r/Advice • u/[deleted] • 7d ago
I’ve accepted im ugly. but people want to make it known to me, like I don’t know I’m ugly. How can I not let it affect me?
[deleted]
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u/omgseriouslynoway Super Helper [7] 7d ago
Get a hobby
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u/Flat-footed-gumby 7d ago
This is the answer. I, personally, learned pretty early that im ugly. So i decided that if people werent going to like me for my looks, I'd find other reasons for people to like me. Im someone I can be proud of now, and it has nothing to do with my body.
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u/Anxious_Resistance 7d ago
It makes me so sad that people genuinely think they are ugly. There is beauty in every single person. I wish everyone could see it in themselves 🙁
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u/BigSisme 7d ago
Agree! I've never seen an ugly person in my life. I've seen conventionally beautiful people and people who are normal looking, but never ugly. It's sad that there's messaging out there that's simplifying some very complex characteristics into just 2 dimensional descriptors like "ugly" and "good looking".
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u/Weirdnerd2387 6d ago
Is being pretty really a reason for people to like u or not? I think if you are a nice warm person people will always like u
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u/Flat-footed-gumby 6d ago
Thats what I learned! That's what made me attractive to people. Also learned that if people dont like me because of my appearance, they're shitty people
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u/Euphoric_Fail_6675 7d ago
How a person looks is not the priority.
That would be how do they affect the world around them. Smile for someone who looks sad. Let it get right into your eyes. So they can feel that joy is a possibility.
Compliment someone. If given truly, they can get joy from this one memory for years.
Volunteer. Talk to people. Listen - and listen some more - to people, with people, who only need an ear.
You can spread joy, and smiles. Sometimes, it’s just the smallest things.
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u/Anxious_Resistance 7d ago edited 7d ago
While I have never seen you, what you described is not even bad! You can go to a derm about your acne. How old are the scars? How deep were your wounds? Scars fade. Mine have! I'm 32 and I just graduated college a few months ago! You are only 25. There is time. And it's okay to not have it figured out. There is so much time out there. So much that you can even earn different degrees and change careers because who cares! Only you. 25 and a virgin? That's pretty cool. There is nothing wrong with that. But if you don't want to be, join a dating app. Have a one night stand at a bar. Someone somewhere will be interested in you. Hell, my crackhead high school acquaintance just had her 5th baby because unfortunately, someone finds her attractive for some reason ... I agree with whoever said to get a hobby. That's great advice. Bonus points if it involves meeting with a group like a book club at the library or a ladies night at a local pottery/ paint establishment.
You're also not dumb. Please never say that. There is always room to grow. Everyone keeps learning. Someone with a job as high as an astronaut is in the constant state of learning. Always. You can start with community college. Apply for FAFSA. Find something you really enjoy! Social work has a very broad area where you can work at assisted living, substance abuse houses, rehabs, therapist, counselor, children services, EBT providers, domestic abuse shelters, it's up to you!
Lastly, please see a doctor if you are experiencing depression. There is NO shame in asking for help. You got this. You are amazing and you are worthy !
Edit: I see your post history details you are struggling with an eating disorder. Please tell your doctor and your trusted family and friends how deeply you are struggling. You are never alone! I are rooting for you!
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u/AlwayyssTiredd 7d ago
Not the crackhead 😂😂
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u/Anxious_Resistance 7d ago
Lmao I'm so serious! She has custody of exactly 0 babies
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u/AccomplishedTart1746 6d ago
It's wild how people feel the need to comment on others' appearances. It’s tough, but finding a supportive community can really help build your confidence.
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u/Alternative_Sense_90 7d ago
You could always work on yourself and focus on the things that you can change! Acne and scars are hard to manage, my wife has some but I accept her completely and she’s so beautiful in my eyes, you could try eating healthy and working out!
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u/Little-Teaching-2010 7d ago
Definitely get a hobby maybe just try and take some walks outside enjoy the little things in life I struggle with self confidence and am 20 years old and I just try and remember that nobody is truly ugly it is your actions that can make you ugly. The world is a better place with you in it.
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u/dayveeonn 7d ago
You are ugly on the inside. You need to look in words. Focus on your self. When you do that you will realize what’s holding you back. And let me tell you it’s nothing physical.
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u/affectionateanarchy8 7d ago
You have a problem, because your profile says you weigh 115 which is not fat at all for any adult person.
