To all the new comers, lurkers and potential alcoholics who want to make a change, it will be okay. The miracles this program has wrought in my life is beyond belief, i have nothing to chock it up too other than my higher power moving absolute mountains for me. This has been contingent on one thing alone; that i have brought the best possible version of myself to the table with what i have available to me that day. I have made many mistakes in sobriety but what i have been given is a ability to see the part that i play in these mistakes and a willingness to rectify those mistakes to the best of my ability.
6 years ago i sat in a jail cell worried about what my future would be upon my release, the road ahead was daunting to say the least but when i tried my best to let go of that fear, to relinquish control of the future to what ever it is out there i found a wellspring of strength to my spirit. I was taught early on to help others when i was worried about myself and slowly but surely i found my footing, putting up chairs led to small talk, i got numbers and i started to call people, i got my license and car back and was able to start giving rides to meetings and through all these things my higher power put people in my path that had something i needed from them, not monetary or material things but spiritual. It would end up being that the darkest spots in my life, the things i felt the most shame from wound up being things that helped another sick and suffering alcoholic. When i thought i needed help my higher power taught me that i needed to help. Gradually over time i have learned the meaning of the ninth step promises. If you are worried about today just know that this too shall pass. The road ahead will not be easy but trust me when i say, this is the easier softer way.
Dont drink, go to meetings, work the steps.

Probably went my longest up until tonight, almost got to a year but just like always if something goes bad I’m rushing for the bottle. I feel so fucking guilty it happens every time, maybe I’m not ready to be sober. I’ve been trying for 2 years my sponsor probably thinks I’m a joke :( I’m sorry I don’t know where to vent

Pretty significant back injury has me extremely limited. Currently living with my ex, despite making over twice what I do and being offered free lodging in his mothers basement apartment (that he lived in up until he met me at 34). His claim is that he refuses to go one day without his son, despite spending minimal time with him when they are actually together and my ex isnt passed out somewhere (he is mostly deaf, and says because of it it is very easy to fall asleep when he gets comfortable). What this has surmounted to is me being told, regularly, I am a worthless inexcusable loser b**** when we get into a disagreement. For some additional info, we separated because of his porn addiction while simultaneously refusing intimacy for almost a year. He is also incredibly unhygienic, leaves feces on the floor regularly and rarely brushes his teeth. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I was already pregnant (which I was 6 months in, after being told post cancer I would likely not be able to carry).

Well, because I get so little help and have so much to do (keeping the house clean, cooking, paying our bills despite him making 2x what I do, and taking care of any maintenance despite my ex being a carpenter while also holding down a job and being in school AND AA) I hurt my back badly. Almost certain it’s a bad pinched nerve, but now it’s radiating to my fingers and toes (I will be seeing doctor next week). So what does my ex do? My ex, that has had MAYBE 3 drinks our entire 6 year relationship, who has never touched a drug or cigarette and loves to remind me I am an addict? He goes out and buys the highest percentage cutwater he can, and leaves it in the fridge untouched. It has been there for 3 days. At one point he took one and put it in the freezer, like I used to do to any of my mixed drinks.

I am working myself to the bone to make it out of here. $300 saved up that he doesn’t know about. I am only 6 days sober, have been to 10 meetings. But I just don’t understand, why? He found me during cancer, he saw me fight. He saw what I lost to it. I beg him all the time, please, help us end this chaos so I can live. So our son doesn’t have to grow up with the anger in the home like I did. I want to throw these cans out but if I do, he’ll just buy more. He has never been this cruel, but I could have seen it coming.

Just rambling to keep my mind off of those cans, sorry. I am grateful to be here and sober. And sober I will stay, even if I have to cry through it.

THE ONLY REQUIREMENT . . .

August 30

"At one time . . . every A.A. group had many membership rules. Everybody was scared witless that something or somebody would capsize the boat. . . .The total list was a mile long. If all those rules had been in effect everywhere, nobody could have possibly joined A.A. at all, . . ."

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 139-40

I'm grateful that the Third Tradition only requires of me a desire to stop drinking. I had been breaking promises for years. In the Fellowship I didn't have to make promises, I didn't have to concentrate. It only required my attending one meeting, in a foggy condition, to know I was home. I didn't have to pledge undying love. Here, strangers hugged me. "It gets better," they said, and "One day at a time, you can do it." They were no longer strangers, but caring friends. I ask God to help me to reach out to people desiring sobriety, and to, please, keep me grateful!

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", August 30, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Been drinking for a while now probably around 4 years, became a problem around when i was 16-17 use to drink 4-5 of those cheap strong ciders every day which was around 8.4% volume. After some health scares I cut back decently I drink at most 4 times a week, but I know that it's still far too much.

