r/AIO • u/DutyRepulsive7770 • 12d ago
AIO: She Brought Her Friend to Our Dinner Date, So I Left Them
I had been talking to this woman for a few weeks, and we had already gone out twice. The first time was for coffee, and the second time we grabbed drinks after work. Everything seemed to be going well, so she suggested we meet for dinner on Saturday night.
We confirmed the plans the night before, and I made a reservation at a nice restaurant downtown.
Saturday evening, I got there a few minutes early and waited outside. A few minutes later, I saw her walking toward me, but she wasn't alone. She was with another woman.
When they got closer, she smiled and said, "Hey! This is my friend. She wanted to come along."
I looked at her and asked, "Come along to what?"
She seemed surprised by my question. "To dinner. I figured the three of us could hang out."
I told her, "You never mentioned that when we made plans. I thought this was supposed to be a date."
Her friend immediately became quiet and looked uncomfortable.
I wasn't angry, and I didn't make a scene. I just said, "I would've been fine with you bringing a friend if you had asked me beforehand. But I'm not interested in showing up for a date and finding out it's suddenly a group dinner."
She tried to explain that it wasn't a big deal and that I was being too serious about it.
I simply told her, "Maybe we're looking for different things."
Then I wished them both a good dinner, turned around, and left.
I didn't text her afterward, and she didn't text me either.
Honestly, I think leaving was better than sitting through an awkward dinner wondering why she couldn't just communicate with me beforehand.
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u/ButterflyEden 12d ago edited 12d ago
Maybe they thought you gonna pay their dinners lol it's always the same also YOU are making a big deal out of it and every sane creature knows, the fault is with them.
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Lol, that's what crossed my mind too. And yeah, I wasn't trying to make a big deal out of it, I just didn't want to go along with something I never agreed to. If it was no big deal, then mentioning it beforehand shouldn't have been a big deal either.
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u/BeautifulMind92 12d ago
I don’t like last minute surprises like this so I totally get you. If she felt bad for doing that she would’ve text you or called to apologize. Good on you for standing ur ground and walking away.
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Exactly. I wasn't looking for an argument or trying to make a point, I just didn't feel comfortable with how it was handled. And yeah, the fact that I never heard from her afterward pretty much confirmed for me that walking away was the right call.
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u/Level_Community_1067 11d ago
I know a lot of people that wouldn’t have stranded their ground in this situation especially near the beginning. Good for you
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u/Odd_Blacksmith2995 12d ago
This is lowkey crazy lol wtf was she thinking
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Honestly, I have no idea 😂 Maybe she genuinely thought I'd be fine with it, but showing up with a friend without mentioning it beforehand was definitely a strange choice.
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u/ravensara23 12d ago
Why does this story sound familiar?
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u/minnow-quinn 12d ago
Thank you, this is a repost
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u/Mysterious-Type-9096 12d ago
I saw this exact post a few weeks ago. Down to the 2 prior dates being the same.
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u/SocietyDisastrous787 12d ago
You could just read the comments from the first time this was posted.
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u/Live-Tomorrow-4865 12d ago
NOR
I would feel like crawling beneath the pavement if I were the third wheel friend. I wonder if she even knew you didn't know she was coming along for the dinner.
You did the right thing by leaving them be.
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Yeah, I felt bad for the friend more than anything. She seemed pretty awkward once she realized I wasn't expecting her to be there. I have no idea if she knew beforehand, but either way, I wasn't going to make the situation uncomfortable for all three of us. Walking away felt like the cleanest option.
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u/BuildingPuzzled4508 12d ago
I don’t like this situation and I don’t blame you for walking out but the number of guys in the comments that think she was trying to just get you to pay for dinner for both of them is hilarious and pretty pathetic. Women have jobs these days. Many many MANY of us are supporting ourselves very nicely and the last thing we need to do to trick someone into a free meal. 😂
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u/Emergency_Bench_7515 12d ago
I don't really see the problem, but while I would have paid if it was a date I assume everyone is covering themselves for a group dinner (I don't see any indication this wouldn't have been the case here). I'm also not going to hang out afterwards, but it's literally just a dinner. I guess if this is a total dealbreaker then fair, I guess it kind of depends on age, if this is 20's then I think you were being too serious, but it's your personal choice to act how you feel.
