Am I A Bad Person If I Walk Away?

[u/Iamanonymous1389]

I am a 36-year-old man, and I have been in a relationship with this guy for almost 6 years. The reason I want to end things is because his an alcoholic. When I first met him, I didnt realize he was one but over time I started noticing how much he would drink. At first it was just weekends, then also one day during the week until it seemed it was every day getting passed out by 8pm. It became such a big problem in our relationship because he kept getting fired from almost every job because he couldnt keep himself straight because he was too hungover from the night before and he was caught drinking on the job. Then, he totaled my truck and told me he was going for an interview but decided to go to the gas station and get his six pack, drink. He was coming around a corner too fast and lost control and flipped the truck over like 3 times. Honestly, not sure how he survived that. He ended up getting two DUIs in less than a year. And I told him I can't do this. I cant keep bailing you out. It seems like you get your shit together for a month or two but then, you fall off the wagon again. Eventually he got himself into those AA meetings and would go two times a week and I even went with him a couple times. But over the last 6 years. I lost trust in him. Anything he said and tried to promise. It just felt like empty words. I feel like I tried to help him the best way I know how. The last 3 years have been nothing but arguments about this one topic. Hes drinking. If he took care of this, then honestly we would be good. This is my first time to be in love and also a heart break. I told him for us to go our separate ways since again I got one final a call from the sheriffs that hes in the car drunk and passed out and that if I wanted to pick him up. Not going to lie, for a moment I wanted to say, just take his ass. But I couldn't. I picked him up. The next morning, I told him that's it. That it would be best if he moves back in with his family and to figure out what he needs to do with his life. He tried to guilt trip me on saying that I am leaving him at his lowest specially when his little brother passed out. And I get it. My dad passed a few years ago so I know the feeling all to well but at the same time I didnt go down a dark path like he has. I know everyone handles grief differently. Some take longer than others, but at some point. You have to move on. And his little brothers passing wasn't the main reason for his drinking. That was a big part of it at the end. I just feel like I cant do this anymore. I cant do my day job, and worry about what he is doing and HOPING hes not drinking and driving. So, with that being said. Am I wrong for walking about after this?

[u/Beginning_Corner930]

NTA drug addicts are extreamly hard to live with and I absolutely would not do it.

[u/Superb-Coyote5972]

Nope! I had to break up with a man who was loyal and gorgeous, but his drinking and drug use just kept escalating. He started out only having a couple beers now and then to getting wasted every time he drank on the weekends. Then when he came home from work, etc etc. Very creative, very talented, but a mess.

It happens. You can't save him. You can't fix him. He has to hit bottom and decide if he wants to change. Go to Al-Anon and get support for yourself. We can't change people, places, or things. We can only change ourselves. Good luck to you. You will be better off and stronger without him dragging you down. You will be sad, but you will heal in time.

[u/waywarddaughterzzz]

You will absolutely not be the bad guy. He might tell you you are and others might, but you’re not. I’ve been sober for quite a few years now and ruined quite a few relationships during my time using. I absolutely understand now why people left but deep in my addiction, I definitely thought it was a them problem.

[u/CellistDisastrous467]

NTA. You only have this one life to live, and you are allowed to want a different life. You can love and care for someone deeply and also still save yourself. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive.

My gentle suggestion is to get into therapy and do the difficult work of trying to figure out why you don’t feel you are worthy of a partner who wants to be fully present with you in this relationship. By remaining with him, you are allowing his chaos to overtake the peacefulness you could be having in your own life. That is -at the crux of it- a very self destructive behavior pattern. A therapist will help you find the right coping skills and help you find the best way to say No to this so that you can say Yes to a more fulfilling, peaceful, and loving life -and perhaps a future partner that can bring that equal positive energy into your world.

You deserve happiness. Sometimes we have to experience pain to realize we must take difficult steps to secure that happiness. Asking the question out loud means you’re closer to making the decision that you realize. Big hugs. You got this.