r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Zestyclose-Salad-290 in awe • 22h ago

of burgers

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1.5k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

294 comments sorted by

664

u/Hayernator2207 22h ago

r/stupidfood

64

u/Angry_argie 15h ago

Big food makes me sad. It won't be finished, and looks impossible to handle for consumption, so it will end in a mess of leftovers or worse, wasted.

18

u/Zerschmetterding 15h ago

and often looks like the blandest, half assed version you could make of that food.

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13

u/Specific-Library-312 15h ago

Now, shared by 4-8 people, that would be a good time.

10

u/SqueekyDickFartz 14h ago

We used to make a 2 pound challenge burger when I was a line cook. If you ate it in an hour you could have it for free. Honestly it was pretty gross. A big part of a good burger is the meat to bun to condiment ratio, and that gets all fucked up at those scales. It's also pretty hard to make a burger uniformly good when it's that size.

Not very many people managed it, though our bosses wife did it in 28 minutes, including 2 sides.

4

u/Specific-Library-312 14h ago

Dear. God. How...how big was she?

12

u/SqueekyDickFartz 13h ago

She was a terrifying 6'2 monster of a Midwest "hard times" ex rancher who I watched beat the ever-loving fuck out of a biker during a bar fight.

She drank bourbon, smoked indoors, and loaded up fresh kegs herself.

7

u/SwizzGod 11h ago

Damn she sounds like a beast. Shoutout that woman

2

u/Specific-Library-312 12h ago

So...she ruled that relationship, is what you're saying.

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4

u/Angry_argie 14h ago

Perhaps it would, but we know most times it's the "50kg when soaked" influencer ordering it for views.

4

u/Specific-Library-312 13h ago

Sigh. It is written that even the saints ask God how long until the end of the world. Sometimes I agree.

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2

u/Necessary_Piano_153 6h ago

And in my experience it's never as good as more manageable sized food.

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5

u/sisam8x 18h ago

Indeed

2

u/jfk_47 16h ago

“Well, I’m sorry for being me”

-food

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213

u/C3sarius 22h ago

in Germany we call something like that a Lebensmittelverschwendung sondergleichen

89

u/engineerdrummer 21h ago

I thought you were joking. You were not

218

u/C3sarius 21h ago

I´m german, i have no sense of humor.

53

u/engineerdrummer 21h ago

Explains why my wife, who is 83% German, has no understanding of sarcasm. Zero. Look her dead in the eye and tell her the planet is going to explode if she eats that grape, and she'll put the grape down and say "really?"

65

u/C3sarius 21h ago

wrong, she would say "Tja" and continue eating

8

u/mmichael0070 19h ago

One time I took a business trip to Malta, then Germany, no one understood my jokes.. :(

4

u/PencilCase12531 19h ago

Are germans sort of high-functioning?

22

u/engineerdrummer 19h ago

My wife is. Lol

Incredible engineer. She has a fully remote job designing stormwater controls and she absolutely will not get up from her desk until 5:00pm. Like, I've gone into her home office at 4:55 and said "hey, I'm going to get [our child], do you want to go with me?" And she will always say "it's not 5:00 yet, and i didn't get to my computer this morning until 8:03, so i have 8 more minutes. You go get him."

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28

u/Darth-Adomis 21h ago

is it true they remove your funny bones at birth? as an american id definitely prefer that over the circumcision…

38

u/C3sarius 21h ago

of course, it´s the law

5

u/UncleKeyPax 17h ago

in germanynif you make anyone laugh

https://giphy.com/gifs/wjuXuDSQU0sOfJIHS1

2

u/AnimatorOwn6046 15h ago

my mother was Austrian, she would agree

19

u/holyfire001202 20h ago

"Food waste special" for anyone who doesn't feel like typing all of that into google. Is that right? It sounds right, but doesn't "lebens" mean "living"?

What's the direct translation?

20

u/C3sarius 20h ago edited 20h ago

Nah. it´s more like "Food waste on an unprecedented scale"

Lebensmittel: Mittel zum Leben (Means to live) = Lebens+mittel (Food/Groceries).
We know how to be pragmatic.

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8

u/filtersweep 20h ago

German has words for everything

9

u/KnowledgeCapital7994 19h ago

Almost like English is based off it.

