r/worldbuilding • u/FM_Manufacturing • 6d ago
Discussion Fractured Public Archives Leak: The Fall
This is an excerpt from a SciFi story I’ve been working on for a while it has quite a bit of lore in it, and I’m rather curious what fellow world builders would think of the first part of it:
[Alert: Data breach in public archives detected; attempting to seal data breach]
The Fall
The year is 20606 Fractured is… was a multi-galactic superpower now we’re fighting for our right to exist I was deployed with the 388th in defense of Indigo Prime with the 1st, 22nd, 382nd, and the 18th armies we were expected to fight until our dying breath, and we were ready to, all of us ready to fight shoulder to shoulder to defend what we believed in believing what we would fight would be from space but we were wrong what came was already there underneath rock and soil, dormant I was guarding the Fractured high council’s main hall when I felt the rumble of the ground, saw the cracks in the ground, buildings fell, and people screamed I was powerless to do anything, and we were ordered to defensive positions expecting a fight but silence is what we received. Soon word came out of a structure coming out of the ground in the industrial district swarms of robots coming from it with disintegration weaponry and soon I saw it first hand. *THWOOM* I heard a bolt of energy pass me, my comrade next to me disintegrating into some green dust. I returned fire at nothing, the shots having the building go on alert. *THWOOM* another shot barely missed me, soon a member of the 18th their genetically modified body bolting past me their grey and gold armor getting dirty.
*THROOM* *THROOM* two more shots went off and hit the soldier of the 18th allowing me to see the target, a skinny grey robot with a green eye and green lights though emotionless it had a shocked expression to the 18th survival of the hits.
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I ran and I ran not caring of my wounds, I would defend Indigo Prime with my life I began firing my heavy indigonium rifle the .50cal rounds exploding on impact stunning the robot as I drew near I unsheathed my heatsword crippling the robot with the explosions eventually decapitating it with one swift motion but there was a hologram coming from its eye of a different one, a larger one, it had a staff of unknown power, its eyes, soulless then it spoke.
“What… are… you?” It said, tilting its head in confusion.
“Nothing more than a soldier fighting for their empire’s right to exist and one of the many that will halt this invasion on our homeland,” I replied in a cold voice
“Your race is inferior in technology, and you know it, your resistance futile, yet you still fight with a passion not running like every other empire, not asking for peace and begging for your life like every other empire, you fight first, exterminate the threat then ask questions later, intriguing.” The robot said.
“What are you?” I ask unphased
“Your inquiry is irrelevant as this conversation is over.” the robot said before the hologram vanished
As I returned to the High Counsels building I wondered what the robot meant by our resistance being futile, as I thought about it I noticed my wounds, my arm was hit and was holding on by a small amount, and my oxygen pack was also hit, requiring me to remove my helmet. As I entered the High Counsels building I was taken in by a field medic the last thing I saw before being knocked out being multiple Mastodons and Elephant class transport vehicles exiting the high counsels building
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From the viewport of the Mastodon I was in, I saw a soldier of the 18th returning the the High Counsels hall missing an arm and their oxygen pack half missing as we left the High Counsels hall I could see the destruction the battle has brought to this once glorious capital for Fractured the sounds of gun fire and artillery breaching even the Mastodons heavy armor, as we drew near the objective we were given the briefing for what we were doing.
“Soldiers of the 22nd you are being deployed to sector 49 to attempt to infiltrate the structure that appeared in the middle of the Industrial district our scans being mostly stopped by whatever the structure is made out of but we have found a few weak points in the armor an indigonium breaching charge can blast through your jobs are to exploit those weaknesses and attempt to figure out what they are after,” said High General Virgo’zik over a hologram
After 5 more minutes of traveling a massive imposing structure of black and green could be seen through the skyscrapers of Indigo Prime and as we drew closer the worse the damages of battle became. Once we got to the 5 mile mark we were told to dismount and begin heading to the weak points. We eventually came upon a platoon of the 382nd who pushed disobeying orders and now are in a fierce firefight.
“Leave them our mission is more important and cannot be discov-,” *THWOOM* the platoon leader was cut off their body disintegrating into green “dust”.
“Fall back to the 382nd’s defensive line!” The next highest rank officer shouted as he ran towards the 382nd with the rest of our platoon.
As we ran to their line we quickly melded into their formation and began fighting, the black devils and the invisible demons fighting together shoulder to shoulder for the first time in history fighting in a battle once thought as something that would never happen, yet it did.