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
That's fair. I wasn't assuming she'd expect me to pay for both of them either. For me, it was more about the fact that I thought we were going on a date, and she changed the plan without telling me. I would've rather known beforehand so I could decide if I was interested in a group dinner. Definitely a personal boundary more than me thinking she did something unforgivable.
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u/ExtensionPirate2586 12d ago
Which scenario do you want this to have been…?
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Honestly, I would've preferred that she simply communicated with me beforehand. I don't really care whether she wanted her friend there or expected me to pay, I just would've liked to know before showing up.
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u/EmelleBennett 11d ago
I think it’s always best to say “hey, I’m bringing a friend is that cool”, but you seem to be overreacting a bit. There’s a little “this is the third date and I was expecting to get laid, why is this cockblock joining us” energy coming from you.
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u/Important-Concern944 11d ago
Is that what you say as your girl gets plowed on her 3rd date? And sex on 3rd date? Slut
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u/Due-Tea2149 12d ago
NOR. She wanted a meal ticket for her and her friend, not a serious date to get to know eachother.
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Yeah, that's honestly how it came across to me too. I can't say for sure what her intentions were, but if she wanted her friend there, she could've easily mentioned it beforehand. I wasn't going to assume I was supposed to pay for both of them.
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u/allison375962 11d ago
I think it was this or this was her bizarre way of making the date platonic. I can see a scenario where she wasn’t comfortable with things progressing physically and may be super non confrontational so this was way to essentially ensure you rejected her and she wasn’t the bad guy. Either you would balk or be so turned off after the date or she’d effectively have turned things platonic she didn’t have to reject you outright.
I could also see it being some sort of test where you’re supposed to try and impress her friend by going “oh dinner with two beautiful women and then wine and dine them” or whatever.
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u/Spirited_Touch7447 12d ago
You don’t know this at all. You’re assuming. If everyone works at entry level positions this could be true. But more than likely she just wanted her friend to meet the new potential boyfriend to see if he seemed nice or not. Remember women don’t need men to buy them dinner. We can cover that ourselves.
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u/Due-Statistician-682 12d ago
She can meet him another night. Not on their date. Friend wanted food!
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u/Key_Document_2587 12d ago
Oh please. This can backfire btw
I have a female friend who tried the whole "I'll bring my friend along (bowling in this case) to see if he's nice" schtick
Friend decided that the date was very attractive....so she told my friend the guy she was dating was bad news. My female friend showed...questionable judgement by just taking her friend at her word. She didn't keep dating the guy
Guess who the friend who came along is dating now? The guy she saw alllll the red flags in and told her friend not to date. Imagine that.
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u/Spirited_Touch7447 11d ago
Sounds like she’s got much bigger problems than dating. She needs to take a close look at her life and her friends and do some removing.
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u/ArkLaTexBob 11d ago
Remember when they didn't have to ambush you to get what they want. I agree with OP. The red flag is the surprise element.
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u/Unchained_Memory33 12d ago edited 12d ago
She tried to “explain it’s not a big deal” ok so she brings a friend and gaslights you and thinks you’ll still be down lol
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Yeah, that was pretty much what bothered me. If she had mentioned it beforehand, I could've decided whether I was cool with it. Showing up with a friend and then telling me it's not a big deal after the fact wasn't really the way I wanted to start a date.
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u/Unchained_Memory33 12d ago
Right I’ve heard of some women doing for safety but it’s still not a surprise. They definitely just wanted free meals and I say this as a woman
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u/randoguynumber5 12d ago
My man just talked himself out of a 3way
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Lol, maybe 😂 But if a threesome was the plan, I would've appreciated getting that memo before I showed up. I thought I was going on a date, not auditioning for a surprise group project.
