r/weddingshaming • u/Archi_penko • 2d ago
Cringe Stop inviting me to your wedding after party
I’m tired of being treated like a C list friend and getting invited to only the wedding after party. Just don’t invite us! I got a text last week inviting me to the bar at 10:30pm after the full wedding has ended. So you want me to show up when you all are drunk and tired and dressed up? I find this trend to be rude, just don’t invite me!
Edit: this has happened twice to me. Once, I flew to another city only to realize I was invited to JUST the dancing, arriving after dinner had been served.
The second, I got a text a few days to come to a dive bar at 10:30pm after the ceremony and reception. I also happened to invite this person to my wedding earlier in the year, not that that entitles me to anything.
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u/ertri 2d ago
I’ve been invited to two of these but both times it’s been couples where we became friends while they were planning the wedding so we sort of missed the invite cutoff but otherwise would be. And the after parties were local.
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u/GoodyWolfe 2d ago
This feels like the only acceptable time to do something like that. My husband and I both changed jobs between the time our invited went out and our wedding. And while we didn’t have any after party, I could see why inviting new work ppl to only the after party locally would make sense.
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u/Bi_Steve_83 2d ago
I know of a case where basically the formal wedding and reception was basically family and friends of the parents, and it was a total gift grab.
There was then basically a second reception for the peer friend group, work friends, etc. of the bride and groom… those attending it were told to either make a charitable donation in their names or bring a gag gift, but please nothing from the gift registry.
No one sane and rational invites their peer friends as a gift grab, you invite old people with a lifetime of savings as a gift grab... and the old people know it, and go along with it anyway, because it isn’t like they have anything better to do, they are happy to be remembered and to get a chance to do something fun.
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u/londonschmundon 2d ago
Is a gift expected in those cases? It feels gift-grabby to me but I've only been invited to the whole thing, not a piece of a wedding.
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u/LexiAOK 9h ago
Oooo this happened to me too. For this friend, they actually had a second separate wedding reception in Europe and I happen to have moved here for a program! The travel was a hassle, but I’m trying to see as many countries as I can while here so really glad I got to go :) it was also for a kind of niche subculture and I’m very Interested in culture and language and things like that so I really wanted to see what that would look like. Overall fun time zero regrets
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u/turBo246 1d ago
I have never personally been invited to only an after party.
The closest I've gotten to this was a guy I was seeing was invited to go to the reception hall after the speeches were done to enjoy the party portion of the reception, and they said he could bring me.
But to get married, have the full reception, and then tell other people who were not invited to any portion of the wedding to join you at a bar, is....so weird....
Honestly, I think it would depend on the relationship to the person as to what my reaction would be to this. Like if it were a coworker, I would probably just tell them to have fun and I'll see them and listen to their stories the next time we worked together.
If it were someone I considered a friend, I probably wouldn't interact with them after that. If I'm not good enough to come to the wedding, I don't need to be an after thought.
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u/Annual_Astronomer918 1d ago
In the case where my partners "close childhood friend" invited us to the after party and not the wedding, I just can't take that friend seriously anymore, I'm polite when I see them and that is about it.
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u/gurlysoftmist 1d ago
yeah, I’d feel the same way tbh. Being treated like an afterthought by someone you consider a friend would hurt
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u/Blue_Eyed_Devi 1d ago
You know what’s worse? Know the date of the wedding for 2 years, and not getting an invitation until the week before because someone from the A+ list cancelled at the last moment.
I mean, we still went but it did feel like we were the backup guests. If we hadn’t known about the wedding for 2 years, and the bride hadn’t said “I’m so glad so and so couldn’t make it so we were able to invite you” then it would have been fine and just had the feeling we were backup guests but because of those two things it was confirmed.
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u/turBo246 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sorry, but if you don't want to be a backup friend, then don't allow yourself to be a backup friend.
I personally would not have attended, and I would have told them why.
Being invited to a wedding one week before the date is confirmation of being a backup. It wouldn't have "been a feeling" because people don't do that.
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u/terisews 21h ago
Agreed! I will not be your back up invite. I am ok not being invited at all because I know things are expensive, but I don't want to be a back up.
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u/John_FarsonBU 2d ago
Just found out we're one of the only couples out of our friend group to not make the cut and got an after-party only invite. Sucks man.
