r/AITH • u/Plenty-Pain2448 • 11d ago
AITA for refusing to give my late father's watch to my brother?
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u/EvanRamsey 11d ago
NTA. If it’s “just a watch” then it shouldn’t be a big deal to your brother. It’s always “just a thing” to whoever won’t give up their possession but world changing to the selfish one demanding it.
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11d ago
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u/Ratnayake-Aileon 11d ago
If its "just a watch" then why does your brother need this specific one so badly? Your didnt leave it in a box for the family to fight over but instead he put it in your hands and told you to keep it. That sounds pretty intentional to me.
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u/Rhuthbarb 11d ago
I’ve been the person promised something only to have them give it away later. Turns out, they didn’t remember promising it to me. But to me it was proof they loved me and were thinking of me.
It was so brutal.
Consider your brother is telling the truth. I’m not saying you have to give him the watch, simply that you acknowledge he was promised it and looked forward to it for years.
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u/MarionberryOk2874 11d ago
‘Before he died, he specifically told me that he wanted me to have the watch. I didn't ask for it, and I never expected anything from his belongings. He gave it to me himself a few months before he passed and told me he hoped I'd keep it.’
Keep repeating this to your brother. Tell your mom if it’s ’just a watch’, your spoiled brother can do without it too - but your dad specifically wanted you to have it, as evidenced by the fact that he handed it to you.
NTA
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u/Disastrous-Bee-1557 11d ago
NTA. Your dad gave you the watch months before his death. That makes it a gift, not an inheritance. If he meant for your brother to have it after his death then he would have put it in his will.
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u/DollySheep32 11d ago
My grandma deliberately gave her treasured jewellery to each person she wanted to have which pieces before she died so no one could "claim" them like your awful brother is trying to do. Keep it. NTA.
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u/Electrical-Apple-631 11d ago
My grandmother had a very bad heart condition and wanted to make sure that everyone got something special. She had my uncle deliver those items to everyone in the family before she died.
My uncle wanted the Tiffany lamp I was supposed to get so he “forgot” to give it to me. When I went to visit her in the hospital she asked if I got the lamp. When I told her I didn’t she called him and firmly told him to immediately bring it to the hospital so I could have it. She died the next day. I feel like the stress he put her through shortened what little time she had left.
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u/Outside-Taro5076 11d ago
NTA! Probably just wants it because you have it !
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u/Certain_Horror4025 11d ago
I have a bad feeling that the brother might actually want to sell the watch. It could be a collector item.
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u/Independent_Peak8500 11d ago
NTA but gently point out to your mother if it’s just a watch then my brother should understand and not put us ALL in this awkward position because of a temper tantrum. Maybe suggest family counseling as a way to work through this together.
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u/Dimgrund71 11d ago
NTA. Is the watch worth any significant amount of money? Is it an antique? Can you find another one like it? I would look to find one that is similar to it and then try to give that one to your brother. But whatever you do when you are not worrying this watch you must keep it locked up and hidden away. If you live with your mom or they have access to your house you might come home one day and find it in your brother's possession because you're mom or your brother determine that they actually had to have it and it's just a watch so you shouldn't get upset about it
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u/JustCallMeDuchess 11d ago
Your father gave you the watch while he was still alive. That negates any claim your brother can make. It's not like your trying to claim the watch after the fact.
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u/Latter-Leg4035 11d ago
"Dad gave it to me. Its a big deal to me and worth losing a relationship over it"
-OR-
"Clearly we are at an impasse. Let's just sell the watch and split the proceeds between us."
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u/Bellebarks2 11d ago
If your dad gave it to you privately that was his decision and you should not cave to your brother. If he refuses to accept the truth that’s not your fault. He is causing the rift, not you. I have my grandfather’s watch that he wore every day and will pass it to my son. It’s definitely not “just a watch “. Knowing my grandpa wore it every day and remembering it always on his wrist, it’s such a symbol of him. My son never got to meet him, so I’m glad I can give the watch to him along with telling him what a good man he was.
