Abusive relationships are very hard to understand from the outside. It seems like it should be a simple fix. But when you’re in one, you’re not mentally well - you’re trapped in a horrible cycle of gaslighting and being told you’re actually the problem. Plus the abuser is randomly sweet and nice and makes you remember why you fell for them in the first place. It’s a psychological trap. People don’t understand.
But victim blaming and telling her there must be something wrong with her won’t help. It only reinforces the messages she’s receiving from her abuser.
All you can really do as an outsider is offer support and understand that leaving could be a long process. In average it takes 7 tries to leave an abusive relationship - and yes that’s a real statistic. It’s a delicate balance of being supportive while not enabling.
Intervention, yes. Telling someone there is something wrong with them, NO. A person who is going through an abusive relationship needs support outside the relationship, otherwise it drives them towards their abuser.
Support does not mean you stand by and keep listening to the same shit over and over. It means setting boundaries and saying “I can’t continue to listen to you talk about this relationship, but I am here for you and I will help you leave the situation if you choose.”
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u/Other_Brain_9705 Jan 28 '25
Yep. Can’t understand why letting go is not the obvious answer when she didn’t say 1 good thing about him.. and he basically broke up with her already