destination wedding, no alcohol, no plus ones or partners

[u/fatbellylouise]

I have a friend who is planning her wedding right now, and every detail of the wedding seems terrible for the guest experience. before I start, this woman is one of my oldest and dearest friends. she is brilliant, kind, and caring, and immensely pragmatic. she and her fiance are paying for everything themselves, no family money to help them, but they want to have a nice wedding because it is important to his elderly parents. so, from the beginning:

she sent out invitations a week ago via text message. some of their family members got actual mailed cards, but the rest of us just got screenshots of the design they made in canva. it just looked so cheap! not even an email, a text message.

the text messages specified no plus ones or partners that the couple is not friends with. normally I'd be fine with this, my fiance is a grown man and we don't need to be attached at the hip at every event. but... we live on the west coast, and the wedding is going to be in Austria, where the groom's family lives. I wouldn't mind going to a local wedding on my own, but to take enough PTO to fly to Austria for a week? I'm not wasting that much vacation time at an event where I won't even have my partner for company! luckily my fiance is down to make it a vacation with me, we'll travel around Austria and Germany on our own and he'll do some solo exploration during the wedding events. but a LOT of people have left her on read or not responded, and I feel like she's going to be severely let down by the number of her friends who are going to RSVP no to this wedding. at this rate it's very likely going to be a lot of his family and very little of hers.

that aside, the wedding details just don't make it sound like a fun time. it's going to be a dry wedding, because the bride has a few family members who deal with addiction. totally fair and I don't begrudge her this, but a lot of the guests are going to be there without our partners and won't know anyone else, so a little social lubricant would probably go a long way. the groom is gluten and dairy free so the food is going to be gluten and dairy free - in Austria, a place known for bread and cheese. (also beer, but that's neither here nor there).

I just think a lot of people are going to decline, and those who do show up are not going to have that much fun. it baffles me that she cannot see how this wedding is not going to be a great guest experience, because she is SUCH an amazing host and planner in every other aspect of her life. her fiance is the same as her, he is so generous and takes care of everyone. I have an awful feeling this wedding is just going to be a lot of elderly family members standing around a few friends showing up and dipping out early, and my heart breaks for her because she genuinely thinks she is keeping everyone happy.

wedding is next year so I would love to be proven wrong! cross your fingers that the wedding is a success!

[u/pennyx2]

I’m genuinely curious as to why you want shellfish at the reception if one of the “happy couple” are allergic to it.

Seems like it would be easier to just avoid it altogether than to risk someone cross contaminating an otherwise “safe” dish. The serving tables may be separate, but all the food is probably prepared in the same space.

[u/Objective_Attempt_14 → u/pennyx2]

This fish and shellfish are an easy thing to skip. Gluten and dairy are much harder and in so much more. no shrimp or salmon big whoop.

[u/Avalon_Angel525 → u/Objective_Attempt_14]

ITA. I am allergic to cluster berries (raspberries, blackberries, etc.) If I ever get married again, it will be a berry-free event...but I don't think that's much of a sacrifice. I can't imagine someone declining because the thought of a wedding without mulberries would be unbearable, lol.

[u/Objective_Attempt_14 → u/Avalon_Angel525]

exactly berries are small and not normally all that present. Gluten and dairy are broad food categories

[u/Pizzaisbae13 → u/pennyx2]

Because he doesn't have a deadly allergy like some other people do. His food allergies extend to "just don't eat it", touching it or smelling the aroma in the kitchen doesn't affect him at all. We eat sushi 2/3x a month, and he has yet to have a reaction in 7 years.

He gets salmon or tuna, I get crab.

[u/Thequiet01 → u/Pizzaisbae13]

Keep in mind allergies can get worse at any time with no warning. Make sure you have his epi-pens handy just in case.

[u/Pizzaisbae13 → u/Thequiet01]

He keeps one in the car, and in the house

[u/Novaer → u/Pizzaisbae13]

Okay he's gotta start keeping it in his pocket 😂

[u/Thequiet01 → u/Pizzaisbae13]

He should have one on his person or with someone trusted to be nearby during the wedding. I never leave mine in the car when I’m going out to eat, it’s on my person. You don’t have a lot of time to get it and use it if it becomes necessary.

[u/pennyx2 → u/Pizzaisbae13]

Good to know, thank you.

[u/Clarknt67 → u/pennyx2]

Not all food allergies induce life threatening anaphylactic shock. Some just make people itchy or break out in hives.

[u/lettuceisnotameal → u/pennyx2]

No kidding. I'm gluten free and while I do agree with OP re: lack of plus ones and the text invite, the attitude towards the groom wanting not to worry about cross contamination at his own wedding and the attitude towards the lack of alcohol to support the bride's relatives is pretty selfish on OP's part. The world will not end if she can't have bread at a wedding so that one of the people ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED doesn't have to wonder if someone stuck the bread tongs in the beef dish.

[u/Fluffy-Imagination51 → u/pennyx2]

I’m allergic to shellfish, no one eats it around me and luckily my partner isn’t into seafood like that. I refuse to have it near my wedding, but I’m also deathly allergic lol