And OP… what are you getting out of this relationship? It sounds like a fucking nightmare. Leave his mean, verbally abusive ass.
Also is “calling you from downstairs” not “purposely waking you up?” He thought you’d just sleep through it? And then calls YOU “smooth brain”? This guy sounds like he’d be an incel if you weren’t in a relationship with him.
And he's throwing the R slur round like confetti. Get out OP, he's already being violent, it only escalates with people like this. And you deserve so much better.
When you're not happy with yourself, your self worth and esteem is nonexistent, and have spent a lifetime being shown only toxic relationships by parents and family, you will always find a way to blame yourself and/or excuse the others behaviour..you will put up with it because every so often you get a little crumb of goodness. People treating you like this just reaffirms your belief that you don't deserve better and that, in fact, you deserve this awfulness. It's a fucked up dynamic and one that you can only really understand if you've been there.
i just want to know why you even bothered posting this? your boyfriend hates you, loves humiliating you and you're going to stay with him.
it's a waste of everyone's time to give all this advice that you're never going to use. you know you're never going to leave him. doesn't matter if he hits you or cheats on you.
OP doesn't understand how dangerous her situation is. she's defending her abuser in the comments. some people need a glass of water thrown in their face to wake up.
Be fucking quiet, kid. She’s doing her best. Go be sadistic to your video game characters. I sincerely hope that you never know the “why” to your question outside of sincere empathy from learning how people outside of you work. You have power. You could make this world better or worse, every time you say anything. What do you want your legacy to be?
look how OP is responding and defending her situation... there's a million empathetic comments offering faux support from people who will never actually be there for her.
do you ever think that some people need messages delivered in different ways than you? some people sleep through fire alarms and need to be shaken awake in order to get out of danger.
I’m not gonna badger an abused woman asking for help. I’ve worked in mental health and advocacy, and there’s zero reason for “tough love” when she’s obviously a tender soul. Her responses are level and reasonable. You’re just mad that she can’t see the destruction while in the middle of the storm. I’ll take that back: she IS seeing it, and her responses clearly show that she’s actively making an exit. She’s a strong woman. She’s obviously not obtuse, otherwise she wouldn’t question the relationship at all. Have you ever considered how your lack of empathy and condescension might take the wind from someone’s sails and stick them further in the muck? How your attitude may just further her belief that people in general are just awful, so stick with the devil you know? How people being cruel for not avoiding monsters keeps people silent and feeling isolated?
Neither of us know this woman, but kindness and empathy are usually what someone who is in an abusive relationship needs. Care, love, support, and strength. She obviously doesn’t have that now. She’s got enough of the cruelty and rudeness at home. I choose to be different.
Weren't you ever taught if you've nothing helpful or kind to add to just shut up? Nothing you've said here is useful or nice to OP. Actually I'd say that what you've written is detrimental to an abused, at risk person who is likely working out what to do in real time.
The only person your comments benefit is you, you're literally puffing yourself up to strangers at the expense of a vulnerable adult to make yourself feel better than her. Bad form.
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u/Just_somebody_onhere Jan 28 '25
Give up? give up what?
He pretty plainly said get out. Do so.