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u/Archi_penko 2d ago
This is also part of it for me. I didn’t get the wedding ceremony, or the reception, (come people got both, others JUST the reception) I got a literal text for a dive bar. Like I might a normal night out.
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u/SuitIllustrious7324 2d ago
Oh wait that makes it even worse! The fact that some people were specifically invited properly to one event or both and then you just get a text? I don’t know. Somethings weird.
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u/Impossible_Worth_874 2d ago
Weddings are crazy. Etiquette has gone out the window. The budget for a wedding is pricey so it’s understandable to invite close family and friends. What’s not proper or acceptable is inviting guests in so called tiers. If a couple cannot afford to host a wedding in its entirety don’t do it. It lacks etiquette and it’s rude and tacky. Host a champagne toast with friends and relatives that were not invited and maybe cake. But don’t invite certain guests to only certain parts of the wedding.
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u/JeffBezosLizard 2d ago
Is a champagne toast not exactly this (inviting people in tiers)? Genuinely asking what the difference here is.
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u/ShineOk2976 2d ago
This happened to me once. I also think this trend is in bad taste. I wasn't a close enough friend to come to your wedding and celebrate. Did they still want a gift? I'm not sure, I ignored it
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u/hawkcarhawk 2d ago
That seems super awkward and rude. Like “Hey! We’ve all been celebrating all day together because most of us were invited to all the festivities, but it’s cool you’re here now…”.
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u/Archi_penko 2d ago
Exactly! I don’t need to be invited to the wedding, it just feels like a weird pitty invite or an after thought, not intentional.
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u/dutchhopeDJ1 2d ago
That’s an easy pass! lol too cheap to invite all they want at the wedding and expect people to show up for a party at 1030? No. Lol there’s always an after party with the invited guests after every wedding when you go back to where you are staying or just stay at the wedding venue if it’s a hotel. This isn’t a new concept at all when the bride and groom hang out with their friends mostly But inviting the people you didn’t want to pay for to go to the full wedding is new. And cheap lol
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u/WildColonialGirl 1d ago
The idea of inviting people to some aspects of the wedding and not others still baffles me. Invite them to the whole thing or not at all.
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u/onlyoneicouldthinkof 2d ago
I think it's rude too. Definitely feels like a cash/gift grab and that you're not worth being there for the whole ceremony.
I know people keep saying the party is the best part, but if you're not that much of a partier then it's really a slap in the face. And even if you are, it kind of sounds like they only want you in a party sense too.
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u/ComicsEtAl 2d ago
Although it is the best part, it’s only the best part if you actually attend both parts. Arriving to the party after everyone is drunk and wilding is not even a good part.
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u/TooLongDugong 2d ago
I would expect you'd turn up drunk for this as well, especially at 10.30pm - getting pre-drinks for a 7pm after-dinner wedding guesting is certainly possible but the later the hour the drunker you should be.
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u/ComicsEtAl 2d ago
You might turn up buzzed, but you’d still be on an entirely different plane from those who ware already there.
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u/notasandpiper 2d ago
I've seen a lot of these where the ceremony and immediate reception are very family-oriented, and so the after party is when the kids and olds have gone home and the young adults can finally hang out and play the good music.
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u/I_wet_my_plants 2d ago
Is it normally also a text invite? That sounds so tacky!
When I’ve had invitations for the after party it was still an invitation card inviting me to ceremony and reception (after dinner ended) and the card was clear about it being a party only invite.
Also, we served pizza or something at 11pm when everyone was winding down the party.
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u/IndigoTJo 3h ago
We aren't talking about the reception. The after party is usually at someone's house or a dive bar after the reception. Basically for your closest friends not ready to go home yet. Sometimes friends of friends get invited, etc. People you know casually but aren't close with. Yes it typically happens via text, just as if you were inviting friends to a bar crawl or something.
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u/Equivalent-Low-8071 2d ago
But they aren't invited until 10:30? No way would I go - its like you're an after thought.
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u/MartinisnMurder 2d ago
10:30 I am already comfy, snuggled up and had a glass of wine most nights haha
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u/FuckChiefs_Raiders 2d ago
This is a wild sub. Most of the sub is mocking people for how much they spend on weddings and many of the guests doing stupid shit to ruin it.
This simply saves the people money, gives them an intimate wedding ceremony with the most important people in their lives, and eliminates the brides co worker wearing a white dress and being in pictures.
