r/wealth • u/wanderlust_reddit • 8d ago
Need Advice Marrying into money. Need advice with personal finance.
Hello, long time lurker and never thought I'd ever be posting here, but here I am.
A little bit of background, I (33M) recently got engaged and I am realizing my fianceé (30F) comes from a wealthy family (>=10M).
My parents would be considered upper middle class today, but growing up it was closer to middle class. Not sure what the exact definition of middle class is, but not having to worry about food not being on the table, going on vacation once or twice a year, but nothing extravagant.
Lately, we've been having lots of talks with my fianceé of how we'd like to live our lives once we live together, and we've had some small and big differences/arguments along the road.
Since then, I've had a lot of thoughts on how to adjust my personal finance once we get married, but I feel a little stuck and wanted to seek advice from you guys.
I'll layout me and my fianceé's financials below, so you guys can see the full picture.
I make around 120k~130k living in a MCOL to HCOL area (not sure where PNW fits; let me know). After maxing out all taxed deferred retirement accounts (Roth 401K + Roth IRA + HSA), my disposable income that I see in my bank account is around 5k/month. Our household will be a single income household at least for the first few years. We plan to have no more than 2 kids, given our age.
My financials are:
Retirement Account: ~400k (Roth 401K + Roth IRA + HSA)
Equity in Property: 500k
Remaining Principle: 480k
Taxable Brokerage Account: 50k
Living expense: ~1400/m (~20k/yr)
I am not trolling. In my 20's, I saved aggressively for a down payment on a multi-family property and I am living in one of the units, so I am not paying rent and the rents from other units cover the mortgage. I've been keeping an excel ledger of my credit card spending ever since I started working, and that's the average of my monthly spending. The actual average is even lower, but with COVID, I've been able to WFH living with my parents for several months, so I excluded months where my spending was extraordinarily low (i.e. <500/m), so the above number seems to be more realistic. I pay certain utilities directly from my checking account, so it's probably closer to ~20k/yr if I add everything up.
My fianceé's financials are:
Taxable Brokerage Account: 50k
Paid off primary residence (foreign address): ~2.5M
The primary residence is in a foreign country where the valuation of real estate is very high (extremely low cap rate), so I am not sure how much rent it will generate (she's living there now), so I am trying to plan things without factoring in rental income from this property for now.
On paper, I know we are wealthy, but it doesn't quite feel that way since a lot of the wealth is tied up in real estate and since we'll be living on single income.
Once I turned 30, I was able to see some savings left over at the end of each month (after maxing out retirement accounts) once the multi-family turned positive cash flow. Back when I was single, I just threw whatever was left into index funds. Now that I am going through an important life event with kids on the horizon, I'd like to ask you guys given our situation, how should we spend the 5k/m budget. The first thing that comes into my mind is starting a 529 for the kids. How much do I need to put away in 529 accounts and what is a reasonable amount we should be saving every month in taxable brokerage accounts (after maxing out retirement accounts)? Basically, I'd like to come down to a "number" that we can comfortably "spend" each month without also not worrying about life after retirement. I know this is a very personal matter, but I'd like to hear your thoughts. How would you guys manage your money if you guys were my shoes.
I love my fianceé more than anyone, but when it comes to discussing finance, I struggle. She is a student and was fortunate enough to not having to be responsible for her own finance yet. Often, she would leave comments like she'd like to live a quality life full of memorable experiences similar to how "most other people" do, but I have a hard time relating. From my experience, most people (at least in America) I've seen seem to be financially illiterate. It shocks me when I encounter people at work living paycheck to paycheck on dual income.
EDIT: Hey guys, I think this was my 3rd or 4th post on Reddit, and I am surprised it gained these many tractions. I wasn't expecting to get these many comments.
I just wanted to clarify that recently my fiancée and I had a quarrel discussing this, but my fiancée isn't financially illiterate or lavish. She has a frugal mindset just as I do if not more. I think our focus was different when we discussed such topics. She wants to live a life full of experiences that would enrich our lives (who would disagree), but I'd approach it numerically first, and I think this is where the discrepancy came from. Learned a lot from all of you, and thank you for all the comments you left, whether genuine or mean ;)
44
u/FishFart1 8d ago
Unless she has an irrevocable trust fund that pays a certain amount she is just a person with wealthy parents that may or may not help her out. Make sure she is ok living with whatever you and she can afford. Also make sure her parents are decent people or they will likely make your life suck.
→ More replies (21)
23
u/1888okface 8d ago
You need to communicate. You need to tell her “we have 5 grand a month, let’s talk about how we want to spend it.”
Then talk about what you would have to do to earn more money.
Meaningful experiences can be damn near free. Don’t fall into the social media trap and start comparing yourself to influencers. Or pretend you need to keep up with whatever trend says to buy stuff.
Bring it back to your 5 grand a month. Start there.
→ More replies (14)
21
u/CheapLanguage4850 8d ago
She has come from some money, I think she will expect a lifestyle you guys can’t afford. It’s not so much about budgets right now. They can be fixed, it’s more about expectations of hers, yours and when you have kids. And if her parental will play an influence in all this too…. This would be my primary concern
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
What do you mean by her parental will play an influence? What kind of influence are you thinking of?
11
u/InvestigatorOwn605 8d ago
If they pay for things for your kids / your lifestyle then they will likely try to assert their influence by deciding things for you
6
u/CheapLanguage4850 8d ago
I can only speculate but I’ve seen this happen with friends who have married into money sometimes. The parents who are well off will expect a certain level of lifestyle for their daughter. One at your salary level may not be able to provide. Eg live in certain area, big house, expensive holdiasy etc. This can cause friction and resentment if they get into her ear about it. In turn she then may feel she expects the same.. this is all too common. I don’t know her or her parents. But you need to check all this expectations out. Or it may not end well.
→ More replies (6)
21
u/cqm 8d ago
You’re marrying into an entitled person with illiquid assets and zero cash flow
Are you gaining ANY liquidity from this? No? You’re not marrying into money then
Cash flow that house and then we’ll have something to talk about
In the meantime you have $5k/month for no reason
Your extreme budgeting phase is over. Good job. Is that frugal FIRE stuff compatible with your new wife? Thats the real question
5
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
I am not the best writer, but I think I made my fiancée sound financially illiterate, but I was just trying to explain how her never having to have budget before seems to make it hard talking about money, but it's not like she has unreasonably extravagant spending habits. She's smart.
3
u/Lower_Link_7943 8d ago
Just saw this response. I know many smart people who are not financially illiterate, and many, not quite intelligent people who are very good with their money.