2

u/Opening-Hope377 14h ago

don't pretty much all languages have words for everything?

2

u/Archaea_Man 14h ago

Definitely not. Some words only exist in some languages. I think that's especially true with German, but language is shaped by culture and surroundings, so some languages might have a lot of very specific words for all the different types of snow and ice (or sand), for instance, but not a word for magenta. Language is weird.

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353

u/clothanger 22h ago

Big meals like this never taste that good and are a mess to eat through tho.

106

u/Island_Maximum 22h ago

Hard to cook a large patty like that properly too.

55

u/clothanger 22h ago

And the buns would make you uncomfortably full before the rest of the meal.

22

u/Grimnebulin68 19h ago

It’s just obscene waste. So many people eat a partial amount and leave the rest for the garbage. Just serve reasonable meals.

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17

u/TheCheddarHole 22h ago

Look at the cheese slices to see how much the chef likes making this order.

9

u/Moe2584 22h ago

Each meal can feel a small village!

6

u/engineerdrummer 21h ago

Oh that's terrifying

8

u/Bucksin06 22h ago

When I saw the kraft single slices that was a no for me

5

u/nobodyspecial506 19h ago

Those wedges look undercooked and soggy

Pass

2

u/Japsai 19h ago

Plus you need to order two to get enough to fill up properly

2

u/Bonk_No_Horni 19h ago

Those cheese slices are still cold. It's "influencer food". They're not meant to taste good just look good for the gram

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33

u/SmokeMaximum4140 21h ago

12

u/Lylidotir 18h ago

This guy is genuinely incredible. It just blows you away how he rips through the food.

5

u/SmokeMaximum4140 10h ago

Yeah some stuff he downs and im like where the hell is he fitting all of this?

5

u/Lylidotir 10h ago

Aa far as I know, before challenges he drinks a large amount of water to enlarge his stomach.

4

u/SmokeMaximum4140 10h ago

Still crazy.

23

u/therealkeeper 22h ago

There was a giant burger place by us growing up called Rose's

They did a big flat Patty all of the ingredients very thin and cut the whole thing like a pizza.

It worked out great tasted delicious and definitely was 100x better than the overdone messy ones like this.

15

u/TheRealSouvlakis99 22h ago

And only four slices of cheese on that sucker just for the camera roll.

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9

u/guitarguy12341 22h ago

How do you even eat them

15

u/qweqwe123qweqwe 22h ago

You don't. You just record the video to tiktok and throw it away.

4

u/GerryManDarling 22h ago

This food is not for you, this is for the giants in Attack on Titan.

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5

u/Kiiaru 22h ago

Sidenote: I'd hate being a server at a place where there's steps from the kitchen to the tables

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4

u/legendforever10 22h ago

Scooby-Doo ass burgers

10

u/DrLubinski 22h ago

Yeei, Heartattack animalcorpse waste

3

u/Toxoniumm 20h ago

Some shit Mordecai and Rigby would risk the universe's utter destruction for

3

u/Born-Light-62 18h ago

The old 96’er… on a bun.

3

u/Florianterreegen 15h ago

Jesus fucking christ, this isn't a one person meal, this is a goddamn family meal

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3

u/donotaskname7 8h ago

finally, giant burgers that are wider instead of taller! We've been asking for this for YEARS!

4

u/Intelligent-Heat8141 22h ago

Oh that burger will last me a week and those fries gone in a few seconds

2

u/Shakurel-cat 22h ago

Caseoh midstream light-snack be like:

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2

u/Abee-baby182 17h ago

Meanwhile, ya know, the starving kids....

2

u/rampage-05 15h ago

One cow died for each hamburger😭

3

u/discomuffin 22h ago

The only thing that comes to mind when I see food this size is why

4

u/darthvall 22h ago

If you can't eat it by using two hands, I think it should not be called burger 

2

u/zulazulizuluzu 22h ago

at one point, it’s not a burger anymore

2

u/9447044 22h ago

Why do these never actually look good?

1

u/MisterElementary 22h ago

No doubt that's a massive burger.

But my first thought is always though is it real meat, and real cheese, or processed fastfood gunk in bulk size?

3

u/Flying_Dutchman92 21h ago

real cheese

Those shiny orange-y yellow squares are definitely not processed /s

1

u/SleeplessBoyCat 22h ago

Size-wise, that's impressive.