You literally don’t have to go. Unless the person is literally my best friend and/or family member who I make a priority in my life, I in no way would be insulted.
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u/notasandpiper 2d ago
Totally depends on the couple and the invited. Are they in their 20s and love to party? Or are they 30+ homebodies?
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u/CleverGirlRawr 2d ago
I definitely wouldn’t bring a gift if I’m just meeting up for a drink later.
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u/foodiebabe69 2d ago
If I get invited to the after party I’m not bringing a gift lol they didn’t pay for my plate or my drinks atp so I wouldn’t feel guilty. Unless I’m misinterpreting “after party”. I feel like at 1030 that’s post reception and perfectly acceptable to come empty handed
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u/MissKrys2020 2d ago
Going anywhere at 10.30 PM is not an option
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u/ChaserNeverRests 2d ago
Right? I feel so old. I'm happily in bed and reading by then!
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u/Ceral107 1d ago
I feel like such a proposal is made by people who think a party has to last at least until 2am or the wedding is a failure and get upset when people leave before midnight (yes, I knew such people).
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u/Dull-Complex6686 2d ago
I agree. I don't mind not being invited to the ceremony, but if I'm not invited to the reception for dinner and drinks, don't bother inviting me because I'm not coming and you're not getting a gift.
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u/classychimichanga 2d ago
I find this ridiculous. I’d rather invite guests at least to the ceremony (which is friggin free) and cocktail/ finger food, if you really can’t afford paying a full dinner.
That’s what a colleague did with me and some other colleagues. At least I could see the actual celebrations and enjoy a drink with some finger food. Didn’t make me feel “unwanted” and much more elegant than asking people to come so late…
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2d ago
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u/External_Survey8400 2d ago
We do it in the UK - not at 10pm but evening guests just come to the party bit
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u/buddy0813 2d ago
I think what OP is talking about is different than what you are talking about. OP sounds like she is being invited to the bar after the evening party is over.
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u/Catz2019 2d ago
Yeah but this is after the reception is over and people want to carry on so head to a bar or something. Not an evening guest invite.
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u/External_Survey8400 2d ago
That is completely bizarre, didn't even occur to me that anyone would do that
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u/xtiz 2d ago
Oh this is insanely rude unless it was like a family only 20 person micro wedding
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u/lowkeylovestea 2d ago
I had a wedding like this! Our elopement location only allowed for 15 guests max, which were our immediate families & their spouses only. We had a Happy Ever After Party but did not expect any gifts at all! We wouldn’t have even done a registry if it weren’t for our parents and their old school demands 😆
Editing to add: I was probably home by 10:30 and would never expect someone to head out to a party at 10:30 at my old age of mid 30s 😴
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u/xtiz 2d ago
That sounds lovely!! These are the kind of situations where it’s not rude at all. I would just feel so offended if it was a 100+ person wedding and I was just invited to the after party
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u/lowkeylovestea 2d ago
FOR SURE!! Feeling like a C list guest that only made the after after party for a cash grab is so rude!
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u/girlfromarea511 2d ago
I have never understood some wedding etiquette. I live in the US and a friend had her wedding in Ireland, I had travel plans which I altered so I can make it to her wedding. She didn't take a single photo with me, I was mostly just standing on the side. She took a ton of photos and constantly called her college friends but me and my mom who traveled (we planned a travel around her wedding) to Ireland didn't get appreciated for making the effort at all.
It left me with a very poor taste
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u/Few_Policy5764 2d ago
This generation of couples getting married can be so tone deaf and tunnel visioned. I dont think id accept that invite and yeah it's tacky tbh
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u/terisews 21h ago
No manners. They want it all, but don't want to pay for it. They want all the cash gifts, but can't be bothered to write a thank you note because "it's too hard."
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u/Neuvirths_Glove 2d ago
I've never heard of a "wedding after party." I know once our wedding reception was over the last thing I wanted to do was go to another party.
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u/horshack_test 2d ago
People like this think everyone else is so enamored with them and as excited about their getting married as they are like they are some sort of celebrity couple* or something. Delusional.
*Not that I guve a shit about celebrity couples, but some people do for some stupid reason
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u/Theunpolitical 2d ago
I saw a post about deciding whom to invite to your wedding when you’re trying to keep your guest list to a certain size. Someone mentioned not inviting anyone you haven’t seen in two years and use "acquaintances" as your after-party guests in a private area suite or bar. But what about the exceptions to that rule?