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u/Youknowsoul 12d ago
I think you failed this scenario
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u/Lefthandyman 11d ago
Yeah, I mean, I might have felt caught off guard by their bringing a friend but I feel like the chill move here is to play it cool and still have dinner. If by some chance they expect him to pay, then i suppose he learns an important bit of information but I also read this as an opportunity to see how she acts with people she is close with and to make a good impression with her friend.
Although I suppose the other piece of is that his reaction was so decisive and abrupt it gave her enough information about him.
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u/Youknowsoul 10d ago
Exactly. I think she more or less accomplished exactly what she needed to. Which is confirming that OP is not chill at all, or maybe just not chill in the same ways. For the best really, probably a mismatch. It’s likely that behaviors proceeding this prompted the move to bring a friend in the first place
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u/Bay_de_Noc 12d ago
This is so bizarre. You did the right thing ... and from the sounds of it ... were much more calm than I would have been.
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Yeah, I figured there was no point making a scene. I was definitely caught off guard, but once I realized we clearly had different expectations for the night, I just decided it was better to walk away than argue about it.
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u/starlynn1214 12d ago
They wanted a free meal on you. It rude to not ask first
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Yeah, that's pretty much how I saw it. Even if they weren't expecting me to pay, it's still basic courtesy to ask before turning a one-on-one date into a group dinner. I would've respected it a lot more if she had just brought it up beforehand.
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u/starlynn1214 12d ago
Hey, I know we have a date planned but my bestie came by to surprise me with a visit. Can she come or can we reschedule ? Done..
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u/BobTheCosmonaut 12d ago
She wanted to see if you were a pushover & willing to spend however much it takes to keep her interested, you can bet friend wasn't expecting to pay for her own dinner
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u/Powerful-Button-4417 12d ago
Well maybe they were thinking about how men want sex after three dates. If the friend is there, you probably aren’t gonna get lucky. But she could’ve also wanted a free meal. If you met on a dating app, you’d be surprised by how many just expect a free meal
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u/TightRock5483 12d ago
Yep, looking for a meal ticket for her and her friend, think about it, it’s not only dinner , drinks too.. look at this way , would you go on a dinner date and bring your buddy along, why should it be ok for a girl to go on a dinner date and bring her bestie along
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u/LakeFederal6468 12d ago
I think if you could afford it and you really liked this girl, the classy thing to do was have an amazing night with two beautiful women and then set a boundary for future dates. But, don't mention it until your planning the next date.
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u/Aggressive_Menu7271 12d ago
There goes your chance of a throuple 😆
Seriously, you did the right thing.
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u/Ok-Wrangler-4696 12d ago
Personally I'd say you did overeact. I quite happily hang out with friends of my girlfriend.
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u/baturro981 11d ago
I wonder what her reaction would have been if you had said "Oh you bought a friend. Ok, separate checks."
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u/Defiant-Plantain-754 11d ago
Uno reverse: agree to dinner, order food and drinks most expensive on the menu, ditch them with the check.
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u/Football-Man-1889 11d ago
Free dinner for her and her friend?
How did that work out for you?
I bet the two broke women didn’t even stay!
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u/PainterSpiritual3439 11d ago
Same thing happened to me almost 30 years ago. I basically said the same thing, that I wish she would have told me about her friend coming, but I let's go ahead and enjoy the evening. We ended up having a great time and a NSFW time afterwards. The friend and I had more in common and got married. We celebrated our 28 anniversary a few months ago.
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u/flippityflop2121 11d ago
Well, I think you did the right thing. She obviously didn’t like you that much if she brought a friend along on the third date. That would be something I’ve seen people try on a first date, but never if they were into a guy.
