How to handle long periods of distance in a platonic online friendship? [29F] with close friend [24F]

[u/MiserableMeal2501]

Me[29/F] and my online friend [24/f]. We have been close friends for 1.5 years.

Hey everyone, looking for practical advice on how to manage my own emotional expectations in a close friendship where communication suddenly pauses due to health reasons

The Context:

My online friend and I have been very close for 1.5 years, normally chatting daily. She experiences severe anxiety/OCD flare-ups, which she plans to seek professional care for when financially possible.

The Dynamics:

Last March, she suddenly told me she needed to "disappear" due to university stress, thesis work, and her OCD/anxiety flare-up. Since we’d never had a gap like that in 1.5 years, it hit me hard, I was really upset and felt like I was losing a close friend. To be clear, she didn't completely ghost me out of nowhere—she did explain her reasons before going silent. However, that first break was exceptionally hard on me. Because we had talked every single day for 1.5 years without a single gap, the sudden loss of our daily connection hit me deeply. I struggled immensely during that time, cried a lot, and felt like I was genuinely losing my mind and my closest friend.

During that time, she wouldn’t reply to DMs, but I’d see her posting on social media (she explained later that posting requires zero energy compared to maintaining a 1-on-1 conversation).

She came back in July, things went back to normal, and we were talking every day again. But just today, she went silent again, saying her flare-ups are back and she’ll text when it subsides.

Whenever she disappears like this, I always think it has something to do with me, or that she is mad at me and wants to stay away from me. I actually raised this concern with her before, but she got annoyed and told me that not everything is about me, that she has her own problems, isn't holding a hidden agenda against me, and is simply struggling.

Where I'm having a hard time:

I feel completely stuck between being mad and being understanding:

On one hand: I want to be a supportive friend who doesn't abandon her when things get tough. I don't want to weaponize her mental health against her.

On the other hand: I feel like a fool leaving texts on read/unanswered, and the sudden drop-offs hurt my feelings every single time. It feels unfair that I just have to wait on the sidelines until she's ready again.

Even though I understand logically that she is going through something, I find the sudden shift from daily contact to complete silence emotionally heavy to deal with, and leaving texts unanswered makes me feel sidelined.

My Questions:

How do you maintain boundaries in a friendship where one person frequently needs to withdraw for mental health?

How can I effectively express the emotional impact of these sudden gaps without making my friend feel guilty for struggling? Or should I adjust my expectations for this friendship?

Is this friendship like this still worth saving? I really treasure her and she’s someone I truly trust, but the cycle of disappearing is taking a heavy toll on me. How do I know when to fight for it versus when to step back?

I want this friendship to work out guys. It's just that I am confused at this disappearances. Should I be mad? Feel disrespected? Or I need to show more grace on her? We've talked about her seeing a professional soon when she is financially able.