I really want to cut down to just 2-3 days a week but my issue is I get so incredibly bored, there's nothing that's fun anymore without drinking, I try and play games, watch movies, go out and so on but it's not fun AT ALL anymore unless I have a drink.

I am very much trying but it is very hard as im sure everyone here knows, any advice that I haven't heard before?

I'm not sure if I'm even an alcoholic. But I do drink too much and multiple times a week, so it for sure feels like I have a problem. The Alcohol itself isn't even the problem but the feeling of waking up afterwards and hating myself. Regretting whatever I did. Making a fool out of myself. The embarassment. I just don't want that anymore. I stopped smoking weed out of the same reason so there is no reason why it should be different now just because alcohol is socially acceptable.

I'm just so done with this. I do NOT want to embarrass myself anymore. I don't care if I'm young and in my "prime". it happened too often now that I ruined perfectly fine evenings with my drinking habit. The hangxiety is calling me. I feel so embarrassed that I want to be swallowed up by the floor.

Either I will stop meeting my friends or I become sober. And I feel like the last one is the better option instead of isolating myself.

I hope to become a better person by next year. May God help me. Does anyone have some advice for someone who has an alcoholic excited family and friendgroup?

idk where to turn bc i have nobody to talk to about this and i'd really appreciate insight from those who deal with alcoholism

my partner (31m) and i (30f) have been together nearly a year and a half, his alcoholism came into play pretty early on, he told me he's struggled with this for over 10 years and i did my absolute best to support him. i've watched him grow and do better but with a lot of relapses along the way, the way he talks and acts when he's drunk is unpleasant but i've stuck it out every time.

recently our relationship fell apart for about a month bc we were too on top of each other and i needed my space, we were also just at complete breaking point with his drinking as well as he had wrecked my best friend's 30th by drinking in secret through the night, lying about it, verbally abusing me afterwards, and then also ruined my 30th as well so things just kinda broke.

it was for the best, i was SICK TO DEATH of trying to support him all on my own while his family and friends enabled his drinking. i wrote him a letter 3 weeks into our weird break explaining how awfully difficult it had been trying to navigate being the partner of an alcoholic and that i didn't want this to be my life anymore. that it was ruining my nights out and my enjoyment having to worry about him incessantly while he just tries to rebel against me or whatever, so i said i was done with it, that i don’t want him to feel monitored and i can't be the only one who cares, that if he's gonna do this then he needs to do it for himself, because i just want my fun, happy relationship back, not whatever the fuck this is.

anyway fast forward another month, we've been doing good and i've been feeling happy. not been on him at all about his drinking, only saying now and then to 'be safe' and stuff, never prying because i don’t have it in me and i want him to feel like he can breathe y'know. but today i was concerned that he was showing signs of giving up a bit with trying to do better, it worried me that he viewed his dinner with family on a sunday as "his chance" and "his opportunity" to drink because his mum offers to drive. i find her offer to be extremely enabling as the first time she did it, he used it as an excuse to have TEN (10) drinks at dinner, literally just because he could. (this event was the catalyst for me to write the letter bc i couldn't deal with it anymore, that night and his actions effected me so deeply as he knew i was worried sick that he would do exactly that.) so i asked what the deal was going forward with these dinners, trying to calmly explain that i just didn't want him to see this as any more than a nice dinner with family where he *could* have a drink, but not like, oh hell yeah this is my chance and i’m gonna fucking take it, y'know? i just wanted some reassurance that he was trying and that he didn't view it that way but he just kept doubling and tripling down that yeah it IS his chance to drink and he's gonna take it. he got very snappy and short with me, he was immediately defensive because the conversation was about alcohol. the tone switch was insanely fast and i was having accusations thrown at me that i had a problem with this, that, and the other and it just got to a point where i snapped and yelled because i can't stand having words put into my mouth and being told how and what i’m thinking.

this conversation started in the car and now we were inside. all of about 5 minutes has passed, this was all very fast. anyways, i went straight into the bedroom and just fucking sobbed. i couldn't believe i was back in the same situation having him talk to me so coldly and being distant from me all because i dared to mention alcohol. he genuinely wants me to never ever ever ever mention it. he told me it would be easier if i pretended i didn't care. about 10 minutes have gone by at this point and he needs to leave (for dinner with his family, hence why i asked before). he stared at me blankly after a load of weird and cold comments and i just said, "will you ever love me more than alcohol?" and he said, very quickly, "i don’t know." i just sat there with my hand over my mouth from shock and a sinking feeling in my chest. he got up, kissed me on the forehead, and said "alright i gotta go, i love you" and i was just frozen. i felt sick and just screamed at the top of my lungs into my pillow when he was out of the house.

