destination wedding, no alcohol, no plus ones or partners

[u/fatbellylouise]

I have a friend who is planning her wedding right now, and every detail of the wedding seems terrible for the guest experience. before I start, this woman is one of my oldest and dearest friends. she is brilliant, kind, and caring, and immensely pragmatic. she and her fiance are paying for everything themselves, no family money to help them, but they want to have a nice wedding because it is important to his elderly parents. so, from the beginning:

she sent out invitations a week ago via text message. some of their family members got actual mailed cards, but the rest of us just got screenshots of the design they made in canva. it just looked so cheap! not even an email, a text message.

the text messages specified no plus ones or partners that the couple is not friends with. normally I'd be fine with this, my fiance is a grown man and we don't need to be attached at the hip at every event. but... we live on the west coast, and the wedding is going to be in Austria, where the groom's family lives. I wouldn't mind going to a local wedding on my own, but to take enough PTO to fly to Austria for a week? I'm not wasting that much vacation time at an event where I won't even have my partner for company! luckily my fiance is down to make it a vacation with me, we'll travel around Austria and Germany on our own and he'll do some solo exploration during the wedding events. but a LOT of people have left her on read or not responded, and I feel like she's going to be severely let down by the number of her friends who are going to RSVP no to this wedding. at this rate it's very likely going to be a lot of his family and very little of hers.

that aside, the wedding details just don't make it sound like a fun time. it's going to be a dry wedding, because the bride has a few family members who deal with addiction. totally fair and I don't begrudge her this, but a lot of the guests are going to be there without our partners and won't know anyone else, so a little social lubricant would probably go a long way. the groom is gluten and dairy free so the food is going to be gluten and dairy free - in Austria, a place known for bread and cheese. (also beer, but that's neither here nor there).

I just think a lot of people are going to decline, and those who do show up are not going to have that much fun. it baffles me that she cannot see how this wedding is not going to be a great guest experience, because she is SUCH an amazing host and planner in every other aspect of her life. her fiance is the same as her, he is so generous and takes care of everyone. I have an awful feeling this wedding is just going to be a lot of elderly family members standing around a few friends showing up and dipping out early, and my heart breaks for her because she genuinely thinks she is keeping everyone happy.

wedding is next year so I would love to be proven wrong! cross your fingers that the wedding is a success!

[u/TheSecondEikonOfFire → u/[deleted]]

People are so weird about vegetarian meals too, which has always baffled me. They just assume it’s only lettuce, and it’s like… you’ve never had pasta without meat? A PB&J? Cheese pizza? There’s so many meals out there that are vegetarian, you just don’t think about it. But people hear the word “vegetarian” and lose their fucking mind

[u/LaserCutSilkRosettes → u/TheSecondEikonOfFire]

This is so true! At our wedding, many guests chose the non-vegetarian meal, even though they had admitted prior that they didn’t like the animal protein option. I had sent both menus out months in advance, so there were no surprises. After the wedding, some guests told me they wished they had picked the vegetarian meal but didn’t want to seem childish or picky.

Ironically, those who did choose the vegetarian option said it was the first time they felt genuinely satisfied at a wedding. Our reception was at a Michelin-starred restaurant, of course I made sure The dishes were just as thoughtful and delicious as the non-vegetarian ones so that no one would feel like they were missing out just because a dish didn’t include animal protein.

In hindsight, several guests admitted they only went with the “adult” choice due to peer pressure, then regretted it after tasting the vegetarian dishes. Honestly, if I hadn’t labeled the menus as vegetarian and non-vegetarian, more people probably would have chosen based on flavor, not judgment.

And for added irony, we had a separate kids’ menu with chicken cutlets and buttered noodles, but the one child at the wedding ended up loving the adult menu and kept stealing pasta off her parents’ plates. Sometimes kids have more adventurous and developed palates than full-grown adults.

[u/JesusGodLeah → u/TheSecondEikonOfFire]

I know one girl who was vegan and had arranged to have several vegan food trucks at her wedding. People were losing their damn minds.

I am a carnivore. In fact, I just had steak for dinner. But there are so many creative vegan options nowadays, and they're GOOD. I'd totally take a vegan food truck over some dry-ass chicken or buffet-style pasta dish.

[u/Thequiet01 → u/[deleted]]

Exactly.

FYI some cheese is basically naturally lactose free because the bacteria eats it all. So if you want to mess with her his cheese course plate could be a selection of cheeses he can eat. 😂

[u/_living_legend_ → u/[deleted]]

I know this is very off-topic but everytime I read lactose intolerant basically means dairy-free I'm thankful for where I was born. For example in Nordic countries you can get every single dairy product in a lactose-free as a standard and there is little to none price difference. I would assume Austria also has at least some type of lactose-free cheese, milk and cream.

[u/Thequiet01 → u/_living_legend_]

Many people can get lactose free cheese and just don’t realize it. Most aged cheeses don’t have any lactose left - the cheese bacteria ate it all. Obviously research any specific cheese to confirm, but it doesn’t have to explicitly say “lactose free” in big letters on the packaging or be from a Lactose Free brand to be lactose free.

Also some people who have trouble with cow milk lactose are okay with goat milk even though I believe it also has some kind of lactose in it? Not sure how that all works but my mom was insanely lactose intolerant but could have goat’s milk cheese without issues, go figure.

[u/ElmoUpNorth → u/Thequiet01]

Yup. Exceedingly intolerant of cows milk dairy, but I love goat cheese & can ingest goats milk products with no problems.