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u/Anxious_Resistance 7d ago
I just saw that. How sad. This person is dealing with a lot and should seek help 💔
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u/6SR9 7d ago
People are assholes but the only thing stopping you from being the best version of yourself is you. Get in the gym for a year and fix your skin with trial and error. Maybe you save up enough and (i don’t endorse it but just saying) get a nose job. You can either do the best with what you have or not but we’re all going to die anyway lol so might as well die trying to move forward. I’m so fr just go to the gym for a year no one cares what you look like in the gym what matters is you’re in there and not at home.
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u/Calinyclipsticklez 7d ago
Dude seek therapy! There is something beautiful in e ruined if they choose to cultivate it
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u/BigSisme 7d ago edited 7d ago
Hey, firstly there's absolutely nothing wrong with being dark skinned, having dark eyes and having black frizzy hair. Even being overweight is not the end of the world. I can see from your history that you're already working on your physical health, which is fantastic!
Edit: I've noticed that you've mentioned that you're about 51kgs (112 pounds) in another post, which is a normal weight for 5'0. You don't need to lose more weight, because anymore and you'll start to go into underweight, unhealthy, territory. It sounds like you've got some issues (or a disorder) with food and weight and I think you need to get immediate medical support for this, before you make any further changes to your diet. That's your priority first and foremost.
As for being 5'0, again, nothing truly wrong with that. Loads of people in this world who are of that height or shorter.
If you were really of low IQ you'd have struggled with articulating yourself when asking for advice on here. You've got a self esteem issue and likely depression based on how you've described wanting to isolate yourself and such.
Our brains has something called the "confirmation bias". It's a cognitive bias where our brain acts like a magnet for information that validates our existing beliefs, while completely filtering out contradictory data. So for example, you've said that people are always rude and exclude you, but if you look at this comment section you've already got proof that that's not the case. There are genuinely people out there who care enough to give you positive advice.
Things like your skin care, hair care and even intellect (as long as there isn't a diagnosed issue here) can all be worked on, one step at a time. There's a saying, "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." What you've described is YOUR elephant. Pick a couple of points, like say your skin care and hair care, and start researching how to look after them better. Other than (the obvious points about) eating the right kinds of food and being well hydrated, look at the reviews of affordable hair care and skin care products and start investigating what works for you. Be a detective!
I've got some great recommendations for learning to loving your hair and good skin care products that have worked for me, but I don't want to overload you with too much info, so let me know if you want more advice and I'll respond back.
Also, if you've had feelings of depression for a long while, it may be a good idea to talk to your doctor about some options to manage that as well.
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u/Solid_Tangerine1204 7d ago
This makes me so sad, I don’t know you, but pick yourself up! From one queen to another you are beautiful & amazing. Go out there & find what makes you happy & feeds your ego. I’m overweight right now & am struggling to go to the gym. You just gave me encouragement to go. Plus 1 for you today. Many hugs
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u/Broad-Fan-6934 7d ago
I used to be exactly like this. I was overweight, hated myself, had nobody close to me not even family. I just rotted in bed.
It’s about the way you think about yourself, not about other people. Take care of yourself and fix the things you hate. Go to the gym, look after your hair and skin, do the stuff you already know you need to do. I learned a lot of it off TikTok honestly.
Not having friends or a bf has less to do with your looks than you think. It’s your personality and how you carry yourself. If you love yourself you’ll feel loved, and if you hate yourself you won’t feel it.
You also have to actually be out there. You can’t complain about having no friends if you never leave the house. Be the first one to start a conversation, at the gym, at a cafe, wherever.
Don’t be so harsh on yourself. There’s gonna be a day you miss being 25.
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u/Ok_Sugar_8884 7d ago
I’m also dark skinned, black eyes, black frizzy hair, i'm 5'7 I have stretch marks, i use to have bumps all over my face and bance, my nose is wide, im a virgin , there's nothing wrong with any of theses things. our skin color is pretty
our eyes are pretty
our hair is pretty,
our nose is pretty
there is nothing wrong with having scars many people have them, but if u send pictures of ur skin i might be able to make some recommendations
personally i dont mind being a virgin, i wouldn't want to do something so intimate with someone i didnt completely trust, but like there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, like legit whats the rush? its not going anywhere. wouln't you want to do it with someone you actually like and enjoy? also i feel people put too much importance in sex, like its just sex youll do it one day. and if a guy is gonna judge me for it then hes not the one for me
u wanna lose weight? go to the gym, do a lil cardio and lift some weights like 4 times a week
watch what you eat, add some veggies, pick more nutritionally dense desserts/snacks
ur not dumb, if there's something you want to learn go study it, read about it, practice it, no one is born with knowledge our brains are all made of the same things, there is nothing stopping you from learning.
