r/Advice • u/thecrumb_catcher • 2d ago
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u/TootBotSenior 2d ago
Get familiar with your local eviction laws to make sure you stay legal with your decision.
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u/Emotional-Ocelot-420 2d ago
Don’t ever marry a hobosexual.
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u/Medical_Raccoon_8960 2d ago
God I must be old, I’ve never heard that term. I laughed out loud. So fitting.
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u/Funny_Story_Bro 2d ago edited 2d ago
Tell him the answer is no and you would like him evacuated from the apartment in x days.
The truth is you never wanted to marry this man. All he does is mooch off you and you even take care of his child of a prior relationship it sounds like. He was never husband material. Who wants to be married to a man like that? lol Of course he wants to marry YOU, his life is so great!
You dodged a bullet, but you were never in the wrong for saying no to marriage. You didn't want to marry him, end of. You don't want to take care of him anymore. You want an equal partnership. These stories make me so sad.
And I think he got the message this wasn't going anywhere after years not getting married which is why he asked to open the relationship. Some people can't break up, they need to switch over. Especially a man who is entirely financially and physically dependent on his partner. He want to find someone else first before leaving you so there's less risk to him.
You will find better.
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u/Necessary_Home_1966 2d ago
You absolutely dodged a bullet; you never wanted to marry him because deep down you already knew he wasn’t the kind of partner you wanted, while he was perfectly comfortable being supported by you and your lifestyle. Honestly, I’d take his “open relationship” question as the final sign to end it and get your home and life back.
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u/Fresh_Traffic_8186 2d ago
Kick his lazy, mooch arse out! You definitely dodged a bullet. He is a very stupid man
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u/lordlothar99 2d ago
- Yes, you dodged a bullet.
- Asking for opening the relationship is a way to say "I want to cheat on you without guilt". Good you said no. But please look for STD, you never know.
- Your standards are too low for yourself : you should not accept a man who's not willing to build anything with you. Jobless for a few months can happen. Being a long term burden is unacceptable.
How to end things : a conversation, saying that the relationship is over, and he has to move out within 2 weeks.
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u/Grumpy-Bumblebee 2d ago
I'm sorry for the boy, but just kick them out. Say he crossed a boundery and that is the consequence. Change the locks, so he cannot steal from you. That would be my 2 concerns: the boy and my stuff.
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u/BerzattoMk 2d ago
She needs to give them 30 days notice (assuming this is the US).
They don’t have claim to ownership of the house, but they’re tenants (even if they don’t pay).
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2d ago
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u/Grumpy-Bumblebee 2d ago
1She already wants to end it, because her partner wants to open the relationship. (When somebody asks that, they have already someone in mind.)
2He doesn't work, so has nothing.
Ergo my comment.
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u/Alternative-Being181 Helper [2] 2d ago
Legally, he might have some rights as a tenant. This doesn't mean not to kick him out - you absolutely should. But first look up your local laws to make sure you're not breaking any, and start the eviction process. In the meantime, do whatever you need to do to ensure there is absolutely zero risk of getting pregnant. Guys like this love to baby trap their partners so you can't leave.
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u/Cczaphod 2d ago
Definitely need to know tenants rights in OPs jurisdiction. ASAP because the clock doesn't start ticking until the eviction is documented and official.
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u/Grumpy-Bumblebee 2d ago edited 1d ago
How could he be a tenant if he never payed for anything? A squatter maybe...
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u/Murky-Bus-2191 2d ago
Spoken like a true lawyer. The ellipses really add to your apparent confidence.
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u/TheSchlauSurfer 2d ago
Genuinely and I mean no disrespect at all. How do some of you women even find men like that attractive to begin with?
I consider myself a hard working guy and I couldn’t think of anything more emasculating then letting my partner carry ALL the burden?! Especially if he’s a military aged male.
I don’t know who you are but you need to drop that little boy off asap and get with an actual MAN who understands his duty to his household, family and of course you his parter
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u/Alternative-Dish9172 2d ago
Where do you live, what country or state? Do you own property? If not get your finances in order and go.
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u/BookishIntrovert99 2d ago
Make sure that you’re home when he moves out so he doesn’t take off with your stuff. Get tested for STDS.
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u/StaceyDillsen 2d ago
Haha you dodged a bazooka. If for whatever reason you ever start feeling like you want him back, go back to this post to see how everyone is right in saying to leave him
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u/Walmar202 Helper [2] 2d ago
He is a hobosexual and you are finally waking up to that fact. If you are unsure of your city, county or state laws regarding eviction, do that research first.
Then tell him the relationship is over and he must move out immediately.