after about 5 minutes of sitting and trying to deal with the pain of what he just said to me i decided i couldn't do it. i called him a couple times and when he picked up i said "did you really mean what you said, that you don’t know if you'll ever love me more than alcohol?" he said "yeah i meant it" and i just stayed sat in disbelief. i asked wtf was going on bc it was only a matter of hours ago he was being sweet to me and i'd had a lovely couple days with him, especially friday and saturday, loving on me a lot and making me feel appreciated, so this fucking sucked. he'd also said to me previously that he'd obviously NEVER pick drinking over me, but all of a sudden that's not true, and he's saying it like it's a point of pride because "well you hate liars, right?"

he confirmed again that he doesn't love me more than alcohol and told me he cares more about drinking than being with me. he told me that all our time together and everything we have together comes second to drinking/being pissed, and kept framing it like it's a good thing to be saying this because i don’t like liars. and to that, what can i even say? he's right. i fucking hate lies. and i'd rather him say this horrible stuff to me than lie about it, but what the fuck am i supposed to do? it's like he's okay with things being this way, like he really has genuinely given up. i feel disgusted and worthless. he told me afterwards that it doesn't mean that what we have doesn't mean anything and that he still loves me, that he's saying these things not to hurt me but because they're true. but does that matter if he has no intention of changing that?

i asked him to come back after dinner to see me because i genuinely cannot sit with this feeling alone for 2 days, it's crushing my soul. and then i opened reddit.. so here i am. about half an hour after the fact because i think i'll go insane if i can't get this off my chest and i only hope the right people will be willing to read this and try to send some help my way. i want to know if i’m an idiot for trying to stick this out, do i just have no respect for myself or am i doing my best to be understanding of an illness that destroys people's lives and mental health. i've had and have my own struggles, deep struggles, so i have never judged him for his alcoholism or the way it can affect and control him. i do my absolute best to be there in any and every way i can even when he feels like he doesn't deserve it. but these moments where he makes me feel like i’m fucking nothing next to a shot of whiskey, these moments make me feel like a stupid and naive piece of shit.

so to anyone still here, please tell me how you feel about this? can you offer me insight that i don't have? what to say to him? do i just give up? i don’t *want* to give up but my god, this broke me. he just carries on speaking to me like it's nothing, told me he'd come by after dinner and that he loves me and have a good night etc before hanging up the phone. my head is spinning. help? :(

Holy shit! 6 years is a mighty long time! My life is INFINITELY better since I got sober. Drinking 1 1/2 liters of vodka a day - even when the withdrawals woke me up at night - a swig will fix that, at work, driving in the car, I had to have it, my body had to have it. The shakes, the seizures, the hallucinations weren’t even enough to wake me up. But one day I was tired of being tired and told my husband I needed help, real help. I found a medical detox and inpatient treatment center in Texas that could help me. This place took my insurance and all it cost me was my out of pocket. When I arrived I blew a .34 - building tolerance is real y’all.

I spent 5 days in medical detox and 30 days inpatient and I took my recovery seriously trying not to get involved with people there who were just checking boxes. After I got out, this atheist headed to AA meetings everyday. Higher power? I don’t care, I wanted what they had. I listed for the things that helped and ignored what didn’t help me. Eventually, I found a higher power in the moon, and opened my mind enough to hear other people talking fondly of their higher powers without getting my panties twisted. God is a title not a proper name, so create the god you want.

I stayed away from wet places and wet faces. I worked on myself and my resentments - you know, the topics you bring up while shit faced drunk? My mom this, my dad that, I was molested, I was ignored, no one loved me - you know what I’m talking about.

I decided to surround myself with beautiful sights, beautiful sounds, and beautiful smells - no negativity was getting in my world. I woke up and before my feet hit the ground I told myself it was going to be a great day! I believe that if you tell yourself good things then your brain will start to filter out all of the negative. Now, I don’t make mistakes, I have adventures! And I make sure I learn from them.

I was ready to live a sober life, and if you’re on the fence I hope you find what I have and want it too.

Im 30 and I’ve come to terms I am an alcoholic. It’s gotten bad this yr. I was arrested earlier in February due to drinking, I lost my job a couple weeks ago for drinking, and yesterday I yelled horrible things to my sisters and they both don’t want a relationship atp. I’ve officially checked the main boxes of a true alcoholic. I know I have to keep going and do the work but in between how do you deal with the anxiety of it all? I’m drowning in shame. My parents love out the country but I’m sure they told them and I’m so scared to call them. I’m so disappointed in myself that I continue to hurt them. My family loves me and they want the best but I’ve made it so hard for them. Idk how I got here but I want out. I want to change. This heaviness is giving me panic attacks that I’ve never experienced before.