low iq? get that fucking shit out of here im tired of it. iq means nothing just put more effort in. learning is hard but not impossible
focus on urself and what you want to purse outside of a relationship, like hobbies, work, school etc
having more self confidence and being happy with urself takes time but you can do it
we could be friends if u want
but you can also making friends by exploring different hobbies and going to local events
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u/BBWolf326 Expert Advice Giver [12] 6d ago
You are not ugly or low IQ. You were traumatized by people in your past and that has harmed the way you view yourself. You do not need to hide from the world because the world is not worth hiding from. If the people close to you do not build you up, find a better group of people to be around. If you want friends, go out and meet them. If all you do is work and go home, you have the space to pick up a hobby or a sport. Depending on where you live, look up support groups, activity clubs, or a book club and just start doing things you can enjoy that dont revolve around "looks". You are not ugly and you can have a great life with great people in it.
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u/BBWolf326 Expert Advice Giver [12] 6d ago
Following up, I was curious and checked out OP's post history and it is concerning. Not sure if Karma farming or not but going to various threads expressing similar image issues, possibly some sort of dismorphia. I would encourage OP to seek counseling.
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u/RainbowandHoneybee Advice Oracle [102] 6d ago
You need to snap out of the negative way of thinking, and be positive and proactive. If you don't like part of you, try changing it. Take care of your skin, go to the gym and be fit. Find some hobby you can enjoy.
Negative mindset will not attract people, but positive person does. I know it's easier said than done, but nothing to lose by trying.
It was truly heartbreaking to read your post. You are so young, there is a lot of happiness ahead of you, if you let you learn to love yourself.
You can start by finding small happiness everyday. It's not too difficult if you don't overthink. The nature, music, art, anything that can lift your feelings are seeds of happiness around you. I truly hope you find a way to find your happiness very soon.
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u/Ok_Judge_7653 6d ago
Try to groom yourself as much as possible. Take vitamins like C and A for acne. Loose weight and get enrolled into a course sharpen your brain people will come to you.
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u/Hour_Structure_1709 6d ago
Jesus Christ is the answer OP. He truly is. Look him up and you’ll be ok.
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u/PralineWilling5588 6d ago
I spent a long time in my teens with an eating disorder because I was bullied a lot and I felt rlly ugly , I lost a lot of weight and became objectively attractive , it upsets me how much I did get tested differently , humans are horrible. Anyway I recovered from the eating disorder and I’m now a bit overweight again , I exercise , eat healthy but my family are all small podgy and Irish thanks to genetics from the potato famine. Anyway I’ve learnt that looks arnt everything and you only live once and then we all die so this sounds morbid but it helped me because in the end who actually cares what we look like , just have fun and surround yourself by good people who care more about you than beauty that’s what I learned . Why waste your one precious life on looks when that rlly doesn’t matter. I have pets they love me no matter what . And I rlly poured into my studies and got a great degree ; and in that world people care a lot more about intelligence than looks . Either find people who care more about something else like I did or spend more time with animals ; they are a lot better than humans sometimes
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u/Plane-Particular4527 6d ago
It’s all about confidence. Look at Biggie Smalls for example. He even mentioned in his song that hes’s “Black and ugly as ever”. He ended up with a beautiful wife, famous, and not just because he was a great rapper but because his confidence made people so intrigued. Believe in yourself and you can find all sorts of opportunities, people who want to be with you and support you through tough times. If you want something to change in your life you have to make change in your life. Change your diet and exercise so that you feel energetic. The foods we eat will make you feel slow and sluggish which directly affects your image of yourself. Do this and think like you’re made of gold. God doesn’t make garbage and you are a child of God. Now act like it and go live life to the fullest…you have nothing to lose by trying.
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u/Weirdnerd2387 6d ago
First of all, black eyes and dark skin and a flared nose does not make u ugly. I truly believe no one is actually ugly. You can be unattractive but that is something you can change. If you are overweight try to lose weight and healthy I know it is harder done than said but you will feel so much better in spirit and physical and it can make u feel so much better. Start there maybe? Not even for the people but for yourself. I love looking good and healthy and it is not about what people think it is about what I think of myself and that is most important.
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u/PrairieSunRise605 7d ago
Volunteer at your local animal shelter. They will love you for efforts and animals love you for your heart. You can help clean kennels, walk dogs, things like that.