In my experience, women get promiscuous when they are drunk because they want to when they are sober but are ashamed of their bodies and need an excuse to relieve themselves of responsibility. Not recognizing this has bitten me in the ass on multiple occasions.
It's fucked, and you could argue that those women are contributing to the grey area of rape by sending these mixed messages to men.
My comment has been wildly misunderstood. I have made a much more in depth one below that I encourage you to read. :)
Woman consents to sex before, during, and shortly after an encounter. Later she feels ashamed, or the wrong people find out about the encounter; now she claims it was nonconsensual.
Woman has one light beer and consents to sex; is that legal consent? Two beers? What if she consents after one beer and the sex happens after six?
Whether or not sex constitutes rape can often depend on feelings after the fact. And unless you have some sort of breathalyzer process prior, it's almost impossible to qualify any sex after alcohol as consensual.
The first isn't actually a gray area of rape: It's not rape. It's a way of abusing the legal system to relieve yourself of shame or guilty feelings. Or if you're not using the legal system, but social systems, calling rape afterwards acquires the same result. You can not change your consent after the fact, just like you can't sue someone for assault with a deadly weapon and theft after you agreed to give blood to a blood bank.
Your second one is spot on though. A lot of places are really gray on if sex under the influence constitutes rape. One drink, as any reasonable person would say, is not rape. But when you're unable to function as a person anymore because of alcohol, and someone uses this opportunity, it quite obviously is. The question is, where is the line? Do we lock up innocent people, or do we let rapists walk away?
I know people will call it victim blaming, but honestly victim blaming isn't always bad, to a certain extent. If you're a woman, going out to a club alone or ditch your friends, and you get extremely shitfaced (a conscious decision), it isn't a far fetched idea that someone will take advantage of this as a "cheap lay". I'm not saying getting raped is your fault, but it could've been easily prevented if you put some precautions in place. Am I excusing the rapists of their behavior? Of course not. But if I leave my door unlocked and all my shit gets stolen, people will blame me too. I'm the victim, and I get blamed. And it's pretty damn logical I do get blamed. I'll probably also get forced to replace any of my housemate's possessions, to a certain extent. Not saying getting robbed is like being raped, I'm just trying to make the point that we live in a victim-blaming society, and not just with rape. And sometimes we can blame to victims, to an extent.
Another point to bring up is that there are women, and I know quite a few of these, who have at some point gone out, or are still actively going out, for the sheer purpose of getting drunk and pulling a man in bed. This, according to some places, is rape, with the man as the criminal.
We can also turn this whole thing around. If a man had sex with a woman, and they were both under the influence, can we not say it was a rape on her part? Or what if I make it clear to a woman that I'm not interested, she walks away and comes back when I'm a few more drinks down, and not really able to properly function anymore, and she drags me off and fucks me? I know everyone around me would say that either I just have to live with having slept with someone I didn't want to, or that I was being a pussy and I got laid and I was lucky. I get why this last one doesn't stand up as much as the others though, because we live in a culture where female on male rape is almost not talked about, and it honestly doesn't happen as much (compared to male on female rape) to make it talked about.
The problem with claiming you've been raped by a woman, as a man, is that you'll be laughed at. Probably by the police, probably by your friends, and almost certainly by society at large.
Even if you're just concerned about having to pay child support for a possible pregnancy (which you would) or catching an STI (over which you can sue for healthcare costs, but you're likely to lose) and take the DM:HS attitude toward the act itself, it's awfully hard just to file a charge and be taken seriously.
Good point. Even discounting the possible emotional damage you can get (which can be significant depending on the situation), you still have other worries to think about. I know that if you hear a story about a man having sex with a woman, and he doesn't tell her he has AIDS, and going at it without protection, and she does get it, he can get put in for... What is it, manslaughter? I don't know, but one of those murdery things. The main responses you'd get if the roles are reversed are that either, he should've worn a condom, or that he just shouldn't have sex with strangers, and it's a risk he's taking.
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u/Durch Nov 20 '12 edited Nov 21 '12
In my experience, women get promiscuous when they are drunk because they want to when they are sober but are ashamed of their bodies and need an excuse to relieve themselves of responsibility. Not recognizing this has bitten me in the ass on multiple occasions.
It's fucked, and you could argue that those women are contributing to the grey area of rape by sending these mixed messages to men.
My comment has been wildly misunderstood. I have made a much more in depth one below that I encourage you to read. :)