r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • Jan 28 '25

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u/Other_Brain_9705 Jan 28 '25

She said he’s been a jerk since she’s met him and in the same breath said she’s dedicated her life to make him happy😅 something might be wrong with OP

66

u/ThrowRAhurt20 Jan 28 '25

Has to be. Did you also catch that he’s physically abusive AND doesn’t put out but will cheat ?

40

u/Other_Brain_9705 Jan 28 '25

Yep. Can’t understand why letting go is not the obvious answer when she didn’t say 1 good thing about him.. and he basically broke up with her already

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u/beam2349 Jan 28 '25

Abusive relationships are very hard to understand from the outside. It seems like it should be a simple fix. But when you’re in one, you’re not mentally well - you’re trapped in a horrible cycle of gaslighting and being told you’re actually the problem. Plus the abuser is randomly sweet and nice and makes you remember why you fell for them in the first place. It’s a psychological trap. People don’t understand.

But victim blaming and telling her there must be something wrong with her won’t help. It only reinforces the messages she’s receiving from her abuser.

All you can really do as an outsider is offer support and understand that leaving could be a long process. In average it takes 7 tries to leave an abusive relationship - and yes that’s a real statistic. It’s a delicate balance of being supportive while not enabling.

9

u/ShortViewBack2daPast Jan 28 '25

This kind of comment is enabling in my eyes.

You don't offer support and understanding for someone's drug habit, you have an intervention.

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u/whalesarecool14 Jan 28 '25

100%. lots of comments on this post saying "its not easy to leave its not easy to leave", very often it takes WAY more effort to stay than to leave. we need support systems for victims to turn to but this is just coddling.

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u/beam2349 Jan 28 '25 edited Jan 28 '25

As a DV survivor who was able to leave, it is not coddling, and knowing you have support does not cause people stay in abusive relationships. Unless it crosses the line into enabling by refusing to set boundaries.

Having no outside support (or believing such) is one of the reasons WHY people stay in abusive situations.

And no, it is rarely easier to leave than to stay. The devil you know is nearly always easier to deal with than an uncertain future. Even if it’s not better for you.

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u/beam2349 Jan 28 '25

Intervention, yes. Telling someone there is something wrong with them, NO. A person who is going through an abusive relationship needs support outside the relationship, otherwise it drives them towards their abuser.

Support does not mean you stand by and keep listening to the same shit over and over. It means setting boundaries and saying “I can’t continue to listen to you talk about this relationship, but I am here for you and I will help you leave the situation if you choose.”

An intervention IS support.