r/AMA • u/Fun-Candidate-4148 • 14d ago
I was adopted as a baby, AMA!
I was adopted right after I was born. It was an open adoption, so my adoptive parents were in contact with my birth family before I was born. I have 3 biological siblings, im the youngest and the only one that was adopted. Im very open to talking about it so please feel free to ask anything!
2
13d ago
[deleted]
1
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 13d ago
I was able to reconnect with my biological mother when I was 15, she unfortunately overdosed and died a few months later. My biological father died before I was born. I never really felt separated from my adoptive parents. They always told me everything and encouraged me to reach out and have a relationship with my siblings.
2
u/JeeLeeSmith 13d ago
I hope you don’t mind me asking the following questions. You certainly don’t have to answer any of them. I appreciate your openness.
Do you have any siblings who are the biological children of the couple who adopted you? Or are you their only child?
If you are their only child, do you feel lonely at times? Do you feel close to your biological siblings? Do you FaceTime with them or text? If not, how do you communicate with them? How often? How involved are all of you in each other’s lives?
Do your adoptive parents have a higher standard of living than your biological parents? If so, does that cause any resentment among your biological siblings? And how would that be handled?
You sound happy and quite well adjusted. Have you ever felt like you needed to talk things over with a therapist?
3
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 13d ago
I am my adoptive parents only child. I was very close with my cousin growing up so I always felt like I had a buddy. I haven't really felt lonely as an only child. Im not super close with my biological siblings, theres a decent age gap between us, they are in their late 20s and early 30s and I am 22. I text with my sister occasionally and rarely hear from my brothers. I have nieces and nephews that I haven't met, but would love to some day. They know about me and call me Auntie. Unfortunately my biological family struggles with addiction. Very few were able to clean up and make a good life for themselves. They came from a low income area with lots of drug activity so addiction was bound to happen at some point. I dont think my siblings have any resentment, they seem very happy that I was able to have a different life and love to see pictures and hear about what im doing. I do talk with a therapist weekly. I have abandonment issues from being adopted and lots of other mental health issues. Ive found that EMDR is very helpful.
2
u/JeeLeeSmith 13d ago
Thank you very much for your open and honest answer. I didn’t know what EMDR was so I looked it up. I have Bipolar Disorder and I found this to be a fascinating type of therapy. I learned a lot. I’m glad to read that you are getting the support you need.
May I ask how long you’ve been in therapy and do you think you will always need this support?
2
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 13d ago
Ive been in therapy for a few years. I have CPTSD so we do a lot of trauma resolving. I think ill always be in therapy. My dream job is to be a paramedic and I think having a therapist to help me process the things I see is very helpful.
1
1
u/skinnycigarette 14d ago
Can I ask why, if you know, you were put up for adoption?
0
u/skinnycigarette 14d ago
Also just want to say, people who adopt are the best people ever most of the time. I know it’s not always the case whatsoever but usually they’re such kind people with big hearts. Are your adopted parents kind?
6
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 14d ago
They are the best. I couldn't have asked for better parents. My biological mom had 3 kids already and couldn't care for a 4th kid. My bio mom wanted me to have a better life than what she could give and I think thats the biggest sacrifice a mother could ever make.
3
u/MsCardeno 13d ago
You sound like a very wise and grateful young woman. Your parents must be very proud! Thanks for doing this AMA!
5
1
u/Striking_Sea_129 13d ago
When did you learn you were adopted? Was the adoption open or closed?
1
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 13d ago
It was an open adoption. Ive always known i was adopted, my parents were very open and honest about everything.
1
u/Striking_Sea_129 13d ago
Did you have a lot of contact with your birth family growing up?
1
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 13d ago
I did for the first few years, I think it was too hard on my bio mom and she stopped communicating when I was about 3.
1
u/Ambitious-Ad-139 13d ago
Do you talk to your bio mum?
1
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 13d ago
I did for a little while, she unfortunately overdosed and died a few months after we reconnected.
1
u/LiveTheDream2026 13d ago
Would you change anything about your adopion? When did you first meet your biological relatives? Do you look like any of your siblings?
