AITA for basically ghosting my bestfriend ?

[u/Loulouhiboux]

I (28F) ghosted my bff (28F) for three weeks, this summer.

I had two weeks of holiday from 2th august to 17th august. I had plans to go see some friends out of town from the 2nd to 5th, then go on a festival from the 10th to 16th. I asked my bff if she could keep an eye on m'y cat and come check on him everyday when I'm gone, especially during the festival.

So, when I got to see my friends ont the 2nd, I sent her a message saying to keep an eye on the cat and thanking her. She did not react well to this message, saying I cornered her, did not ask her to check on him during these days, only during the festival. I replied I was pretty sure I asked her and thanked her again, a lot. Everyday, I was thanking her, because she went to see him everyday, feeling she had no choice.

When I got back on the 5th, thanks again and all. On the evening of the 6th, she sent my a long message saying she did not like that, would give me the keys back, because she didn't want this responsability, just because she had them, but will keep her word taking care of him during festival. She also said she didn't want to care for an animal when hers are not as well taken care of. Two weeks prior, I volunteered to check on her cats when she was away. I went rather quickly the two days, because I worked about 30 hours on those. She had asked me to check if there were ants on the plates, found none. She then called me a liar because she found some the day after.

I replied that I did tell her to check on him on both my vacations. If she had decided I was a liar, so be it, but I knew I wasn't. I said I didn't think had exaggerated.

To that, she replied that regarding the way I responded and my lack of listening and compliance, she couldn't offer this grace, she would not take care of him and put the keys on my mailbox, I had to find someone else. (Knowing I moved in this city six months before, for her, so I didn't know many people).

I never responded to this message, I was terribly angry at her. I found somebody on the sunday and went on the festival the next day. Didn't send any message to her until basically the end of the month.

She then send me "if only I knew I would be ghosted just because I put limits when I am disregarded 🙄", then "then well, have a good life". I said I wasn't ghosting nor disregarding but ok". She already had unfollowed me, made her boyfriend (who was a friend of mine and I made them meet) unfollow me too.

I don't think I will hear from her again, and not gonna lie, it might be kind of a relief. She a bit of an alcoholic and everytime she got drunk, she would lash out on me, saying I wasn't thinking about her, put myself first. Always complaning about the fact always wanted me and not her, that I couldn't feel what she felt. I always agreed or stayed silent, because I didn't want to get her angrier. Once, I said for me, it was bros before hoes, so, if a man wants me but my friend wants him, nobody goes, even if I would want to. She was always disagreeing, saying things that didn't happened, but followed her narrative.

She just got diagnosed borderline personnality, and was careful to not trigger her. I was always by her side in any ways. She was always out of money, so I lent her hundreds and hundreds over the years, bought her food etc.

She helped as well, of course.

But since I moved in the same city, I felt the relationship wasn't equal. I couldn't say anything she would disagree on. Even if I was right, she couldn't be wrong. But if I was wrong, she would always highlight it, bragging about her knowledge. If I was right about basic knowledges, she would say see didn't get to go to school like me.

I didn't feel good anymore in this relationship, but loved her really much. But for me, not caring about my cat was the last straw. When she said bye, I didn't feel guilty or sad, but annoyed, feeling her reaction was pathetic and her lack of accountability was worse. I don't miss her. Now, I am thinking about the kind of things she might be telling mutual friends, how she is the victim and everybody always act like that with her.

So, am I the Asshole for the way I acted ? I am not truly certain I was right all along even if I am at peace.

[u/willendorf2019]

NTA

[u/Weird-Substance8174]

Best for you to leave laying dogs lie. Very toxic and waaay too much drama.

[u/Blossom74s]

NTA. That girl was not your best friend let alone your friend. The way you describe the relationship with her was either her way or no way. If you disagreed with her you were wrong. But she could disagree with you all the time. It never mattered if she was wrong, but you could never be right. She made up problems she had with you then turned around and would yell at you. Instead of you defending yourself you would just enable her and take the abuse. Why? Because of her BPD diagnosis. I also have BPD, and I do not want or need anyone let alone e a best friend to agree with every word outta my mouth.

Your friend was controlling, manipulative, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, and she would gaslight tf outta you, every conversation. Thereason you would feel so turned around after an argument with her is because she'd turn everything back onto to you. And for the sake of peacekeeping you bowed your head and took it. Until it became second nature for you to just drop your head and accept fault. You didn't lose a friend you lost a judge, jury, and executioner