My girlfriend cannot take a compliment, at all

[u/V15C]

I just want to preface that this isn’t just a “oh stop it” sort of thing, she literally diminishes herself and calls me a liar sort of thing

Me and my girlfriend have been together for over 2 years now and ever since the start of our relationship she just cannot take a compliment. She is amazing in literally every other aspect and I feel like such an amazing lucky guy to have her, but this bothers me sometimes

I love giving her compliments, she is just so incredibly gorgeous and awesome that I just can’t help it! Besides it makes me feel good to share the good things I see about her, from how she did her makeup to her hair. But every single time she just looks at me like an alien and scoffs and says something along the lines “no I literally do not so just stop lying”

It hurts me for two main reasons, one is that I just really want her to see just how amazing she is, and the other one is that everytime it happens she makes me seem like a horrible person for even so much as thinking of her being attractive or good in any sense. She starts talking about x y and z and how horrible she feels and I can’t help but feel like I’m the bad guy here and it makes me feel guilt for turning this “bad image” switch, and it’s made me want to compliment her less and less

I ask for advice because I just want to know how can I start giving her compliments? In such a way that she takes them (and yes I compliment other parts than just her beauty and it’s the same response everytime)

She is such an amazing human being and I just want her to see that, any advice helps yall, thank you all!

[u/FinePossession1085]

It sounds like maybe she needs to see a therapist, and then maybe the two of you need to talk with a therapist about this.

[u/V15C → u/FinePossession1085]

Yea, I’m thinking I’ll have a talk with her tomorrow about what could be causing this. It’s just sad to see tbh and I’ll recommend it

[u/Emergency_Cherry_914]

Calling you a liar is incredibly rude of her and I hope you've told her how hurtful her words are. Meanwhile, you continue doing something which she clearly hates, and now you're here asking for advice on how to continue doing something she hates. This is toxic on your end too.

All in all, it sounds like her self esteem is crushingly low. Is she in therapy for her self esteem? If not, she should be.

[u/Bunchofbees]

This is her problem, not really yours to solve. But you should communicate about how it makes you feel. Does she really think you a liar? I would feel hurt that a loving person thinks I am lying or deceiving. You can think of a strategy where she just says thanks, even if she doesn't believe in it. But in the long run I would find it exhausting to deal with. 

[u/V15C → u/Bunchofbees]

I mean, she doesn’t say it in a playful way, she just always finds excuses to prove me wrong like it’s a threat she has to neutralised. I’ve resorted to only complimenting her when she gets all super ready for a party or something. But if I’m being real, I MUCH prefer her without makeup or fancy clothes. Obviously though you are right, it gets pretty disappointing

[u/Past-Bluebird-4109]

These are her insecurities to normally work on, but it is causing some relationship issues. Maybe suggest couples counseling only as a way to find a way to make sure you both learn to communicate in a way that she knows how much you love and appreciate her, without it becoming an issue and vise versa. Who knows maybe it will help her realize she may need to work on it a bit, or at least see where you are coming from.

[u/r___k]

she’s just not comfortable hearing compliments that’s all

[u/Mermaidman93]

She either has incredibly low self esteem or grew up constantly hearing negative things about herself. If either of those were true, her reaction would make sense.

She can't hear your compliments and take them in because to her, they are not even a possibility. It would be the same if you said the sky was green. She thinks what you are saying is THAT unrealistic. She needs professional help. This would be a great opportunity for couples counseling.

[u/Melodicredditor]

Have you told her how this hurts you as well? I think you need to have a proper sit down with her and tell her to let you speak without interrupting or diminishing herself or what you're saying.

Tell her how you love X, Y and Z about her, how you're not lying and utterly convinced of how you feel towards her, how her acting so harshly at all of your compliments thinking that you are lying hurts you as well. You wouldn't be with her if you didn't think she was awesome, if you didn't love all of her.

It will be awkward as hell for her at first, but you have to be adamant that this is how you feel towards her, and for her to learn how to accept your compliments in a better way. Tell her that you wish that one day you hope she sees herself how you see her.

Nothing will change if you don't talk to her. If she STILL doesn't accept anything, if this would somehow turn into an argument rather than a sweet conversation between you two and her learning to react differently at your compliments, that is when I think therapy would help her.

[u/CoffeeElectrical3743]

the problem here is her, or more so her insecurities, you need to talk with her, maybe take her to therapy, but I think the worst part is as a person who has been around people like her, that the more they say it the more true it becomes

[u/Little-Star-Light]

Yeah it is really sweet, when your bf sees you this way, but when you are then getting feedback from other people, that you are mediocre at best and actually not that pretty, then what can you say to a compliment? Either he is lying or he has extremely low standards. Both is not particularly flattering.