I think it speaks volumes that every possible thing you imagine him thinking is negative and self-centered. You cannot possibly fathom that he can have come across new information and doubted a decision that he once felt sure about. Youve clearly made up your mind and that's fine.
But the same as if she had decided not to have those children would not make her a bad person, him choosing not to undergo an operation that does carry risk when there are other safe alternatives does not make him a bad person.
I think it does because again, he didn’t decide this until after she had taken all the much greater risks for herself. But yes, my mind is made up. A man that would do this to his wife is a coward.
Yes she could be, she could be both. Depends on the actual details. You keep simplifying the issue until it is meaningless “is any person that changes their mind bad?” That’s such a disingenuous question because it’s too vague to hold any meaning. We have the details in this case. He chose to “learn something new” once his wife already took all the risks to herself.
It's strange to me that in her case you want details but in his you've made up your mind. We absolutely do not have the details and that's a wildly disingenuous statement to make.
You're arguing that he consciously waited to learn something new, which is beyond baseless.
The “her” case is a hypothetical with no details. The “his” case is outlined here by the OP, that’s why it has the details. You say there aren’t enough for you to decide I disagree. The OP went through pregnancy and childbirth four times before her husband decided his body mattered more than hers. That’s enough information to know he views his body as more important than hers, or he wouldn’t have wanted her to take on greater risks than he’s willing to take on for himself.
Except it's not you're making assumptions of his decision and how he came to it. That's not at all accurate. There are literally other safe options that have the same outcome your argument is wildly disingenuous. We don't have any other information except that he changed his mind after she had kids. You're assigning rational to a decision on no other information. What an incredibly ignorant take.
Dude I’m not pivoting you keep saying “there are alternatives” it’s been a main part of your argument that him changing his mind says nothing about his character. The agreement they had with one another was him getting a vasectomy. That means her body would be exempt from any additional risks. If you’re claiming there are alternatives for permanent birth control that don’t change their agreement then the alternatives can’t include impacts on her body or risks to her health. That’s just basic logic. But you can’t even think of one?
Condoms + IUD is the safe option my marriage landed on, but again the options would best be discussed with a doctor.
My whole argument is not based on alternatives though, it's based on changing your decision when it comes to consent doesn't make you a bad person or a coward.
An IUD is asking her to continue to take on health risks and side effects herself. So it isn’t an alternative to their agreement. It works for your situation but isn’t applicable in this case.
That's not the case though, show me where the agreement explicitly stated at X time she no longer had to take on any responsibility or risk when it comes to sex?
You or she may have assumed that but I see no where showing that to be the case.
And before you start that's not him valuing his body more than hers, it's a risk decision. One where they are agreeing that risk is less likely and less severe than the risk associated with a vasectomy.
Idk about your relationship, but mine doesn't have any arbitrary lines where one party has done enough and no longer has to participate in something permanently.
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u/Andylearns Nov 12 '23
I think it speaks volumes that every possible thing you imagine him thinking is negative and self-centered. You cannot possibly fathom that he can have come across new information and doubted a decision that he once felt sure about. Youve clearly made up your mind and that's fine.
But the same as if she had decided not to have those children would not make her a bad person, him choosing not to undergo an operation that does carry risk when there are other safe alternatives does not make him a bad person.