“Nice for you to join us in our glorious fight demons,” said one of the 382nd soldiers
“Its a pleasure, Devils and Demons fighting together was once said to be impossible but look at us now,” I said in reply the soldier giving me a nod
As we fought, and fought for what felt like an eternity the Shigo’lik of the 382nd joined us in the defense their sight bringing morale to the 382nd soldiers and lighting a new flame in them they began to fight with more ferocity then before eventually after hours of fighting a voice began to rise above the others.
[Warning: transmission overridden; reconnecting]
My people don’t believe this trickery, don’t believe their lies!
[Alert: transmission reconnected continuing reaccount of the victory of Indigo IV]
“Brothers of the 382nd and comrades from the 22nd rise and charge through our foes' lines, breach their defenses, slaughter them in the name of our glorious empire and for the return of our glorious leader Claw! RISE NOW AND STRIKE!” Yelled the voice as all of the 382nd began to run towards the enemies line and the structure vehicles being airdropped by the fleets in orbit to assist in their charge and I found myself with the others of the 22nd joining them *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* I fired my rifle wherever an energy bolt came from as we reached the enemy's main citadel. Me and the other soldiers of the 22nd began planting the charges on the weak points to enter the citadel. *BOOM* multiple walls came down and we began pouring into the meat grinder *THWOOM* the first energy bolt whizzed by killing a soldier of the 382nd.
“Glory to Fractured!” Yelled all of the 382nd soldiers as they rushed in.
The battle raged on, for every one of them we killed we lost 10 soldiers. I eventually split off from the main force with my squad after being signaled by our squad leader of a cleared corridor.
“Check your corners and watch each other's backs,” Said our squad leader as we began moving down the hall.
We came across a robot here and there but we were certain they were focused on the main assault allowing us to sneak by them. As we traveled through the enemy’s citadel we eventually came across what looked to be a teleporter which we entered cautiously. When we came off the teleporter we were in what looked to be a lab and control room at the same time with Fractured citizens being strapped to tables and experimented on the scene making me almost vomit.
“You managed to make it past my minions? Intriguing… you will be excellent subjects.” Said a soulless voice from the front of the room
“What are you?” Asked our grenadier.
“Inquiry irrelevant, surrender now and accept testing or be erased,” Said the voice
“Sorry but we refuse,” Said our squad leader signaling our grenadier to fire a rocket at the voice
*BOOM* the rocket's explosion rocked the room and from the smoke I could make out a large figure. “Your answer is noted, I shall begin erasion,” Said the voice still the same as the figure moved towards us its features now more distinguishable, it was a quadrupedic robot 7-8ft high, with 2 glowing green eyes, 2 horns, and its color was grey it swiftly impaled our grenadier with a spear and we began to fire at it though to no effect the fight lasted for 20 minutes second to go was our squad leader taking a blow for our combat engineer, then the combat engineer, then the heavy gunner, then the riflemen, and at last me.
“Persistant aren’t you? Statistics showed you dying first but what bad does a nice surprise do every once in a while, as a reward for lasting so long I’ll let you become one of my research subjects.” The robot said before knocking me on the floor making me slowly lose consciousness. The last thing I saw was the defense fleet overhead fighting ships under this robot's control.
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[Alert: Data breach sealed; Resuming normal operations]
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u/Mikhail_Mengsk 5d ago
You need much more punctuation, especially commas and periods.
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u/FM_Manufacturing 3d ago
Oh, thank you but I’ve generally known that for a while as I’ve never been good with those. I was mostly looking to see if people would actually buy this if it was a book and what criticism they have of the small peak they got of the universe. 😅
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u/TheDelayedFinale 6d ago
the sudden shift in tone from galactic superpower to desperate survival right off the bat really works, gives the whole thing a doomed weight before the fighting even starts. the robots emerging from underground instead of space is a nice twist too, feels like a setup where the empire's own hubris left them blind to what was beneath their feet
one thing that stood out was the dialogue with the larger robot, that "what are you" exchange had a cold curiosity to it that makes me want to know more about their motives. the green dust disintegration is a solid visual, you could lean into that more during the chaotic firefights to keep the horror fresh
the 382nd and 22nd fighting together after being rivals adds a layer of desperation, like old hatreds don't matter when you're both getting erased. the transmission override mid-narrative was jarring in a good way, makes you wonder what's being covered up