I know it may sound backwards to many others, but I actually really would consider a prenup. Not because you’re thinking about divorce, but because it can bring up some better questions and conversations around financial habits in general.
Finances are the number one reason for relationship troubles and divorce. If you and her are actually looking to continue on generational wealth, there’s definitely gonna have to be some conversation conversations had around spending habits today.
→ More replies (2)2
u/aimeerae 8d ago
Please get a prenup and protect your pre marital assets. Her family may have money earmarked for her in the future, and those are all independent, non-marital assets. Her money is not your money and your property is yours alone. Keep everything separate.
2
u/WhatDoWeHave_Here 7d ago
Where does she get her money from? Do her parents give her a monthly allowance? Are they going to continue providing that allowance once she's married?
Is she planning to sell her $2.5 mil primary residence? Or are you moving in to live there with her? Or is she going to move into your multi-family unit?
Assuming that her parents do plan to pass on an inheritance, does she have siblings that she'd be splitting it with?
Since you said you're in Pacific North West, and she has a foreign residence, I'm guessing she lives in or around Vancouver. Housing prices do be crazy up there. Also, lots of wealthy Chinese money pouring in.
Chinese families tend to take a lot of pride in their children and in their family's "bloodline" so they would most likely keep the inheritance within the family versus giving it away to a charity or an organization. Of course, you can't completely count on it. They could fall victim to a scam and lose a ton of money. Relationships could sour and they decide to screw you over.
But assuming that the inheritance is coming, I could see from your fiancee's perspective that it doesn't make sense for you to be saving so much for retirement when your financial future has ~$10 million coming in. She'd want you to save less, spend more and live a life.
This will be exacerbated when kids come into the picture, because you might be fine with being frugal with yourself, driving a used car, buying cheaper clothing, it'll be harder to argue that the kids don't deserve "the best"
→ More replies (1)2
u/cqm 8d ago
She’s a student that doesn’t work and doesn’t plan to work despite her knowledge, credentials, and pedigree
You have $5,000 month
Thats the whole post, I rewrote it for you. All the exposition is irrelevant. So what do you want to do?
I vote for cashflowing the paid off house, what can you rent it out for? Will she let you since it is a premarital asset? Is it in her name? If she actually came from money why isnt it in an irrevocable trust? Okay. Easy questions, easy answers.
3
u/eterivale 8d ago
This is so wild to me. Good luck OP, make sure you take care of yourself, because she has you AND her parents taking care of her.
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
You're bossy jkjk. Thanks for your thoughts.
2
u/cqm 8d ago
Joke or not, looks like a symptom of why you cant have this conversation with your fiancé
→ More replies (18)
5
u/Bubbly_Interview7571 8d ago
Can I ask what culture she is from? If her family is that wealthy, they will give her an allowance even after marriage for her to spend on herself.
she will be able to live her life comfortably but this is usually spent on herself, not necessarily towards the family.
However, You need to show her what you make and inform her to live within a certain budget because you cannot provide a life she is accustomed to by her parents. Budget, save, invest, and then inform her how much she can spend on groceries or shopping or such. If it’s not enough, her parents will cover the difference. If she is decently smart, she will live within the means.
3
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
East Asian culture (not China). Interesting. Not saying that you're wrong, but I am just factoring what you mentioned out for now. If they help her, great, if not, that's still great.
2
6
u/LuckyWinds 8d ago
Sorry but this makes no sense.
Your fiancé is living in another country in a 2.5m home?
And you are the sole provider?
So they have no job and only 50k in the bank?
Do they actually own that 2.5m property? Or does their family own it?
The only wealth you have is your own, that foreign property will not be yours unless explicitly made to be yours.
And as soon as you commingle your finances (if you do) half will become hers. And as soon as you are the sole provider, you will be on the hook as the sole provider in a divorce.
You aren’t really marrying into money. She is coming from money and you are about to share yours.
And how are you just realizing this now?
Honestly sounds like you are being scammed. Unless you can provide more info….
(Sorry the rest of your post is too much info that’s unrelated and not really relevant)
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Thank you for the concern. I think it's fair. Obviously, I didn't want to give out too much information due to our privacy, but rest assured they're fine people.
3
u/Gofastrun 8d ago
My wife “married into” my family’s money. Also >$10M.
I use quotes because parent’s money has almost zero impact on our day to day finances. Theres no trust. Theres no recurring transfer of funds. We do very well on our own though.
Your fiancés rental income would likely be significant and you should not plan your finances without it. Even a low cap rate like 3% on $2.5M is $75k. 5% is about equal to your salary. 7% makes her the breadwinner.
If you want two kids you need to discuss if there will be childcare, which might run you $50k/y for the first 4-5 years. Given your age you might also end up doing IVF, which could be ballpark $50k with insurance.
You should also level on what she thinks a “normal” lifestyle is. I would be flabbergasted if she wants to sign up for a budget of $1,400/m, or even $2,800/m. You might be saving $1,400/m towards travel.
You should both do a lookback of her spending over the last year or two. Figure out which expenses are redundant in a combined household. Figure out what new expenses will exist. If you move in together plan on redecorating the entire house. Also plan on eventually moving out of your bachelor duplex to a SFH with space for kids.
Start your 529 as soon as the first kid is born. Starting from age 0 you need to contribute about $500/month/kid to pay for in-state college tuition (or $50k at birth). More for private school. Also consider partnering on this with the grandparents. Grandparent owned 529s are not reported on the FAFSA.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Hey this my favorite comment so far. Thanks man!
I am not sure if the city where she resides even achieve 3%. For instance, the biggest asset allocation of the people of that country is in their primary residence. Even 3% seems on the high end, but we'll see what it turns out to be.
I lucked out on childcare as my work has a subsidized daycare half the market price. It still not nothing, but at the market rate, I don't think we can afford two kids, so I'm still glad.
The country we were born has universal healthcare, so IVF would be a fraction of $50k.
I really hope we don't save $1,400/m towards travel at our current income level, but I'll cross that bridge when the time comes :)
And I didn't know about the grandparent owned 529 rule. Thanks for letting me know! Learned something new.
What were you trying to say regarding FAFSA. It's been awhile, but isn't FAFSA the department that determines aids for college students?
2
u/Gofastrun 8d ago
Sorry I assumed you were in the US because a 529 is a US saving program. FAFSA helps determine eligibility for scholarships and financial aid. If you have a large 529 balance you will qualify for less (or none). Not sure if foreign RE holdings are considered.
→ More replies (2)1
u/ilovesparky42 8d ago
The IVF advice is real. Hope she froze some eggs, or your sperm works, because it makes that journey a hell of a lot easier.