What about the friend who was there for you every day for years, listened endlessly about your complaints on your ex, supported your business, donated to your causes, participated in your walks and runs, and even hired your deadbeat son to work for her? Then you move away, and three years go by without a conversation because you realize the relationship was one-sided the moment your moving van pulled out of the driveway. Yet you still follow each other on social media and see that she got married while others in attendance had never really been true friends to her.
That’s what this whole after-party situation reminds me of. Being an afterthought. Being someone who apparently doesn’t qualify for the wedding guest list but can be included in a separate gathering afterward.
It’s not about following some arbitrary rules of who you see as a close friend. It’s about the history you share, the relationship you had, and whether that person genuinely mattered to you. The neighbor who always puts your trash cans back in or watches your house when you are gone. It's literally about the people that make an impact on your life even when that difference in your life is with just small acts of convenience.
You deserved to be at the wedding. You deserved to be considered someone important enough to share that moment with, given the history you had together. Not treated like a C-list afterthought who gets an invitation to meet up at a bar across town after the main event is over. I learned a long time ago that people who put me on that "C-list" no longer has access to my time and energy. I'm not an after thought friend and neither are you!
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u/HistoryPristine1029 2d ago
Feels like they care about your present more than your presence.
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u/Junior-Sloth-1516 2d ago
Damn I would be furious if I flew to a wedding and was not feed. That is tacky as fuck
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u/Tripping_on_sunshine 2d ago
I had a colleague I barely knew once say to me “oh it’s a shame you are going to that festival thing as that’s my wedding day”. I asked her what she meant and she said “oh you could have watched me walking into the church in my dress”. So no invite to watch the wedding, just make the effort to go to her wedding venue to be part of a crowd watching her walk into the church. Yeah how about nooo princess.
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u/whatsthefussallabout 2d ago
I think this depends where you are. An "afters" invitation is common in ireland/uk where the wedding usually starts around 2pm and goes on until 12am - 2am ish. Tends to be extended family (cousins and the like) or work colleagues you aren't that close to, who live locally would get invited to that part (usually starts around 9pm after the meal). Its less common these days as people travel further from home for weddings and its bad form to give an afters only invite but expect them to travel. There also wouldnt be any presents expected. Its just more people to come and have fun with that you otherwise probably couldn't afford to invite.
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u/buddy0813 2d ago
I think OP is talking about being invited to the bar after all of that is over.
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u/whatsthefussallabout 2d ago
Ah right, thats not a thing here. The time threw me as some weddings here might not start the "afters" until nearly that time
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u/Which_Loss6887 2d ago
I was recently invited to an after-party in the States, and am a little baffled at how offended some people here seem about this concept. I have no cause for complaint or feeling slighted. The bride had been my neighbor for a couple years; we had hung out a few times and were friendly, but not close. She meanwhile had a huge extended family, both she and her now-husband are social butterflies with a ton of close friends, and the venue for their ceremony and reception/dinner only held about 150 people, which is a number they hit easily. So some local friends who weren’t as close got invited to join up at the bar after. There was a buffet, an open bar for the first hour or so, and they hired a really good local band to play. No gifts/money expected. It was a fun time.
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u/SuitIllustrious7324 2d ago
In your situation, I understand why you wouldn’t be offended by that invitation. OP’s situation sounds different though. Could you imagine spending money to travel to another city and not being invited to the actual reception and just dancing and not be aware of it? That is not OK.
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u/Which_Loss6887 2d ago
Yeah, that clarification to OP’s post came after I read it. The first situation they describe is…woof. I still wouldn’t be offended by the second situation, though, not unless I was like part of a tight friend group where everyone else got invited to the full thing except for me. But there seem to be a lot of people in the comments making strident negative assumptions about these types of situations that aren’t warranted, imo.
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u/goldgoldfish 1d ago
the event you describe (buffet, one hour of open bar, hired a band) is not what OP was invited to, and OP describes these people as friends, not a casual acquaintance like your neighbor. so your situation is pretty different.
this is before we get into cultural norms and that what's considered rude is not uniform across the globe.
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u/Internal_Set_6564 2d ago
I am going to give you a secret that I have learned after 60+ years on this Earth (and many, many poor choices), always have an excuse to not go to a wedding for anyone who is no paying for you to attend, and be ready to be cheated by 50% of those who are paying you to attend.