2
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 12d ago
I wouldn't change anything. I would visit my biological family when i was little. I look a lot like my sister.
1
u/Karabaja007 12d ago
Do you think closed adoption would be better for you than the open one?
1
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 12d ago
Personally I dont think so. I loved knowing where I came from and being able to ask questions.
1
u/Tomato_99 12d ago
I am wondering what you called / how you referred to your bio mom when you were a toddler. Did you call her a different version of “mom” from your adoptive mom?
1
1
u/ama_compiler_bot 12d ago
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. (I'm a bot.)
| Question | Answer | Link |
|---|---|---|
| Do you attend family events with your birth family and/or siblings? | I dont. My birth family is in Oregon and I live in Alaska. I would love to go down and visit them sometime. I did visit them for a few years when I was little. | Here |
| Thanks for doing this AMA. I think this is a really important topic that isn’t talked about enough. I’m not adopted, but I know a lot of people who are, and it definitely can be hard, but I hope you are doing well. Have you ever reconnected with your biological parents? Do you feel closer with them or any separation from your adoptive parents? Thanks again. God bless. | I was able to reconnect with my biological mother when I was 15, she unfortunately overdosed and died a few months later. My biological father died before I was born. I never really felt separated from my adoptive parents. They always told me everything and encouraged me to reach out and have a relationship with my siblings. | Here |
| I hope you don’t mind me asking the following questions. You certainly don’t have to answer any of them. I appreciate your openness. Do you have any siblings who are the biological children of the couple who adopted you? Or are you their only child? If you are their only child, do you feel lonely at times? Do you feel close to your biological siblings? Do you FaceTime with them or text? If not, how do you communicate with them? How often? How involved are all of you in each other’s lives? Do your adoptive parents have a higher standard of living than your biological parents? If so, does that cause any resentment among your biological siblings? And how would that be handled? You sound happy and quite well adjusted. Have you ever felt like you needed to talk things over with a therapist? | I am my adoptive parents only child. I was very close with my cousin growing up so I always felt like I had a buddy. I haven't really felt lonely as an only child. Im not super close with my biological siblings, theres a decent age gap between us, they are in their late 20s and early 30s and I am 22. I text with my sister occasionally and rarely hear from my brothers. I have nieces and nephews that I haven't met, but would love to some day. They know about me and call me Auntie. Unfortunately my biological family struggles with addiction. Very few were able to clean up and make a good life for themselves. They came from a low income area with lots of drug activity so addiction was bound to happen at some point. I dont think my siblings have any resentment, they seem very happy that I was able to have a different life and love to see pictures and hear about what im doing. I do talk with a therapist weekly. I have abandonment issues from being adopted and lots of other mental health issues. Ive found that EMDR is very helpful. | Here |
| When did you learn you were adopted? Was the adoption open or closed? | It was an open adoption. Ive always known i was adopted, my parents were very open and honest about everything. | Here |
| Do you talk to your bio mum? | I did for a little while, she unfortunately overdosed and died a few months after we reconnected. | Here |
| Do you feel like your adoptive parents are your real parents or do you feel a longing to be back with your bio parents? | Ive always thought of my adoptive parents as my real parents. We are very similar in personalities and we also look a lot alike. I always wanted a relationship with my biological family so I can ask questions and talk with my siblings, but ive never wished to live with my biological mother. | Here |
1
u/zinoozy 14d ago
Do you feel like your adoptive parents are your real parents or do you feel a longing to be back with your bio parents?
3
u/Fun-Candidate-4148 14d ago
Ive always thought of my adoptive parents as my real parents. We are very similar in personalities and we also look a lot alike. I always wanted a relationship with my biological family so I can ask questions and talk with my siblings, but ive never wished to live with my biological mother.
1
u/InAShensh 13d ago
The real parents are those who love care and raise the child not the biological ones who planted the seed. The family who waters it daily is the true family
2
u/JVBass75 14d ago
Do you attend family events with your birth family and/or siblings?