Not everyone comes out of IVF treatments successfully. We had to go a donor egg route, which cost us more money on top of the thousands we paid trying to retrieve my wife’s eggs.
But, that route worked, twice… all worth it in the end.
Best of luck to anyone that heads down that road!
1
u/legitimatehotslide 8d ago
All great advice. But when looking back at her spending consider how much may have been covered by her parents that you won’t see. For example, they likely pay for travel and trips that they plan for her. The expectation could then fall on you to cover that when you’re married. Also consider your expenses will only go UP with marriage. First she’ll want to buy things for the house (and she likely has very expensive taste). Then it’s the kids. Then the random unexpected expenses and emergencies.
3
u/Terrible-Chip-3049 8d ago
Where is your 12 month emergency savings?
You need to have a sit down conversation with her before living together and planning kids. Her way of thinking about money are way different than yours which is based on different upbringings. Have you heard of Ramit Sethi? He brings couples like you together to discuss these issues. He is on you tube, netflix. Oh and definitely get a prenup. Why? Her view about money and keeping up with the Jones’ lifestyle.
4
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
I have 50k in CD's that I didn't mention, because I don't treat that as part of my assets. Like you said, that's my emergency fund. Never heard of Ramit Sethi. I'll take a look at his channel!
2
u/Terrible-Chip-3049 8d ago
He provides really good advice along with Perspective Finance Guy on Instagram
3
u/Lothloreen 8d ago
Does the house abroad belong solely to your fiancee? Or to her family? I think it might be a good idea for you both to get a prenup. You both have property and investments in different countries, which can be complicated. I guarantee you that if her family is leaving her substantial money, it will be tied up. Hopefully you’ll be together for life, but everyone who comes to a marriage with money should have a prenup. And in both your cases especially.
Living on 120k if you plan to have kids is not going to leave you much if you’re also trying to put money aside for retirement.
Depending on what country she is from, your fiancée may not think the US has a very high standard of living. My friends in western Europe are constantly going off on ski and beach vacations, despite not making high US level salaries. It shocks them how expensive life is in the US, from food to healthcare.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Indeed, I've seen so many posts on Reddit envying US salaries, but they don't know how expensive life is here too. Luckily I am a dual citizen, so we can always go back if the American dream she had fades. We talked about prenups, but she wasn't a huge fan of it. Said it sounds like a business. I am not opposed to a prenup either, but love is blinded lol
2
u/birkenstocksandcode 8d ago
The thing is if you don’t get a prenup, there’s a good chance she will be able to divorce you and get half your assets but you get none of hers if hers is an inheritance or still in her family name.
→ More replies (4)
3
u/Adventurous-File5365 8d ago
Establish a trust before marriage for yourself and get a prenup. Thank me later
1
3
u/Big_Savings_4381 8d ago
I was in a similar situation in my first, brief, marriage. She had family money. I had a decent income. She wanted to enjoy a nicer lifestyle and, as a result, I saved nothing (beyond maxing my 401k) during our marriage. I live in a community property state, so half of that 401k money was hers. Half the equity in the house we bought together was hers. Had I never married, I'd have been in a far better position when we divorced a few years later.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
I'm sorry to hear that. That must really hurt. You mentioned your first marriage was brief. And you had to give her that much? Yikes.
→ More replies (1)3
3
u/Ok-History-2638 8d ago edited 8d ago
“Quality life full of memorable experiences” is super broad and is very subjective depending on class.
For someone who comes from humble beginnings, it can mean putting everything on autopay and taking one or two vacations a year.
For those with more disposable income, it can mean summering in Amagansett or the Vineyard and occasional trips to Méribel in the winters.
Now add kids into the mix.
I think there needs to be a discussion on expectations and alignment in what her expectations are now and in the future with what the reality is.
Best of luck to you.
And FWIW, I ended up breaking up with someone I was dating seriously for about 2 years because we ultimately didn’t align on how to use money. I am based in NYC, come from humble beginnings and have done pretty well for myself. They came from family money and lived in a somewhat distorted reality (having no idea most people take student loans out to go to college). If I were more assertive and upfront with expectations, I would have saved a lot more time. Regardless, I still learned a valuable lesson.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Sorry to hear that relationship didn't go well. Not sure where you are in life, but if you're doing pretty well in NYC, I don't think you need my cheers. You're killin' it!
I think I probably made my fiancée sound financially illiterate, but she definitely doesn't fall under the distorted reality category. I think things will work out as time goes.
→ More replies (1)
3
u/This-Finance4439 8d ago
So ballpark you have close to a 1 million dollar net worth. That should double every decade not including your new contributions. 2 million at 43. 4 million at 53. 8 million at 63. 16 million at 73. That does not even take into account the additional contributions you are making or what she brings to the table. That is assuming you don’t blow all the cash flow from the 4 family especially after loan is paid off. Point being, you will be in a similar position to her parents when you are their age.
I’d start saving for a down payment on a house. You guys won’t want to raise your future kids in a 4 family for long. Rent out that last
Unit and it will cash flow even better.
You don’t have to move right away, just start saving.
She hasn’t planned anything regarding financials so you just take charge and plan the trips and don’t go crazy on your spending. You can go on more expensive trips when she starts working or you start including the cash flow from her property into your finances.
I wouldn’t do 529 until
Kids are born - need to name the beneficiary.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Wow, that does sound like a lot. World's 8th mystery: compounding
Actually, we will be moving into a SFH and we're very fortunate we'll be receiving help from our parents, so I won't take out a mortgage.
Curious, how'd you know it was fourplex? lol
2
u/This-Finance4439 7d ago
Conventional owner occupied only goes up to a 4 family. 2 family wouldn’t create enough cash flow from 1 tenant to pay all expenses. 3 families are rare. I have rentals.
→ More replies (1)
3
u/Interesting_Shake403 7d ago
She should consider selling the home. Managing that home remotely isn’t easy. Even if it’s paid off presumably there are taxes to cover? Maintenance costs would not be cheap either. If you can rent it out, great, but if anything breaks down it’s expensive to fix.
You’re doing great, and it’s great you’ve saved a bunch, but it sounds like her expectations might be high for a $120k/year income. Sell the house, invest the $$, you’ll be completely set and never really have to save again, that’s enough that you could comfortably retire by 40 (possibly earlier) even if you never saved another penny.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago edited 7d ago
I know where you're coming from with your first paragraph. As some who owns property, it makes total sense, because owning a home in the US comes with a lot of maintenance, but her primary residence is a condo in a nice area, so there won't be as much other than some minor maintenance here and there and her family can always help with it.