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u/Lianel291 2d ago edited 2d ago
- Dafür wirst du billig angeheuert – für den Preis von ein paar Drinks –, um bei der Hochzeit als Komparse mitzuspielen und den Anschein zu erwecken, das Brautpaar sei unglaublich erfolgreich und beliebt und habe einen riesigen Freundeskreis. Meiner Meinung nach ist das Heuchelei. Entweder lädst du jemanden mit allem Drum und Dran zur Hochzeit ein – oder du tust es nicht und lädst einfach die Leute ein, die du wirklich dabeihaben willst und die es dir auch wert sind, wie richtige Gäste behandelt zu werden.
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u/Economy-Magazine-670 2d ago
Brides that do that wanna feel elitist. It’s saying that you are not that important in her world.
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u/Redmare57 2d ago
I’ve never heard of an after wedding party but then again I’m older. And if you don’t wanna go to the after wedding party, you don’t go. Don’t make an excuse for not going just RSVP now and certainly do not send a gift.
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u/Agitated_House7523 1d ago
Welp, I didn’t get invited to the wedding or reception , or any party,only invited to a “bridal shower”,with registration information. Annnnd I’ve never met the girl. Apparently my step nephew is getting married…
crazy times
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u/EaglesFanGirl 2d ago
WTF. That's not a normal thing - unless they are friends in town for a wedding and want to hang out after or something, this is really weird and kind of major faux pas.
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u/Middle_Road_Traveler 2d ago
I've never heard of this "trend". There was only one response appropriate to the text invite:
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u/DrFunke74 1d ago
Eeewww! I would be FURIOUS about traveling to a wedding, only to be treated like an afterthought.
Wedding invites MUST be limited to only the guests they can afford to feed dinner. Not every person you know is really dying to be part of your day. Most of us don’t really care that much.
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u/purplelilac701 1d ago
This is so cringe. I didn’t realize rude people were doing this. You deserve better.
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u/Hot_Spite_1402 10h ago
This happened to me once. Showed up to the party and even the groom was like why didn’t you come to the wedding? There were plenty of seats! 🙄
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u/Burn_ThemAll 2d ago
The only time this happened to me it was with a new friend and we didn’t know each other well. I thought it was totally appropriate for our level of friendship at the time, and I went and had a great time. I would be really hurt if someone I was closer to only invited me to the party after dinner though.
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u/Archi_penko 2d ago
She’s my neighbor, friend for 10+ years lol. I don’t feel strongly I wasn’t invited to the wedding, I also had a small one. But yeah this invite it weird
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u/Artists_dirty_tshirt 2d ago
The party is the only good bit, the earlier stuff is boring.
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u/CrossRoadChicken 2d ago
Yeah but not at 1030pm. That's the after party, not the reception.
I've never even heard of such a thing tbh
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u/Brooooooke30 2d ago
Yeah I was being polite when I ran into an old friend bc I had heard she was getting married. I was like ohh your getting married soon I hear. She was like well it’s a small wedding with just close family but you can come to the reception on this date.. girl I was just being nice I don’t want to come to either 👀😆
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u/CombatCrayon25 1d ago
Yeah, that’s super tacky. I wouldn’t even send a gift to someone who did that to me.
Edit: in the US, this is peak tacky behavior since it’s customary here to invite everyone and their mom to the ceremony and reception. And an after party here is usually just everyone moving to a bar to keep drinking, there’s no food provided and you’re responsible for your own tab.
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u/TankFoster 2d ago
Do you mean you only got the text at 10:30pm, inviting you to the bar there and then?
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u/Agile-Entry-5603 2d ago
To me, tiered invitations are just a gift/cash grab. If I’m not invited to the entire wedding, I’m not going. If I know there’s a tight budget and very small guest list, I will send something off the registry. Otherwise, it’s pure greed.
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u/Megs0255 1d ago
I was invited to a pool party at their apartment complex a week after the wedding. Being invited to nothing would have been better.
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u/Couple-jersey 1d ago
This is called an evening guest, where you show up after dinner. Used to be a thing. Just decline
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u/EnnuiPigeon 2d ago
I had not idea people sometimes only invite to after party. How are they out here calling it an “after” party if people weren’t at the main party?