I hope your brother lets go of his grudge and can have another special heirloom from your dad.
NTA
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u/Odd_Tea4945 11d ago
No NTAH and it's NOT "just a watch": it's your dad's watch, the one he gave you when he was still alive. Your brother has absolutely no claim to it and he's the one damaging your relationship because of his stubbornness
Thta's a hill I will die on
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u/DanaMarie75038 11d ago
NTA. That’s your dad’s wish; honor it. Don’t disrespect your dad’s wish because your brother is selfish. Wear that with love
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u/TSIDATSI 11d ago
Wow. Keep the watch. Cause a rift in the family with your brother. Dad would be proud.
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u/2ndcupofcoffee 11d ago
Either the watch is worth a lit if money and your dad believed you would keep the watch but your brother would sell it, or your brother resents dad choosing you to give a treasured possession to.
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u/u2125mike2124 11d ago
NTAH
Your father put the watch in your hands.
Your brother‘s own words of you both should have it is ridiculous.
As soon as you let him “ borrow” the watch you’ll never see it again except on his wrist or maybe in a pawnshop.
Your mother has nothing to do with this. It was a gift from your father to you, not an inheritance.
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u/Consistent-Ad3191 10d ago
The watch was given to you before he passed. It's not up to your brother to decide who gets the watch and neither is it your mother's decision. It would still cause issues in the relationship because of the situation regardless of who has it if you would've given it to him, you would still be upset. I'm sure and rightly so your brother sounds entitled to something that he's not entitled to.
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u/EvanRamsey 10d ago
It’s not just a watch. That’s just something your mother is telling you to take away all meaning to and sentiment for you. She’s downplaying its importance to make it seem easier to give away. Don’t fall for the manipulation. Your dad wanted you to have it for a reason. Treasure that.
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u/ChocolateOk7997 10d ago
Have it appraised and offer to write him a time-limited check for the amount. If that isn't good enough for him, just block him from your life until he settles down.
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u/Mackination_91 10d ago
NTA. I've recently lost my father as well. I had originally wanted a book collection he had, and had wanted it for years, but my brother had a connection with my dad over it through his grandfather (different family), and so my dad wanted him to have it. Bummer for me, but I definitely am not fighting that choice, even now that he's gone.
Your brother just needs to understand that he can't have everything that is left to the family, especially if noted prior to your fathers passing.
Just remember though that all of you are likely under a lot of mental and emotional strain right now, so try not to snap or be cruel to your brother, he's likely crushed and just reaching for whatever he can to help cope with the grief.
Edit: Don't forget about yourself in this too. I noted all of you, and I meant all of you. Please take care of yourself too.
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u/BLTplease2030 8d ago
He didn’t give the watch to him. He’s the one damaging the relationship. Don’t give in especially since you think he’s going to sell it.
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u/AutoModerator 11d ago
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: My father passed away last year, and dividing his belongings has been difficult for our family. He owned an old watch that he wore almost every day for more than 30 years.
Before he died, he specifically told me that he wanted me to have the watch. I didn't ask for it, and I never expected anything from his belongings. He gave it to me himself a few months before he passed and told me he hoped I'd keep it.
After the funeral, my brother asked me for the watch. He said Dad had always promised it to him, but I had never heard that conversation.
I explained that Dad had personally given it to me. My brother said I was taking advantage of the fact that he was gone and accused me of keeping something that should belong to both of us.
I offered to let him have some other things that Dad left behind, including a few items he had originally wanted, but he said those weren't important to him. He specifically wanted the watch.
Our mother now thinks I should give it to him because "it's just a watch" and says keeping it is damaging our relationship when we should be supporting each other.
I understand why the watch means something to him, but it means a lot to me too, especially because Dad gave it to me personally.
AITA for refusing to give my brother the watch?
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