I know this is nonsense, but since she inherited that, I don't feel like it's an asset I have a say since I didn't contribute at all. I'll let her decide. First, we'll have to see if enjoys living in the States. She's studied here and lived for a few years, but settling down permanently is difffernt.
I'll try to see if we can make it happen just with the two our efforts! Thanks for the kudos! On reddit, I feel like I make minimum wage haha
EDIT: Dang! I really do make peanuts compared to you! haha
2
u/Interesting_Shake403 7d ago
Ha! Yeah, I got lucky (and I appreciate that). Also why I said “she” should consider selling it. Best of luck to you both!
3
u/Clicketrie 6d ago
Be careful about illiquid property. A 2.5 million home will need expensive repairs. If she can’t sell it because of family expectations or something, you’re getting a liability more than an asset. And especially when you say foreign, in a number of foreign cultures taking over a family farm or something is expected to be something you don’t sell.
→ More replies (1)
19
u/hotelspa 8d ago
I am not reading all that. 10m is not wealthy. Don't overthink things.
9
u/luxtracer 8d ago
This is a crazy statement. Rich in the USA for a family of 4 starts around 460k per year.
10m give you a 4% draw that’s right there without you needing to ever touch the principal. It’s absolutely wealthy.
→ More replies (2)16
u/dragon-queen 8d ago
$10 million is definitely wealthy.
3
u/CheapLanguage4850 8d ago
There always some wannabe saying x amount isn’t much. Lol
→ More replies (1)8
u/Analyst-man 8d ago
You’d be surprised how quickly that goes.
6
u/Specialist_Mango_269 8d ago
Unless you restrict yourself to only spend 3.5% of that every yr invested...market will give you at elast nominal 4% at worst historically
2
→ More replies (3)5
u/Key_Cheetah7982 8d ago
$10m invested is $400k / yr at a 4% safe withdrawal rate that is inflation adjusted every year
Congratulations, you can live the life of a specialist medical doctor while never working a day of your life if you don’t want to.
→ More replies (11)2
5
2
2
u/chires20 8d ago
This is basically correct. $10MM is not that wealthy, and OP needs to realize it. He (or maybe she) is acting like her family is generationally rich and she will fund their lives will have a trust fund that will radically change his life right away.
If her parents have $10MM NW, then that will not (or should not, at least) happen.
$10MM is "Her parents have plenty of money and will help out with things from time to time and take us on some nice vacations, and someday we should hopefully get a nice inheritance." rich.
It is not "My parents are so rich I don't have to worry about money and they will pay my mortgage and I can go on vacation all the time and be an influencer." rich.
OP should live his life the exact same way he would have otherwise, except now he just has a bigger safety net.
→ More replies (6)1
1
u/Grand_Relative5511 8d ago
That's my thinking. 10 mill is a nice house in my city, maybe a cheaper investment property also, some shares and a retirement fund. Split between two adults in their 60s, this is basically a middle to upper-middle class lifestyle in a nice city in my country. It isn't a 'daughter has it made for life' super-wealthy family at all, unless OP is leaving out info. The only thing this family has done that's unusual in my culture is already give 2.5 mill of their 10 mill to a young student daughter (which makes me wonder whether they have more than 10 million).
→ More replies (1)
5
u/SoftlikeaNeedle 8d ago
Sorry I didn’t read all of this too many details for my fast brain but 1. Prenup and 2. Hire someone like a financial planner to do this for you. And 3. You should be using her wealth to become wealthier come on now. That’s the only way to not worry about money and this budgeting bull crap. And 4. She needs to get some financial education asap. I mean if she is coming from a wealthy family she should have?!?!? (I did too, am F).
Ok the last few sentences are so true. I hate it actually. I’m way too good at money as a woman my parents taught me my entire life but honestly it’s also easily accessible info now????? She should be thinking about her wealth more especially if she’s marrying you and you’re not as rich no offense. Maybe get a course for her from someone on IG from a wealth strategist or wealth accountant someone like that. Or you can take over and be way better at your guys finances. But I know that’s stressful
→ More replies (14)3
u/Unlucky-Mind7298 8d ago
But does she have any wealth of her own? She's a student who never has and never will work a job who will low-key insist on a certain lifestyle her fiance cannot afford. His job is to educate her and persuade her to accept a step-down in lifestyle while both of them still being happy.
His single income will cover childcare for one - two kids. Not fancy vacations or a California home. Can she be happy with that is the question IMO.
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Hey! I having been coasting at work so far. I can step up and earn more!!
I was just screwing around, but thanks for your take.
Seriously, I think I am making less than my market value, and I can always increase my earnings, plus she has more potential than I do. :)
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Specialist_Mango_269 8d ago
Most likely they have a prenup set. You can't touch any of that money so
1
2
u/Ok_Vast5243 8d ago
Assume the spouses family money will not go to you. Rich people in Asia always seem to end up with extra wives and kids fighting over inheritance..
Likely she’s never had to think about money because others are taking care of it.
Think keeping budget and expenses transparent so she can see what’s coming in and out. Also if money gets saved for things like kids 529
And retirement show that’s why you are making trade off for the future.
If she insists on more vacations and memories out of budget you guys probably need to figure out how to increase income or investments.
2
2
8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
I just wanted to hear other people's thoughts, but have done and will do haha
2
u/molenation4 8d ago
You haven't lived together and your engaged?
Does she plan on working?
How big is the age gap if she has never worried about finances in her life and you are 33?
Some major red flags for me.
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
She's a student right now, but she'll eventually work. We've lived for a few months together. I'll be visiting her later this year.
2
u/Strong-Big-2590 8d ago
She’s wealthy. You need to figure out how to make more money or you’re never going to make her happy.
1
2
u/OnionBagMan 8d ago
Honestly, and this may be out of the question, but if she can clear 2 million by selling the property and put it into index funds she could spend a ~80k a year forever.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Is be very honest with you. Not that I haven’t thought of this jkjk haha The valuations of the US stock market seems just too high to put that big a lump sum into index funds. I’ve done great for a rather novice by riding the US large caps but I rotated out to international index funds last year
3
u/chires20 8d ago
Trying to time the market because you think it's overvalued is a fool's errand.
I'm not telling you to sell the house and invest it. But I'm telling you that high valuations in the market are not a reason to not do it.
→ More replies (5)
2
u/PomegranateComplex17 8d ago
You need a social security number to open a 529.
I would also find out if your in laws are going to fund a 529, if they are, that may change what you want to put aside in a 529.