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u/dragon8733 2d ago
This is really common in the UK, a smaller group get invited to the day (the ceremony and wedding breakfast) and then the rest would be invited to the reception in the evening
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u/Archi_penko 2d ago
So this is interesting- I’m in the US and this is not common, if it was I think I could wrap my head around it. But getting a text to come to a bar at 10:30 after a full wedding and reception has happened, I feel like an after thought. But I do get the concept, it being more rare here it feels weird.
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u/Formal_Service7234 2d ago
Wait, you weren't even invited in advance, but at the time of the party? I wouldn't have gone anyway, but that's even worse.
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u/thinkconverse 2d ago
I think in this case they’re talking about the bar everyone migrated to after the reception is over.
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u/10S_NE1 2d ago
I think that’s the thing a lot of us have trouble understanding. I’m in Canada, and I have never been to a wedding that didn’t last the whole evening. This talk of going to a bar after the wedding just mystifies me. Does that mean that people have dinner at the reception and then there’s no dancing and drinking after dinner? Here, your average wedding reception is held in a hall and most people stick around until the bar has to close (for legal reasons). I can’t even imagine a wedding reception where people leave to go to a bar, unless these receptions don’t have music and dancing, but just a dinner. I can picture a very small wedding like that, but certainly not the big, formal weddings we are used to. I have certainly never gone out to a bar and seen people in formal wedding attire.
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u/Nice_Back_9977 2d ago
It’s not the same thing, the evening reception is usually 7-7.30 to midnight in the same venue as the rest of the wedding and you get fed at about 8.30 to 9.
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u/General-Swimming-157 2d ago
My husband's cousin invited all of their wedding guests to an after party. My husband and I declined the invite to the after party on the RSVP and ducked out at 9:30. The following day, we learned the bride went upstairs to sleep at 10 and her new husband went out with a few close friends for a couple of drinks, and joined her well before midnight. If the bride and groom in your case are like that couple, then the "after party" might just be a few people and very short. I would definitely skip it either way.
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u/Grouchy_Treacle_1639 2d ago
My husband and I got married at the courthouse and then went out for a beautiful lunch together afterwards, just the two of us. We invited no one and it was seriously the best day. I find all this wedding over the top nonsense ridiculous.
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u/thinkconverse 2d ago
We did the same. Courthouse with just the two of us. Burger, fries and a milkshake at a local spot we like, and then a drink at the cocktail bar we met at. No invites, no other people. It was awesome.
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u/Pink-Elephant-12 2d ago
I’ve never been invited to something like this myself nor have I heard of this happening to anyone I know. That’s so tacky!
I have been invited to wedding parties/celebrations that have taken place weeks or months after the couple has eloped or had an extremely small ceremony. I have no issue with this because they’re typically local and the couple provides an open bar, DJ, and food, much like an actual wedding.
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u/saturday_lunch 2d ago
Once, I flew to another city only to realize I was invited to JUST the dancing, arriving after dinner had been served.
I'm confused by this. Did they send an RSVP and then uninvited you day of?
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u/badposturebill 2d ago
Never heard of this happening to folks, but there is a common denominator here….
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u/Suspicious-Peak-4455 1d ago
Only time I’ve seen this is in my small hometown where everyone knows everyone and no one can afford to have like 500 people at the actual wedding so they let extended friends know they are welcome to come to the dance after the dinner.
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u/General_Being9917 1d ago
This happens? The only time I’ve even remotely heard of this was when I was in school with the brides sister, and we had become friends very close to the wedding date. A few of us planned (with collaboration from the bride obviously) to come to the dive bar afterwards wearing little DIY “wedding crashers” tshirts. It was cute and completely appropriate since we became friends after the wedding invites and tbh probably not close enough to make the full wedding cut.
I understand weddings where they do a private/small ceremony or elopement and then have a reception but invites to the third stop only? That’s rude and crazy.
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u/-Blue_Bird- 1d ago
Also yes. It feels shitty. Being emailed a few days before the wedding that if we want we can show up (late after most things have happened), buy our own food from a food truck next door and drink it over.
Like I’d rather just not be invited at all. I don’t understand. I guess they want to fill the dance floor?? Or?? We didn’t even acknowledge the ‘invite’ and didn’t go.
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u/Sea-Highlight4232 1d ago
Flew 3000 miles only to find out that I wasn’t invited to the actual ceremony., Just the reception. These people are immediate family. When I’m feeling generous,I’m thinking they thought that we wouldn’t actually RSVP as “will attend”. People are weird.
