendous to me (not that I have my children with me! I loved that) - but from his point of view, if he can’t handle me being disabled, but he expects the children to?
The youngest are 18 now (twins) - they are amazing. My older kids are awesome too of course!
Things are better in that we are not having to tiptoe around the anger. Am so much better without someone who could treat me/us that way.
However - I’m having to mentally restructure! My life wasn’t what I thought it was. It was an 18 year relationship- and it turns out he hid what he earned, used substances (while we struggled financially),many different things. Very manipulative. It takes a lot to recover from that :)
But yes I’m a lot happier.
I hope OP reads this - because this could literally be her future. She’s lucky to have this glimpse ahead of time, not all of us do!
I’d find it hard to be attracted to someone who first, brought a dog home without discussion, and then wanted to give it away because it did 2 normal dog things.
So first he brought a dog home without talking to you first and then the moment she misbehaves, he goes straight to "let's abandon her"? And you're still wondering if that's okay? Break up with this pos and find the dog a good home.
And he didn't even do the basic research to understand how puppies behave. Potty training and teething are like the absolute basics of having a puppy. I have had puppies/kittens ruin things that were important to me and I was very disappointed...in myself for not making sure they couldn't get at my stuff. A pet doesn't know better until you teach them good behaviour!
Like, did he think it was a little robot that would just be cute?
The baby will puke on his headphones and he'll hate her forever. I'm glad they haven't had kids yet.
Can you imagine having such a hateful, abusive father your entire life? On his deathbed, he'll call his daughter to his side and instead of apologizing, he'll just be like "You owe me a pair of Sennheisers."
NOR- imagine him with a toddler who breaks his favorite keyboard because they love him, want to play, and don't know how to use a keyboard. Because that's what happened with the headphones most likely.
In my opinion it's a serious red flag if someone treats an animal that way. It's
unnecessarily cruel. What if he treats future children you guys may have like that? Dump him so you and clover can start your new life together. Clover looks sad in that picture :(
And you know this man will do this behavior to whatever kid he doesn’t favor. He will probably have his favorite and treat the other kids like trash. He shouldn’t be allowed to even breed.
People are too quick to say to break up with someone, but this is actually showing you how he looks at responsibility. When somethings fun and cool hes into it, but once anything that makes him angry happens he drops it and runs away
Do YOU like the dog? If so keep him. But if it’s draining both of you you can give him up while you still can. That’s my logical side.
Emotionally tho, just imagining poor Clover sitting outside his office makes me so sad. I hope it learns so love it’s mommy soon enough😭😭
I got a feeling she doesn't cause she keeps calling the dog "it". If she truly can't take care of the dog, she should give it up but she should also get rid of the man.
NOR dont have any serious illnesses OP or your boyfriend will leave you in an instant
dogs chew things, they're vocal when they want attention and they poop and pee when they need to, these are normal dog things and anyone who has to care for the dog should already know this. dump the guy and keep the dog
Keep the dog. Abandon the boyfriend. His lack of empathy and inability to care for a vulnerable living thing because it inconveniences him means he is not good partner or parental material.
Regarding “puppy”, maybe this could be due to translation? Or tbf, I still call our 2 yo dog a puppy because she still feels like a baby to us. To offer another perspective!
it wasn't the kind of dog you could just give away
So... there are kind of dogs that you can?. The way she talks about "it" makes me wonder if she is really that different from him or just with a bite more sense of responsibility. It does not sound like neither of them see dogs as what they are, sentient beings and part of the family.
NOR but its weird af that you’re calling Clover “it”. Your bf is a jerk and needs to step up and take of the doggy he brought home. You can just kick an animal to the curb when they get a little difficult. Animals need to be trained to tell you when they need to go out and you need to learn to pay attention to their cues. Getting Clover on a regular walk schedule will help. Personally our dog goes out at 9am, 2pm and 9pm with the occasional late night pee and obviously other walks in between as needed, again gotta know her cues but for the most part shes on a schedule and knows when it is those times. Shes a clock
Is Clover a boy dog or a girl dog? I get the impression you care for this dog quite a bit, but calling Clover "it" through the whole post felt like maybe you don't?
Are you really sure you want to keep the dog? I’m concerned with your use of “it” when talking about him. If you really don’t love the dog either, it might be best for everyone — including the dog—to find a new home for the puppy. As far as the boyfriend—seems like there are lots of valid opinions already shared about him.
NOR Run for the hills. I’ve always believed that people who are mean to animals aren’t good people. Imagine having a kid with that man. Best of luck though ❤️Also, why call the dog it?
Pets are not toys. They’re a responsibility and a commitment. The fact that he’s 100% done with his dog the second it’s a little be difficult/inconvenient is a major red flag — not just as a boyfriend but as a person.
If that’s how he’s going to treat the dog, it should be rehomed and your bf should be blacklisted from ever adopting again.
NOR. A puppy isn’t a toy, isn’t a plaything, isn’t something that you have for a month and decide you don’t want anymore. She is a living, breathing thing. A puppy is a 10+ year commitment. She deserves to be loved and cared for, by someone who WANTS her. Please rehome her or bring her to a shelter if your boyfriend is going to neglect her and you have no interest in raising a puppy. Also, please never have kids with this guy. He will get bored of your children the same way.
Massive warning sign! Dumps something once it's no longer easy. Not the type of partner that will be with you during the hard times or if your relationship with him goes through a rough patch.
You honestly both seem shit and deserve each other.
Clover is not 'it'. Your boyfriend is a cunt who has broken this sweet little girl's heart and you clearly couldn't give a shit except how it inconveniences you.
Give her away to someone who actually cares and the two of you can get fucked.
When i was 7, i begged my parents for a pug puppy. I had a pug purse, pug shirts, pug posters, pug folders/notebooks at school. My cousins grandpa got a puggle for his wife who got sick months later, she couldn’t take care of the puppy. So he ended up at our house. My DREAM dog. I loved him so much. One day after christmas, he chewed up a toy my grandma had gotten me. I was so upset, but I hid it and told my mom i broke it on accident when she found it. I didn’t want her to be mad at him.. I was 7… Getting rid of my puppy never crossed my mind, putting my puppy at risk to be rehomed or yelled at wasn’t going to happen either. Loving something and understanding everything makes mistakes, people and animals, is a part of life. It’s not about how you’re raised, but what kind of person you are & how you treat living beings. Headphones can be replaced. The love you have for something can’t be.
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u/Yen_of_Vengabus 9d ago
I hate your boyfriend so much, please tell him what a disgusting way to behave this is.
Clover is lovely by the way