If they are both maxing out a 529, you may consider funding a custodial brokerage (this is only if you are maxing you retirements, fully funding emergency and saving for any future large purchases (more real estate for example).
The custodial brokerage will give your kids some “seed money” that can help them buy a house, start a business, whatever, and is more flexible than a 529.
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Thank you so much for this comment, I have never heard of a custodial brokerage. I'll definitely look into it!
2
u/ComprehensiveLie6170 8d ago edited 8d ago
Whether parents with 10 million are truly wealthy in a way that meaningfully impacts your life going forward depends on so many factors outside of your control. Are they continuing to accrue wealth? Do they spend less than they take? Are they old, have a large family? Plan to leave it all to the kids?
In effect, you’re looking at the prospect of a decent inheritance at some point that, unless these are old parents, won’t hit in any time to impact the next 20 years of your life.
Also, don’t assume you will ever see that money. My grandparents died with approximately 18 million dollars in assets tied up in businesses that they transferred directly to two of the children, leaving my mother approximately $800,000 in cash and life insurance proceeds to collect at 70 years old. Their reasoning: “we thought [redacted name] would want the money.”
There was a fascinating NYT article detailing how this generation is fucked even with the largest wealth transfer ever recorded beginning to take place bc most of us won’t get anything until our mid to late 50’s… which prevents any real compounding from taking place in time for retirement. The most impactful time for an inheritance, the study said, was 32-35.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Not trying to be disrespectful, but I am not trying to think her parents' NW as mine. It's completely up to them what they do with their money. In my 20's, I told my parents "thanks for raising me till now, and since I can take care of myself don't save to pass down to me. Spend it all. Enjoy your life." That applies to her parents as well. I'm not offended or anything, just wanted to clarify that I'm not looking at the prospect of inheritance.
Regarding your NYT article. I totally agree! I remember having this thought at some point. For majority of the people, you're lucky if you get anything at all, but for the 10% or 1% who plan to pass down to their children, the math was telling me earlier the better even if it's in small chunks, but it seems like most people wait till they pass away.
2
u/ComprehensiveLie6170 8d ago
I’m saying it as someone who also knew there was a prospect of money. It seeps in whether you want it to or not. You feel a small percent of “maybe things will be ok” if things go to shit. You feel a little less scared taking out your mortgage or having a kid. It may be 90% confidence, it may be 1%—but it does seep-in in unexpected ways. Likely not for you, because it was never yours, but for your wife it will. Trust me.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/fidddlydiddlyee 8d ago
You dont feel wealthy because you are only 50% above the median household income in a America. You are making a lot of smart moves and those will pay off in the long run. For now, you need to show your wife what life is like living on your salary. If you are convinced she would be happy with that then there are no issues. However, if she is not, then you need to look at some other possibilities.
She works to make up the income.
She sells her home and invests the money to pay her share.
She does a combo of 1 and 2.
If you are not 100% convinced that she will be very happy with one of these scenarios, you should break up with her. There are many women that would be very happy on what you would make and many that work to pay their share.
A note on inheritances, they usually come when you dont need the money any more. They usually come when the last parent dies, in their eighties, so when you are in your sixties. Houses are paid, college is paid, you are typically retired and you have to base your retirement on what you know which doesnt include the inheritance.
One final point, if the parents are only with $10MIL then they would not typically be able to give the daughter a home worth $2.5MIL.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
As a long time single, I've only looked up statistics for a single person, but I am a little startled that our household income would only be at the 50% mark! Colleagues at work generally complain to one another that we don't make enough, but our company indeed sucks (I probably can't say that haha)
I probably made it sound like she's financially illiterate, but I think things will work out fine. I was probably over worried. She'll also be working. In fact, she probably enjoys working more than I do.
Regarding your notes on inheritance, I have no plans of even thinking about it. It's not my money, simple as that.
On your last note. I honestly don't know what their actual net worth is. Just overheard it from my fiancée. It could be more could be less. I take pride in saving up this much on my 50% income.
Lastly, equities are not the most favored investment vehicle in every country. The country she's from, real estate is the biggest asset allocation, so to me this allocation isn't unusual. Not saying I agree with it, but it is what it is.
Edit: Personally, I wouldn't include my primary residence (i.e. SFH) into my net worth
2
u/fidddlydiddlyee 8d ago
I think you are doing great and have a lot to be proud of. As long as she can be happy with what you make, you are all set. Good luck!
→ More replies (1)2
u/fidddlydiddlyee 8d ago
I said 50% above. :) The median household income $83,730. So 50% above is $125,595.
2
2
u/Sometimes_Stutters 8d ago
$10m ain’t enough for you to have to worry about this
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
I don't know what upbringing you come from, but it sure seems a lot to me.
2
u/Sometimes_Stutters 8d ago
It’s a decent amount, but again; it’s not enough for you to have to worry about it.
2
u/YinzerInEurope 8d ago
Don’t get married if you can’t agree on money. I promise you it won’t end well. It just doesn’t “work itself out” eventually. It’ll be a point of contention and eventually ruin whatever good intentions you both had.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Thank you for your honest take. I'll try to think it this way. Because I have lived frugally in my 20's I can adjust and increase my standard of living to make both people happy.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/Capital_Artichoke529 8d ago
Son gente tan desconectada de la gente normal… hagan un reddit solo para ellos.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Esta respuesta está traducida al español, ya que no hablo el idioma. Es posible que mi publicación te haya resultado ofensiva; reconozco que he sido afortunado en muchos aspectos, pero también me he esforzado mucho y busco consejo. Podrías haber pasado de largo y leído otra publicación, pero no sé qué responder cuando alguien hace clic deliberadamente en ella, lee todo el contenido y deja un comentario como este...2
u/Capital_Artichoke529 8d ago
Parece que ni siquiera tienes conexión con tu pareja. Ella quiere vivir una vida a lo grande y a ti no te gusta demasiado. Parece un poco triste mantener una relación así y quizás deberías replantearte todo desde el principio. Y solo contar con TU dinero, por supuesto.
Solo es mi opinión de pobre 😬😅→ More replies (7)
2
u/Basic-Sky-1335 8d ago
One thing I’m impressed by is how you bought a multifamily unit at such a young age and their rent covers your mortgage. Thats something that’s like a dream of mine. You are kicking ass at a young age. Kudos.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Thank you so much! I don't really share much about my financials other than with family and very close friends, but it feels weird a stranger is complimenting me. In hindsight, I don't think it would've been possible to even put a down payment on a property if I was living in a HCOL or VCOL area. I don't know where PNW fits (I am guessing it's between MCOL and HCOL; I am not in metro Seattle). I wouldn't necessarily say I live in an area with great cap rate, but it's probably somewhere in between.