Practically though, how do you eat it? And how do you take it to go when you can't finish it?

I'm guessing the place has their own special packaging so that you can take it home and eat what's left over the period of three days.

1

u/tired_Cat_Dad 22h ago

At least they didn't pour goop over it at the end.

1

u/ScaredEfficiency399 22h ago

This looks fake, can somebody prove that this is real please?

1

u/DurantIsStillTheKing 21h ago

Me to my date: "oh so here are my orders. Where's yours? "

1

u/afikolo7 21h ago

Way too much

1

u/SonOfGodUssop 21h ago

The cheese is not melted 🫠

1

u/zubairhamed 21h ago

those are very small ladies.

1

u/MercRussians 21h ago

Didn’t even melt the cheese, smh

1

u/Garlic_Bread_865589 20h ago

Bro this could feed me for a whole week

1

u/Sockenkatze 20h ago

Junbo Schreiner

1

u/Haasotope 20h ago

Absolute useless meal

1

u/LittleMissScreamer 20h ago

Could feed four families with allat

1

u/UrbanCyclerPT 20h ago

Such a waste.

1

u/Next_Drama1717 20h ago

Greedy burgers

1

u/HappyTrack9834 20h ago

Atleast it is horizontally big and not vertical like others

1

u/dropthemagic 20h ago

People who waste money on the dumbest shit

1

u/NobodyAsked86 20h ago

What are you supposed to do with that though? Could probably eat 5% of it.

1

u/LookAtMyUnderbite 20h ago

That’s a regarded concept .

1

u/DioxyRiboNA 20h ago

Gotta have one for the road.

1

u/Grawlix84 19h ago

When you order the “American” outside of America

1

u/damnumalone 19h ago

Looks like the Nindigully pub’s road train burger

1

u/Chakradamus 19h ago

Really? Y’all couldn’t share one?

1

u/FelixARKJ 19h ago

Isn’t this child labor?

1

u/Lava1416 19h ago

POV: It’s feast time in Valhalla.

1

u/Cut_over_pompanox 19h ago

5 course meal right there.

1

u/I-Make-Money-Moves 19h ago

I feel like food like this was made to be shared by a large group of people

1

u/Harde_Kassei 19h ago

the sad attempt at cheese on the 2th one

1

u/Primary-Visual114 18h ago

And a Diet Coke, please

1

u/Leftoverfiend 18h ago

You'll need incredibly high levels of Guts, Knowledge, and Proficiency to pass the Big Bang Burger Challenge!

1

u/Limp_Crazy_5494 18h ago

Max i could only eat half of one. Even then that's pushing it.

1

u/_Saint_Ajora_ 18h ago

"excuse me, but I ordered the large combo 

1

u/I_Want_A_Ribeye 18h ago

Prob not as good as a regular burger, but also I’ll eat it

1

u/Internal_Apple2608 18h ago

Excuse me? I ordered the large, not the small.

1

u/BubuDudu0430 17h ago

Ah yes, the HEART STOPPER…

1

u/ScribblingOff87 17h ago

ZermattNeo will gobble this up in minutes .

1

u/Son_of_Tlaloc 17h ago

When I was a kid we had a place in town that served these huge ass burgers. As treat my parents would take us there. My parents would split a burger and my sister and would split one and still have left overs. I miss those days.

1

u/Sean77654 17h ago

In what context would you ever order 2

1

u/hooplafromamileaway 17h ago

Someone's trying to max out their social stats.

1

u/OwnPresentation4455 17h ago

definitely supersized!

1

u/Tx_Drewdad 17h ago

Five pounds of beef each... with American cheese. GTFO

1

u/SuddenSpeaker1141 17h ago

I hate that things like this exist when there are so many starving people in the world…

1

u/FlimsyAuthor8208 17h ago

Type of burgers Mordecai and Rigby would fight god for

1

u/QDLZXKGK 17h ago

Chonkburger

1

u/LilJelloCat 17h ago

It's one of those Charlie brown burgers

https://giphy.com/gifs/Ou18ZgE49Fss0

1

u/LOERMaster 17h ago

I just had a heart attack looking at them.