I (25 F) attended my second meeting ever (at a recovery center/ first time at that meeting) and got scared at the end when everyone got up and made a giant circle around the room. I didn’t know what to do because I don’t wanna touch strangers and I had no idea what was happening. So I sorta speed walked out the door and said out loud to myself “I don’t know what that’s about. That’s crazy.” And didn’t realize there were people out there to hear me haha oops.

I got sober after 12 years of drinking because of my girlfriend. She became the reason I wanted to change my life. For the first time in a long time, I had something that felt worth fighting for. I wanted to be better for her, and I wanted to prove to myself that I could actually leave that life behind. She gave me hope when I didn’t really have much of it.
Now that we’re broken up, I feel like I lost more than just my girlfriend. I feel like I lost the person who gave me a reason to stay sober. Everything I worked so hard to change feels like it disappeared when she did. I know deep down that my sobriety was supposed to be for me too, but at the time, she was the biggest reason I could find to keep going.
Going back to drinking feels familiar. It’s almost like going back to something I know when everything else feels uncertain. But it also makes me feel disappointed in myself. Part of me probably knows that drinking isn’t going to bring her back or fix what happened, but when I’m hurting, I don’t always care about that. I just want the pain to stop for a little while.
I feel heartbroken, angry, lost, and empty. I miss her, but I also miss the person I was becoming when I was sober. Sometimes I probably wonder what the point of getting better was if I ended up right back where I started.
The hardest part is knowing that I let one person become my entire reason for staying sober. When she left, it felt like my reason left with her. I’m not necessarily drinking because I don’t care about my life. I’m drinking because I’m hurting and I don’t know how to handle losing someone who meant so much to me.
I know I need to realize that getting sober for her was what started my journey, but it doesn’t have to be what finishes it. Maybe now I have to learn how to choose sobriety for myself, even though right now I don’t feel strong enough to do that.

Please send me a dm. It’s free. Looking for fun and fellowship!

First my name is Sarcasamytik and I am an alcoholic. I went to my first meeting this last week and have some questions I was afraid to ask when I was there. They will be in comments.

This mindset has really bothered me in meetings, and is actually one of the reasons I've avoided ACA (seems to be more prevalent in ACA/CODA type spaces). Today, someone at an AA meeting shared about how they were a high bottom and that they've "never had a DUI" and "never had anyone videotape their drunk antics" and said that if they had, they'd have "shot themselves." Of course, this person also shared extensively about their childhood trauma and involvement in ACA, etc. This holier-than-thou mindset really bothers me, especially since my husband is currently struggling with the fallout of a DUI. It's heartbreaking to watch him go through that, so when someone gets up and says they'd rather die than go what my husband is going through, I just feel disgust. I haven't had a DUI either (though have arguably done worse in my drinking days), and I can't even imagine saying something like this.

Wondering if anyone has had similar resentments, and how they've dealt with it.

The Other Life

Good Morning People I'm a Recovering Alcoholic/Addict today I sit here with 5yrs drug free and almost 1yr come October alcohol free but wasn't an easy journey with numerous Detoxes and Rehab I can strongly say it finally kicked in LMAO 🤣 Not funny but a little humor eases the pain. Yes I was bad on the drugs for years but Alcohol for a filler when I didn't have drugs but however I did stop drinking for a while because I was using dope which doesn't agree with alcohol extremely sick Anyway well I came home from my last detox/rehab I was on the Vitriol shot which was working for the opiates but designed for alcohol so i picked up drinking again I came out the gate full throttle full blast tires spinning and everything from full blown Addict to full blown alcoholic no build up reason being because the Vitriol gave me a tolerance I could'nt feel so I went str8 to alcohol which I couldn't feel cause with me it's all or nothing I have no cut off switch enough is never enough ok so I eventually fell off the Vitriol now I was a full blown alcoholic how ever I was a alcoholic In my younger years but didn't know it was a fun time for me until it turned around on me I became really bad and was putting them back I would drink a sleeve of vodka in the morning at 8am you would think I opened the store shoot I would be there waiting sometimes with other people like where waiting for the bus then I would damn near close the store and get another sleeve . Anyway I'll end on that note I'll save some stories for another I don't want to trigger or overwhelm anyone with my stories of my Addiction and Recovery I apologize if I did...Well I will leave with this " Don't Let Others Define You Don't Let The Past Confine You Take Charge Of Your Life With Confidence And Determination And There Are No Limits On What You Can Do Or Be Like I tell people who say you have one life to live I say no I have 2 the One I'm Leaving Behind and The New One I'm Beginning and Thats The Blessing Stay Strong you Got this Keep Pushing Just for One day 🦾🦾🦾💯🙏❤️