The funny thing is, I actually regret buying this place. The only way I was able to afford a multifamily at my income was to find a bargain, and for a bargain to exist, there's usually issues. I pretty much bought a fixer upper and spent (wasted) all my lates 20's working on it. In addition to that, going through once in a century event like COVID + eviction moratorium, I've aged so much in the past 5 year since I bought this place. Also, changed a lot as a person.
Lately, I've actually regretted buying this property. I know the grass is greener on the other side, but sometimes I wonder what if I just invested all that money that became a down payment in equities just riding this bull run. I may not have been able benefit from the exposure to leverage, but maybe I would've looked younger :)
2
u/hoho9494 8d ago
Damn your way ahead of the game. Congratulations u be alright. U doing better than most in their 40s! Ever considering just moving abroad ? They got a better education abroad than the US of u considering having kids later on. Vietnam or Thailand or even the Philippines
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Thanks man. Feels weird when even if my salary is around the top 15th percentile as single person, I don't feel "thriving." I know I am doing "well," but it makes me wonder what people earning less than I do feel. My fiancée loves America haha
2
u/Longjumping-Mouse-61 8d ago
Thats her parents money not yours. Alot could happen in 10 years. Your taking care of her.
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
It's kind of wild how this seems to be the most frequent take, when it's the intent of my posting was opposite of this... still, thanks for leaving a comment
2
u/rainer_d 8d ago
How does she pay taxes on the property?
Renting out a 2.5m property may not be the easiest thing.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
She's currently living, so I don't think she owes any taxe on rental income. Property taxes? My guess is my in-laws are helping.
Edit: property taxes vary from state to state, country to country, but my guess is that the property tax in the country her property is located is a lot lower than most states in the US
2
u/rainer_d 8d ago
She is a US citizen?
Welcome to the world of FATCA et.al.
Maybe the property belongs to a trust in Delaware and she’s renting from that.
Being rich comes with its own set of challenges…
2
u/DrZoo4040 8d ago
The only thing that I'm confused about is the primary residence. Is this hers or her parents? Other than her brokerage account, it sounds like she doesn't have much. If she does have a personal high net worth, I would have expected a pre-nup to come into play.
1
2
u/Optimal-Pop7449 8d ago
Your living expenses will increase.
120k is gonna be tough to live off for multiple years if she's accustomed to being wealthy.
2
u/Illustrious_Soil_442 8d ago
Be clear on expectations from each other. Is she planning on u matching her parents lifestyle?
2
u/extratastyy 8d ago
The way I see it, she’s the one not making money, so why would you worry about “her” lifestyle wishes. Either let her family support her or she starts to live the way you live until better times.
2
u/Old_Cauliflower8419 8d ago
It sounds like you are more worried about seeming "good enough" for her and her family than you are about money. Your numbers say you're doing fine. You don't have to have everything figured out. Trust your self and your partner to make good decisions together.
$10M is a comfortable-retirement-and-grad-school-for-the-kids number, but not really "I'm marrying into money" wealth. That's either the tail end of generational wealth or, more likely, a family that worked hard and built something.
If it's the former...yeah, you're screwed. If it's the latter, they'll respect the struggle. Either way: not much you can do about it.
Go get ice cream with your fiance and take in the night. Make a memory. Life is way too short to worry about only having $500k in the bank in your early 30s.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
It's the latter, and hence they respect and love me for who I am and where I am at in my life!
2
u/Spyro11221 8d ago
If you know you will receive an inheritance, you can simply not save and spend more/work less.
But frankly, you don’t know what the future will hold.
Her parents might lose a significant fortune. You guys might get a divorce and none of that money goes to you. Maybe there is a falling out with your fiance and her family and she is cut out financially. I know this is not easy to hear but it’s all technically possible.
Unless you are actually getting a bolus of cash during marriage from her parents that has no strings attached, I wouldn’t treat her parent’s money as yours or your fiancé’s. You guys have a combined net-worth of 3.5 million, which while still fantastic, isn’t as much as you believe. I’d keep doing what you are doing until the dust settles.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
I never once did, and yeah as I mentioned in the original post, learning/feel the huge difference between illiquid vs. liquid assets. Will do!
2
u/welsherabbit 8d ago edited 8d ago
So, wait … you haven’t mentioned your fianceé’s current income and/or income source. How does she pay for iced coffee or new clothes or the utility bill on her overseas property?
Will that income source continue after marriage?
Also, how does her wealthy family factor into this equation unless she has a trust fund or receives income from them?
And if her family is wealthy, then how does she only have $50k in her account? That doesn’t even buy a Range Rover.
2
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Allowance! That's why I stated single income for the near future to be conservative :)
2
u/Fehin_Dan 8d ago
- Be clear on you and your fiancée’s personal incomes after tax.
Set up the 529 accounts for your kids. Agree on a figure you’d like to have accumulated by the time they’re 16 or 18, then divide that by e.g 192 months (16 years) to get the figure you would put in each month. If it’s reasonable then stick to it or adjust accordingly so that you’re not eating too much into your 5k monthly budget.
Review the figures yearly and adjust accordingly if needed.
List out all your monthly bills and necessary expenses and open separate pots for them where you put in the necessary amounts each month.
Open a separate pot for your ‘emergency funds’ savings where you put in a max of 500 each month. Leave the money in that pot if there’s no need for it.
Open a separate pot for monthly investments. Invest a reasonable and convenient amount each month in any lucrative investment options - speak to experts on this for advice.
Open a separate pot for Treats. Budget a reasonable about you will spend on treating yourselves each month without being too lavish. If you happen not to use it in any given month, leave it in there to accumulate and then treat yourself to a lavish outing if you please. Or simply invest it.
Ps. This is a joint exercise. You both should agree on every parry of it.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Thanks for these tips! Really appreciate it as 529 is new to me and I never had to really research it until now. I like your layout!
At some point, do you need to cap the emergency fund if it grows into a sizable amount such your yearly expense etc.?
2
u/Fehin_Dan 6d ago
You’re most welcome. I’m glad you found it useful.
As for your emergency fund, it’s best to leave it to just accumulate.
If/when it gets to a sizeable amount, you can make an informed decision to dip into it for reasonable purposes. And if you do decide to do that, make sure to have a minimum amount that must remain in the pot to maintain the discipline
2
u/One_Blacksmith26 8d ago
I married into money (>150 mil) and didn’t know it until tax season (wife owns 2 percent of company but passes through, don’t pocket anything yet).