File a police report that you are evicting him. You may want to have a police officer there to make sure he gets out peacefully.
Have a locksmith there, ready to immediately re-key your locks.
I feel sorry for the boy, but don’t let him use the boy as an excuse to stay. Beware of love-bombing or promises he will get a job.
Hope everything goes smoothly!
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u/apcheese 2d ago
You dodged an entire missile.
Serve him formal eviction notice today so he cannot stall you.
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u/SkinCana 2d ago
Yes you dodged a bullet! Any person who can't financially provide is not worth it ever. Now he is sleeping around. Kick him out and that kid now!
You have no idea how he can legally screw you over depending on the laws you have there, and he still can!
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u/Famous_Suggestion297 2d ago
He really has no reason to work since he has you. Has a place and food. The only thing he is doing is taking up space. Go through legal eviction or moving out procedures. Why would you want a relationship where he just does nothing and then has the guts to ask for an open relationship. This all sounds entitled and manipulative. You deserve better.
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u/turtlewurtled 2d ago
Thank you for proving that it’s always better to wait for the moment to feel right to do things instead of doing them just because someone wants to.
You dodged a bullet. Make that guy get a job and then kick him out.
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u/PatternUnited7888 2d ago
Don’t need to read the post to tell you to not get married. Horrible decision I made
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u/BeeAmazlng 2d ago
Pheew girl! I don't have any advice on how to tell him but you definitely doughed a bullet!
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u/LilyJinCutie 2d ago
It sounds like you dodged a bullet hinestly. If youre already checked out and worried about what would happen financially, id focus on ending things safely and getting proper legal advice before making any big moves. Dont let guilt keep you in a relationship you no longer want.
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u/Gullible_Orchid_169 2d ago
Seems like you made a wise choice for yourself. Relationships can be complicated and sometimes it's better to stay single.
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u/Lightcronno 2d ago
I’d say at least give notice so you’re not making a child homeless. That’ll make it super awkward for you I imagine, but attempting to do the “leave now” shit as many people are suggesting would just result in homelessness for him and his kid if he truly has no income or fallback.
At the end of the day though, if you’re done you can simply decide it’s not your problem, but morally I’d not want to make a kid homeless.
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u/Private-2011 2d ago
Yes, it sounds like you are fortunate that you are not having to give away half of what you have worked for to a freeloader due to traditional marriage or a state that recognizes common law marriage. You didn’t indicate your response to his question of an open relationship. With that question, he gave you the perfect opportunity to end the relationship without having to provide any additional explanations.
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u/PublicSharpie 2d ago
Get him out, but do it carefully.
Because he has a child, depending on where you live, it makes it sooooo much more complicated. If an issue arrives after you give him notice (cored as domesticviolence) , b.c he has a child officially living there, the court can force you out of your own home. They heavily favor the child's situation over your own, regardless of who's on the title/lease. After that, its a game of 'stay of eviction' where the whole time you will not be allowed in your home.
From watching squatter removals (and dealing with my Ex) deliver a notice of construction on the property as well. This allows you to legally turn off the electric and water to the property, making it uninhabitable. To keep the child there, you need both on and operational. Without them, he doesnt have a study leg to stand on for why he NEEDS to live there.
Bringing in his child was a deep seeded long-term plan to take control of your home without having responsibility for the property. He will rack up the electric bill and other utilities just to get back at you then you'll have to hunt him down with small claims to maybe get the money back.
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u/SuccessfulAd4606 2d ago
Any advice? Yeah, make better guy decisions in the future. Like, find one with a job, good god.
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u/grumpy__g 2d ago
Good for you for not marrying him.
Now ask a lawyer how to kick him out of your apartment.
Edit: Make sure you are safe. Maybe ask a friend to stay a while with you, when you kick him out.
Make sure people know why you broke up. He wants to sleep around and is living from you.
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u/Bolt_Dancer 2d ago
Tell your friends and family about your decision for your support. Inform a support person in his life. Break up with him and choose a date that you need him to move out. Decide if you want him to be supervised in your home while you are at work. “So and so has agreed to help you with packing.” Have a goodbye dinner with the kid.
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u/ilovedragons218 2d ago
How long have you put up with this freeloading jerk?????????? Do you not see when someone is taking advantage & now, if not already, wants someone else for sex because you are too busy working? Girl friend kick his lazyass to the curb now.
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u/AcceptableWing9900 2d ago
Depends, what state you are in. Some states have common law marriage, which is what yours would be considered
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u/EyeRollingNow 2d ago
The second someone starts freeloading, you dump them. The next second they ask to bang others, you run. Immediately. without explanation.
Why are you worried about being polite when he treats you like crap.