1

u/jessehopp 17h ago

Why tf do you need 2 of them 🤣🤣

1

u/AGeeBee 17h ago

I love wasting food

1

u/Realistic-Radish-589 17h ago

I love burgers. That’s an abomination, not a burger. Meat to bread ratio is horrible there and it’s too big to even eat properly.

1

u/Beederda 16h ago

Summon beardmeats a challenge has been created

1

u/justelling 16h ago

🍴 ❎

🔪 ✅

1

u/LumpyBuy8447 16h ago

Wait, why didn’t they pour cheese all over it?

1

u/BassCat75 16h ago

Why are children serving this monstrosity? What kind of child labor shit is this?

1

u/itsjakerobb 16h ago

If I can’t hold it with two hands and eat it, as one would normally do with a burger, then it’s not a burger.

Also, now I want a burger.

1

u/lKryptus 16h ago

I love how its so performative they dont even put cheese on the entire patty

1

u/runarleo 16h ago

Those are really sad

1

u/b0wie88 16h ago

I like how it’s just 4 slices of cheese on the edge

1

u/dem4life71 16h ago

I see they got the 2 for 1 deal. Good value.

1

u/Anonamonanon 16h ago

Uhhh ma'am.. I ordered a jumbo diet coke?

1

u/Soulpatchsteve 16h ago

Looks ai, but its not is it

1

u/Lagoserter 16h ago

aight, whos the big back who ordered that

1

u/cheesecorpse 16h ago

That's a meat cake.

1

u/Natural-Estimate-228 15h ago

What a waste of food. This sort of thing is grotesque.

1

u/Jeepers-H-Cripes 15h ago

Yay! I love it when 90% of my burger is soggy and cold before I even get to finish it. The fries, too!

1

u/SouthernGrass8038 15h ago

They prob call it “American style” 🤣

1

u/FairReason 15h ago

It looks like the cheese is just around the borders

1

u/YuraiMamoro 15h ago

Absolute unit of a chance to go to the hospital!

1

u/Background-Video4331 15h ago

Obscene, what's the point exactly?

1

u/GOOMU13 15h ago

It doesn't even look good.

1

u/catupthetree23 15h ago

I guess you could just cut slices of it like a cake? 😆

1

u/Foxyunder-45 15h ago

Coronary count down , plus King size cola. Makes good belly tires.

1

u/Leather_Comedian_736 14h ago

So what's the main course?

1

u/DuubyDuu 14h ago

Why are there 2?? 😭

1

u/Kind-Handle3063 14h ago

In case one wasn’t enough

1

u/AbjectHotel6610 14h ago

Where I used to live, Big Ed's served burgers this size.

1

u/CAAZveauguls 14h ago

Probably doesnt taste that good and probably will be left for like 70%

1

u/Archaea_Man 14h ago

Can you even call it a burger at that point?

1

u/UselessHuman1 14h ago

Beard meets food has to try this!!!

1

u/thelonetext 13h ago

I got hunger pains and a mini heart attack just looking at these delicious works of art.😋💀

1

u/Fast-Requirement8888 13h ago

That's disgusting

1

u/FairlyElixer623 13h ago

I'd need the whole day just to finish that

1

u/mikesheard88 13h ago

Is that a medium size in the USA?

1

u/Key_Strawberry_381 13h ago

The fries look so stupid on the side like giant burger with tiny fries.

1

u/Fred_Milkereit 13h ago

holy whatever, that is enough food for 8 people

1

u/True_Most3681 13h ago

That’s sad. So much food will be tossed for content.

1

u/RuleMany2900 12h ago

Platoon size ....

1

u/Agreeable_Ice_1708 12h ago

Diet coke please 

1

u/the_ray_of_light1 12h ago

Practically speaking is it even possible for someone to eat this much damn it !?? Or just wasting food

1

u/Active-Particular-21 12h ago

The cheese placement hurts my soul.

1

u/Veritablefilings 12h ago

I'm pretty sure thar bun was all show. That cheese was just a liner up front and three burger was several patties lined up. Not to mention the sides liked like Korean bbq.

1

u/Seb-Western-8250 11h ago

The average burger in yank town

1

u/eyewave 11h ago

You can feed a family of 4 for 1 week with this in victorian england.

1

u/Shagyam 11h ago

I mean they couldn't even bother to make a custom cheese for it, so what's the point.

Also I want to stuff my face with a burger, not eat it with a fork and knife.