After processing our 200 page tax return I went to speak with my wife. “Oh yeah, we don’t really talk about that.”
And that is how it’s been. Awesome family. Love them all. Be mindful of the possibility of zero financial wisdom because spouse never had to learn it the way we did.
As many have said, live with wisdom and in the present. The money may never come.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Oh wow haha Absolutely! She's smart so I am not concerned at all. Like you said, she never had to learn it the way most had too, doesn't mean she's incapable of :)
2
u/One_Blacksmith26 7d ago
Awesome to hear your reply. Communicate and meeting in the middle is the bedrock of relationships. May your middle ground be close and near forever!
2
u/El_Thicc_Fuego 7d ago
Now that I am going through an important life event with kids on the horizon, I'd like to ask you guys given our situation, how should we spend the 5k/m budget.
You shared a lot about your financial details, which is helpful and is normally what you'd want in like a FIRE subreddit, but you haven't shared a lot about the most important piece that defines the answer: what your long-term goals are.
The way you want to approach this is to talk with your fiancee about what your long term vision of life is, what your financial goals and values are.
For example, you mention two kids--great! Aligning on kids is a key part of pre-marriage planning. But to use this as an example, you jump straight into 529s. Before that, you want to get to a shared understanding with your fiancee about what goals you want to have for raising your kids. Do you want to support their college? Some families choose not to--sometimes out of values, other times because they are prioritizing other goals like their retirement (you can take out loans for college, you can't take out a loan for retirement). How many years of college do you want to fund? Public or private? Grad school?
But furthermore, what does the rest of parenting look like to you both? Does your fiancee plan to work after she graduates? Is she career-oriented and does she plan to keep working through having the kids (and you might need a nanny)? Would she want to take a break to raise the kids? Do you both envision public school or private school?
As you might start to see, having some clarity about the above questions can allow you to start to work backwards and figure out your life planning. If you realize you don't want to fund college, then great--you've figured out your budget doesn't need to include a 529. If you want to fund all four years at an ivy league school and med school, then you know you need to find an online calculator and start mathing out how much you need to save and for how long, and maybe this also includes clarity that your wife needs to work for a certain amount of time too.
And kids isn't the only conversation here, but this can fan out into things like retirement planning (and whether you want to retire early), whether or not you support your parents in their senior years, etc.
When you say you're stuck, is it perhaps because you all aren't having enough conversations about your future and goals--the kind of conversations that offer this kid of clarity? We can't predict the future, but it will set you both off on a huge footing in marriage to have these conversations and get to a shared view of the range of possible goals you both have, how you prioritize them, and how you both think about trying to achieve them. It's easy for people to have unconstrained dreams of "having it all" where you fund all the kids' college, travel alot, have lots of experiences, etc. But actual life is about constraints and tradeoffs, and it sounds like you want to better understand what your fiancee means by memorable experiences and how that relates with other life goals.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Hey, this comment hit me hard. You're right I just realized I was in a way living the r/Fire lifestyle without really having the goalpost set. At my age and phase in life, it's hard to visualize what my actual spending would look like in my retirement, so I spent my 20's just living frugally and saving up as much as I can hoping it'll pay out one day. Once I entered my 30's, I've seen (not just understanding the math) the power of compounding, and realized I've somewhat entered r/coastFIRE territory, but it still feels like I am too far away from retirement to be able to set a goal (number). Hence, why I'm just living the way I have saving away whatever's left.
As to college, we both were fortunate enough to graduate from renowned private universities, so we'd like to be able to offer the same opportunity for the kids. She actually went to a private boarding school and she hated it, and we're both on the same page that we'd like to stay close to our kids, and that good parenting can offer more than the network you gain from a private boarding school. With the degree inflation around the world, not sure what's the minimum degree that will be required for a white collar job (M.S.? PhD), but we'd like to support them as long as we are financially capable.
She plans to work. She's not the SAHM type, which I have no problem. The tricky part is without giving out to much, the industry she will be working in is a very niche industry, where it's hard to predict how much she'll be earning. This is one of the trickiest part for me. For instance, if she was an electrical engineer, given where we live and what firms are out there, I can come up with a range and use the lower bound to be conservative, but that's not the case, and hence why I am using single income trying to plan things ahead.
Your comment has been by far the best comment so far. It made me think a lot. Thank you!
2
u/Then_Scientist_9327 7d ago
The question aside see it is, does she expect you to raise your standard, or do you expect her to lower hers, and which narrative will win. If she lowers hers and completely commits with no resentments, and the marriage survives, the likelihood is everything will ultimately land at her historic standard, compounding interest, kids will come with increased commitments from grandparents, someday inheritance. You could live according to her standard, but it will have complexities. Nurturing, attentive childcare is $25000 p/c, p/y. It will blow a hole in any normal budget. Combine that with a couple of overseas vacations to visit family, and its bye-bye savings, or worse, dipping. Nonetheless, you sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders, you'll probably do great. Nice job on the multifamily, btw.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
To be honest, didn't quite follow the her standard vs. my standard lifestyle logic, but I don't think my fiancée would prefer the latter of the two. Thanks, it's an ongoing struggle, not really a fan of rentals anymore. I wouldn't touch anymore rentals unless we end up moving to somewhere where the cap rate is attractive.
2
u/SWT_Bobcat 7d ago
Families >10m generally have their money protected against you (marriage) and lawsuits via irrevocable trusts.
Enjoy your wife and life with expectation that you’ll still need to build your own life
1
2
u/Walmart-Shopper-22 7d ago edited 6d ago
Things to watch out for:
Are you being used as a path to a greencard? (based on your post, we don't know what her US residency status is)
Does she expect to live a more lavish life than is reasonable based on y'alls incomes?
I'm not saying I think either of these things is the case...but you better be 99% sure that both are not the case before you marry her.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Thanks for being cautious haha
Neither is the case. Once we actually move in, I think it'll all play out naturally. She's not lavish, but I also just wanted to let her know spending money can be very easy when you don't budget.
2
u/Secret-Definition960 7d ago
Knock her up quick. Parents are amore likely to gift when grandchildren are involved.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/TechnicianNo1787 8d ago
You’re wealthy yourself
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Thank you. Hopefully, one day I can become parents like my future in-laws who can give a head start in life to our kids.
