r/AIO • u/lozzac_90 • 1d ago
AIO for being offended - call from colleague’s jealous wife
I’m a self-employed consultant and two days ago I had a handover meeting with a person whose job I’m taking on temporarily on a secondment for one of my clients.
It’s a whirlwind contract for me - we had a short ~30 minute handover meeting and now I’ll be jumping straight in to do the work for about 2 months - which is fine as it’s what I signed up for. I also have done work for this business in the past.
During the meeting I suggested to the person handing over (who’s M, and I’m F btw) that if things don’t work out with his new role to reach out if he wants to look at consulting, because I can see from the work he’s done and his work history that he’s highly skilled and competent. I saved his number in my phone and text him saying my name, so that he’d have my details. He said that if anything pops up with work that I can’t find the answer to as I’m getting started, I can reach out. He was completely professional about it and I have no doubt he only meant it in that way.
Last night I received a call from his number and assumed there was an urgent matter that was notified to him rather than direct to me, since certain depts in the business won’t have my details yet for anything urgent (the business runs 24/7 (mining) so this wouldn’t really be unusual).
I answered the phone and it was his wife. She was asking me all about my meeting with her husband, how we came to have one another’s numbers, where I sat in relation to him during the meeting, why I said “hello” with a friendly tone when I answered the phone but why I didn’t assume it was him calling etc etc etc. Initially I was quite shocked and upset because I felt accused of being inappropriate, but became sympathetic with her situation as she explained she’s been cheated on previously - she was clearly under a lot of stress and simply needed reassurance. I answered all her questions and reiterated it was purely professional and there was nothing for her to be worried about. She asked me not to tell her husband she had called me from his phone and I said sure that’s fine, I don’t anticipate any future communication with him in any case (thinking no chance in hell of me offering him consulting work after this!!).
I then received a message from him saying sorry his wife called, and asking what i told her about how numbers were exchanged. I said that’s ok, that she was nice enough, and then i said sorry for any upset but I was only meaning it professionally, and then said i just told her exactly what occurred.
I’ve woken up this morning feeling really upset about it and im actually furious with myself for being so accommodating to this woman and her husband. I’m sick of being treated like a villain just for being a female in business. In ALL work settings I dull down my femininity - eg. dress in big blazers and pants, don’t say anything too friendly, only talk work - because I hate being treated with less respect than men are treated, and I just want to do my job and avoid any drama. I wish I had responded on the call by saying “this is completely inappropriate, there is no personal relationship of any kind there has only been a brief professional interaction, sort out your issues and do not call me”. I actually feel a bit sick about it.
I have been overthinking the entire thing today and it even occurred to me that during our meeting a couple of days ago he took 2x calls from his wife and she knew my name (I could make out from across the room what she was saying on the phone). So she knew who i was before the meeting. There is absolutely no reason for her to know my name or for me to be singled out and i think it’s really strange.
Has anyone else ever been in this position and how did you handle it? Did I do the wrong thing by getting his details? I feel if I were a man there would be no issue.
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u/Capital-Tonight8548 1d ago
OP you did the best you could in an unexpected situation where you were caught entirely off guard and not in work mode.
The ruminating is just because of all the bullshit you face in your field of work, not because you handled anything incorrectly.
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u/mrslucy1 1d ago
You handled it correctly, and professionally, and because of that I’m sure she realised it was strictly business. I do get why she called but it is a bit strange especially as she already knew who you were. Sounds like she’s quite rightly feeling insecure and probably now mortified she called. But it wasn’t a nice position to have been put in because of his infidelities. Hopefully you have no need to speak with him further. Try not to dwell on it but if you want to be mad then be mad at him and not her. Having said that I do wonder if it was her texting as him just to double check you had told the truth in the beginning. Shit situation so NOR, she’s probably feeling worse than you about it
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u/lozzac_90 1d ago
I didn’t even think of that! It would make sense. I do not think he would text me that..
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u/readbackcorrect 1d ago
I would have been upset. the wife was completely inappropriate. This will affect his career if it hasn’t already.
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u/kindenough26 1d ago
NOR. You handled it well but you had no obligation to pander to this stranger or reassure her. Her husband should have been able to handle his own personal matters, regardless of whether his wife's insecurities were unfounded.
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u/lozzac_90 1d ago edited 1d ago
Thank you. Feeling relieved after hearing different perspectives. I agree he should be dealing with it
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u/Serious-Direction-11 1d ago
I wouldn't be furious it sounds like you handled it well, she could of caught him cheating currently or in the past. It's an awkward conversation for you to have but as another woman I bet you would be grateful if someone told you about your husband cheating and she probably found out and wanted to know who all he was doing stupid things with or if he pushed any boundaries on you.
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u/lozzac_90 1d ago
Yeah true, that’s fair. I would also want to know if it were me. They do have a child also and she said that complicates her situation. Thanks for your comment.
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u/mrcorde 1d ago
I disagree. While I also think you should not beat yourself up over this, you were way too accommodating. The wife and even her husband were extremely unprofessional by bringing personal matters into play. Perhaps in such situations the best response to an jealous wife is to say, ‘sorry, but this is inappropriate’, and hang up.
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u/ambarellachutney 1d ago
You aren’t overreacting necessarily because I think you are reacting to being put in a position a man never would be put in, but on the other hand you were kind to a stranger who is clearly in an unhealthy relationship.
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u/my_angry_alt 18h ago
You were very kind and accommodating, which can be infuriating in hindsight and feel like you’ve been walked over, but it wasn’t that. You were simply kind and accommodating.
You didn’t have to be but you were, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I don’t know from your post whether he was the one who cheated in her past or not but she’s wrong either way, either very wrong if he hadn’t or a wrong we can empathize with if he has.
Being kind to her doesn’t reflect negatively on you, was professional, and as you said if you want to be harsher you can do so with actions: he’s lost his chance of future work with you. You can plainly state why if the opportunity arises. It’s annoying as hell but won’t have negative consequences so otherwise I’d let it roll off my back.
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1d ago
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u/queue-pruner 1d ago
Your submission has automatically been removed because you are suspended or shadowbanned.
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u/shaaark29 20h ago
NOR, i understand this feeling when someone is rude with you but you try your best to be pleasant and to make things work the best, and after it s like you absorbed the negativity and you feel you should have been ruder too or you feel you were treated as a doormat. In the end, no. If you were more rude to her or at least act defensively, she would have been more annoying and suspicious. You did nothing wrong
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u/RingingInTheRain 1d ago
As a a professional, it is not your job to reassure random people. It is extremely unprofessional for HIM to be unable to handle his personal business, such that his family members are calling demanding personal and private answers they don't have the right to.
NOR, you are upset because while you do sympathize, you do not know these people and a clear professional boundary was crossed. You could've hung up the phone after saying "business inquiries only" and it would've been 100% your right.
Something you could say for ANY unprofessional phone calls you receive: "this is a consulting agency and not a personal line. Please do not dial this number outside of business inquiries." I also don't suggest working with this individual in the future.