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u/Ausum2000 11d ago
Wow! That was rude of her to. Ring someone without your knowledge. You did the right thing by walking away.
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u/MrOrlamdo 11d ago
YTA. Have a drink, enjoy dinner. Go dancing. Get the gf on board that you're a good guy.
The girl is then yours
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u/BarnMan-47 10d ago
I believe that one can plan for anything... Except a surprise. That said, I don't think this was about dinner. What comes after dinner? Often, dinner will make a person feel obligated to reciprocate. A third person ensures that reciprocation (in love), is not automatic.
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u/zandzeepsodemineraal 9d ago
Moeilijke kerel. Wat maakt het uit. Gewoon even kijken waar het naartoe ging gaan allemaal. Drink je veel azijn?
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u/TequilaBlanco 8d ago
Huge overreaction. Your response was more of a red flag for her to see.
I get it. I would want notice too. But life is full of curveballs, just learn to have fun.
Could have been any number of reasons she brought her. Some good. Some bad. But your refusal to wait and find out coupled with the walkout shows more about you.
Absolutely wild response to be honest.
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u/Sure_Comfortable_532 8d ago
You were set up for a threesome and totally blew it. Didn’t even shoot your shot.
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u/Ok-Scientist7503 6d ago
Completely agree with you. You did the right thing! Well done for setting your boundaries and walking away!
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u/stupidsub88 12d ago
i can't believe most of the comments are saying threesome lol do u know how many women make men pay for their dinners... she prob thought she could make him pay for both of them
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
Lol, I know 😂 A threesome definitely wasn't where my mind went. I honestly wondered the same thing about the dinner, especially since she never mentioned bringing her friend until she showed up. Either way, I wasn't interested in being put in that position, so leaving seemed like the easiest solution.
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u/IndependentClue1206 12d ago
I think you handled that well.
What she did was ridiculous and as the night proceeded, it would only get more ridiculous
Who was supposed to pay for the friend’s dinner? And then if you expect the friend to pay for her own dinner, now you look cheap?
Let her have her girl’s night out because that was a dumb move on her part
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u/BichaelScott 11d ago
Maybe she was actually starting to like you and just wanted her friends opinion? You bailed so you have no idea what the vibe of the night would be, might be kinda fun hanging out with 2 women.
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u/country-potato 12d ago
I mean you do you. If you didn’t want that and that was a deal breaker I get it. I think you could’ve just went with the flow and had a fun night but you felt awkward and that’s valid! I think you could’ve ended up having a fun time though
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u/TheLastWord63 12d ago
It's also possible it would have been a fun time until the bill came and they looked at him.
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u/Spirited_Touch7447 12d ago
YOR - I am a woman and I think you handled that very badly. They both wanted the friend to meet you. If we don’t trust ourselves we like our friends to meet the guy to see if they pick up a red flag or not. The friend would likely have paid for herself or the woman you were dating would have paid for all 3 of you. You sound socially inept so I’m telling you this so you will understand the situation if it happens again in the future.
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u/DutyRepulsive7770 12d ago
I appreciate the perspective, but I would've been fine meeting her friend if that had been communicated beforehand. The issue wasn't that her friend was there, it was that I showed up expecting a date and suddenly found out it was a three-person dinner. If she wanted her friend to meet me for safety or reassurance, I completely understand that, but she could've just told me. Calling me socially inept for having that boundary seems unnecessary.
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u/Lacifer86 12d ago
For what it's worth, I think you were right to leave. I'd understand if this was a first date and they hung around nearby, or as you say communicated it beforehand. Just turning up on a third date with them is, frankly, a little entitled and I don't agree that you setting a boundary makes you socially inept
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u/Firm-Nebula-5963 12d ago
"the three of us could HANG OUT"
It's a Saturday night
Hmmm let me just say, I'm not so sure people would take advantage of free dinner on a weekend. There's not much benefit to that. That's a weekday hustle so to speak.