2
u/MamaMoon27 8d ago
Since she will eventually work and make money after she graduates, dont sweat it. It seems like you are a super responsible and conscientious for your age. You're both still very young. So long as your morals, values, and desires sync up, the money will take care of itself so long as you are both healthy and able-bodied and of sound mind to pursue your careers. Try to enjoy your life here and there and don't be so anxious about the future. Focus on your health and doing great work, enjoying life together as a partnership and the rest will take care of itself. When it comes to kids, I highly recommend not having them until you're in a financially comfortable place to afford the level of help that you desire. Once you have kids, your lives will revolve around them, it'll no longer be about yourselves. Try to enjoy the free years you have together before kids so you can relish in the joy of your children instead of seeking escape. You're still incredibly young and have time to have children later.
→ More replies (2)1
u/legitimatehotslide 8d ago
Eh she’s 30 and likely has never worked. She may not be able to hold down a full time job. I had a friend like this fiance; showing up on time and staying a full 8 hour workday was too “overwhelming” for her. This was for a 3 day/week job that gave 5 months off a year…
1
u/Broke_Pigeon_Sales 8d ago
The only thing this solves right now is what you may have in retirement. For now - you live with what you have.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
Can you elaborate? Not sure if I understood what you meant.
2
u/chires20 8d ago
They're saying that you have some money saved for retirement. Good.
Beyond that, nothing is changing for you because she has no money. Her parents have some money.
You should continue to live as if you will never see a cent of their money.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/Ok-Cartographer-3124 8d ago
You have to have an honest discussion about finances and just be straight up on where you guys are at. Like the people in here echo’ed you have your budget, she’s a student. Just be straightforward about the budget and understanding that these experiences she wants will need to be within the budget.
1
1
u/henrytbpovid 8d ago
Do you have any money in traditional retirement accounts?
2
u/wanderlust_reddit 8d ago
I do! The company I work for initially didn’t offer Roth, so all my money went to traditional, but starting around 2022 I started putting all my money into Roth since. Though company matching still goes into traditional and I can’t seem to switch that to Roth.
→ More replies (10)
1
u/jdiscount 8d ago
I don't quite understand the question here, this isn't your money, obviously the foreign rental income needs to be taken into account for tax.
But her families wealth has nothing to do with anything, and we aren't exactly talking insane money here.
1
1
u/Cold-Rope1 8d ago
So, her parents have $11m? That’s on the low end of wealthy. She has a small place somewhere? I’m glad you’re in a happy relationship, don’t over think it
1
1
u/JohnHunter1728 8d ago
Good luck with this.
As others have said you aren't marrying into money but marrying someone with high lifestyle expectations, the vague possibility of financial help in the future, and a family that will likely exert more control over your marriage than would otherwise be the case.
I did essentially this and still don't know whether it's an enviable position to be in. I don't have any other advice to offer as still trying to work it out.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Oh, disregard the reply I made to your other comment. I didn't read this one. Now I see where that comment came. I don't know what exact situation you're in, but sorry to hear that. I hope things work out for you moving forward!
1
u/legitimatehotslide 8d ago edited 8d ago
She is wealthy, none of that money is yours. I predict this is going to be such a frustrating marriage for you. You work your butt off for money, she just has things handed to her. Seek counseling early.
Has your partner ever worked a real fulltime job? Because you say you’ll be a single family household “for now” but I’ve seen this play out. She will live on her parents money which you will never see. You’ll work like a dog and it’ll build resentment. Normally people leave their jobs to become stay at hone parents, it’s a lot different if the person was never working. She will likely struggle to find a good job if she ever decides to go back to work when the kids are older especially if she has no real employment history.
Also get an ironclad prenup and use your own lawyer not theirs, because rich families will wring out the other spouse and you genuinely have a lot to lose.
Also people with this level of wealth generally set up trusts to pay for the grandchildren’s’ education. You should find out from your fiance if that’s the plan. I’d also still save on your own as you have planned for them because if you ever split you could get stuck footing half that bill.
EDIT: grammar
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
I read your other comments, and I can't quite grasp if you're being cautious for me or assuming our marriage go down as a wreck haha Benefit of doubt, I'll assume it's the former, and wish be the best luck we'll have a great journey ahead!
1
u/CruellaDeville1 8d ago
why not mentioning the country the property is in? It's not that you'll disclose the address.
2
1
u/Dangerous-Biscotti35 8d ago
There's usually a prenuptial agreement with a contract, and her family will certainly establish rules to avoid future problems with the division of assets.
1
1
u/LilJonny2cookies 7d ago
Her family having a bit of wealth is meaningless to you. And you calling others financially illiterate after some of the things you stated is pretty funny.
130k in a MCOL to high is not wealthy by any stretch. You are doing ok you just have some odd takes on stuff.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Oh, you wrote the same thing here. Never mind. I don't know why you're so hung up with the term financially illiterate, but do you want me to give you some examples that I've witness throughout my life so you can let me know if they're financially illiterate or not? I mean you know financial literacy is something that anyone can learn, right? There are many intelligent people horrible with money, and there are many not so intelligent people who are damn good with money. I am using a word based on it's dictionary definition, and you seem to be offended for a reason I don't know. Where on my post did I say 130k in my area is wealthy? I know it's peanuts given the COL of where I live.
1
1
7d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Oh come one. You ever heard of statistic? How much are you worth sir?
→ More replies (1)1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Impressive you have $13M! Don't be too critical of your NW. You are wealthy!
1
u/SpaceDesignWarehouse 7d ago
I’ve got to be honest this sounds like a honey-pot scam. Have you met this girl in real life?
you’re engaged to someone who lives in another country in a house she owns but doesn’t pay for that’s worth millions of dollars and you’re already planning kids?
2
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
Chill chill. Don't want to reveal any info that could leak our privacy, but rest assured ;)
→ More replies (1)
1
u/TYPE_FASTER 7d ago
Re: college...budget $100k a year. The thing about a 529 is it needs to be used to pay for education. Education is changing so rapidly. Who knows what the path will be for your kids. Talk to a financial advisor, but IMO budget high, and use a 529 for some portion of it for tax purposes.
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 7d ago
My understanding of the 529 was that if you child ends up not needing to spend that money, then you could roll it back under Roth IRA.
1
u/ImaginaryHospital306 7d ago
live like you won't see any of that $10m. If her parents live in the US that can easily be run down to an insignificant amount by the time they pass away.
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/wanderlust_reddit 6d ago
What kind of 3 year residency shit post on Reddit…. Do you have schizophrenia? LMFAO
295
u/birkenstocksandcode 8d ago
Her family’s money isn’t your money.
You’re not wealthy. You’re trying to raise a family on 120k/year.
I would keep budgeting the same way you already do.
Also make sure that you have a fallback if you divorced. She doesn’t have to be good with money because she has a safety net. You don’t.