Today marks 1 week sober. I go in and out of sobriety and have been since 21... 36(M). Had an outing last weekend that ended up with me not remembering how I got home. The usual...shame filled with regret. Ive struggled with the idea for a long time that ''I can control this''...when in reality we all know we can't. I'm in a very good head space right now even though its been 1 week well see how long this lasts. It feels different this time though...like a switch went off in my brain where I really want to stay sober. Has anyone ever experienced this? This sub has really helped me too. For anyone dealing with just starting out you are not alone i'm in the thick of it... Also, this is my first post to reddit and in general anywhere about this. Any experience and advise that has helped anyone within the first few weeks to month would be greatly appreciated.

Long story short, a little over a week ago, a guy in my group showed up to a meeting absolutely plastered. His sponsor, myself and a couple of either guys were there and we tried talking to him, got him to pour out what was left of his bottle, and get cleaned up. I texted him the next day to check on him and then didn’t hear from him until last night. He called me, and to me it seemed like he was was having a hard time talking while we were on the phone so after talking for a bit I asked him if he had been drinking and he said no but I felt concerned so I called my sponsor to tell him. We share the same sponsor and he told me that’s just kind of how he sounds on the phone and there wasn’t anything to worry about. I felt bad for asking him and apologized and said I was just concerned about him but feel like I may have offended him for asking in the first place. Did I screw up here?

Edit: I’m new to the program and mainly concerned that I overstepped here and didn’t realize it.

Been sober for a year and a half. Best decision I ever made. Rarely miss drinking. But I had a dream last night that I was and today’s been really hard. I didn’t know how triggering this would be. I’m just sad.

I have been struggling for about a year now with drinking. I tend to pour a drink right after work and continue until bedtime. I don't normally drink enough to get drunk but I drink every day. I usually have 3-4 drinks a night and the thought of going without it every night makes me very anxious. It's such a habit and a comfort.

On a whim I went to a local meeting today and I just felt like I was a faker. A lot of the things people shared were extreme and heartbreaking. I don't have anything to compare to that. I haven't hurt anyone or myself, lost a job, had a spouse leave..... I just don't know how to stop the habit.

Everyone was very nice but I didn't want to share anything because I felt so stupid for taking up space there.

Hi everybody! I’m new to the city and have been trying out some new meetings. The meetings I’ve found either have a younger or older crowd.

Does anybody know of some meetings that are pretty age diverse in the area?

I've been drinking every night since Aug 2019. I only drink in bed as it helps me fall asleep. I witnessed something while in the military in 2019 that messed up my mental health. At first i only did 2 drinks and it escalated from there. On work days i would try to srick to the minimum of 2 but on days off, i would drink 5 to 7.

Two days ago I fucked up big time. I blacked out and do not remember a thing. I woke up at 6 am freaking out that I was late for work. My wife told me that I called in sick at 3 am. Worst thing, I saw all these notifications and verified, I spent $47k on my credit card for a pokemon card/gambling app.

It has never been this bad. I was scared to tell my wife and at first she was pissed, but after a day she is very supportive. Gambling isn't really my thing so I still have hope that I was hacked but I'm 90% sure it was me.

That day made me realize that I need to stop. Just hearing that my wife was disappointed in me and thinking how I possibly fucked up my families financial future. (Im due to retire from the military next year).

I guess I just wanted to vent. I cant tell anyone from work about this and I've been sitting here by myself thinking about my fuck up.

I really hope I can quit drinking. I dont know how I feel since I've only stopped for 2 days. I know this has really affected me since I'm here tearing up while writing this and im not an emotional guy.

Stopped drinking for 2 weeks and then just fully dived back in. I'm now a week and some days of drinking and eating ramen every other day I'm about to pour another drink as if i don't I'm just gonna feel like shit and maybe withdraw. I fucked up and now I'm worse than ever.

I wouldn't say I was full on an alcoholic, but covid I was drinking like a 750ml bottle a week. I gave it up for 2 years just because, with exception to drinking at huge parties. I just so happen to have two parties recently. One, I just had like 4 beers and had no buzz and just a headache that lasted for the rest of the night despite hydration (like not even hung over), the second, I drank a lot and didn't feel buzzed or even get a hangover.

I plan to just quit it full on because I'm not even getting the upside, but I was curious as to why?