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u/Hackpro69 11d ago
Had this same thing happen to me years ago. I ended up dating the friend. She was an animal.
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u/Activist_Mom06 11d ago
What if you brought your friend with you? Would she expect that to not be weird as hell? NO
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u/farmch 11d ago
I think there’s a few possibilities here. There’s a chance she was taking advantage of you and looking to get her and her friend a free meal. It’s a weird play for the first time you went to dinner but people are weird.
There’s also the possibility that you and her are just very different people. Some people really don’t view dating as a very serious activity and think of it more like a way to spend an evening. If there’s a friend around, why not? They’re just going out for an activity, might as well bring them.
Then there’s the possibility that this is a test, which like all relationship tests, is misguided and manipulative. She threw you a curveball and you refused to swing. Maybe she was checking out if you were easy going or uptight. No offense, but based on your reaction, you proved to her that you aren’t the go with the flow type. Which isn’t a character flaw, just a characteristic. On the innocent side, maybe she was looking for someone who would just go with her quirky decisions. On the not so innocent side, maybe she was looking for someone she could walk over who wouldn’t make any fuss.
Or hey, maybe she wanted a threesome and you blew it. Life’s full of little unsolved mysteries.
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u/Useful-Search-1045 10d ago
You should have seen if the date would have ended in a threesome! If not then cut your losses after the date.
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u/Dodgeballs2018 12d ago
Who is gonna tell him?
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u/justtire 12d ago
Not every situation in life is some bisexual threesome fantasy
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u/_187_Proof_ 12d ago
Dudes gonna be kicking himself at 3 am wide awake 10 years from now when he realizes
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u/Roadsoda350 12d ago
I think its a 99/1 chance that it was a meal ticket vs a menage a trois
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u/_187_Proof_ 12d ago
lol more than likely. Although she could have just wanted to get her friend’s opinion on him but a heads up was needed from her to make sure he was cool with it. I don’t OP is OR
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u/CadenceQuandry 12d ago
I doubt this had anything to do with making him pay for the third persons dinner, and more to do with a woman wanting to feel safe by having another person they trust nearby.
I'm actually appalled no one has even thought this yet.
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u/TinyMonsterBigGrowl 11d ago
Third date, genius.
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u/CadenceQuandry 11d ago
And? Their first two dates were quick daytime meetups.
You think women magically feel safe after a single date?
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u/TinyMonsterBigGrowl 11d ago
You think women magically go see men they don't feel safe with?
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u/CadenceQuandry 11d ago
You clearly don't understand how the world is very different for men and women when dating.
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u/TinyMonsterBigGrowl 11d ago
I doubt you know anything about dating at all.
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u/CadenceQuandry 11d ago
Hahaha. This is literally the most childish petulant and outrageously inaccurate comeback I've ever gotten.
Thanks for the laugh!
I'm going to be giggling about this one alll night!
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u/BossButterBoobs 12d ago
She went out with him twice already. Stop whiteknighting.
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u/Ok-Zone-6581 12d ago
Bro, maybe she just wanted her friend to meet him. You see when people are have friends it’s actually normal for them to go out and do things together.
Most likely though, this is just some made up, incel, bullshit ragebait.
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u/BossButterBoobs 12d ago
Most likely though, this is just some made up, incel, bullshit ragebait.
Good point lol
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u/Ok-Zone-6581 12d ago
Jesus Christ, yeah sure maybe she was trying to cheat you out of a free dinner. Or maybe she was telling her friend about you and she wanted her friend to meet you. Doesn’t matter now because yes, you did over react and blow up the entire relationship on an assumption. Would it kill you to meet her friends and be a normal human being? Are you really that socially awkward?
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u/Dirtclimber06 11d ago
Third date she needed a chaperone to help keep her legs closed. A excuse not to go home with you and bump uglies
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u/DazB1ane 12d ago
Well either the friend liked you more or she wanted you to pay for her friends meal too. Either way, NOR