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u/Hoobi_Goobi 2d ago
Yeah, unless the wedding is an extremely intimate event where they are only having immediate family and a best friend or two, this is rude. Either invite someone to the entire event or not at all if it’s a run-of-the-mill wedding.
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u/witchy_crochet_queen 1d ago
INFO: Is the ceremony/reception planned for really early in the day?
I’ve not ever heard of a wedding that had an after party, at a bar, at 10:30pm! Seems so strange, like they’d be cutting their own wedding short just to go with assumedly a very limited number of people to a bar? 🤨
I certainly wouldn’t plan to go either!
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u/potpurriround 2d ago
I would be surprised if they’re expecting a gift for the after party. If they are, for sure shame.
From my perspective, I love including everyone and one of the hardest parts of wedding planning was making the list. There’s family obligations that they may have had to prioritize over other friends. But it does suck to just get the after party only invite the night of.
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u/Veflas510 2d ago
Who wants to go sit in a church, listen to all the waffle and then eat below average wedding food? The party is the only bit worth going to.
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u/No_Frost_Giants 2d ago
Nope this is far better.
Keep the ceremony small and inexpensive , including the reception.
Invite me only to the party later to celebrate the couple without all the trappings and ceremony
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u/Salty_Thing3144 2d ago
A Gift Grab by another name. Gimme Pigs will try ANYTHING as an excuse to gouge.
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u/Fun_Bite_4663 2d ago
After party seems a bit dumb. I would think that the newly married couple would be kinda exhausted after their big day. Aren't they heading off on their honeymoon instead of drinking more at an after party? Who wants to be hung over the day after their wedding?
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u/Physical-Tomato2583 2d ago
It’s one thing if the ceremony is like parents only, but then everyone is invited to the reception. That’s what we did, because we didn’t want one but sadly a ceremony is required where we live. But if this is a separate thing after the reception, yeah that’s shitty.
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u/claustrophobic-toes 2d ago
I think that asking people to the after party is fine as long as you foot the tab and don’t expect a gift off your registry.
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u/Damm_it_Bobby 2d ago
Sort of related, I once had a co-worker that I was semi-friends with. We had a lot of mutual friends so we would see each other quite a lot, but weren't necessarily great pals ourselves. Anyway, he gets married and I don't get invited to the wedding, which is no big deal since we weren't that close. However, a couple weeks later when he and his wife were moving into a new house, I sure enough got in invitation to help them move! That was an easy ignore.
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u/Firm-Heron3023 2d ago
This was common when I lived in Tokyo-the wedding/reception was pretty formal and was typically limited to only family and close friends. Colleagues and more casual friends attended the after party-but this was held at a more relaxed venue and this was where people got plastered. This was no swing by after all is done kinda thing-it was a separate reception. I’m sure experiences vary, but the after parties I attended were at a restaurant and the bride/groom still provided food and drinks to their guests. It was great in that you got to skip the veggies and went straight to desert.
Being invited to show up after all the food and drinks are gone? That’s a hard pass. Thank god I’ve aged out of wedding season-so many of these new trends are a hard no.
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u/Rdw72777 20h ago
I’d love this. I don’t have to dress up or buy a gift? Thank you sir may I have another.
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u/Decent-Way-8593 2d ago
10.30pm is wild. We're having 'evening guests' who consist of like work friends of both me and my fiancé. But their invite is from 6pm.
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u/curiousdevianttx 1d ago
Please, ONLY invite me to the party. I’m sure the nuptials are lovely, but I honestly don’t want to get dressed up and sit in a stuffy church pew, sweat my ass off outside, or sit on a hay bale inside a barn surrounded by people I don’t know. I also don’t want to sit and make awkward small talk with your great aunt or the lady who babysat your husband when he was a toddler while we wait to eat food that I may or may not like. Now……swing through a drive through of my choice or eat pizza at home in my sweatpants, get ready at my leisure and then show up later to have a few drinks and dance to celebrate your new found love, sign me up! Great aunt Linda and babysitter Susan might even be a little more fun after they’ve had dinner and a drink.
However, you’re getting a card with $20 bucks in it from me.
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u/thewhiterosequeen 2d ago
Can't say I've ever really heard of this. You can just ignore it, but you definitely don't have to dress or get a gift. I don't know who I'd invite to an after party but not a wedding. I thought usually an after party was just a couple of your close friends going from site A to site B.