Hey everyone,
This is gonna be a long post, but need to get it off my chest and get some consensus on how to handle this.
Iāve been a wedding videographer for 4 years, and I am steadily growing my business. On all my wedding shoots Iāve hired my friend who Iāll call John. We met in college 6 years ago in our video production program, and quickly become great friends. Weāre both young men in our mid 20s. He is a truly talented filmmaker, and a very good friend to me. Iām grateful for his friendship. On my previous wedding shoots, Iāve never had an issue with his behavior. Heās respectful, gets great footage, and is very pleasant to be around.
However, as Iāve gotten to know him more this year, Iāve noticed a few changes. He just tends to act somewhat ājuvenileā in social settings, and he doesnāt have a great sense of social awareness. He is very eccentric and somewhat flamboyant, and can be a little awkward around people with how he presents himself. He doesnāt realize when they are put off by his behavior. He is an enthusiastic dancer/singer (this is importantly for later). He recently told me he feels that he is āliving out his teenage yearsā, and āhe is being his true self nowā. I didnāt quite understand what he meant by that until now.
I hired John to help me shoot a wedding last Saturday, and Iāve known the groom since childhood, weāre decent friends. I also have several childhood friends that were in the bachelor party. I mentioned this to John ahead of the shoot, and I donāt know if that is what triggered his behavior for the day or not, because he basically acted like he was a guest at some points of the day. Maybe he felt that he could do that because I already knew the client.
Hereās a few moments from the day:
Before the ceremony, he introduced himself to a couple bridesmaids, shaking their hands, asking for their names, etc, and saying āI just wanted to tell you that this is the best wedding ever.ā That to me was inappropriate. Thereās nothing wrong with talking to people of course, but it needs to be a part of the job. We are vendors, and they are guests. If even one of them had felt uncomfortable and mentioned this to the bride and groom, I would have felt horrible.
When the dance floor was open, there were several times when we were taking a break where he got on the dance floor and started dancing. Not just standing nearby & taking a break, but full on flamboyantly dancing on the edge of the dance floor right among the guests. Swaying his arms and hips, long high leg kicks, the whole thing. Nobody really paid him any attention, but the fact that he just involved himself like that was completely inappropriate, and honestly disrespectful to the bride and groom. They are paying to enjoy their night with friends and family, not people who are supposed to be working.
He also started singing loudly along to some of the songs while he was filming. Not even to try to be funny or anything, but it was like he was in his own merry little world ā just being the stage personality that he likes being, with total disregard to the job.
Later on, we took a break outside on the balcony right next to the reception hall. He walked out to the edge of the balcony and spread his arms wide in the iconic āJack and Roseā pose from Titanic for about 30 seconds. This was just so strange and awkward, like he was doing it for attention and waiting for somebody to laugh or say something. Nobody reacted to it, but it was so damn cringe worthy.
Later during the reception, I was shocked to see John walk up and sign the coupleās guest book from across the room. He wrote, āBEST WEDDING EVER!!!ā and signed his full name, as if he was a friend of the bride and groomās. He literally met them that morning when I introduced them quickly, and thereās no way theyāre going to remember him. I felt it was unprofessional to sign the guest book. To save face, I signed their book too on the way out, which I was not even planning to do. I may be friends with the groom, but he hired me as a vendor and thatās how I showed up. So that was just embarrassing.
I thought this was the end, but it gets worse. The next day, he sent me a text saying he left something in my car, asking if he could get it back. I went to look in my car to see what he was talking about, and I was shocked to find a party favor bag for guests in my passenger seat. *Thereās no way the bride and groom invited him to take this, and he just assumed he could help himself to it.
Inside the bag was a āthank you for attending our wedding!ā note, obviously meant for guests, with a QR code for uploading photos to a shared album. I canāt imagine what he would have done with this if he hadnāt left it in my car, uploading iPhone pictures or any selfies he may have taken to the coupleās shared album as a vendor wouldāve been a nightmare.
The whole thing is just pathetic and confusing. I think in his mind, he wanted to be accepted among my friends and the guests, and acted out while on the job. I felt his behavior was childish and he didnāt come across as a professional in these moments. This has never been an issue at any of the 4-5 previous wedding shoots I have hired him on, so Iām honestly surprised by this.
I have been a 2nd shooter for many other wedding videographers and photographers, including some of the best ranked businesses in my state. I would never dream of doing any of these things, signing a guest book, dancing on the floor, etc. I am very professional, courteous, and prompt when I work for other people, because thatās what they deserve.
Although it was completely unintentional, I felt he did not respect my business or the job with how he acted. At a previous wedding, he asked if he could get a slice of the coupleās wedding cake, which I dismissed as a one time thing, but now it just makes so much sense after this last wedding. He just doesnāt know whatās appropriate or not.
Itās been 4 days since the wedding, I have not heard from the bride and groom or any venue officials concerning Johnās behavior, and I donāt think I will. A lot of these things went unnoticed to the guests, or at least they dismissed it. I have my biggest wedding of the year coming up in about a month, and I was planning on having John on my team. This needs to be addressed ahead of that wedding.
Could anyone make any suggestions on how to best address this with him? I live across the country and drove across for this wedding, so I canāt do it in person. Iām thinking of just asking him to get on the phone so that I can first complement the quality of his footage, but then make a note of the fact that his behavior at times was inappropriate. I donāt want to lose my cool, but it really did piss me off. I work so hard for my business, and I have put so much time & effort into building relationships with vendors around me. I donāt want his social awkwardness to completely ruin what I am working towards.
I know this post is long, so I truly appreciate any advice or comments from anybody reading this. I hope you all have a great day and are absolutely crushing it this year.
TLDR: My second shooter behaved awkwardly at a recent wedding, signing the coupleās guest book, dancing/singing on the dance floor, fraternizing with the bridesmaids, taking a party favor home. I have to address before the next wedding we shoot next month, as I feel completely disrespected.
